Tag Archives: Coconut Grove Development

The Parking Garage Is The Thing

LONG STORY SHORT: The City of Miami’s Historic and Environmental Preservation Board [HEP Board to Miami hep cats] voted 4-1 Tuesday to raze the historic Coconut Grove Playhouse in order to preserve its historic façade.

Confused yet? Not as confused as everyone was when it was revealed — but only near the very end of the meeting — that the HEP Board was merely approving the “concept only” of demolishing the historic theater, and not any of the myriad drawings, plans, and designs that were shown during the evening in order to sell the development project to the taxpayers of Miami. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

LONG STORY LONGER: I’ve seen a lot of Dog & Pony shows at Miami City Hall, but this one takes the cake.

As they always do, this one went on for several hours. First the developers (save one, which we’ll get to in a eventually) got to give several PowerPoint presentations that seemingly went on for 3 days (especially for me because this is the same Road Show that I attended at Ransom Everglades a couple of months back. It seemed to have only gotten longer since then).

One PowerPoint gave the entire history of the Coconut Grove Playhouse, from its inception as a movie theater 90 years ago, through its several renovations in the year since. Due deference was given to original designer Richard Kiehnel, of the famed Kiehnel and Elliott architectural firm, and Alfred Browning Parker, the ’50s “Miami Modernist”, who designed the live theater that was applied over Kiehnel’s Mediterranean-inspired design.


The Bright Plan

QUICK HISTORY LESSON: Before the (older) Coconut Grove was illegally annexed in 1925 by (the upstart) Miami, it ruled its own destiny.

The Movers & Shakers of Coconut Grove had big plans for paradise. To that end they hired Philadelphia architect John Irwin Bright, who came up with The Bright Plan, an ambitious redesign of downtown Coconut Grove. The new city hall (near where CocoWalk ended up) would have faced Biscayne Bay, with a large reflecting pool that ran down what became Macfarlane. This grand plan, which was never realized, was based upon Mediterranean architecture. While it didn’t come to fruition, one building from that plan was actually built. The Coconut Grove Theater opened in January of 1927 and was given a Mediterranean feel to match that of The Bright Plan. The rest is history.


The Dog & Pony Show descends into farce

We were led to believe — by those who were arguing for the theater’s ultimate demolition — that all the additions, subtractions, and renovations to Kiehnel’s original sublime movie house were, at best, architectural abominations and, at worst, an act of barbarism against humanity. [I might be exaggerating. Slightly.]

Next up on the double bill was the PowerPoint showing the current plans for the site’s footprint. We were shown drawings, elevations, blueprints, and artists’ renderings of the finished project in situ. During the presentation we were given enough facts and figures, to confuse anybody trying to pay attention. That PowerPoint lasted for at least a week. [I might be exaggerating. Slightly.]

The parking garage, that gigantic thing in the middle
of the development, dwarfs the rest of the project

However, none of that yakkity yak yak mattered in the final analysis because it was revealed right at the very end of the meeting — after all the PowerPoint presentations, after all the public input, and after all the developers had a chance for rebuttal — that:

  • 1). The drawings and the PowerPoint presentation we were just shown had already been supplanted by another — newer — set of drawings and blueprints that no one had seen yet, including the HEP Board;
  • 2). But, that didn’t even matter because the only thing being asked of the HEP Board that night was to give the developers an Up or Down vote to the “concept” of demolishing the historic Coconut Grove Playhouse, as opposed to approving the actual plans of buildings we just spent an eternity viewing. Each building, and every subsequent change, will have to come back before HEP for approval.

WAIT! WHAT?

I actually gasped when I realized the Dog & Pony Show had become a Bait & Switch.

I had driven in from Sunrise, to spend hours in a room colder than a meat locker, in order to listen to a developer’s pitch that I’d already heard before. I was frustrated to learn that the citizens of Miami had been given, in essence, fake news.

There was nothing taxpayers could say about it at that point because PUBLIC COMMENTS were already closed. The only people who could speak to that was the HEB Board members and they seemed disinclined to inquire why everybody’s time was wasted. I quickly texted one of my super duper, secret, anonymous sources, who seemed pretty gleeful at this turn of events:

ME: No real fireworks. The plan might not be approved. There’s no motion on the table yet.
SECRET SOURCE: I’m watching this [from home] and this is nuts… they are idiots. Now they [HEP Board] get the reso.

BTW: This startling info only came out after some probing questions posed by Lynn Lewis, the only HEP Board member to eventually vote NO to this plan to raze history in order to preserve history. She was trying to get to the bottom of some questions she had in determining whether she would table a motion to reject the plan.

