Howdy, Headliners. Canadians will gather today in Mel Lastman Square to wax nostalgic on the 81st birthday of former Toronto Mayor and Bad Boy Mel Lastman, who never smoked crack cocaine in a drunken stupour. Mayor Mel is addicted to the Headlines Du Jour from yesteryear:

• 632 – The Last Sermon (Khutbah, Khutbatul Wada’) of Prophet Muhammad.
• 1796 – Napoléon Bonaparte marries his first wife, Joséphine de Beauharnais.
• 1841 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules in the United States v. The Amistad case that captive Africans who had seized control of the ship carrying them had been taken into slavery illegally.
• 1842 – The first documented discovery of gold in California occurs at Rancho San Francisco, six years before the California Gold Rush.
• 1945 – The Bombing of Tokyo by the United States Army Air Forces begin, one of the most destructive bombing raids in history.
• 1954 – McCarthyism: CBS television broadcasts the See It Now episode, “A Report on Senator Joseph McCarthy“, produced by Fred Friendly.
• 1959 – The Barbie doll makes its debut at the American International Toy Fair in New York.
• 1961 – Sputnik 9 successfully launches, carrying a human dummy nicknamed Ivan Ivanovich, and demonstrating that Soviet Union was ready to begin human spaceflight.
• 1997 – Comet Hale–Bopp: Observers in China, Mongolia and eastern Siberia are treated to a rare double feature as an eclipse permits Hale-Bopp to be seen during the day.
• 2011 – Space Shuttle Discovery makes its final landing after 39 flights.

And now: Today’s Headlines Du Jour:

Cuba allows phone
access to some email

Soon, Our Robot Coffee Baristas Will Only Brew Certain Brands

Newspaper Publishes Astoundingly Racist ’12
Years A Slave’ Headline

Los Angeles Times Writes Perfect Headline For John Travolta’s Oscar Fail

Infographic:
How Money Won Congress

Woman Dies When Gun Falls Out of Sock And Shoots Her

FBI probing alleged
removal of documents
from CIA by Senate staffers

The most per capita UFO sightings last year were in Vermont, Arizona and Maine

Fox Hypes Christie
“Comeback” Amid Ongoing
Bridge Scandal Investigations

Fox Reporter A No-Show For Breitbart News Benghazi Conspiracy Panel

O’Reilly: The Only Place
America Is Not In Decline
Is The Sport Of Luge
According To Bill, 50 Percent Of Americans Don’t Care About Nation’s Decline Because “They Want The Nanny State”

Climate buffoons’ real
motives: 5 reasons they
still spout debunked garbage
From greed to idiocy, here’s the true agenda of deniers who still claim climate change isn’t happening

Fake Arrests of Ohio Ministers Designed to Sell Christian Persecution Myth

Zmuda lawsuit may set statewide precedent

Judge dismisses FAA fine
against small drone user

Could Tennessee be next to legalize marijuana?

Woman Posted Explicit
Material Inside Walmart
Cops: Suspect targeted employee over year-long affair with husband

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