Tag Archives: Fox Snark

The Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Point Memo #3

Welcome to the 3rd Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Points Memo.  

Loofah Lad squeezes out a load like this one every single day and calls it a Talking Point Memo. It’s always interesting to read between the lines in order to figure out WTF he’s really saying when he’s pontificating. Freud could have had a field day with him. Since Freud is not here, I’ll give it a shot.

Today’s topic: O’Reilly called it “White Grievance and the Republican Party.” I call it, “In How Many New Ways Can I Defend My Good Buddy Donald J. Trump While Blowing Dog Whistles?” Let’s get right to it, shall we?

All the polls say the same thing: Donald Trump’s rise is being fueled
largely by white men who are angry with both political parties.

Not to mention all that free publicity the media has given him, especially on Fox “News” with all the softball interviews he gets there. Like on your show, f’rinstance Bill O. I can’t wait to see how you WHITEwash all of this on behalf of your vanilla milkshake buddy. Go on. Entertain me.

At this point 47% of Republican women say they will not vote for Mr. Trump, according to a Wall Street Journal/NBC poll.

Which merely proves women are the smarter gender, but not all women.

So it is the guys who have catapulted the candidate to the top of the Republican primary pack.

According to the Washington Post, Donald Trump is favored by 50% of
Republican voters who make less than $50,000 a year, most of them men.

Also, Mr. Trump is supported by just 32% of Republicans who have
college degrees, according to polling from 20 Republican primary states.

So you can see that Trump’s support is largely coming from working-class white men who feel aggrieved.

I tend to think of them as working-class White men who have been brainwashed into thinking they’re aggrieved. I look at them as soft racists — if not actually hardcore racists — who see equality as a zero sum game: If a group of folks are having their Civil Rights respected, these fools somehow think something is being taken away from them.

Now we’ve seen this before.  The black grievance industry is a powerful presence in America.

Wait!!! What???  Did you just change the topic to create a false equivalency?

That group sells the notion that most problems in the
African-American precincts are caused by white people and historical

OH, MY!!!

You actually did change the topic to create a false equivalency. And then you blew your dog whistle. Let’s unpack your White Privilege, shall we Mr. Falafel? Because only a White man who doesn’t recognize his White Privilege would allow such manure to escape from his lips.

Are you saying there was no racism in the country? Or, are you saying that racism is over?

I’m so glad we’re living in a post-racial society. FINALLY!!! /sarcasm

Listen, Loofah Lad: Even if one were to buy your bullshit argument that there are are no legitimate grievances in “African-American precincts” to be attributed to “White people and historical oppression,” can you not see how that “historic oppression” has continued to create an uneven playing field when it comes to wealth creation and inheritances, not to mention the quality of neighbourhoods that each group tend to live within?

While the media gives that view a lot of attention, most African-Americans reject the propaganda.

And, you’ll prove that, right?

A recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation says that 61% of
American blacks believe the breakup of the African-American family is a
major reason for the economic deprivation and social problems in the
black community.

Wait just a gosh darn minute. You do realize that both can be true at the same time, doncha?

Just because 61% of Black folk “believe the breakup of the African-American family is a major reason for the economic deprivations and social problems in the Black community” (and, I’ll assume your number is correct despite the many fibs you’ve told over the years), doesn’t mean that Black folk don’t also recognize, and fully understand, the “historic oppression” that got them there.

One fact does not negate the other. Unless you’re just blowing another dog whistle in which facts are manipulated to create a false narrative.

Oh, wait!

I thought this was going to be about your good friend Trump’s aggrieved constituency: Poor, uneducated, racist voters. Sorry I interrupted.

On the white side the issue is similar.

Here we go. Back on topic. Thank you.

Many white Americans believe that illegal immigration hurts their job
prospects and are angered by changing neighborhoods and social

And, there’s your false equivalency in a nut shell, asshole.

You’ve just alluded to the fact that Black folk have no right to feel aggrieved because they only have themselves to blame — and they even admit it — but White folk are legitimately spooked by “changing neighborhoods [sic] and social patterns”. In your false equivalency you’re not even giving equal weight to both sides in your false argument. You see nothing wrong with that as long as it helps Trump. Just another reason you’re a hack, as I correctly called you in The Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Point Memo #2.

Their refrain is often, I want my country back.

Back to when Black folk knew their place, perhaps?

These voters are tired of seeing welfare doled out to people who are not motivated to succeed.

How many dog whistles you got?

They are angry that terrorists are not being contained.

Doncha mean radical Islamist terrorists? And, what does “contained” even mean in such an asymmetrical war?

Oh, and, Muslim dog whistle.

They see the Republican Party as largely cowardly in the face of political correctness.

I see the people who reject political correctness as saying, “Rude as I wanna be,” just like the meme to the right I tricked up back in August.

Incidentally, I love how you’re using the word “they,” but you’re really not only talking about yourself, but using this Talking Point Memo to excuse the worst aspects of Trump’s campaign. Like weaving in “political correctness”.

Remember when your friend Trump said he had no time to be politically correct? The Anti-PC Police Squad™ has long been a fixture of the Fox “News” Channel, as you must know.

Never mind. You were saying. Any more reasons why White folk are the real victims and only your pal Donald Trump can save us?

The white grievance crew also believes they are being oppressed economically and that nobody is looking out for them.

But, you’re looking out for us, aren’t you Mr. Falafel? You’ll tell us what to believe and who to believe, won’t you?

Enter Donald Trump, who vividly reflects the anger, who has criticized his own party for being weak.

Now both the black and white grievance movements have some legitimate points.

Wait! That’s not what you said above. You were dismissive of the Black grievance industry.

Anyway, do go on. My eyes can’t roll any farther away than they have already. How are Blacks folks’ grievances legitimate? This should be good.

There is no question that in poor black neighborhoods schools are generally deficient because the property tax base is low.

So poor black children are not being educated as well as affluent children.

That’s true.

Yes, it’s true. And, why is that, you obtuse piece of crap?

Because of systemic and ongoing racism!!!

U.S. cities look the way they do — and the property taxes are such — because of White Flight, redlining, just two aspects of the “historic oppression” that you blithely dismissed out of hand as of no consequence.

You also seem to feel that systemic racism has been eradicated, when it clearly has not been. Otherwise, poor Black children would be as educated as poor White children, never mind any stupid false equivalency with affluent White children.

On the white side, here’s a simple example: The Republican Party did
not get behind Kate’s Law, which would have harshly punished illegal
alien felons who defy deportation.


How did we get from that to one of your pet projects, not to mention one of your favourite Muslim dog whistles?

It doesn’t matter because you just — once again — pointed out your own racism. Answer me this, Sherlock, how is this strictly a White issue? If it’s as important as you say it is, shouldn’t it cross all racial lines? 

While GOP senators like Grassley, McCain and Cruz did actively try to
get Kate’s Law passed, the Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell did

And in general Republican politicians did not raise the flag on this issue.

I mean, when you control both houses of Congress and you cannot get Kate’s Law passed, there is a serious problem.

Or, maybe it’s just a stupid law that you are championing. But, again, you’re just playing defense for your BFF Trump. The funniest part is that you actually believe you are in the No Spin Zone. My eyes are spinning from where you’ve taken this Talking Points Memo.

Again, Donald Trump has tapped into that chaos.

Thank goodness we’re back on topic.

Going forward, Mr. Trump’s nomination is not a lock.

Thank goodness there are still smart people in this country who are banding together to stop this demagogue before it’s too late. First they came for the Mexicans . . .

He has made mistakes and will have to win over millions of Americans who do not believe he is qualified.

The majority of ‘Merkins don’t believe he’s qualified and if he somehow manages to snag the GOP nomination, which is starting to look less and less likely, he will be destroyed in the General Election. And, the GOP will be on the endangered species list, especially if the Republican Convention becomes a brokered one. [Pass the popcorn.]

If you believe the polls, Mr. Trump is in for a rough day tomorrow in Wisconsin.

Let’s hope so.

That being said, the issue of white grievance is not going away and Trump will maintain a loyal level of support.

Among the poor, uneducated, xenophobic racists that want to make ‘Merka great again. Everyone else, as you have already made the case above, are fleeing from this sinking ship.

Many of his supporters are furious, and if Mr. Trump does not get the
nomination, the stay-home vote next November is likely to be

Pass the popcorn.

And that’s the memo. [Transcript provided by Bill O’Reilly.]

And that’s my answer, ‘cept:

Don’t you get winded blowing so many dog whistles, Loofah Lad? After all, you’re not a young man anymore. But, you’re still an aggrieved racist White man.

The Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Point Memo #2

Welcome to the 2nd Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Point Memo

The Falafel King drops one of these piles every weekday and, if I were so inclined, I could answer him every day, but life’s too short for that. Today, Loofah Lad wants to pontificate on the The State of the Republican Party, but he’s really defending his good buddy, Donald J. Trump.

I have to say I’m a bit surprised that Don Rickles is now apparently a Republican contender.

I’m not. I’m just surprised that someone who has called hundreds — maybe thousands — of people “pinheads” would be concerned about the mud being thrown in the GOP race. This is merely your attempt at a false equivalency in order to deflecting from Trump’s hateful comments about Mexicans, Muslims, women, John McCain, the handicapped, Megyn Kelly, and everyone else he’s attacked over the years. However, do play us a supercut your staff put together of how they’re all doing it.