That’s right, folks. It was only in the minutes just before a motion was put on the table, right near the end of a very long meeting, that the HEP Board realized what was really being voted on. Even I was fooled by what I had witnessed.

Lewis finally crafted a motion that rejected the plan and called for the developers to return with more concrete plans. She didn’t get a second and the motion withered on the dais. A motion to approve the plan “in concept only” was tabled and passed 4-1.

In the end, and is always the case in Miami, the developers got exactly what they wanted and needed.


A drawing of the 5 story, 513 slot, parking garage, which is now out of date. Not Now Silly has been told it’s already been reduced in size. However, I have been unable to get the current height or the amount of parking spaces.

The Parking Garage is the thing

As I mentioned above, one developer didn’t show themselves. That’s not exactly true. What is more accurate to say is that Art Noriega, Miami Parking Authority’s CEO, never gave a presentation. This despite the fact that the massive parking garage is one of the primary drivers of a lot of the decisions that have been made along the way.

However, I saw Noriega several times during the meeting peaking out from behind the dais. At various times he was on either side of the room or the other, lurking behind all the other city swells there to service the meeting (like city lawyers and such, who could answer legal questions if they came up). I’m sure if he had been needed, Noriega might have been called upon to answer any questions that came up. However, the huge, honking, parking garage was less a bone of contention than it deserved to be.

A mere 25 months ago, after I saw the first artistic drawings that a source had leaked me, I published The Coconut Grove Playhouse Trojan Horse (Part I; Part II). These articles suggest that it’s the parking garage driving the theater redevelopment and not the other way around.

Nothing I heard on Tuesday changed my mind. In fact, the project seems to have morphed from a mere 5-story parking garage into a condo and restaurant development with a parking garage and small theater attached.

TO BE FAIR: There’s no denying that parking is sorely needed in that area, something I’ve written about previously after sitting in that parking lot for hours on end counting cars. Furthermore, continued development will make that need more dire. Immediately to the north of the Playhouse footprint is a plan for a 4-story office building fronting on Main Highway, which will probably have restaurants on the ground floor. [See rendering above.] Additionally, Ransom Everglades private school, just south of the Playhouse on the east side of Main Highway, is bursting its parking lots at the seams. Then consider that all those valets in front of the restaurants along Commodore Plaza (working for tips only) are desperate for nearby places to stash cars.

Not Now Silly has published stories about all these parking issues previously.

However, what was once a parking garage development project, with its 300-seat theater afterthought, will now also have residential condos, retail shops, and a restaurant.

Because there’s now a lot of misinformation swirling after the Dog & Pony Show Bait & Switch, I have been trying to get the definitive answers to the following questions:

  1. How many floors tall is the parking garage? [I’ve already been told it’s been downsized from 5, but have been cautioned not to say “4”.]
  2. How many parking spaces will be in the parking garage? [Downsized from 513.]
  3. How many residential condos are in the current development plans? [A crazy number I heard was 30, but that was when the garage was 5 stories.]
  4. How many of those are FOR SALE? [All of them I’ve been told off the record.]
  5. How many residential units are being created for visiting directors and actors at the theater? [This may no longer be part of the plan, or they may be in the front building, the only portion being saved.]
  6. How large is the restaurant? How many seats?
  7. How many retail stores will be in the front of the building? [The only portion being saved.]

There are a lot of unanswered questions and this massive development project never should have been passed without the HEP Board having more answers.


This is the only part of the historic Coconut Grove Playhouse that will be saved. It’s the narrow, sliver of the building on either sides of entrance, that brackets the corner of Charles Avenue and Main Highway. It will have retail spaces.

A 300 seat theater? You’re joking, right?

Miami is supposed to be a World Class City. What’s World Class about a theater that’s smaller than the auditoriums of several of the local schools?

Where’s the room for growth in a 300-seat theater?

GableStage, the company that will take over programming at the Coconut Grove Playhouse, currently operates in a 150-seat theater. It has the potential to double its audience. However, where does it go from there?

A 300-seat theater is not large enough to bring in touring musicians, who might be booked for nights the theater is dark. A 300-seat theater is not large enough to be rented out of community events when the theater is dark. As mentioned, the local school auditoriums are slightly larger.

People who are arguing for this configuration tell me Miami can’t support a bigger theater. That there are already large theaters in Miami that don’t sell out.

Detractors at the meeting kept reminding the citizens that the Playhouse failed as a much larger theater. However, a number of factors could have led to the Playhouse’s demise, from bad publicity, to the wrong kind of shows, to bad scheduling.

I contend that if you put on the right shows — including musical artists on nights when the stage is dark — you’ll draw clientele.

