Headlines Du Jour ► Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Howdy Headliners! It’s April Fool’s Day. No joke. It’s also the birthday of Reggae star Jimmy Cliff. No joke. He loves the Headlines Du Jour of yesteryear:

Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour:

GOOD NEWS FROM THE WAR FRONT:

Zero U.S. Troops Died In Combat In March, The First Time In More Than A Decade

IN LGBT NEWS:

TODAY IN RELIGION:

Atlanta archbishop apologizes
over $2.2M mansion

Christians Putting Bibles in
Schools Flip Out After Atheists
Hand Out Humanist Literature!

Pastor Who Prays for President
Obama to Die Preaches That
Women Should Shut Up in Church

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST RACIAL SOCIETY:

How PBS whitewashed the abolitionist movement

THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OBSOLETE:

Watch: ‘Obama May Well Be
A Homosexual’ Says GOP
Candidate For Governor

‘Influential Republicans’
trying to draft Jeb Bush

Colorado GOP candidate
calls Obama birth certificate a
‘myth’ in uncovered video

Rick Santorum: Uninsured people are deadbeats
and ‘won’t make a payment’ for Obamacare

Rick Santorum’s Wholesome Film Studio Has a Smutty Anime Secret

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Ed McNeil: How Can a Bankrupt Detroit
Give Away Millions to Illitch Organization?

PLAYING CHECKERS, NOT CHESS:

Firm that cleared Christie in
Bridgegate? Same one Nixon
mentioned in famous Checkers speech

Ralph Thrower, IRS Chief Who
Resisted Nixon, Dies at 100

From the vast Not Now Silly archives:
Did Roger Ailes Dupe James Rosen,
Or Did Rosen Dupe ‘Merka?

GET A JOB:

Dallas Police: Man Sends Dick Pic With
Job Application, Still Doesn’t Have a Job

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Off-Duty Deputy Shoots Man After Catching Couple Having Sex in Community Pool

WHEN SAGGY PANTS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL WEAR SAGGY PANTS:

Pull up your pants or pay a fine! Louisiana parish introduces $50 saggy pants fine for first-time offenders and $100 for repeat offenders

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

Anti-Rob Ford campaign
posters pop up in Toronto

CHRIS CHRISTIE CORNER:

Lawrence O’Donnell Gets
Joe Scarborough To Admit
That Christie Is Absolutely Irredeemable

Glenn Beck: Not to be confused with a methane-spewing microbe.

GLENN BECK CORNER:

Boston Marathon Bombing Survivor Sues Glenn Beck
for Defamation

From the vast Not Now Silly archives:
The Day I Shook
Hands With Glenn Beck

NATURE IS COMPLICATED:

VIDEO DU JOUR:


Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.

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