DONALD TRUMP: “So I’m looking at little Marco and I’m saying man there’s something happening with him and he’s like melting.”


MARCO RUBIO: “He’s always calling me little Marco.  I’ll admit, he’s taller than me – he’s like 6’2’’ – which is why I don’t understand why his hands are the size of someone who is 5’2’’.” (LAUGHS) ((EDIT)) And you know what they say about men with small hands?”


TRUMP: “You had to see him backstage.  He was putting on makeup with a trowel! (Mimics using a roller to apply his makeup) ((EDIT)) I will not say that he was trying to cover up his ears!”


RUBIO: “He doesn’t sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan that he uses!”

Now that’s not exactly the Lincoln-Douglas debate is it?

Well, no. It’s not even in Kennedy-Nixon territory. Hell, it’s not even the neighbourhood of the Bentsen-Quayle debate.

However, you have called people names for decades. Stop clutching your pearls and take credit for the coarsening of the ‘Merkin Culture you brought about.

Oh, wait. You have an alternate theory, doncha?

But here’s why it’s happening:

Oh, this should be good. Do tell.

In the beginning of the campaign, Donald Trump did something very brilliant.  He staked out two essential issues that he knew Republican voters were angry about: the border and the economy.

But rather than getting into policy, Mr. Trump kept it simple.  He’ll build a wall and deport illegal aliens.

He’ll make deals that will turn the economy around and punish countries like China and Mexico that he believes are treating the USA unfairly.

That quickly got the new candidate a lot of attention and criticism.

To be fair: It got your vanilla milkshake drinking BFF a lot of attention and even more valid criticism. However, I hardly think spewing racism and xenophobia is very brilliant. That’s when this whole race started going south — both puns intended.

OH! WAIT!! Look who I’m talking to. Never mind. I’ll go back to drinking my M-Fing ice tea. Forget I interrupted.

Then what, Loofah Lad?

Trump then immediately counter-attacked, using hot rhetoric that most politicians would never even consider.

Which you continue to defend to this very day. It’s not presidential. Of course, you’d be having a fit if any Democratic candidate said anything slightly critical of Donald Trump.

That got him even more popularity.  The more he insulted, the higher his poll numbers climbed.

Historians will be trying to figure this election out for decades to come. Is this the year Racism and Xenophobia trump logic and good governance?

So he’s two for two.  He chooses emotional issues, simplifying them for potential voters, then scorches anyone who doesn’t like it.

That’s not why he scorches people, you sanctimonious liar. He scorches people because he’s a narcissistic psychopath.

OH! WAIT!! Look who I’m talking to. Never mind. I’ll go back to reading the Paris Business Review.

Even if you don’t like Mr. Trump, you have to admit the strategy has been brilliant and he would not be leading in the polls today if he had not employed it.

It’s only a brilliant strategy if you admire appealing to people’s fears and worse instincts.

OH! WAIT!! Look who I’m talking to. Never mind. I’ll go back to reading about Dr. Tiller’s murder. 

The other Republican candidates were taken by surprise as he hammered Jeb Bush and anyone else Trump considered to be a rival.

After months of watching Trump’s poll numbers go up, finally Senators Rubio and Cruz began to counterattack in the same way.

The problem for both Rubio and Cruz is that Americans do not know them, and the media has paid so much attention to Donald Trump that getting well known is almost impossible.

Unless of course you hurl insults, which is what Marco Rubio is now doing.

No. The problem is that Rubio and Cruz left it far too late to start telling the truth and attacking your racist and xenophobic milkshake buddy, Donald J. Trump. BTW: I think it’s telling that they are vanilla milkshakes. You can buy those Freudian Slips at Frederick’s of Hollywood.

Sorry, I interrupted again. Go ahead, let’s hear more of your bullshit false equivalency.

For his part Cruz is hammering Trump in a different way:

TED CRUZ: “There have been multiple media reports about Donald’s business dealings with the mob, with the mafia.  Maybe his taxes show those business dealings are a lot more extensive than has been reported.”

Now I don’t believe anyone’s tax returns are going to give insight into organized crime.  Mr. Cruz obviously casting aspersions on Mr. Trump.

Aspersions? It’s well-documented that Trump’s companies dealt with other companies that were mobbed-up. The tax returns may not show that, but you get Bonus Points for deflection, Mr. Falafel King.

But all of this negative stuff hasn’t really altered the race so far.

Because, as I said above, it’s too little, too late. Cruz and Rubio should have been hammering Trump on his bankruptcies, Trump University, the KKK, and his freakishly small hands starting last year. Now it just looks like tit-for-tat mud slinging and almost nothing is getting traction, even Trump’s latest smears on his opponents.

Recent polls say Mr. Trump is leading in all the Super Tuesday states with the exception of Texas, Ted Cruz’s home state.

Which is why ‘Merka is becoming a laughing stock all over again around the world. You thought George W. Bush was reviled around the world? There are already countries who are working to make YOUR FRIEND Donald J. Trump persona non grata.

So it looks like tomorrow Trump will prevail again.  It is how close Cruz and Rubio can keep the vote that is uncertain.

The south is friendly territory to Donald Trump.  

And, racists everywhere. That is hardly a ringing endorsement.

When the votes shift to the northeast and Midwest, his challenge might grow but by that time he might have things sewn up.

If that happens, if Trump is the Republican nominee, you can expect a media assault on him that will be unprecedented.

Every day the press will hammer Trump, exposing every part of his life.

And, you are doing your best to pre-inoculate the voters against any factual attacks on YOUR GOOD FRIEND, Donald J. Trump.

Trump is getting ready:

TRUMP: “So that when the New York Times writes a hit piece, which is a total disgrace, or when the Washington Post, which is there for other reasons, writes a hit piece, we can sue them and win money instead of having no chance of winning because they’re totally protected.”

Mr. Trump talking about what he would do as president, attempt to change the libel laws, but he can’t do that now.

Don’t you care about the First Amendment, Loofah Lad? Or are you only concerned about the 2nd Amendment?

And believe me the press is just waiting.

So now it’s a media conspiracy to sink the worst presidential candidate to come down the pike. What else you got that we can laugh at?

A preview is this David Duke stuff, a complete non-story.  I’ve spoken with Trump hundreds of times.  I have never heard him run down anyone because of race.

He does not care about that.

A non-story? And, how would you know if you ever heard him say anything about race when you blow the same dog whistle he does? Your ears are no longer attuned to hear the racist hate disguised by your White Privilege!

The GOP madness is of course good news for Hillary Clinton, who has major problems of her own but who the American press will get behind.

Newspaper endorsements for president will run 20:1 Clinton.

What if she’s 20 times better for ‘Merka than your Racist and Xenophobic friend Donald Trump? Wouldn’t she then deserve the endorsements?

So the question becomes, can Donald Trump bring in millions of new voters to overcome his deficit among the press, minorities and other groups that may not like him?

People who may not like him? This isn’t the competition for Prom King. This is a Winner Take All contest to decide the next President of the United States. Your decades-long friendship with this Racist Xenophobe disqualifies you from even commenting on this election, but that’s never stopped you from misinforming your viewers before.

Trump thinks he can do it and has confounded his critics thus far.

He’s confounded Good Ol’ ‘Merkin Common Sense. Hopefully the electorate will wake up and see Trump for the Racist and Xenophobic Charlatan he really is. Even tho’ Joe Scarborough finally saw the light, it’s clear that you never will.

And that’s the memo.

 And, that’s why you’re nothing but a hack, O’Reilly. 

The Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Point Memo #1

I’ve read and watched so many of these Talking Point Memos, I could probably write one. All one needs do is use as many of the 7 types of propaganda techniques as possible.

With this post the Not Now Silly Newsroom tests the watters [geddit?] for a new series of Annotated Bill O’Reilly Talking Point Memos. Aunty Em used to do this over at NewsHounds with Glenn Beck’s Comedy Caliphate when he was still slinging the crazy over at the Fox “News” Channel. It’s a lot of fun and it usually got a good reaction. Let me know what you think. Weigh in and let me know whether I should continue.

In order to win the presidency in 2016 both the Republican and Democratic candidate will have to get a good amount of votes from Hispanic Americans.

But the leading GOP is doing everything in his power to drive them away. Therefore, you’ve got to make people afraid.

On Thanksgiving the New York Times ran an editorial that pretty much laid out what the liberal viewpoint is on people coming to live in America.

Of course, almost all the other times O’Reilly, or Fox “News,” mentions the NYTs it is to trash it. But, do go on. I’m fascinated to learn where this is going.

Point number one: The left no longer distinguishes between illegal aliens and those who come here legally.

Of course, you can show where the NYTs said exactly that, right? I thought not. I’ve done several searches and while this is not conclusive proof, I couldn’t find it. But, I’d be happy to link it HERE if anyone points it out to me.

All foreign nationals who enter are now described by the Times and others as immigrants.

All? That’s a sweeping statement. Even I hedged above when I said, “…almost all the other times O’Reilly, or Fox “News,” mentions the NYTs…” But, things are just Black and White to you, no pun intended.

And if you use the term illegal alien, you are a bigot.

Uh, oh! Someone must have called Loofah Lad a bigot recently.

Point two: The left believes that any fence on the southern border is nativist bigotry that is a hateful action towards non-Americans, especially Hispanics.

