During the night, while the world slept peacefully, the Not Now Silly interns were set loose on the internet and told not to return until they had collected 22 pounds of headlines, each. Just when they think they are done, they learn they won’t be fed until they’ve culled the night’s catch until only the best remain. Which is why you can now read today’s Headlines Du Jour.
BEST HEADLINE DU JOUR:
Woman Goes for Jog, Gets Hit by Flying Deer
ANOTHER SKIRMISH IN THE PHONY WAR ON CHRISTMAS:
Sandy Rios On The War On Christmas: ‘This Is Exactly What Hitler Did In Nazi Germany’
OPTIMISM IS OVER-RATED:
We are deluding ourselves: The apocalypse is coming — and technology can’t save us
FREE THE WEED:
Zeoform: A New Plastic That Turns Hemp Into Almost Anything
GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:
Kentucky Man Sets Gun On Toilet Paper Dispenser
While Using Restroom, Gun Goes Off
FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:
Fox News Reportedly Paid Fired
Exec Millions In “Hush Money”
Forthcoming Gabriel Sherman Book Reportedly
Drove A Wedge In Fox’s Public Relations Team
Book Club: How Fox News Built Its
Scream Machine In The Obama Era
Fox News guest tells female host to quit,
get married, have babies and ‘thank men’
SISTER SARAH:
Sarah Palin to Host Show
on Sportsman Channel
OH! OH!! CANADA!!!
Gold-embossed business cards created for Clement, Hawn against rules: documents
OY VEY, CANADA:
“Superman’s” forgotten Jewish roots
SO GLAD WE ARE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:
‘Shockingly racist’ sign about Chiefs,
Redskins brings restaurant apology
Passing for white and straight:
How my looks hide my identity
TODAY IN LGBT NEWS:
Catholic high school teacher fired after applying for same-sex wedding license
GOP Congressman Wants NRCC to
Cut Off Funding for Gay Candidates
Anti-Gay Think Tank: ‘Its Not Bigorty Its Biology’
MORE DISPATCHES FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:
A Museum Grows On Kercheval; Its Founders
Are Out-Of-Town Artists Who Dig Detroit
After Millions Spent On Repairs, I-94 Is
Dark Again Thanks To Copper Thieves
ANTI-SOCIAL NETWORKS:
Why Are Upworthy Headlines
Suddenly Everywhere?
My Facebook angst
The social network site kicks up so much anxiety and embarrassment for me. But that doesn’t mean I want to quit it
TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:
◄◄ D-List Celebrity Death Match ►►
Paris Hilton’s brother blames
Lohan for assault at Miami party
Barron Hilton, 24, says man struck him after
receiving orders to do so from Lindsay Lohan
FROM OUTER SPACE:
Mirrors in Giant Magellan Telescope ready to capture light from dawn of universe
In a “Rainbow” Universe Time
May Have No Beginning
TODAY IN BEATLES NEWS:
In Havana, 95-year-Old Minds Lennon Statue’s Specs
VIDEO DU JOUR:
Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.