Bizarro is owned by DC Comics

Having been incredibly busy the last few days, I’ve not been able to monitor the Fox “News” SPIN Cycle as much as I would have liked. However, that doesn’t mean the Fox “News” SPIN has been any less furious and, even though I have only been half-paying attention, I still have a fuller plate of Fox “News” nonsense than I did in Episode One, or Episode Two, or Episode Three of this ongoing series. 

It falls down into several categories: It’s either designed to denigrate this administration; WHITEwash the Romney-Ryan distortion, lies, or flubs; promote the Romney-Ryan ticket as the best thing since McCain-Palin; denigrate people not like them; or just distract from the problems of the day.

So, let’s dip our toe back into Bizarro World and see where that takes us.

Jesse Watters is used as comic relief these days  on Fox “News,” but started out as the Bill “Loofah Lad” O’Reilly ambush interview guy, asking people when they stopped beating their wife, or some such nonsense, while they’re on vacation, or in their driveway. However, now he’s comic releif and just not funny. The current MO: He goes out with a camera and does “man on the street” interviews, which are then edited together to make people look stupid. Here he plays Goodwill Ambassador with visiters to ‘Merka and, in the end, makes them look foolish by their lack of deep knowledge about ‘Merkin politics. Why should they know about ‘Merkin politics, other than to know how they get screwed by what happens here?

Because softball interviews are not enough, Greta moves into the field of hagiography. Remember how she kept bringing Sarah Palin on the air hoping she could get people to like a Mama Grizzly?

All you need to know is the source is Breitbart. Lying to the world is known as “Doing a Breitbart”and believing a Breitbart lie is called “Swallowing an ACORN.”

OH NOES! A protester gets out of hand. Nothing like those Tea Party protests, where Congressional Representatives were spit upon and called horrible names. “Doing the Breitbart,” when Andrew was still alive, was to say because it wasn’t captured on video, it never happened. And, because we can deceptively edit a video, it’s the absolute truth because, LOOK!, it’s on video.

Another promotion of Van Susterin’s hagiography, because it can’t be pushed enough.

Paul Ryan at (in?) The Villages. Fox “News” will carry the whole thing live, but rarely do they cover a speech by the President of the United States beyond the first few minutes.

A gag reel of VP Biden flubs. I’ve never seen a gag reel of, as just one example, George W. Bush’s flubs, who was well-known for malapropisms and he even flubbed ‘Merka right into an illegal war.

Paul Ryan has mommy issues, or he will when she figures out what his policies will do for the aged. However, they got tons of money, so whatever Ryan proposes wouldn’t affect her at all. Never mind.

But, of course, Mediaite has a very different take, otherwise Fox “News” never would have promoted this article.

“Doing the Breitbart” is also a dance and when the tunes starts playing some people start kicking up their feet to dance along.

Fox “News” Sunday does a lot of these “polls.” While Chris Wallace always makes a point to say on air that the polls are not scientific (and there would be a shit storm if he didn’t) the low-information Fox “News” viewer still takes the polls as gospel, especially when the results are so one-sided, like above. Yet, the respondents are already preselected because they are all Fox “News” viewers. Their only knowledge of the issue being polled has been the steady drip, drip, drip of what Fox “News” has told them. It’s like asking McDonald’s employees whether they prefer a Big Mac or KFC chicken.

Haw, haw, haw!!! A big picture of a big fish just proves who’s really floundering. Don’t tale the bait.

What you’ll never hear on Fox “News” is that the Navy Seals are lying and connected to Birthersism and the GOP.

Karl Rove (Why isn’t he in jail?) is hoping that money will win the election. What you’ll never hear on Fox “News” is the fact that Karl Rove (No, really, why isn’t he in jail?) runs SuperPACs spending unprecedented amounts of untraceable money in this election cycle.

“QUICK! How can we lay this off on the Commander in Chief?”

Another Dr. Keith Ablow job. He not only diagnoses the VP, but then goes after the POTUS as well. Can you say “unprofessional”? I knew you could.

“QUICK! Look over there!!!”

“QUICK!!! Look over there at Ecuador.”

TWEET! Dog whistle from Weaselzippers. Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!!

Yet polling suggests that people believe the administration’s take on Medicare. Therefore, Charlie must sew doubt.

Let’s parse this one from Shark Tank, shall we? “Desperate”? That’s a matter of opinion. “Democrats”? We don’t know that for sure. Maybe they just don’t like people who misuse their privilege. “Heckle Romney”? Oh Em Gee!!! Of course we can’t have that. Pass the smelling salts. However, when a Senator yells “You lie” during the President’s SOTU address, or a reporter heckles the Predinet while he’s making an announcement in the Rose Garden, it’s all hand on deck for Fox “News” to smooth over those rough spots.

Hannity went fishing with the former Vice President. Why aren’t both of them in jail yet? Don’t take the bait.

Right, because the best thing is to play the “false equivalency card” that both parties do it, but Democrats do it more and always have. The GOP has just been forced to respond in kind.

You won’t hear this anywhere else, as Fox “News” loves to tell its viewers. That’s because other news outlets don’t traffic in bullshit.

Let me guess: Secretary of Hair? Head of the Department of Birtherism?

Because no one has ever told Romney not to show up, or not to use their music at campaign events, right?

I’ve written elsewhere how Gretched (rhymes with wretched) mangles the English language, so we can ignore the “ger” and lack of proper punctuation. Yet, it can still be FIXED!!! Try this instead because it’s more truthful: “Start with Biden end with Seals…no time for Beckel, who will make a fool of himself anyway. Dont [sic] Miss It!!”

Former Governor John Sununu waent ballistic when he appeared on CNN and was challenged on his factually challenged talking points. So he shouted at the host, “Wear an Obama bumper sticker on your forehead when you say that.” Better to find a safe harbour on Hannity where all the softball questions will be framed in a way that allows Sununu to trash the president.

After a number of Nobel Peace Prize winners, including Reverend Desmond Tutu, denounced this show as glorifying war, Fox “News” had to come to its defense. The fact that Todd Palin is in the show is just coincidental.

But still nothing on how some of these guys are connected to Birtherism. And, they are GOP operatives, but have a great answer for that: Waving the flag: YOU! ESS!! EH!!! YOU! ESS!! EH!!! YOU! ESS!! EH!!!

Because Fox “News” can’t push this faux outrage on the misrepresentation of the “chains” comment enough.

Fox “News” will never tell you that frequent talking head Karl Rove (Why isn’t he in jail?) has a SuperPAC that is spending record amounts of money to influence this election.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Prior to Romney choosing Ryan as his VP pick GOP pundits were saying it could be worth an 11-point bounce. When the choice of Ryan didn’t move the needle, now Karl Rove (No, really, why isn’t he in jail?) wants you to believe it’s meaningless.

What a guy!!!

This was the bullshit story of the week. No sources. No confirmation. Cupcakes for everyone!!!

What a guy!!! He’s a hunk!!!

And it’s all Obama’s fault.

Hear that dog whistle? Welfare moms! One silly story in one silly place and Fox “News” elevates it to the national dialogue.

A rare Three-Fer sourced from The Daily Caller, which has proven to be in the tank for Mendacious Mitt. By repeating the story Fox “News” gets to repeat the demonstrably false claims the Navy Seals are making against President Obama, gets to attack Media Matters, and then goes after the tax exempt status of Media Matters for America. I saw them do all of this while discussing this story on air.

That’s all for today, folks. Stay tuned for our next exciting adventure in the Fox “News” Spin Cycle, that spins so fast it’ll make you dizzy.