Judge Not 7 ► This Week’s Libertarian Lie
Unretouched pic of Judge Andy from my tee vee screen

Another week has passed, as has some more hot air from our favourite Libertarian, Judge “Andy” Andrew Napolitano, the resident Fox “News” Senior Judicial Analyst and Scaremonger.

I’m doing the best that I can, but once again Judge Nap fell down on his end of the bargain. I was only able to collect 27 posts from the Laughing Libertarian this week, which makes it that much harder to bring the Fox “News” Snark. However, it also makes it that much faster to compile Judge Not.

I need to take the good with the bad. So do you. Here’s this week’s Judge Not.

Taxation can only be theft or slavery? Those are our only choices, Judge? What about the price of living in a free country? Notice that this is how Judge Nap chooses to promote his own his book. This is not merely publisher’s publicity bumph. He really believes that shit.

I’d sign a petition to outlaw lies on so-called “news” networks like the one they have in Canada. Are you with me, Judge? Judge? Are you there? Whaddaya say? No more lies?

Because asking millionaires and billionares to chip in a little more is tantamount to theft or slavery. Right, Judge?

As we have discussed before, Judge Nap: facebook is a private company and can do what it wants. Mostly it reacts to user complaints and some faceless bureaucrat is forced to make a snap decision, some of which are just plain wrong. So, whaddaya wanna do about it, Judge?

An interesting question: Can parents violate the privacy rights of their own children? Judge Nap seems to think it’s boilerplate unconstitutional. I think it’s a question worth exploring.

Because we all know that President Obama is coming for your guns. Just ask Bully Boy Bolling.

Because a pledge to Grover Norquist is more important than his pledge to the Senate and/or his constituents.

One school district in FloriDuh has instituted a unique way to charge students for lunch. Judge Nap wants you to believe it’s the first step towards One World Government™. Next they will be installing RFID chips in newborns and in the upper arms of those who won’t willingly go off to the FEMA detention camps.

At the beginning of the week Judge Nap was calling this bill and end to our liberties and freedoms, even though the lawmaker who wrote it debunked that notion LAST WEEK. It’s not just that Judge Nap was wrong about this proposed law, but he was “fiery” wrong. The law that was passed was the EXACT opposite of what Judge Andy claimed.

Sometimes Fox “News” brings Judge Andy silly questions and he always seems willing to pick the low-hanging fruit.

Let’s start with education and prisons and then . . . Wait!!! What??? They already have? Never mind. 

This was debunked almost immediately. However, that didn’t stop Judge Nap from passing it along to his brain-dead followers. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if this gives Loofah Lad at Fox “News,” whose corporate parent hacked into a dead girl’s cell phone, a whole new idea for news gathering. No longer will The Falafel King have to send Jesse Watters out with a camera to follow and ambush people on vacation. He’ll just use the Fox “News” drone that Roger Ailes is buying.

Many of the secessionist comments I have read online were clearly racist. However, the general idea of Secession is not racist, just the sign of a sore loser. Are you a racist or a sore loser, Judge? Where do you stand?
Oh, Canada! Canada also has that dreaded Socialism of Universal Health Care. Now THAT’S Freedom!

Whatever happened to the right to be told the truth by a so-called “news” channel? Oh! That’s right! There is no right to the truth from a so called “news” station. Wanna start a petition with me, Judge Nap? We can model it after the Canadian law. Then we’ll do the same with Health Care. Whaddaya say, Judge Nap?

Let’s talk about drone strikes, Judge Nap. While I find them troubling, what would you do?

Wait!!! What??? Isn’t this the bill you were claiming at the beginning of the week would be the end of all of our rights and freedoms? However, it says the EXACT opposite of what you claimed, Judge Andy. Why is that?

A bit of return snark: Which freedom of yours has the government molested, Judge Nap? Name one.

By the end of the week Judge Andy is praising the bill he was against at the beginning of the week, even though his interpretation of the law was debunked by the lawmaker who wrote it last week. Way to flip flop, Judge Nap. Next Fox “News” will credit its opposition as having saved the day for Truth, Justice and the ‘Merkin Way™.

This is the opening line of a piece of poetry Judge Andy is working on. I can’t wait until it becomes a sentence.

Then shave your mustache; it makes you look like a ’80s porn star. Personally I think it’s HIGH-LARRY-US that Judge Andy identifies with a thoroughly dislikable sitcom character enough to pass along the stupid shit the character says.

Inflation anyone?

I guess that makes me a slave. I guess I have been a slave my entire life. Thanks for opening my eyes to my shackles, Judge Nap.

WE GET LETTERS: I was asked why the tallies in the early paragraphs of Judge Not do not match the posts below. It’s because I cull duplicates and those that are not snarkable (such as soldier’s suicides). Also to my OTHER correspondent: It’s not a conspiracy if I don’t use every one of Judge Andy’s posts. I may not even see all of his posts. I am not in front of my conputer 24 hours a day, even though it sometimes seems like it.

Don’t forget to join us next week for another exciting episode of Judge Not. Now, everybody
D A N C E ! ! !

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.