Any fence? Again, a sweeping statement. I don’t know anybody who is against a border fence. But, you’re just calling it a “fence” to cover for the GOP’s head bigot, Donald Trump, who wants to build a yuuuuuuuge wall to keep out all the rapists and criminals he talks about.

Point number three: The left wants open borders, no restrictions on those who come here, no detention, no physical barrier, no deportation proceedings unless a serious crime other than illegal entry is committed.

I have yet to hear anyone advocate that. Which orifice are you pulling your facts from?

And if you disagree with that you are a promoting an anti-immigrant police state.

We already have a police state. That’s what ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ is all about.

Point four: The left says all immigrants — again illegal and legal — should be welcomed and assimilated.

Again, I have yet to hear anyone advocate for that. Altho’, I have heard people with good hearts talk about welcoming Syrian refugees. Is this what this is really about? Syrian refugees?

And not only that, the government should give them money to settle in and they should be immediately eligible for all the entitlements Americans can secure.

An earlier Talking Point Memo delivered without a hint of irony

You’re really pushing every negative and already debunked trope you can think of, ain’t you?

Point five: All illegal aliens already here should be put on a pathway to citizenship.

What is your proposal, Falafel King? You can’t deport them all. And, you can’t have a second tier of U.S. resident, where some immigrants are allowed to become citizens and others are not. I’d love to hear your proposal.

The left wants full amnesty.

The Rabid Right wants deportation. What’s the ‘Merkin thing to do? You’re a Catholic, Bill O. What would Jesus do?

And finally point number six: The left wants free lawyers for all immigrants so they can gather up the entitlements and citizenship requirements.

Actually, the Constitution requites lawyers. That whole “You have a right to remain silent” speech ends with an acknowledgment of that.

At the end of the editorial in the New York Times, the paper asks is that so radical?

Okay, I just went and looked again. I’ve not found the editorial you speak of. Could you just point it out to me so I can see how you’ve misquoted it, if it even exists at all.

The answer of course is yes, open borders, full amnesty, complete entitlement access is indeed radical and dangerous to public order and safety.

Be afraid! Be very Afraid!!

But that is the vision of the Democratic Party.

WAIT! I thought you said it was the entire Left Wing, but now it’s just the Democratic Party?

Not everyone, but you will not hear many Democrats go up against that, as the Kate’s Law debate demonstrated.

WAIT!!! You just said it was the entire Democratic Party. Which is it. Who are you talking about?

Now many believe this is a pure political strategy, that flooding the nation with foreigners — many of whom will get the right to vote — strengthens the Democratic Party.

An earlier Talking Point Memo delivered without a hint of irony

Call me crazy, but I think immigration strengthens the nation. But that’s just me.

But there is much more in play.

And, you’ll let us in on the secret of this Left Wing Cabal, right? I’m breathless with anticipation.

The radical left immigration vision would profoundly change all of America’s traditions, all of them.

WAIT!!! Now it’s just the radical left. Make up your mind. You can’t keep moving the target like this.

And that’s what the left wants because that ideology sees the American Judeo-Christian tradition as oppressive, exploitative and a white-privilege legacy.

Now this screed makes sense. I get it now. You’re worried about your precious White Privilege being taken away, ain’t you? You’re downright scared, ain’t you?

Thus, the uber-left wants traditional America wiped off the face of the earth.

WAIT!!! Now it’s just the uber-left? That’s the fringiest of the fringe. You’re scaremongering about those crazy outliers?

That’s what is truly going on and if Americans don’t wise up quickly, the left-wing vision of immigration may very well become a reality.

That’s not what’s going on at all. You pulled all of that out of your ass to create a strawman you’ve conditioned your brain-dead viewers to believe is their enemy.

And that’s the memo.

One of the biggest piles you’ve ever crapped out, which is why I decided to annotate it.

Not a single word of Loofah Lad’s has been omitted or changed. For comparison, the entire Talking Points Memo without annotation can be found here, because I show my work, unlike Loofah Lad. 

Bill “The Falafel King” O’Reilly Born ► Throwback Thursday

Yes, he actually said this without a hint of irony

If there’s any single person that I wish we could throw back, it’s Fox “News” fabulist and serial exaggerator Bill O’Reilly. 

Loofah Lad is a Fox “News” anchor, both literally and figuratively, because he’s the highest rated liar on Fox, just not the only liar.

O’Reilly calls himself a cultural warrior battling all those forces of evil that most of us accept as part of a multiracial, pluralistic society. Entire books and websites have been written about this man, so I won’t bother. However, the reason he’s perfect for this rubric is he wants to throwback the country to the lily White suburbs of of his ’50s Levittown, where he grew up; a man so uncomfortable around Black folk, that every time he brings up the issue of race, he embarrasses himself.

Bill is a Catholic, who is getting a divorce. He’s now engaged in an ugly battle with his ex-wife, where he’s been accused of domestic violence:

The transcript includes testimony from Larry Cohen, a psychologist appointed to interview and make assessments about each member of the family during the dispute. (Note that “M.” refers to O’Reilly’s daughter.)

“M. [his daughter] reported — having seeing an incident where I believe she said her dad was choking her mom or had his hands around her neck and dragged her down some stairs.”  

 Meanwhile, The Falafel King lectures and hectors ‘Merka to live exemplary lives.

Can we throw him back already?

As is traditional in his falsely titled No Spin Zone, we’ll give Bill the last word:

Packing Up 2014 ► Unpacking The Writer

A billboard erected in my honour will look nothing like this.

Howdy to new readers. Old readers know Unpacking The Writer as the monthly post where I pull back the curtain Wizard of Oz-like to reveal the interior life of a writer. AUNTY EM!!! AUNTY EM!!!

First an apology to my most rabid readers. I’ve not published as many original stories this month as usual. While Headlines Du Jour is fun to put together, and a very popular series, I don’t consider any of that original writing and don’t take all that much pride in it, other than a job well done when it’s done. It’s aggregation. I’m fine with calling it that, but wish I had published more new stuff this past month. Maybe I can make that my very first New Year’s Resolution to break.

Meanwhile, I’ve been going though the Not Now Silly Newsroom archives and sharing important, funny, or just plain weird stories on social media. I know it doesn’t fully make up for a lack of NEW, but as I like to tell people, “It’s not a repeat if you never saw it before.”

Part of what’s been keeping me busy is the Friday Fox Follies, which I’ve been crafting the last few months for PoliticusUSA. Because I always saw it as an outgrowth of Headlines Du Jour, from the start the idea was to use actual headlines found on the innertubes to craft a story arc that covers Fox “News” shenanigans and tomfoolery from Friday to Friday. Trying to shoehorn in the actual headlines creates some grammatical irregularities and awkward constructs, but overall I think it’s working. Your mileage may vary.

In the beginning it took me almost 2 days to compile and write, but I’ve managed to get it down to a solid 6 hours of writing for approximately 1200 words. Here’s my methodology: During the week I compile intriguing Fox “News” headlines as they present themselves. Midweek I look to see what themes might be developing and I start thinking about the shape the column might take if these trends continue. By the time I wake up Friday morning at 5AM to start writing it, I have the basic outline and an opening paragraph in my head. After taking a quick look to see which Fox “News” personality said something stupid while I was sleeping, I hit the ground running. Provided there are no power outages (never a guarantee around here), I send it off to the editors some time between 1 and 3PM.

But still, those 6 hours are 6 hours I can’t devote to writing about Coconut Grove, the E.W.F Stirrup House, and what I still hope will be a new ongoing series, Pastoral Letter.

Speaking of my Friday Fox Follies, this happened:

The Charles Avenue Historic Marker with
the E.W.F. Stirrup House in the background.

Also keeping me busy this month has been some pretty extensive research concerning Coconut Grove and Charles Avenue. I’m pulling at several different subject threads simultaneously. This has required spending many hours in the City Clerk’s office doing some deep research on Charles Avenue, the E.W.F. Stirrup House, and Miami Commission meetings, with still many more hours to come.

I have been researching two of these topics for an entire year. While I had hoped to hold them until I had all my ducks in a row, a recent flashpoint has made it important to finish one in a timely manner. To that end I now have outstanding emails with both a Media Relations Associate at a bank’s HQ and a City of Miami Commissioner. Each email requested ON THE RECORD written answers to a series of questions. We’ll see whether I even get the courtesy of replies. If I’m not satisfied I may have to resort to another FOIA request.

Meanwhile, the residents of West Grove continue to get the short end of the stick, while Aries Development and Gino Falsetto seem to get away with everything short of murder. My interest in Coconut Grove started with falling in love with a house, researching its history, falling in love with the legacy of the man who built it, and then falling in love with the people and the neighbourhood, that is sadly being gentrified out of existence around the edges.

I can remember — vividly — how years ago, after my first visit to Coconut Grove, I came back and told a group of friends that I thought I had found an interesting story at the corner of Charles Avenue and Main Hightway, I just wasn’t sure what it was yet. How could I have possibly known back then it would lead to even bigger stories on Trolleygate, Soilgate, Demolition by Neglect of the E.W.F. Stirrup House, rapacious developers, much potentially illegal shenanigans, a [allegedly] corrupt Miami Commissioner, and mapping The Colour Line that still surrounds the historically Black neighbourhood of the West Grove? No wonder there are times I feel so busy.

