IRONY ALERT: Bully Boy Bolling talks and tweets about going to the gun range. If this is any indication of his skills, you might want to leave the range if he arrives.

First, I ask the same question I always ask in times like this: Is this half-Governor, failed-VP candidate, failed reality show host, Mama Grizzly Bear with lipstick still a Fox “News” employee?

Next: What the hell was that? Most people can say “Happy New Year” in less than 4 words. It took Sarah Palin a shitload of words to turn New Year’s Eve into a political and religious polemic. What’s up with that?

Then there’s that whole Chronicles thing. BibleGateway quotes God as saying in Chronicles 7:14, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

See? God just wants a little attention from his creation, right?

Not quite. Sister Sarah is taking God’s words out of context. [While I don’t believe in God, I pray that people who take Her words out of context go straight to Hell.] The quote comes from the larger narrative of Soloman, in which God describes his Heavenly Protection Racket™ worthy of a Martin Scorsese mafia movie:

11 When Solomon had finished the temple of the Lord and the royal palace, and had succeeded in carrying out all he had in mind to do in the temple of the Lord and in his own palace, 12 the Lord appeared to him at night and said:

“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.

13 “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. 16 I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.

17 “As for you, if you walk before me faithfully as David your father did, and do all I command, and observe my decrees and laws, 18 I will establish your royal throne, as I covenanted with David your father when I said, ‘You shall never fail to have a successor to rule over Israel.’

19 “But if you[a] turn away and forsake the decrees and commands I have given you[b] and go off to serve other gods and worship them, 20 then I will uproot Israel from my land, which I have given them, and will reject this temple I have consecrated for my Name. I will make it a byword and an object of ridicule among all peoples. 21 This temple will become a heap of rubble. All[c] who pass by will be appalled and say, ‘Why has the Lord done such a thing to this land and to this temple?’ 22 People will answer, ‘Because they have forsaken the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who brought them out of Egypt, and have embraced other gods, worshiping and serving them—that is why he brought all this disaster on them.’”

TRANSLATION: “Nice little temple you got here. It’s a shame should something happen to it.”

Now get the fuck off my lawn or I’m calling the cops.

Bonus song:

However, later in the day — whether it was due to a memo from The Suits above, or not — the Fox “News” coverage lurched in an entirely different direction. Suddenly, according to Fox “News,” Boehner didn’t bring up the bill because it was loaded with pork.

It took Jon Stewart, returning from vacation a week after Fox “News” reversed the anti-Boehner tide, to put the bullshit pork argument into perspective. He’s clearly angry.

IRONY ALERT: The Fox “News” hypocrisy in pointing this out is that Fox, under the umbrella of parent News Corps, owns movies studios, only some of which are named Fox, or Fox Searchlight, or 20th Century Fox. You know what I’m talking about.

I’m sure we all remember KKKarl Rove’s biggest mistake in 2012. In case you’ve been on another planet, here it is again, because the Fox “News” Spin Cycle desk just can’t get enough of it. ENJOY!

The best part? The fact that he stutters like Porky Pig in this clip only makes the family resemblance more apparent. That’s all, folks!

Despite how wrong Rove was, Fox “News” protected him during the entire election cycle. Time after time — some days multiple times across the schedule — KKKarl Rove appeared on the “Fair and Balanced” network without mentioning his MASSIVE conflict of interest in using his 2 SuperPACs to spend an estimated $300,000,000.00 to influence the 2012 election.

Most of the Fox “News” brain-dead audience will stop at reading the headline. Only once one ‘clicks through’ is it discovered that this is happening in Iceland.

All told, Dubya took 1,020 vacation days. At the rate of 83 vacation days in his first term, President Obama is on pace to wrack up 168 vacation days for his entire presidency. However, the Reich Wing won’t STFU about President Obama’s vacations. What’s up with that? Then, when you point that out, they say “You’re always pointing fingers at the President Bush.” What’s up with that? It would be far easier if they just owned up to their hypocrisy.

During the so-called Fiscal Cliff negotiations President Obama asked to renew the Payroll Tax Cut, which was always a temporary tax holiday. The GOP said no. However, this rise is being blamed by Fox “News” on . . . Guess who?

This weekend Tucker Carlson was the 3rd Stooge on the Curvy Couch. I made the mistake of calling him a word that rhymes with Tucker, but used an “F” instead. Someone, and I like to think it was that little Fucker [OOPS!] himself, reported me and I was admonished for “inappropriate content” by facebook, even though I have probably used the word “fuck” on facebook every day since I’ve been there.

What a bunch of stupid Fuckers.

Personally, I’m enjoying this tension between the First Amendment and the Second Amendment.