Fun With Pictures ► Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog
Vulcan mind-meld — you’re doing it wrong.
Caption Contest winner: ET

To pick up where I left off in my Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog series, dear readers . . .

In the wake of Johnny Dollar exposing my nom de plume and sex life — and while still mightily pissed off — I created a facebook page called The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society and invited some people to join. Only 15 people ever did and I promptly forgot all about it. That is, until recently. The other day I added a few more pics of Johnny Dollar that people had sent me over the last few months, as I continue to research my book.

This morning I received the following private message from a █████ ██████, who claims to be the brother to the aforementioned walking pile of human excrement Mark Koldys. Why anyone would admit to that is beyond me, but he did. Now I need to caution everybody that anyone can claim to be █████ ██████. Furthermore, any █████ ██████ can claim to be a brother to one of the biggest assholes on the planet, just like I claimed to be Aunty Em Ericann for 7 fun years. Just like anyone can claim to be Morty Shatz, Ngu AliceSamatha, or Oy Humidity, all recent facebook contacts that I suspect of being Dollarites who are catfishing me.

You see, dear reader, that’s one of my problems these days. Johnny Dollar has made me extremely paranoid about every new out-of-the-woodwork-interweb-contact, including professed brothers of supreme assholes. And, that’s a terrible position for a journalist to be in.

Anyway, I digress. This particular ‘Brother █████’ wrote to The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society, which is me:

Hello. I was hoping you would consider a request. Your site is most interesting however I do hope that your intended focus is not the dead parent of Johnny D or his brother (myself a lifelong Democrat..Kerry, Gore, Obama). You may feel free to tangle with him to your hearts content. I have asked Facebook to request you remove just the family pictures. I am hoping you will do so. I have no dog in this fight. However remember an old saying… If you kick the dog you own the bite… if you tickle the dog you own the delight.
I appreciate your understanding.

What a polite message and that’s no snark. I’m assuming this so-called █████ ██████ is referring to this picture:

Unlike how I posted this pic on facebook, the innocent faces are blacked out.
Mark Koldys is on the far right with the pens in his pocket and the snazzy plaid pants.

My very public reply:

█████: Thank you for your polite message. It’s just a shame you didn’t come to me first before you alerted facebook.

However, how can I refuse such a polite request? I removed the picture from The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society as soon as I received your request. As you say, my intended focus is not your deseased father ████ [pictured at left] or yourself [middle]. Unfortunately, facebook was unaware I had already removed the COVER picture, so it removed a new COVER picture that (I assume) you would not have disproved of. Oh well.

Mark Koldys at some nuptials

Having said all that, your alleged brother deserves whatever public humiliation which can be brought down upon him. In his effort to defend Fox “News” against the indefensible, your brother has “gone over the line” on so many occasions. No one cares that he defends Fox “News.” Different strokes, and all that. It’s that his modus operandi is lies, misdirection and personal attacks. He is, dare I say it, the very type of person that’s hurting ‘Merka.

Mark Koldys proved he will stoop to ANY low when he viciously attacked NewsHound writer Aunty Em Ericann (me!) and exposed the fact that I was using that as my Performance Artist Nom De Plume™, even though hundreds of people already knew and it was not that big a secret. While I always
expected that to happen eventually, I never expected there would be an asshole creepy enough to expose details of my sex life at the same time.
Enter and sign in please, Mark Koldys, aka Johnny Dollar.

Just so you know, █████, because I think you should have all the facts, the details of my sex life were later removed from his blog, now leaving it up to
everyone’s imagination what it might be. He even threatened to put it back because I complained about that. Johnny Dollar — Mark Koldys — has never apologized for what he did to me and
even defended it on several occasions. He only removed the details, he
made abundantly clear, because it offended the precious sensibilities of
one of his sycophants, not because he had any crisis of confidence.

IRONY ALERT: Mark Koldys decrying the exact
tactics he employs against every NewsHound writer.

Furthermore, he did this knowing full-well that I was about to attend a large family reunion in the Detroit area. That you claim to be his family and are feeling some slight discomfort about a pic on facebook is kind of cute. I had to explain this brouhaha to HUNDREDS of people, including family and friends. Every once in a while, 9 months later, it still pops up and I have to explain all over again.

How much of your own sex life have you been forced to share with how many people?

“Some people say” I was merely collateral damage in the 8-year war Johnny Dollar has waged against the NewsHounds web site. If you feel wounded remember you’re just another casualty of your alleged brother’s dirty business.

Before I sign off █████, I’m hoping the following anecdote will make you laugh as much as it did “some people” who dislike Johnny Dollar:

On the same day I posted the pic that you asked me to remove from facebook, a friend taught me how to use Google Images to search a particular image for similar images. Just for shits and giggles I plugged your brother’s picture into the search engine. I admit I was really just being a jerk, but it seemed like a fun exercise at the time. Unfortunately it found no matches. However, as a secondary function, Google returns “Visually similar images.” I took a screen cap, because that also amused me. Then I shared it with some people who dislike Johnny Dollar, for no other reason than I knew it would amuse all of us.

That’s when one of them pointed out that on the bottom row, in the very middle, is Josef Mengele, Adolph Hitler’s Angel of Death.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Josef Mengele

I haven’t stopped laughing since and keep wondering how many other mass murderers are among those 27 mugshots.

Once again, █████, I appreciate your good manners, something your alleged brother clearly never learned. I have no quarrel with you. Feel free to friend me on facebook, subscribe to my Twitter feed, or follow my blog. And, why not join The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society while you’re at it. You’d be welcome.

With all my love,
Aunty Headly

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.

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