All posts by Headly Westerfield

About Headly Westerfield

Calling himself “A liberally progressive, sarcastically cynical, iconoclastic polymath,” Headly Westerfield has been a professional writer all his adult life.

The Write Stiff and New Opportunities ► Unpacking The Writer


The NNS Newsroom hard at work.

It’s been more than a month since Write of Refusal, the previous chapter in my (semi-regular) Unpacking The Writer series.

As regular readers can attest: From time to time the Not Now Silly Newsroom likes to pull back the curtain and show you what’s happening behind the scenes. This update has BIGLY NEWS, some of which I can talk about and some of which I can only hint at.

Here’s what I can say: In our last exciting episode, I started out by touting my regular Friday Fox Follies for PoliticusUSA, which I had been writing almost every week for the last 2.75 years.

Yes, I’m still crafting my regular Friday Fox Follies for PoliticusUSA, a column of Fox “News” criticism I’ve been doing since October 2014. However, that’s the only freelancing I’m doing for other publications at the moment.

After publishing that, I never wrote another Friday Fox Follies. I just upped and quit.

To knock down any rumours, there were no issues with PoliticusUSA. I wish them all the best. I should have given more notice to my editors and faithful readers. For that I apologize. However, on the morning of June 30th I stared at my notes, stared at my computer screen, and realized I simply didn’t have another FFF in me. I hit the wall. I no longer believed in my ability to find a new way to say the same old thing about Fox “News” — and its slavish devotion to Emperor Trump — and still make it funny. I wanted to go out on a high, before I started repeating my best jokes.


Aunty Em Ericann writing about Climate Change

I’ve been writing Fox “News” criticism for 8 years, first at NewsHounds, writing under the nom de troll of Aunty Em Ericann, then PoliticusUSA. Not to mention the Fox “News” Snark published here in the Newsroom.

As yesterday’s Eric Bolling Is A Dick proves, I’ll still keep my hand in and comment on Fox “News” when the time and inclination hit. However, (for the time being) I am ruling out any regular look at Fox “News” unless someone is offering big money. [Reasonable rates.]


My other news is even biglier, which is a BFD, but still secret.

I need to be very careful about what I say, so I’ll drop a few transparent clues: It’s in the writing field. In fact, it’s a book. There’s a verbal agreement in principle with the principal of said book. And, no, they don’t work in a school. However, until signatures are affixed to some boilerplate, I should stop right there.

Oh! The big clock on the wall says that’s all the time we have for today, kids. Stay tuned to out next exciting episode called “Book Deal? What Book Deal?” where (hopefully) I reveal a new wizard behind the curtain.

AUNTY EM!!! AUNTY EM!!! 

A Brief History of Fox “News” Harassment Scandals

A Brief History of Fox “News” Harassment Scandals

On Friday it was reported that Fox News host Eric Bolling was accused of sending unsolicited explicit pictures to three female colleagues. The women who received the messages allege they were sent from Bolling’s number, reported Huffington Post, citing 14 sources. Below, Newsweek takes a look at the scandals that have rocked the station in recent… Continue reading A Brief History of Fox “News” Harassment Scandals

Eric Bolling Is A Dick ► Fox “News” Snark

UPDATE: Eric “Bully Boy” Bolling has now been suspended from Fox “News” pending the outcome of an internal investigation. Earlier story:


Uh oh! News broke overnight that Eric “Bully Boy” Bolling — who does double-duty on Fox “News” as pugilist and racist — has been sending out dick pics.

Like, Roger Ailes and Bill O’Reilly before him, Bolling may not be employed by the mendacious Trump-supporting network much longer. Not to belabour the point (because I’ve got other stuff to say below) HufPo has the goods, which has now been picked up by many news orgs:

Recipients of the photo confirmed its contents to HuffPost, which is not revealing their identities. The women, who are Bolling’s current and former Fox colleagues, concluded the message was from him because they recognized his number from previous work-related and informal interactions. The messages were sent several years ago, on separate occasions.

The women did not solicit the messages, which they told colleagues were deeply upsetting and offensive. One of the recipients said that when she replied to Bolling via text, telling him never to send her such photos again, he did not respond. Four people, outside of the recipients, confirmed to HuffPost they’d seen the photo, and eight others said the recipients had spoken to them about it.