Join the campaign to Save the E.W.F. Stirrup House on Facebook.

Digging really deep into my id without revealing too much: It was just a month ago when I embarked on what I thought would be a great series — my own Tuesday’s With Morrie — when I published Finding An Old Friend ► Unpacking My Detroit. It still might. However, I must admit to initially being totally flummoxed about where to take it. Let me explain:
I was overjoyed to locate my childhood friend Kenneth Wilson and surprised to learn he was one of the first (maybe only) evangelical pastors in the entire country to OPENLY argue for the church to be inclusive (not just tolerant) of the LGBT communities. I wrote him that open letter, which I posted, and then waited for a reply. It didn’t occur to me until a few weeks later that maybe Pastor Kenny posted his reply somewhere on the innertubes. Turns out I was right. What surprised me more was the realization that he delivered his reply as a sermon from the pulpit. A printed version is at The Gospel of John, Chapter One: They Came in Twos and a live (slightly different) recording can be found HERE.
I arrived back in Kenny’s life at an interesting time for him. In his sermon he says goodbye to his church. He’s not explicit about who fired whom, but it’s clear this is his last sermon from the pulpit of The Vineyard Church of Ann Arbor. Obviously the same notoriety that allowed me to find my childhood friend so easily caused a rend in the tapestry of his church.  He said, in part:
Ann Arbor Vineyard, carry the seed of the kingdom with you into your next chapter. If there are tears, and I hope there will be a few, use those tears to sow the seed for a new harvest.

I could imagine you becoming an even more multi-ethnic congregation than you are now. I could imagine your ministries flourishing in new, unforeseen ways.

To those who will join Emily and me in new Blue Ocean Church Plant, lets use our tears to sow the seeds we bring with us, from this awesome place, this house of the Lord…

Together, Ann Arbor Vineyard and your newest Blue Ocean church plant lets make this our song:

Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
My final practical tip [as the recorded sermon deviates slightly from the printed version], is at a moment like this, when you don’t know what you’re supposed to say, don’t say nothing. 
And then he called for 2 minutes of silence which ends his reply to me. 
I’ve now read, and listened, to Pastor Kenny’s Pastoral Letter to me several times. I kept more than 2 minutes of silence because I wanted to respect any mourning period he may have had for losing his gig, but more importantly, because I simply didn’t know what to say. So, I said nothing.

His sermon — his reply to me — was religious allegory and I’m not steeped in religious allegory. It took me quite a while to interpret it. And, I recognize, I may still have it all wrong. However, it has meaning for me now when it was just words when I first read it. That’s why I’m working on the next Pastoral Letter, which (like everything else) is taking longer than I thought. However, it’s been started and is the next post I intend to finish. Meanwhile, Ken did send me his phone number and I really have to clear some time to phone him.

Incidentally, for those who keep track of this kind of Westerfield Minutia, Zachary Harvard Weed, who inhabits the pages of Farce Au Pain, lives in the house that Kenny’s family once lived in. Adrian Roland Thompson lives in the house I grew up in.

A snapshot in time: The All Time Top Ten at the time of this writing.

At year’s end it’s always nice to take a look at some stats, facts, and figures, especially as we get closer to launching a brand new, improved Not Now Silly Newsroom under our own domain name.

I’m quite proud of my All Time Top Ten, at left. Except for #6, Chow Mein and Bolling 5, which is silly fluff, but the readers just love it. I like to think the rest are all important stories on important topics and thank my readers for having the intelligence to boost them to the Top Ten list. The Blogger platform doesn’t give me very many stats, but one that’s always intrigued me is the search engine results that people received just before they washed up at Not Now Silly. Because this is getting long enough, and because I’ve got other shit to write, I’ll end this with 3 pics: The All Time search results, the top monthly search results, and the weekly flotsam and jetsam. 

See ya next year!

All Time:


Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Is Normal ► Today’s Ablow Job

Welcome to another fun-filled episode of Ablow Job. Not since Loofah Lad dumped Body Language Expert Tonya Reiman has there been such an idiotic segment on the Fox “News” Channel as “Normal or Nuts.”

That’s the official name of the weekly Wednesday Laugh-0-Thon that is really Ablow Job. Here’s how it normally [no pun intended] works: Those Foxy Friends on the Fox and Friends Curvy Couch drag out pop psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow and ask him to weigh in viewers’ emails to determine whether the average Fox “News” viewer is — err — normal or nuts. No, really. That’s it.

This week they dispensed with emails for a special all-Toronto Mayor Rob Ford edition of Normal or Nuts. The Foxy Friends asked Ablow to diagnose the crack smoking, drunk driving, criminal-hiring Mayor-In-Denial of the city I consider home, based on a few video clips. While everyone in the civilized world has recognized Mayor Rob Ford as a (gravy) train wreck, Ablow seems to think that Ford is simply misunderstood. Not even The Three Stooges were nuts enough to pick up what Dr. Keith was laying down. Watch:

While he called Ford a narcissist, Ablow also thinks Ford is “refreshing” because:
He’s direct, he’s clear, he says, “I know who my enemies are. I’m engaged and this is a battle to the end.” And, yannow what? If I were someone opposed to him, I’d say, “Wait! The game is on.”
No, Ablow really said that.
When Ford knocked over a a collegue last week while barreling over to the public peanut gallery, Abow seemed to think there was nothing abnormal about that behaviour since:
Number One: This woman kinda swoons. She doesn’t quite hit the deck. She kinda falls in a slow motion fashion, she gets up, and tries to comfort him. She may have a job as a therrapist in the future. I think he was doing a Chris Christie imitation, where Christie confronts people directly who are heckling him. He does it much more elegantly, but this guy’s channeling American [sic] politics.
Never mind that the only reason the woman didn’t fall over completely was because Ford caught her after he knocked her down. Even Steve Doocy, not always the smartest of Stooges, knew Ablow was full of shit when he responded, “I’m worried about you, Keith.”

Yet, Ablow says nothing about the bullying that Ford was engaged in at that exact moment in time when he was rushing over to the public peanut gallery to defend his brother, who was already heckling the citizens of Toronto. Had he not been such a bully in a china shop, he wouldn’t have given that woman a fat lip.
 The last video example has Rob Ford blaming his woes on “tax and spend socialists” on Toronto City Council. Dr. Forehead doesn’t think Ford is being paranoid at all:
“I’m not having this guy in my office ’cause he doesn’t need to come. He’s looking more and more NORMAL all the time. He probably is right about his detractors. Here’s a guy who stands up, and says, “Look, I’m not going to be a two-faced guy . . .”
Meanwhile, Doocy is yelling, “Hold it!!! Hold it!!! What about the crack smoking?!?!?!”
“Well, at least he admits it,” is this psychiatrist’s reply, proving he’s never dealt with people in denial about their substance abuse problems and alcoholism. At that the entire Curvy Couch erupted in laughter. Even they’re smart enough to finally realize Dr. Keith is a fraud.


A song for everything and everything for a song!

NEW FEATURE: Today’s Ablow Job ► “Dogs Love Fox”

Dr. Keith Ablow and the forehead that will not stop

IRONY ALERT: Let’s get it out of the way right out of the gate. Take a gander at that forehead. It goes all the way back to his ass. The irony? Dr. Keith Ablow was born in Marblehead, Massachusetts. You can’t make this shit up.

Incidentally, Marblehead is almost as White as Coral Gables, 97.6% White vs. 98% White, respectively. Maybe that’s where Ablow gets his overwhelming sense of privilege.

But I digress. As usual.

The weekly Fox and Friends “Normal or Nuts” segment, featuring Dr. Keith Ablow, is easily the stupidest Fox “News” idea since “body language expert” Tonya Reiman was a regular on the Loofah Lad Laugh-In hour. The Falafel King would have her view selective footage of someone that he wanted to trash and Reiman would usually comply. But at least she had something to examine: cherry-picked footage.

Not that Dr. Keith has ever needed anything to examine in order for him to psychoanalyze people he has never met. His several instant analyses of President Obama are infamous, as are these headlines culled from NewsHounds, where I used to toil as Aunty Em:

Fox’s Crackpot Dr. Ablow Likens Obama To A Wife BeaterFox’s Dr. Keith Ablow: Benghazi Was Part Of Some ‘Black Ops’ Psychological Warfare Against AmericansFox’s Ablow Blames Australian Teen Murder In OK On Abortion Fox Psychiatrist Ablow Cites Unabomber To Attack Liberals As ‘Psychologically Disordered’Fox’s Dr. Keith Ablow: ObamaCare Will Lead To RiotsThe Answer Is Ablow In The WindFox’s Dr. Keith Ablow Suggests Biden May Suffer From DementiaFox’s Dr. Ablow Reveals President Obama’s Abandonment Issues Behind His Gun Control UrgesFox Psychologist Ablow: Gingrich’s Cheating Suggests He’ll Be A Strong PresidentFox’s Dr. Keith Ablow Trashes Chaz Bono – Fox News Scrubs Article

Hoo boy!!! Even Ablow’s WikiWhackyWoo was forced to add a a section under the rubric Controversial comments in the media. My favourite part:

During the 2012 Republican primary, Ablow wrote a column arguing that Newt Gingrich’s three marriages actually made him more qualified to be president. He wrote: “When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.”[19] The column was criticized, with Rod Dreher of The American Conservative commenting thusly: “Oh for frack’s sake. At some point, you have to wonder when shamelessness crosses the line from character defect to psychopathology. If only Dr. Leo Spaceman were a Republican, he could have a lucrative career on Fox.”[20]

Dr. Ablow later clarified that his position was that one’s private sexual life should remain private and that dissecting the sex lives of public figures was counterproductive and salacious.

