Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, December 19, 2013

Each morning I sit by the open window waiting. I wait for the return of the Not Now Silly interns, who are both the hunters and the gatherers of this operation. The NNS interns have spent the entire night reconnoitering the innertubes and foraging for nothing but the best and most succulent headlines. They are picked at the exact moment of ripeness and brought back to me for inspection. I take these proto-headlines, check them for bugs, put them through a patented homogenization process, and VOILA! Today’s Headlines Du Jour.

PUT THIS ON PAY-PER-VIEW SETTLE THE NATIONAL DEBT:

McCain To Reid: ‘I’m Going To Kick The Crap Out Of You’

PROLITARIAT OF THE WORLD UNITE:

The Great American Class War: Plutocracy Versus Democracy

I GOTCHER WAR ON CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE:

Arizona Woman Gets Punched for Saying
‘Happy Holidays’ Instead of ‘Merry Christmas’

SAY! DIDN’T YOU USED TO BE…?

BBC interviews random man on the
street who turns out to be the Fonz

SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

Scientists cut million-year natural process to convert algae into crude oil to about an hour

Fossil turns back the human hands
of time  for tool use 500,000 years

LGBT NEWS:

Lawsuit: Mississippi school forced
‘pathetic dyke’ to use the boys’ bathroom

 

America’s Oldest Gay Rights Magazine Picks Pope Francis as Person of Year

 

◄ ◄ ◄ REMOVING THE ‘NASTY’ FROM DUCK DYNASTY ► ► ►

‘Duck Dynasty’s’ Phil Robertson suspended for comments about gays

◄ ◄ ◄ EARLIER ► ► ►

‘Duck Dynasty’ Star Rants Against ‘Homosexual
Behavior,’ ‘Islamists,’ And ‘Shintos’ In Epic Interview

Duck Dynasty Dad: Growing Up In Louisiana ‘I
Never Saw The Mistreatment Of Any Black Person’

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Gun activists have a new craze —
and it’s more dangerous than you think

The new front line in the battle over gun rights is “open carry.” Here’s why it has psychologists deeply concerned

HYPOCRITE CORNER:

Watch: Marco Rubio is Confronted for Accepting $10k Obamacare Subsidy

 

Johnny Dollar ► Hypocrite ► UPDATED!

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

Reporter Daniel Dale drops libel suit
after Mayor Rob Ford apologizes again

Dale has agreed to not continue his lawsuit against the mayor after
a second, more complete, public apology was issued Wednesday.

TODAY’S EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

N.Y. cop’s anti-Obama Facebook rant: ‘Go die in a shallow grave you Muslim commie’

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

‘Where’s Hoda?!’ Shep Smith Gets Hilariously
Distracted by Dana Perino’s Facebook Page

THAT’LL TEACH HIM!!!

German town revokes Hitler’s citizenship

LOVE CONQUERS ALL:

Jamaican bride dumps new husband 20 MINUTES after
arriving in the UK… and guess who paid for her £5k visa

PLATE TECHTONICS IS COMPLICATED:

The world’s newest island, Niijima

VIDEO DU JOUR:

THIS REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN 3D:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.

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