A Banner Day For Bully Boy Bolling ► Chow Mein and Bolling 11
How can you tell when Bully Boy Bolling is being
CRAZY? Either his mouth is open, or it’s not.

It was a banner day for Bully Boy Bolling, as the loud-mouthed, conspiracy-mongering, The Five Fool™ managed to make the Media Matters Wall of Shame™ four separate times yesterday. I’m not sure that’s ever been done before, unless it was by Glenn Beck, who occupies a category of CRAZY all by himself. However, ever since The Five took over the 5PM slot vacated by Beck on Fox “News,” Bully Boy Bolling has done everything in his mouth’s power to be the craziest MoFo on Fox News.

It began early in the day when those Foxy Friends on Fox and Friends used Bully Boy Bolling to debunk the latest job numbers from the government. Bolling used the opportunity to return to his most recent conspiracy: That the jobs report was cooked. This time he doubled down on that whacked out theory by saying that he thinks if the job numbers are not corrected upwards, Congress should start an investigation of the Department of Labor. No, really! Watch: 

However, that’s not the only problem Media Matters found with this segment. Justin Berrier and Albert Kleine also took a look at his white board and decided Bully Boy Bolling doesn’t know WTF he’s talking about.

Courtesy of Media Matters for America

Since numbers are my natural enemy, I’ll leave it to Berrier and Kleine to explain:

Bolling’s math doesn’t add up: his numbers come from two different surveys that measure different aspects of labor market conditions, two surveys that are conducted in different ways, which often leads to large gaps between the two findings.

Every month, the Bureau of Labor Statistics issues the results of two surveys. One, known as the household survey, measures the number of people employed and looking for work. The results of the household survey are used to determine the unemployment rate. The other survey, known as the establishment survey, measures the total number of jobs gained or lost in a month through a survey of businesses. Because the surveys are conducted differently, the results often do not agree.

Bolling seized on the routine difference between the surveys’ findings to claim that 342,000 jobs were missing and therefore cast doubt on the unemployment drop for September.

Berrier and Kleine even quoted a Wall Street Journal article that explains why these numbers cannot be compared and, remember, the WSJ is owned by the same company that owns Bolling’s ass:

The answer lies in the way the two figures are calculated. The monthly payroll number–how many jobs are gained or added in a month–is based on a survey of about 141,000 businesses and government agencies. The unemployment rate and related statistics are based on an [sic] separate survey of about 60,000 individual households.

If those were Bully Boy Bolling’s only two screw-ups, it would have simply been a normal day for him at Fox “News.” However, it was a long day for Bully Boy and there was still The Five coming up many hours later, when he felt the need to return to his Jobs Numbers Conspiracy Theory™:

BOLLING: I think there’s an October Surprise. I think next Friday when the unemployment number comes out…


BOLLING: It’s going to be a surprise one way or another. It’s either going to be very good, if it’s 7 and a half percent, probably President Obama walks away — sails right through to the White House.

PERINO: But if you’re a conspiracy theorist it won’t be a surprise. 

BOLLING: We already did this conspiracy theory on Fox and Friends this morning. I think the books are cooked.


However, never say that Bully Boy Bolling is not afraid to make a fool of himself more than once on any given show. Exhibit A: This exchange with Dana Perino, who seems to play his foil — or instigator — during a segment when Bully Boy goes completely off the rails.

PERINO: What about, Eric, the economic numbers in the states where they were campaigning today? Iowa and they had the other swing ones. [sic] Yesterday we talked a little bit about the unemployment rates and those ones. [sic] The trajectory for Iowa has been fairly good — it’s down from where it was. But in all the other states it’s — the unemployment rate is up!

BOLLING: Up from when President Obama took —


BOLLING: — office. Up higher than the national average. President Obama’s, umm, strategy now is, is, yannow, just calling Mitt Romney names. Romnesia. Big Bird! He talks about Big Bird, binders and bayonets. But the Romnesia thing — I have a name. [Pretends to look thoughtful as if he just made it up.] I came up with a name.


BOLLING: It’s called Obamanoma. And, we’re in Stage Four Obamanoma right now. The symptoms are joblessness — 

BOB BECKEL: Obamanoma?

BOLLING: — dispair, dis — dependancy, homelessness. A desire to hang out with celebrities.

PERINO: We’re going to see if we can get that into the thesaurus. [CROSSTALK] I don’t think we should be comparing either of them to cancer, really. Probably not, but this election has been like a cancer on some people. I’m trying, Greg [Gutfeld], to —

BOLLING: It’s good. Thank you. Thank you.


Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!! This is just another reason why The Five is still the worst program on tee vee since My Mother the Car.

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.