However, if you build a 300 seat theater, you’ll never draw more than that. This is nothing but small time, small town, small thinking.

This plan shows a second theater off the main theater.

TO BE FAIR: There is a plan to build a second theater on the same footprint that has 700 seats, in addition to the 300-seat room already passed “in concept”.

However, the 700-seat theater is unfunded. Getting the $40 million to build it is considered a long shot, at best, and will probably never be built.

It’s been my contention all along that a 300 seat theater is small time, small town, small thinking.


COMING SOON TO NOT NOW SILLY

How Will the Playhouse Redevelopment Hurt West Grove?

Why the Miami Parking Authority is too powerful

Grove Harbor ► No Skin In The Game

When I think of seashore I don’t think of chrome and glass superstructures.

A faithful reader has written [privately] to ask that I get involved in the latest Coconut Grove controversy, Grove Harbor * [sic], or Grove Horror as some of the locals have taken to calling it. To that end, I spent about 2 hours reading up on the project, both pro & con, but mostly con because there seems to be more of that ‘out there’ on the innertubes.

I’m philosophically against any development on any waterfront anywhere
in the world: It blocks access to the waterfront, no matter how small the waterfront or the development. I
am reminded of Frank Lloyd Wright who loved to build on hills, but said
you should never build on top of a hill because you lose the hill.
Same thing in my opinion.

I tend to think of all Coconut Grove issues in relation to the E.W.F. Stirrup House. This proposed development is just a mile’s walk from the E.W.F. Stirrup House. At one time it might have been a gorgeous walk. Walk it these days and you’ll barely catch a glimpse of the majesty of Biscayne Bay, with Miami Beach in the distance, even though you’re walking parallel to it. Decades of bad decisions along the waterfront have led to what it is today, for better or worse.

What would Emperor Headly do?

The footprint of the proposed Grove Harbour development is roughly everything
on the right half of this vintage post card, but the historic buildings will remain

Let’s face it, that job is already filled by alleged corrupt Miami Commissioner Marc D. Sarnoff. However, if I were a benevolent Emperor of Coconut Grove, here’s what I’d do to correct previous dunderheaded mistakes along that section of South Bayshore Drive, after hanging banners that said “The Waterfront Belongs to Everybody.”  

  1. Raze every building on the east side of South Bayshore Drive from McFarlane through David T. Kennedy Park, except those few that have historic designation. 
  2. Declare the resultant green space, once landscaped, a People’s Park;  
  3. If the members made enough noise, I might be inclined to grandfather in establishments like the Coral Reef Yacht Club and the Coconut Grove Sailing Club, that serve a ‘community’ of members. However, I would maintain a public access to the waterfront for all;
  4. I would be disinclined to grandfather in commercial enterprises such as Scotty’s, the Chart House, or any of the boat sales/rentals places or the charter boat companies. If any of those businesses wish to remain on prime Coconut Grove real estate, they will have to pay through the nose, on short leases, with all the money going into waterfront improvements;
  5. Decree that from this day forward nothing larger than bike racks and public restrooms could be built on the east side of South Bayshore Drive until the end of time;
  6. Remove every parking space from the east side of South Bayshore Drive, forcing people to walk over from the thousands of parking spaces just a few short blocks away in Coconut Grove Center;
  7. Create level pedestrian crossings at every intersection along South Bayshore Drive, forcing drivers to yield to anyone within the crosswalk; 
  8. Add calming speed bumps and traffic circles to discourage drive-through traffic on South Bayshore Drive;
  9. Set my mind on other ways to encourage pedestrians and make it harder for cars along South Bayshore Drive;
  10. Rip out all the mangroves in Peacock Park, which were only planted in the ’80s;
  11. Take back Peacock Park from the private lease given to St. Stephen’s Church (What the hell was Sarnoff thinking on that one?);
  12. Turn the former NET office into something that actually serves the community.
An artist renderinging of Grove Harbor at night,
when the chrome and glass will really shine

That’s just 12 things I would do off the top of my head and, admittedly, I’ve done no research on these ideas. However, none of my suggestions would ever include building a chrome and glass thingamajig on the waterfront, give restaurants 80-year leases, and attach a huge parking garage. But, that’s just me because, in my opinion, the waterfront belongs to everybody.

Truth be told, this is a long-winded way of saying I really don’t care and I am hesitant to get involved in this battle. I have no skin in the game. I don’t live in Coconut Grove. I don’t own a boat, therefore I don’t need that kind of access to the water. Nor am I one of those rich folks on the west side of South Bayshore Drive, hoping a few deluxe restaurants and a glitzy glass and chrome dealie on their doorstep will improve their property values. It’s hard not to compare those values to the property values on Charles Avenue, just a mile away, where the E.W.F. Stirrup House is still undergoing Demolition by Neglect.