Counterproductive and salacious. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. It might be well for Johnny Dollar, aka Mark Koldys, to remember that. But, I digress. As usual.

Once a week, as the putative Fox “News” quack headshrinker, the Three Stooges on the Fox and Friends Curvy Couch drag out Dr. Keith for “Normal or Nuts.” Dr. Keith is read about 20 words of an email — not much longer than a tweet — and Dr. Keith pretends to make a snap diagnosis on whether they are “Normal or Nuts.” Hilarity ensues.

Having worked a decade on a morning tee vee infotainment news show as a news writer, field producer, booker, and segment producer, I can assure you that it’s not really a snap judgement. He’s given the emails in advance. Regardless how much time he has to think about it, it’s a scant amount of information with which to diagnose someone and call them a “lunatic” like he did this week.

Check out this week’s Ablow Job:

The best line in this segment came at the very end, and not by Dr. Ablow at all. Steve Doocy sums up the perfect Demographic just before the fade out. It has to be heard to be appreciated.

If Fox “News” is so proud of it’s resident headshrinker why doesn’t the Fox “News” website’s list of  On Air Personalities include Ablow? The “A”s start at Alicia Acuna, and run through Carol Alt, Dr. Manny Alvarez, Jim Angle, Lauren Ashburn, with David Asman bringing up the rear. See what I did there?

No matter. Stay tuned for our next exciting episode of Ablow Job, brought to you by the only tee vee hosts whose average IQ score is a negative number.

James Rosen Responds To Me, Sort Of

James Rosen: brown hair, brown eyes, brown nose

The Resident Fox “News” Historical Revisionist™ has taken time out of his busy-making-up-shit-life to attack me.*

You may remember James Rosen, from such exciting Not Now Silly episodes as Aunty Em Ericann’s Bun Fight With James Rosen of Fox “News”, or the post Did Roger Ailes Dupe James Rosen, Or Did Rosen Dupe ‘Merka? not to mention the more recent James Rosen: Blundering Biographer or Enemy of the State? 

Rosen, in case you don’t know, is the Chief Washington Correspondent for the so-called news network. He wrote a laughable book on John Mitchell and Watergate called The Strong Man, in which it seems he exonerates Mitchell for just about everything he was ever accused of, including those things he went to jail for.

Ironically, I heard from James Rosen today. I say “ironically” because — in a wonderful bit of synchronicity — today is the 39th anniversary of the resignation of President Richard Nixon, which I’ve documented in my post Watergate ► The End of the End, a bookend to my earlier post Watergate ► The Beginning of the End.

And, what did Rosen have to say in defense of his magnum opus?

How’s about that?!?!?! It’s a non-denial denial, almost like it came directly from the Nixon White House. Note he doesn’t deny my theory, that Roger Ailes, his current boss and Nixon intimate, is the secret source for the disinformation on Page 61 of The Strong Man. Also note that he attacks my beard, a favourite target of Johnny Dollar’s Flying Monkey Squad. Why does it feel like they put him up to it?

Yes, it’s the rich, thin-skinned, circle of life.

All my previous posts on Watergate can be found here.

* TO BE FAIR: I attacked James Rosen and his joke of a book first.

The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 35

If Fox “News” isn’t anything, it isn’t subtle. Tracking which people, or memes, it gives voice to on a weekly basis is to witness its naked bias. The Fox “News” Spin Cycle has been designed from the bottom up to expose that Fox “News” bias, and have a little fun at the same time. 

To be serious for a sec: During a week in which many people — including President Obama — spoke about common sense gun safety regulations, Fox “News” promoted none of them, elevating only the most extreme voices in the gun debate. Just another reason why Fox “News” is not “Fair and Balanced.” Never has been. Never will be.

It used to be that I could expect to start my week with a leggy cheesecake pic from Ainsley Earworm and pugnacious bravado from Bully Boy Bolling. My how times have changed.
The unintended consequences of a a conservative ‘Merka is an overabundance of assholes.
WTF? Republicans now consider Republican Chuck Hagel an “in your face” nomination? Just more proof that Fox “News” will push out any nonsense, as long as it’s critical to President Obama.
Loofah Lad points out they have hateful and intolerant people in France, just like in ‘Merka. Wee? Oui! See? We ain’t so far apart after all, Falafel King. Is that enough to call off your boycott of France?
Well put. Now the Fox “News” attacks start.
The difference? Dubya was hiding the debt caused by his two wars and his tax cuts. It was a failure of leadership.
One thing you have to admire about Bully Boy Bolling, he’s not afraid to play the clown on tee vee. He’s not afraid to act stupid on tee vee either, however . . . it’s no act..
The “magic coin” idea was dropped more than a week ago. Why are you still harping on it?
Another Fox “News” headline that just makes shit up. There is no proof whatsoever that the “gun permit map” led to this burglary. It could have just been a random crime that happened coincidentally to a home on the “gun permit map.” It is far more logical to assume that IF burglars were really using the “gun permit map” to plan break-ins, they’d burgle people who didn’t have guns, not those who did.

That’s why this headline is another Fox “News” lie.

The real question you should be asking, Falafel King: Is the US becoming too permissive towards loofahs and falafels? Watch:

The Florida prof everybody loves to hate. Fox “News” piles on. Yawn.
Fox “News” spent the entire week trying to paint President Obama as a dictator, a king, a usurper who is coming for your guns. Of course, they didn’t want to say it themselves, so they just repeated it whenever anyone else said it, no matter which idiot said it.
You will not find this quote from President Obama anywhere. He never said it. Newsmax made it up and Fox “News” is happy to pass it along.
Fox “News” is also happy to pass along crazy shit like this, too. It hardly matters what the reality is, as long as Fox “News” can find a way to trash President Obama.
Can we give Steve Doocy a breathalyzer test? Because if you watch him with the sound off he looks drunk.
There are still some Fox “News” babes willing to show off their legs in the name of cheesecake. Sadly, since getting married, Ainsley Earworm is no longer one of them.

Cal Thomas is so NOT “Fair and Balanced” he has his own entry on Right Wing Watch.

Alex Jones, who was exposed as a fire-breathing crazy by Piers Morgan, conducted an interview with a woman stupid enough to believe a program started by Dubya in 2008 was Obama’s program. This extremely-low information voter then goes off on an anti-Obama rant and — for bonus points — she’s Black, which also throws racial politics into this mix of ugly.

And, while it happened on Alex Jones’ radio show, Fox “News” is happy to provide a wider platform for this unmitigated nuttery because it trashes President Obama. Accuracy, not to mention fairness and balance, is beyond the point.

Previous editions of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle documented how Fox “News” turned Jon Hammar into a hero, despite the fact that he was arrested by Mexican border authorities for trying to bring an illegal shot gun into Mexico.

Jon Hammar was been released by Mexico (an event for which Fox “News” was happy to take credit) and his first media appearance was on Fox, natch. Wretched Gretched wet her panties when she heard that he spent his time in a Mexican jail reading The Bible.

Of course President Obama has signed fewer Executive Orders than Dubya, but you never heard the Libertarian sheep bleating about it back then. However, just try and protect children — and other ‘Merkins — from gun violence and suddenly he’s King Obama? Sorry, you’re going to have to do better than that.

OH! Wait!!! What am I talking about? Your brain-dead viewers will believe anything. Never mind.

The resistance he’s facing is coming mainly from Fox “News” and its fearless leader, the NRA.
Last week I told Bully Boy Bolling that despite all the speculation, he’s the ONLY source that is saying definitely that Rand Paul is running for president in 2016. Now he’s claiming that this Politico article confirms his scoop. Yet, the article only speculates that Rand Paul may run in 2016.

No wonder Bully Boy Bolling works for Fox “News.” He simply doesn’t understand the difference between speculation and confirmation, just like so many of those other crazy MoFos at Fox “News.”

“Who was dissing God? Coming up on Fox “News” we get to the bottom of this outrage and send Jesse Watters to get God’s reaction.”
Hannity Prays For Secession. FIXED!!!
Wrong again!

To remind my faithful readers: The Fox “News” Spin Cycle was started precisely because I wanted to have an outlet to show how Fox “News” was WHITEwashing Mendacious Mitt’s election campaign lies. It would seem that Fox “News” hasn’t stopped lying on behalf of Mittens.

What Mendacious Mitt said, in the closing weeks of the election campaign, is that GM was OUTSOURCING ‘Merkin jobs to China. That’s when everybody and his brother — including GM — jumped on Mitt for being a lying sumnabitch. Now Fox “News” is the lying sumnabitch. Romney still isn’t right. The second part of the headline disproves the first part. China is just increasing China’s domestic production.

Try again.

