Vanity, Thy Name Is Personalized Plates . . . ► UpLyfting Thoughts #7

If I wasn’t such a cheap bastard I might consider getting a license plate that says LYFTING, just because. However, normally I laugh at most of the vanity plates I see.

Of course, some plates are meant to be humorous. Those are the least funny. Some are laughable on its merits. Others are an initial puzzlement, but finally come into focus when I say it aloud enough times. Then there are those that I still have yet to decipher. The ones that are the best in essence say, “Look at what a big dick I have.” They don’t always belong to men.

I don’t know how it is in other states, but Florida also has a plethora Specialty Plates that one can use to support a sports team, charity, or environmental and social issues, as long as your social issue is CHOOSE LIFE. You cannot find a Florida plate for ABORTIONS FOR EVERYBODY. Here’s the only Florida Specialty Plate WORTH GETTING.

On top of that tag you can add your personalized message with a Vanity Plate. A cursory look see (because who’s got time for research?) tells me that Virginians are so vain, they probably think this article is about them. But, New Hampshire, Illinois, Nevada and Montana round out the top 5.

Still Florida has its share of vain people.Because I’m a writer. I always carry a notebook. Since I’ve been Lyfting, here are the plates I’ve jotted down:

DR KING • ANCHA • HPY PUPP • BENZ • NO YU • CLRGY MN • ROBYN Q • NICE LGS • I H8 CLD • NIK 3 • BONANZA • PYEM • MEMRI • TECH CEO • JOYSRUS • I LV TERI • CYNTS • GOONAD • KAMILI • IHELP • SAIRAAP • TNI CAT • LE COBRA • LO5KY • BTR WRTH • D8AGS • WINTER 1 • QUICK 02 • SCIMUNE • AMBIENZ • 4 BLOW [Miami Heat plate] • PNLTY [Florida Panther plate, which oddly enough is not on the official Florida website] • WKDCLWN [belonging to a Juggalo I met in Ohio on his way to the Washington, D.C. protest] • CHIKVET [Georgia] • BLACKSTR • ZAMBONI [Pure Michigan plate] • PBNYAY [Oregon plate] 8NANDAN [Ohio plate] • GRN GOO [on a private jeep painted U.S. Army colours] • STENSHOP [on a Hummer] • MUCH & MUCH 2 [Ontario, Canada plates on a pair of motorcycles northbound on A1A. I tried to catch up to them to  see if they were colleagues from MUCHMusic, but they were too fast for the Grey Ghost]

I’m sure I’ll be collecting more Vanity Plates as time goes on.

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.

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