The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode Nine
Bizarro is owned by DC Comics

When the history of this election cycle is written (sadly both Theodore H. White and Hunter S. Thompson are no longer with us) an entire chapter will have to be devoted to the Fox “News” Spin Cycle, which has been spinning more furiously than Hurricane Isaac in the Gulf of Mexico. Fox “News” is forced to SPIN furiously in order to WHITEwash for the Republican team of Mendacious Mitt and Lyin’ Ryan, who have still not caught fire with ‘Merkin population.

The Fox “News” coverage of the GOP national convention has been one entire Republicapaloosa, when it hasn’t been attacking the President of the United States with false and already discredited talking points. Clearly the Fair & Balanced network ain’t.

Meanwhile, there’s an entire new episode of the Fox “News” Spin Cycle to deconstruct, so let’s get going. It’s a little longer than usual since it’s been almost a day and a half since the last one.

Wretched Gretched should get that capitalization problem looked into.

Just another example of how Wretched Gretched, or an intern acting on her
behalf, makes herself look stooopud. Capital letters are your friend, Gretch!

A hagiographer at work.

STOP THE PRESSES!!! Bully Boy Bolling is going to the RNC in Tampa!!! The trip won’t go smoothly. Read on.

Wait!!! What??? She found the SHIFT key! too bad she used it on the wrong word, but it’s a start.

Lots of people have unloaded on Mendacious Mitt Romney, but you’ll only see them on Fox “News” to be criticized.

Of course it’s not a War on Women. It’s a War on Women’s Rights. Why can’t the Left Wing see that?

His father also released 12-years of tax returns and honestly said that he had been brainwashed by the generals
during the Vietnam War. What Mendacious Mitt took away from that: Never tell the truth, so he hasn’t, ever!

Because Condé Nast Traveler Magazine is clearly in the tank for the Secretary of State.

Delta doesn’t control the weather, Bully Boy Bolling. President Obama does. Or don’t you listen to Rush Limbaugh?

A minute-by-minute update from Bully Boy Bolling. Soon he’ll start telling us of his bowel movements.

I will provided you finally reveal that you are spending untold millions to influence the same election
for which you and Fox “News” are trying to pretend you are just providing honest punditry. Deal?

Sheriff Joe is being investigated and prosecuted by the Federal government, but the only
time you’ll hear that on Fox “News” is when they use it to criticize President Obama.

Bully Boy Bolling seems to have a need to be in every picture. Here he is, finally in the air on the way to Tampa.

Bully Boy Bolling with Wretched Gretched.

Bully Boy Bolling with Buddy Christ’s younger brother.

Bully Boy Bolling with his sycophantic co-hosts from The Five.

That’s not EXACTLY what the NYT said, but I’m sure that wouldn’t surprise you.

Bully Boy Bolling makes a funny about a competitor.

Bully Boy Bolling makes another funny about a competitor.

Bully Boy Bolling makes a funny about  . . . WAIT! That wasn’t
even funny. Is that a Pop Cultural reference to a bad ’90s sitcom?

Crosshairs? We’re not going there again, are we?

I’d start with Ann Romney’s speech, but what do I know? I just don’t like Stepford Wives.

Told you so!!! Bully Boy Bolling just shit himself!!!

Shorter Baier: We’ll be lying our asses off.

Here’s the panel lying their asses off.

Hear them lie their asses off.

The one who spends the most money to influence the race. Come on down, KKKarl Rove!!!

Ask them how that blind trust found them to invest in their business.

Ask them if they THINK capitalization of their name is OPTIONAL.

How many times are you going to promote this interview? Wait!!! What??? You capitalized all
the right words on that last one. Who are you and what have you done with Wretched Gretched?

Never mind!!!

Back in my comfort zone. It’s as if nothing has changed.

The windy will be inside the hall.


Because all ‘Merkins are clamoring for a president who can
pretend he always makes the pancakes and wears Costco shirts.

Loofah Lad is still pimping for the GOP; he just pretends otherwise.

Shep is in his glory. He can safely ignore the lies in Tampa to focus on his favourite thing: A natural disaster.

Rubio’s got to be just a little bit miffed that Mendacious Mitt chose Lyin’ Ryin’ over Credit Card Marco.

Fox “News” will never tell you about a Republican who switched to the
Democrats, unless it’s to denigrate them. Wait!!! What??? ACORN again???

If Fox “News” ever fact-checked Mendacious Mitt’s ads, like they do
every Democratic advert, no one would ever vote for Mendacious Mitt.

Another Fox “News” report about a D switching to an R, turning it into a national news
story. Yet, you’ll never see the so-called Fair & Balanced network show a R turned D.

More promotion for this softball interview from Wretched Gretched.

Fox “News” cooking the books on every story? We report; you decide.

Translation of Bill “Falafel King” O’Reilly: “Because Karl Rove is a complete nonpartisan in this election cycle and won’t
slant his coverage at all. (Did they buy that? Yes? Good, because I have a doormat and other crap I need to sell.)”

Because Reince Priebus thought he was on Fox “News” and started lying like he always does. OOPS! He was called on it.

And you can believe it because the Romney Camp has been so honest up to now. Oh, hell, who am I trying to fool?

The non-Fair and unBalanced network shouldn’t throw stones, considering the glass house it lives in.

One big fat liar with Mendacious Mitt’s mendacious offspring.

Because we all know how rational Jon Voight is, not to mention how politically astute.

Even though Geico issued a response that called this claim bullshit, nothing in the linked story refers to it.
You’d have to search hard to find out that this happened 2 years ago AND that Geico said Ermey wasn’t fired
at all. That ad campaign had run its course and the company had developed new campaigns in the two years since.

And turns truth on it’s ass.

Does Geraldo even have a Fox “News” presence anymore, now that his tee vee show
has been relegated to one night a week? However, he’s still got a radio show to promote.

Once again: When the polls showed President Obama ahead that sound you heard from Fox “News” was crickets.

Vote for us because we can be just as racist and Ayn Randian
as Ron Paul. We’re just better at disguising our intolerance.


See? Shep’s skipping the disaster that is the Republican Convention for the Disaster that is Isaac.

What’s the big secret? She’s a robot, of course.

Wait!!! What???

You can’t tell because his shirt’s not tucked it, but Shep’s got a hard on because he’s covering a natural disaster again.
Unless it’s a Democratic Convention. Fox “News” will do everything
in its power, which is considerable, to shit all over the DNC message.

But Fox “News” is Fair & Balanced/. You can take that to the bank.

“Because it’s not really lying unless I can people to believe me.” ~~~Shorter Rove

According to NewsHounds: “Independent” Bill “Loofah Lad” O’Reilly said that he finds Republicans sane and
Democrats radical. Just another day in the Wild Spin Zone, not to be confused with the Fox “News” Spin Cycle..

There you go, kids, another episode of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle has come and gone. While getting Episode Nine ready for publication, I have already collected the next 23 for Episode Ten. If the Fox “News” bullshit keeps increasing at this rate I’ll not only have to get a pair of hip-waders, but might have to bring in an intern to help. Maybe Wretched Gretched’s intern wants to move over to the dark side.



About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.