“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Two things about this: 1). We only have the NRA’s word for it. 2). Of course there were many people who quit the NRA after its stance on the Newtown Massacre. Fox “News” will never tell you about any of them.
By this time next week there will be a statue of Jon Hammar in every town square in ‘Merka. Or, his 15 minutes of fame will be over. I’m predicting Fox “News” has no more use for him. NEXT!
He’s wrong, of course, and Fox “News” knows it. However, passing it along to its brain-dead followers provides another way for Fox “News” to trash President Obama, but have plausible deniability because it’s only something that “some people say.”
No, Bully Boy. It was a new low when Dubya used children as props.
Here is Dubya using children as props in 2002 as he signs the No Child Left Behind Act.

However, that’s not the only time that Dubya used children. In 2006 he used one as a human shield, the exact criticism that the Reich Wing has been accusing President Obama of. Look:

Note how Dubya is actually using 1-year old Trey Jones as a human shield. That’s because Dubya was vetoing a bill which would have provided federal funds towards embryonic stem cell research. Dubya knew his decision was controversial and decided that using cute children as human shields might inoculate him from criticism.

Here is Bully Boy Bolling and Rush Limbaugh moaning about President Obama’s human sheilds, while forgetting all about Dubya doing the same thing. Watch this idiocy from The Five:

Texas can’t decide which laws to endorse and which laws not to endorse. Who the hell do they think they are? Colorado?

Who is Phil and where are we meeting at 4:13? And why 4:13? Why not 4:20?

Is this woman still a Fox “News” personality?

The NRA started selling this Talking Point on Tuesday and, oddly enough, so did Fox “News.” It’s almost as if the NRA had been writing the Fox “News” scripts.
Someone appears to have ordered a delay. However, there is no proof whatsoever that it was someone on Team Obama, whatever that might mean. However, what can you expect when you are running stories that originated the Breitbart Journalistic Malpractice site. While AP broke the story, that’s not the AP’s original headline, of course.
Fox “News” resigned KKKarl Rove to a new 4-year contract, which only goes to show you how well lying for the GOP will pay, if you do it right.
Almost everybody, including many Conservatives and Republicans, condemned this disgusting, and duplicious, advertisement. It was debunked thoroughly.

Remember: Loofah Lad is the original Culture Warrior. Just ask Andrea Mackris.
Isn’t this precious?

Juan Williams, one of the few sane voices at Fox “News” is trying to get the Fox “News” brain-dead viewers to listen to simple logic and facts. He must know he’s pissing into the wind.

If King Herod and Jesus Christ weren’t BFFs from way back, Fox “News” wouldn’t even care about this exhibit.
I see, it’s all Liberals’ fault.
As proper as Dubya doing the same thing.

Oh, Steve Doocy, you are such a hack.

Bully Boy Bolling never met a false equivalency he didn’t like.
Draws criticism from people at Fox “News” and the NRA, of course. No one else really gives a shit.
And, not a single one of them takes away any guns from anybody.

All that Reich Wing hysteria for nothing.

No gun-grabbing? Better change the topic.
Clearly Geraldo didn’t get the memo.
The Republican Party doesn’t need his help. They are doing a good job of it on their own.
ALERT!! Bully Boy Bolling is lying again.

Yes, it’s true he beat Politico by 2 days, but Bolling’s not the first person to speculate that Rand Paul might run for president in 2016. However, until he actually announces his intentions, it’s NOT news, it’s guesswork.

Therefore, why should anyone trust you on anything, Bully Boy?

“Will be on Hannity tonight to lie about President Obama’s new proposals regarding gun laws. Hope you’ll believe my lies starting at 9:00 PM EST.”


Oy vey!!!
Todd Starnes is fast becoming the latest Reich Wing Radio Crazy. Fox News has embraced his . . . err . . . particular point of view.
No, not really. However, if Brent Bozo’s News Busters attacks someone from NBC, Fox “News” is only happy to pass it along.

Another Fox “News” lie.

The hospital didn’t blame Obamacare in part — or at all — for its decision. Those who had been providing the service have retired or moved. The hospital has decided it’s not cost effective to continue to hire new obstetricians to deliver babies. Obamacare did not factor into the decision at all.

Is there any low to which Fox “News” won’t go to attack the president?
I have previously pointed out how Oliver North uses his cat bird seat as a Fox “News” personality to hawk his books and guided tours of The Holy Land. Now he’s shilling for the NRA. To be fair: So is Fox “News.”
Oh, lookie: Steve Doocy has learned some slang.
Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!!
No, not really. However, Fox “News” loves to attack other networks. It just happens to be CNNs turn.
Despite the fact that President Obama’s recommendations have not affected the Second Amendment whatsoever, Reich Wing Gun Nuts™ are going to continue to pretend it does. And, Fox “News” is happy to help sell that lie.
If you can’t prove that President Obama has nullified the 2nd Amendment, just say that he is still planning to do so. And, Fox “News”is happy to help you sell that lie.
Steve Doocy’s imaginary friend Gus is smarter than Steve Doocy.
Just a reminder: KKKarl Rove also writes regularly for the Wall Street Journal, another Rupert Murdoch entity.
Oh, gorsh!!! Shazam, shazam, shazam.

When I imitate southern people, I have been known to use a southern accent. Another tempest in a teabagger.

Crosshairs? I see what you did there.

These Sheriffs have sworn an oath to uphold the law, all the laws, not just the ones they like.

Just more proof that you can feed the ‘Merkin people garbage and there will always be a lowest common denominator who will eat it right up. McDonald’s has made a fortune on the concept.

The Five may get ratings, but it’s still the worst show on tee vee since ***

We interupt this exciting episode of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle for this Public Service Announcement from Media Matters for America:

What’s to debate?

See? And, the Wall Street Journal never mentions KKKarl Rove’s conflicts of interest either.
So he can walk back the statement that President Obama is a Fascist after so many of his Progressive customers got righteously pissed off.
Are you drunk, Doocy? How many times have you been told not to drunk tweet?
It’s also the company you keep, right?

Take not that an extreme Right Wing facebook page is sharing a link with Fox “News.”

HYPOCRISY ALERT: KKKarl Rove is going to trash President Obama’s non-profit group, while he and Fox “News” never came clean on his non-profit SuperPACs spending an  estimated $300,000,000.00 to game the 2012 election. Despite spending all that money, almost every candidate American Crossroads and Crossroads GRS supported lost. Then there’s that election night meltdown, when Rove couldn’t — nay WOULDN’T — believe the election results.

No wonder Fox “News” resigned him to a new 4-year deal. He’s the perfect charlatan for our times.

When fake girlfriends are outlawed, only outlaws will have fake girlfriends.
Did you skip your AA meeting again?
No. But Fox “News” is making it seem like it does.
What does Fox have against alternative forms of energy? Whenever it gets the chance Fox “News” finds a way to attack all forms of energy that are not fossil fuel-derived. If ‘Merka had been helping to support alternative forms of energy for the last few decades, she may have been able to break the petrol-chemical umbilical cord that connects us to the Middle East.
Just another way for Fox “News” to attack another network’s news anchor. Tom Brokaw, incidentally, is far more respected by the ‘Merkin people than anyone from the Fox “News” Channel. For that matter, He’s far more respected than Mark Levin and Right Scoop, for that matter.
Loofah Lad must not watch MSNBC very often. I have seen many criticisms of President Obama on MSNBC. However, this is not about truth. As mentioned above: Fox “News” just loves to trash other news networks and The Falafel King is happy to play along. Especially as he is seeing that channel he’s criticizing erode on his ratings.

Zzzzzzz . . . 
Oh, Juan! Yer an idiot at times. It’s not “gun control.” It’s “gun safety.” However, you’re happy to repeat Frank Luntz-style language without thinking about the implications of your words. In other words, Juan: You continue to drink the Kool Aid from the Fox “News” fountains.

If you want some (unsolicited) advice, Juan: Get outside of that Fox “News” bubble and you’ll be a whole lot better for it.

Cue the Reich Wing to start attacking in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .
Had this politician been a Republican the headline would have been very different:


Still using the humourless Jesse Watters to make fun of Liberals.
Oh lookie who has an hour-long in-kind commercial for his Defending Killing PeopleOrganization: It’s none other than the NRA’s Wayne Pierre, who has already proved himself a soulless hypocrite who attacked the violence of video games for ‘Merka’s gun deaths and then, just a few days later, released a Shoot ‘Em Up App.

NewsHounds watched the hour long commercial for killing machines so I didn’t have to. In a post titled ‘Regular Guys’ Hannity And LaPierre Whine About Those Hypocritical Elites Who Want Stronger Gun Laws it was noted:

Hannity played the NRA’s hideous new ad targeting President Obama and his daughters. Hannity called it a “powerful ad but yet anything the NRA points out seems to just come under attack.”

LaPierre repeated his “media elite hypocrisy” whine and added, “What’s unfair is there are Moms and Dads all over this country getting up and sending their kids to school on Monday and Tuesday of next week that are praying that their kids come home safe. And we could immediately help protect those kids by putting armed security in school, the same armed security the elites have.”

However, as it turned out, that was untrue as well. As NewsHounds reported the very next day:

Fox News loves to point fingers at the so-called “liberal mainstream media” for being too credulous, especially now over the Manti Te’o hoax. So where were Fox’s journalistic skills when the NRA attacked President Obama as an “elite hypocrite” whose own children go to a school with 11 armed guards, while trying to restrict guns elsewhere? Answer: nowhere to be found – just like those mythical armed guards at the Obama daughters’ school. The Washington Post did some real fact checking and guess what? That NRA ad that Hannity gushed over got it wrong. I haven’t seen a correction anywhere else on Fox, either.