Despite the wish fulfillment expressed in the One Grove mural, Coconut Grove is one of the most racially and economically divided communities you’re ever going to see. This project is only 2.2 miles away from the Trolleygate garage, which is across from the One Grove mural, but it might as well be a million miles. The concerns of the folks on South Bayshore Drive are light years away from what affects the people of West Grove. One community is complaining about a huge development that MIGHT be placed on its doorstep, while the other is complaining of huge diesel bus maintenance facility ALREADY dropped on its doorstep, which a judge recently ruled they are powerless to stop. What’s wrong with this picture?

At the unveiling of the One Grove mural earlier this year

Truth be told, I really don’t know enough about *THIS* particular project to jump into it. There will apparently be a referendum, so the community will have its say. And, when I say “community” I really mean Miami as a whole, because Coconut Grove is only a fraction of Miami. And, the community will get whatever the community decides, unlike West Grove.

However, there are two big red flags on this project that should give everyone pause:

  • Just like Trolleygate and the Coconut Grove Playhouse, all the serious
    negotiations and decisions have already happened in the back rooms
    between the politicians and the developers. 
  • Allegedly corrupt Miami Commissioner Marc D. Sarnoff is involved in Grove Harbor negotiations up to his hip-waders.

As near as I can tell the referendum will just be
the rubber stamp to what Coconut Grove assets allegedly corrupt Miami Commissioner Marc D. Sarnoff has already sold out to the developers. Unless the Coconut Grove community can muster
enough opposition to stop the project, it’s a fait accompli. Just like Trolleygate was for his other constituents. Rich or poor, Black or White, Marc Sarnoff doesn’t care who he sells out.

I’ll leave this windmill for the Coconut Grove Grapevine to tilt at.

* My fingers stutter whenever I am called upon to type a word that should have a “U” in it, like harbour and colour.

UPDATE: It turns out my fingers needn’t stutter. Grove Harbour is spelled exactly the way I would spell it.

A Coconut Grove Grapevine Update

It was just a few days ago I took Tom Falco, of the Coconut Grove Grapevine, to task for his nutty conspiracy theories concerning me and Not Now Silly. I called the post Go Home, Coconut Grove Grapevine, You’re Drunk!

In that post I graciously offered Tom Falco the opportunity to retract his crazy accusations. He has yet to do so. I had planned to just leave it alone . . . until I found the following on his failure of a blog, posted just yesterday:

I’ve been drawn quite far into this debate about the waterfront plan. I’ve always taken great pride on debating the issues and not getting personal. I will try not to do that anymore, simply because I don’t like it.

I didn’t like it when Tom Falco got personal with me, either. Despite his having second thoughts, which prompted him to apologize to Ron Nelson, and his wife, I am still awaiting an apology for him for this:

I will not bow to threats by Headly and his crew. I don’t cover events that I am threatened to cover. That’t [sic] how they operate.

The previous Coconut Grove Grapevine logo

As I explained to Tom Falco: I work alone. Not Now Silly has no crew. I have made no threats. I require an apology and retraction, just like Ron Nelson and his wife, because that’t how I operate.

However, Ron Nelson is Chief of Staff to allegedly corrupt Miami Commissioner Marc D. Sarnoff and, therefore, might be important to Falco’s continued access. I’m just a guy with a blog, whom Tom Falco dismissed years ago as unimportant. I tried to bring him on-board to save the E.W.F. Stirrup House for the West Grove Community, not a rapacious developer. However, he dismissed me in emails I have yet to release. [Okay, that’s a threat.] Later I learned that the rapacious developer, through various companies and corporations, just happened to be among the Coconut Grove Grapevine’s advertisers. Imagine that.

Why Falco would jump into the waterfront controversy without any consideration of his bottom line is puzzling. Especially after he returned from his hiatus in January saying he was all done with politics. Opposing what could be the biggest real estate development Coconut Grove has seen in many years, can’t be good for his bottom line. Maybe Falco has found journalism.

A word of advice and something else that Tom Falco should take into consideration: Some of the people to whom he has been trash-talking me, are not the friends they pretend to be. That’s because they turn right around and tell me what Falco has said about me, almost gleefully I should add. What gets back to me sounds an awful lot like slander. Yet, Tom Falco has the audacity to falsely accuse me of libel? He libeled me when he accused me in print of working with some unnamed crew to threaten him because, of course, that’s how we operate.

Will Tom Falco do the right thing and apologize to me or will he continue to spread unfounded rumours about me?