Putting the Kill in Kilmeade ► Fox News Snark

Unretouched photo by author of Brain Brian Kilmeade

It’s no secret I am an obsessive Fox & Friends viewer, even the inferior-in-every-way weekend edition.

I watch it alternating between raucous laughter at just how stupid the average Fox “News” viewer is to buy that crap and sheer horror at just how stupid the average Fox “News” viewer is to buy that crap.

No one on the Curvy Couch makes me laugh as much as Brian “The Brain” Kilmeade.

TO BE FAIR: Sometimes he is intentionally funny — like the class clown sitting in the back of the room. He’s jocular. That may come from his past life as a sports reporter, aka jock supporter. I get the impression that in locker rooms he would have been a towel-snapping-grab-her-by-the-pussy type.

At other times Kilmeade says something horribly racist, or sexist, or homophobic, or just plain stupid. The Wiki has an incomplete list, as does NewsHounds (my former employer). There’s no need to dwell on it because it’s all over the innertubes.

The Not Now Silly Newsroom has never covered Kilmeade before, ‘cepting tangentially in the fondly remembered Headlines Du Jour series. Yet, Kilmeade fascinates me in a way that no other Foxy Friend does.

Lately my guilty pleasure is following Kilmeade’s Facebook Live videos. I’ve even programmed my phone to give me a noisy notification when it happens, so I can watch it no matter where in the world I happen to be.

Clearly I need help, but that’s another topic for another time.

Here’s what I’ve discovered by watching F&F on my tee vee while watching Kilmeade on my phone:

The notification always goes off during a commercial. While the other Foxy Friends are preparing for a serious interview on the set that would be spoiled by a goofball’s constant interjections, Kilmeade is sent out into the hallway to cool his heels. That’s when my phone goes off and I get the notification that Kilmeade has launched another Facebook Live. He uses this Time Out to pimp his Fox “News” radio show called “Kilmeade and Friends,” in a desperate attempt to make it appear he actually has friends.

On the Facebook Live comment threads I’ve made several trolling remarks in the past, but they were clearly negative. Only the slowest of his slow fans have taken the bait on the comment threads. However, today I changed tactics. I didn’t go negative.

When Kilmeade mentioned James Rosen, I wrote:

Then Brain Brian Kilmeade — biting the hand that feeds and clothes him — started to whine about his crappy, boxy shirts that he admitted Fox “News” supplies for FREE. That’s when I snarked:

This is how Kilmeade’s Facebook Live went over the air clouds in real time. Listen for mention of both of my comments:

They got my name wrong. It’s Headly!!! Not Heedly!!!

It’s been a fun day so far.


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Headly Westerfield
Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.