TSA perverts everywhere immediately went into mourning.
TSA perverts everywhere immediately went into mourning.
TSA perverts everywhere immediately went into mourning.
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”

“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
This is the kind of life minutia that Ainsley Earworm sends out now that she’s married. If you’re reading this, Ainsley: This doesn’t take the place of your leggy cheesecake pictures of yore:
This is the kind of leggy cheesecake your fans are missing, Ainsley. This picture was archived August 20, 2012. There are many more in the archives. However, they mysteriously stopped as soon as you got back from your honeymoon, Ainsley. What’s up with that?
Oh lookie: Bully Boy Bolling takes a swipe at Bob Beckel without actually naming him, knowing full-well his brain-dead followers would know exactly who he’s talking about.

ALSO: Would it be churlish of me to hope that Bully Boy Bolling achieves Sonny Bono zen on the slopes? Or just in poor taste?

Why would any woman agree to be inseminated with Rupert Murdoch’s sperm?
Like the Jesse Watters segments on Fox “News,” this Jimmy Kimmel segment is designed to make people look stupid. I don’t watch the Kimmel Show, so I can’t tell you if they have ever done this with Conservatives, or the GOP, but this is now the 2nd time I have seen Fox “News” pass along a segment because it makes Liberals and Democrats look foolish.

Here’s the psychology of this segment: People don’t want to appear stupid when a supposed “news” person asks them a question and sticks a mic in their face. So they vamp. And, they end up looking even more stupid. If you’re looking for comedy gold, you’ll get it every time. If you are using it to prove some kind of greater truth: FAIL!

The same way Fox “News” spreads. Pass the disinfectant.
“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Before you get to that: Please explain the popularity of Fox “News.”
Because Fox “News” keeps track of these things. For contrast, Fox “News” is more subtle. It labels Republicans caught in scandals as Democrats. Here’s just one time:
President Obama’s approval has not “plummeted.” It has declined somewhat. Besides, these most recent polls don’t correlate “approval” with “gun safety” (not “gun control”) regulations. In fact, the majority of the ‘Merkin people are in favour of commen sense gun safety regulations. As time goes on we will see whether the president’s push for gun safety improves his approval rating, or hurts it. I’m guessing that the NRA’s approval will plummet instead.

The Texas Tourism Board is changing the states slogan to:

Don’t mess with Texas because we’re the crazy MoFos with all the guns.

“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Ted Nugent is the kind of crazy person that Fox “News” (not to mention The Daily Caller) is happy to give voice to. John Henry at Low Genius pegged him with a video titled “Ted Nugent Is An Enormous Coward” that puts the big, tough-talking, draft-dodging, well-named Motor City Madman in his place. Watch:

John Henry’s anti-Nugent rant is a year and a half old already. It doesn’t include his idiocy since then.
This is how the Nugent OpEd began:

As my loyal readers know I have a personal connection to that crazy MoFo Ted Nugent. On Halloween of last year I wrote an EXCLUSIVE article for Stones Detroit called Is Ted Nugent A Racist? Our Stones Detroit Writer Says, “Yes” in which I say:

When I was growing up in Detroit I lived on Gilchrist Street, 5 houses away David Palmer, the original drummer for the Amboy Dukes. When the Amboy Dukes were rehearsing in Dave’s garage, all us neighbourhood kids would gather at the end of the driveway and listen, but we’d catch hell if we took one step onto the property. As a teenager I saw the Amboy Dukes dozens of times in large and small venues and, consequently, have followed the career of Ted Nugent ever since, culminating in his crazy, racist rant earlier this week.

You’ll have to follow the link to see why I think Ted Nugent is a racist.

As the GOP and Teabagger parties disintegrate and point fingers . . . Pass the popcorn!!!
When Hello Kitty Bubble Guns are outlawed, only outlaws will blow bubbles with a Hello Kitty gun.
Take it from Snarky “Steve” Doocy, who used the entire Fox “News” Channel to flog his own book.
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
The Fox “News” Channel can also be called “The God Channel,” but only one God is ever represented. HINT: It’s not the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Fox “News” is always ready, willing and able to attack the idea of Climate Change. Fox “News” also loves to make Hollywood stars look like hypocrites. This is a rare two-fer.
Fox “News” never met a tax increase it liked.

Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 34

This week’s Fox “News” Spin Cycle is similar to last week‘s in that it’s dedicated to guns, guns, and more guns because that was virtually the only news this week that was deemed interesting enough for Fox “News”to report on.

The steady drip, drip, drip on Fox in support of Gun Rights Nuts, unthinking Libertarians, and Second Amendment Advocates becomes almost like poetry, or a steady refrain. I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere before. I can name that tune in 3 notes.

Let’s get right to it:

There was once a time — and not all that long ago — when I could count on beginning my week with a leggy cheesecake pic from Ainsley Earworm. Sadly, she got married recently and (I presume her husband made her) stopped sending out that morning cheesecake.
There was once a time — and not all that long ago — when I could count on beginning my week with a leggy cheesecake pic from Bully Boy Bolling — ACK! I was having a nightmare. I’m glad I woke up.
I say, “Bring it on!” As bad as the House GOP looks now, this will only make them look worse.
The so-called “tax increases” that Fox “News” is trying to get its brain-dead audience to believe is actually the expiration of the payroll tax holiday. President Obama wanted to keep the payroll tax cut, but the GOP said “No.” Taxpayers can blame John Boehner & Eric Cantor.
Fox “News” is now reporting on every incident in which a person has used a gun in self-defense. Happiness is a warm gun.
Izzat a religious joke?

Next time you’re watching Steve Doocy, mute the sound. He looks like like every amiable dipsomaniac you’ve ever met. Amiright?

This is the year scientists will succeed in cloning the perfect female Fox “News” personality: all legs, teeth and blonde hair.
And, so far, not a single one of them has shown signs of intelligent life, especially among Fox “News” viewers.
Fox “News” is blowing a gasket because a newspaper used the Freedom of Information Act to show where gun owners live. Happiness is a warm gun.
Al Gore is another Fox “News” Nemesis™ and the fact that he sold Current TV to Al Jazeera has been a never-ending source of amusement.

Think Progress will tell you what Fox “News” will never tell you:

Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal owns a 7 percent stake in News Corp — the parent company of Fox News — making him the largest shareholder outside the family of News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch.

Something else Fox “News” won’t tell you: Among serious journalists Al Jazeera is considered far more “Far and Balanced” than Fox “News,” which everybody (except its brain-dead viewers) knows is not really “Fair and Balanced” at all.

If only Fox “News” were a Beck-free Zone. That almost happened. Sadly, after Fox “News” fired The Beckerhead, Loofah Lad started inviting him back on the air.
‘Merkin culture started its decline when Married With Children went on the air. OH! Wait!!! That was a Fox show, wasn’t it? Never mind.
Once again Fox “News” is trying to make trouble by singing Tevye’s signature song from Fiddler on the Roof:

VIDEO: The Lego version of “Tradition”

That 200+ year tradition that President Obama is going against? Only men have ever given the invocation. At President Obama’s 2nd swearing-in Myrlie Evers-Williams will deliver the invocation. She’s the widow of Medgar Evers, the Civil Rights leader gunned down 50 years ago.

In fact President Obama is breaking two traditions: It’s the first time a woman has given the invocation and the first time a layperson has delivered it.

I have a Falafel addiction that I can only keep under control by a well-placed loofah. Is there any help for me?
I tune in to Fox “News” to get all my Blind Sheikh news. Fox “News” is the only “Fair and Balanced” station brave enough to have a Blind Sheikh Assignment Desk, manned 24-hours a day, 7 days a week, in case there’s any BREAKING BLIND SHEIKH NEWS.
IRONY ALERT: Taking responsibility is something that Fox “News” could learn about.
Of course it did. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Here’s a lesson from Fox “News” Shit Disturbing & Deception 101. The lesson begins with Fox “News” sending out this simple headline, with no other information, attributed to Bloomberg: TEXAS SHOWS UP OBAMA. However, it’s fully divorced from the truth. Fox “News” knows full well that only a miniscule number of its brain-dead followers will ‘click through’ to read the story. However, if you did click thru’ on the link, this is what you would find:

You’re not taken to the Bloomberg site. You’re on the Fox “News” web site. And, once again, Fox “News” uses the same headline TEXAS SHOWS UP OBAMA, still attributed to Bloomberg.

Once again Fox “News” hopes that this would be enough for the miniscule number of brain-dead viewers who clicked through. However, see that “READ MORE AT BLOOMBERG.COM” link? Fox “News” is further counting on only a miniscule number — of the miniscule number of its brain-dead audience that already got this far — NOT to click on that link.

However, if you did click on the link, this is what you would find:

Why there’s nothing at all about President Obama in the Bloomberg headline. In fact, there is not a single fucking word about President Obama in the entire Bloomberg article [of which the above screenshot is an excerpt]. This is another instance of Fox “News” just making shit up.

It’s just another example of why Fox “News” is not “Fair and Balanced.” Never has been. Never will be.

Zakly!!! The same way that Loofah Lad’s constant vilification of Dr. Tiller removed his brain-dead audiencefrom reality, from their feelings, from their capacity to be empathetic and heroic and courageous and Dr. Tiller paid the price for it — with his lifelater on.
Worst Ed Sullivan impression ever!!!
Of course the only “high profile liberals” he could find agreed with him.
There is NO EVIDENCE that a union worker did this. It remains under investigation. However, Fox “News” knows who is responsible and is not afraid to say so.
It’s time to boycott Wendy’s.
The only thing brilliant about Adam Carolla is how he carved a seat on the Loofah Lad Hour out of not being funny, just like that other not-funny, so-called comedian Dennis Miller, who also appears regularly with The Falafel King.
Dog whistle. Tweet tweet.
Bully Boy Bolling finds a way to smear Mexicans and drug legalization while declaring that “Happiness is a warm gun.”

It must be noted for the record: There has not been a single gun control law passed yet. You’re just scare-mongering, Bully Boy. Why not wait until there’s actually something to complain about? Remember: Happiness is a warm gun and you have plenty.

Far more shocking to astronomers is the discovery that all of the Fox “News” brain-dead viewers live on this Zombie planet.
But . . . but . . . but . . . he hasn’t announced anything yet. With all due respect, Bully Boy, I think you’re jumping the gun. [See what I did there?]
Now that I’ve demonstrated [above] how Fox “News” just makes up headlines that are divorced from reality, would it surprise you to find out that Governor Chris Christie didn’t “crush” Matt Lauer?

Although, to be fair, Chris Christie could crush just about anybody except Rush Limbaugh.

No, that’s not what’s happening either. Just making shit up again.
Oliver North, who really should be in jail, uses his perch at Fox “News” to promote his own projects. This is his latest book. However, more recently he was promoting his tour of The Holy Land.
Al Gore — the Vice President Fox “News” loves to hate* — pegged Geraldo perfectly in the story that Rivera tells The Falafel King. They laughed at Al Gore, but the joke is on Fox “News.”

* Not counting current Vice President Joe Biden

Somehow the Nixon Library seems appropriate. While Nixon escaped jail due to a pardon, North escaped jail on a technicality. However, that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t technically guilty of perverting the Constitution, just like Richard Nixon. Yet he’s a Right Wing hero. What’s up with that?
When Veep Biden shot his mouth off [see what I did there?] it sent all the Second Amendment Originalists, along with Fox “News” and the NRA, into a giant tizzy from which they have yet to recover. Luckily happiness is a warm gun.
Dog whistle!!! Tweet tweet!!!
Scammity’s angry. He already knows that Liberals will shred the Constitution and happiness is a warm gun.
When Dubya was issuing Executive Orders to say he would not adhere to certain laws that were legally constituted, and that included his signature, Fox “News” was silent. What’s different now? Oh yeah, the Black guy in the White House and the fact that happiness is a warm gun.
I covered this latest example of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™ in The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest chapter in my ongoing, but irregular, Snark Series making fun of Eric “Happiness is a Warm Gun” Bolling.
As stupid as this act was, it’s still considered protected speech. Remember the Constitution?
Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!!

‘Merka’s professional victim cries “Wah, wah, wah, all the way home.”To paraphrase Ben Shapiro, who has been all over the tee vee tube in the past few weeks: “Happiness is a warm gun.

BREAKING NEWS: I read on a single blog this week (which means I have no confirmation as yet) that the question I have been asking has been answered: Fox “News” has not renewed Sarah Palin’s contract. What’s a Wasilla grifter to do?

In the mean time, I’m loving Sister Sarah’s salutation of “Don’t retreat, friends.” This proves Mama Grizzly is capable of learning, even if she’s not capable of having made a mistake. Remember when she signed off with “Don’t retreat, reload”? Remember how before Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot Sister Sarah sent out the following? Remember how Sarah Palin refused to apologize for the imagery both before and after Gabby Giffords was shot in the head?

No? Here’s a reminder:

One of those gun sights represents Gabby Giffords district. Happiness is a warm gun.

Happiness is a warm gun.
Any time Fox “News” can criticize MSNBC, it will. Anytime Mediate can make Fox “News” look moderate, it will. It’s win/win.
Can we send Bully Boy Bolling to the edge of space . . . and leave him there?
By next week Fox “News” will be agitating for a statue to be built for this young man. Happiness is a warm gun.
Is that really something your proud of?
Finally we learn the Foxy Friends on Fox and Friends natural demographic audience.
By next week Fox “News” will be agitating for a statue to be built for this Georgian Mother. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
It was very awkward when the NRA’s press conference on its meeting with Vice President Joe Biden on gun violence was interrupted by another school shooting. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
I covered this latest example of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™ in The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest chapter in my ongoing, but irregular, Snark Series making fun of Eric “Happiness is a Warm Gun” Bolling.

Oddly enough, Fox “News” is only getting one side’s interpretation of what was said behind closed doors, but that’s okay because happiness is a warm gun. 
Because happiness is a warm gun.

OOOOPS! Sorry! It’s become reflexive.

Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Well, yeah. That’s factual. And, while many people will find this offensive, it’s protected speech. See: First Amendment.

Why do the advocates of a strong Second Amendment always seem to forget the First Amendment?

Happiness is a warm gun.

Remember back in the ’60s and early ’70s when you could pick up Mao’s Little Red Book in any Chinatown? Without realizing it — or meaning to — Piers Morgan summed up the ‘Merkin fetishization of the Constitution. Maybe they should start printing them up in book form.

What??? They already do?

Well, then maybe they should be issued to every ‘Merkin at birth, along with vouchers for school and vouchers for abortions, and a government mandated bill to pay off a for-profit Health Care system.

You mean this giant watermelon can fly??? Happiness is a warm gun!!!

Oh, sorry. I got excited.

I covered this latest example of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™ in The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest chapter in my ongoing, but irregular, Snark Series making fun of Eric “Happiness is a Warm Gun” Bolling.

By next week this Georgian mother will have a parade in her honour right in front of Fox “News,” if it has anything to say about it. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
When hammers are outlaws, only outlaws will have hammers.

Happiness is a warm gun.

When this “news” reached Bully Boy Bolling’s desk, it gave him a 4-hour erection, for which he had to consult his doctor. But don’t worry, Bully Boy: Happiness is a warm gun.
Loofah Lad wants to make sure his brain-dead audience knows of the tiff over at MSNBC [see above] because it’s so damned important.
But, Geraldo! Doncha know that happiness is a warm gun?
IRONY ALERT: As Think Progress reports:

When 20 children and 6 adults were gunned down in Sandy Hook Elementary School exactly one month ago today, the National Rifle Association rushed to blame video games, not guns, for inspiring such mass murders. But the gun lobby seemingly lost sight of its target in the past weeks, and over the weekend released a shooting app, called “NRA: Practice Range.”

The app bills itself as a “network of news, laws, facts, knowledge, safety tips, educational materials and online resource.” The NRA reports that it “[i]nstills safe and responsible ownership through fun challenges and realistic simulations.”

The (alleged) dipsomaniac is now reviewing movies with torture in it. This was also a movie that Steve Doochey [sic] as one of the Three Stooges on the Curvy Couch used to bash President Obama when they claimed, many times and without evidence every time, that Classified Information was given to the director. Now it’s “terrific.”
It would be a cheap shot to say that Bully Boy Bolling gets everything exactly upside down.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Bully Boy Bolling gets everything exactly upside down again.

Happiness is a warm gun.

Fox “News” only creates graphics like the above for VERY IMPORTANT STORIES.

This is just another way to attack Al Gore. You can tell it’s inaccurate because it’s a Breitbartian story. However, Fox “News” is only (helpfully) passing it along. It has plausible deniability.

And, that’s when I lost my temper. Read all about it at The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest in my occasional series that makes fun of Bully Boy Bolling. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
IRONY ALERT: “Freedom” is Bully Boy Bolling’s dog. Does Bully Boy Bolling put “Freedom” on a leash when he walks the dog? [h/t Zak Nilsson]
Vulnerable? Why would that be? Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.

Pass the popcorn.

Happiness is a warm cannon.
A totally innocuous message from Bully Boy Bolling. The best reaction to it was this one, which echoes my own:
The only preparation Bully Boy Bolling needs is to grease his ass, to make it easier to pull his facts out of.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm Duchess.

Happiness is a warm gun.

They’re never too young to learn.

They’re never too young to learn about assassination, either. Gather ’round, kiddies. There once was a man named John Lennon who played music that delighted the entire world. He was the one who wrote a song called “Happiness is a Warm Gun.” He was assassinated with a gun before he had a chance to play all the music that was in him. Happiness is a warm gun, indeed. Bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

She’s not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do, oh, yeah

She’s well acquainted
With the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the
Multicolored mirrors on his hobnail boots

Lying with his eyes
While his hands are busy working overtime
A soap impression of his wife
Which he ate and donated to the National Trust

I need a fix ?cause I’m going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix ?cause I’m going down

Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net ]
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun

Happiness is a warm gun
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun mama
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
When I hold you in my arms
(Oh yeah)
And I feel my finger on your trigger
(Ooo, oh yeah)
I know nobody can do me no harm
(Ooo, oh yeah)

Because happiness is a warm gun mama
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm, yes it is, gun
(Happiness, bang bang, shoot shoot)
Well, don’t you know that happiness is a warm gun mama
(Happiness is a warm gun yeah)