For this story, HuffPost spoke to 14 sources in and out of Fox News and Fox Business, all of whom spoke on the condition of anonymity either because they currently work at the networks and aren’t allowed to speak to members of the press without prior authorization or because they have confidentiality agreements with Fox News and its parent company 21st Century Fox.

You’d think if Bully Boy sent out such pictures, he’d remember. And, if he didn’t send any, he’d remember that, too. But…

When asked whether Bolling at any point had sent unsolicited lewd or inappropriate text messages or emails (including an image of a man’s genitalia) to Fox News or Fox Business colleagues, his attorney Michael J. Bowe responded, “Mr. Bolling recalls no such inappropriate communications, does not believe he sent any such communications, and will vigorously pursue his legal remedies for any false and defamatory accusations that are made.”

The weird formulation “does not believe he sent any such communication” is not exactly a full-throated denial, is it? Oh! And, he’s lawyered

No matter. It’s just more proof Bully Boy is a walking dick, welcome to sue me for all those times I’ve written about him. However, he’ll never read this because the coward blocked me long ago.

IRONY ALERT!!! As my former-employer NewsHounds points out:

Oh, and wouldn’t you just know that Bolling has been an outspoken critic of fellow dick-pic dick, Anthony Weiner? Just a few months ago, as HuffPost noted, Bolling told his Fox News Specialists cohosts that Mr. Weiner is “a sick human being” who seems “pathological.”

This reporter has been writing Fox “News” criticism for 9 years. From this vantage point I predict that Bolling’s firing, if that comes to pass — and why wouldn’t it? — will be the final calving of what was once the monolithic Fox “News” iceberg.

Two years ago I identified the first public fissures. While there had always been rumours of tension between various personalities behind the scenes, it broke out into the open soon after Emperor Trump descended the Golden Escalator — to mix among the proletariat he never took notice of before. He had yet had to mesmerize the GOP to cinch the nomination and before the Basket of Deplorables flipped the bird to Lady Liberty and put this tweeting charlatan into the Offal Orifice. With the help of the Russians, of course.

Bolling was one of Trump’s earliest brown-nosers and a self-proclaimed personal friend. All the way back in June of 2015, on The Five (which I predicted wouldn’t last), Bully Boy was (as he always does) trying to normalize Trump’s crazy speeches. That’s when “Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth” Perino slapped him for his unbelievable Trump-kissing.

Then they moved on, like they always do on The Five, just when the infighting is getting good. Watch the whole thing [because it’s such a wonderful Trump Time Capsule™ from just 2 years ago], but the money shot starts at the 8:26 mark if you want to skip ahead:

See how quickly they moved on? Was that an edit, or just a clever call from the Control Room? QUICK!!! ROLL TAPE!!! We report, you decide.

While they may have moved on, their individual audiences never did. From the very next day — virtually immediately — I noticed snarking between Bully Boy Bros and the Perino Pixies on various comment threads. The sniping over the next several weeks became rather viscous before it settled down. Not that the feelings ever went away. However, this was the earliest Trumpian fissure I can identify.

Since then there’s been a lot of changes at Fox, many of which had Trumpian undercurrents due to “pussy grabbing” in the corporate offices of ‘Merka’s self-proclaimed cultural scold: Ailes out. Then dead. O’Reilly out. Still alive. Meggy gone (and now flaming out). Van Susteren gone (and gone again). Subsequent programming changes. The Five moves to 9PM. Bully Boy Bolling moves to The Specialists at 5pm. There he and his 2 female co-hosts invite people totally out of their depth to opine on the news of the day. Those extra fools are the titular “specialists.” Yeah, I know. But that’s the truth. The Specialists begins to sink in the ratings after Day One. But, more importantly for my thesis, Bolling’s fans (on comment threads) have been sniping at co-hosts Katherine Timpf and Eboni Williams. And, vice versa. More fissures.

Naturally, this will all be labeled FAKE NEWS by True Trump Believers, who are also Bolling Believers. That is right up until the public release of the dick pics (ala Anthony Weiner) and/or Bully Boy Bolling no longer has a Bully Pulpit for Emperor Bully Trump. Then the real Fox “News” internecine war will begin.

Pass the popcorn!!!

The Waze of the Road ► UpLyfting Thoughts #5

The thing that impresses me the most about Lyft (aside from the earnings) is the technology.

Lyft is an app for your phone, drivers and customers alike.

As strange as it sounds, I’ve yet to see what the customer sees. However, I’m told they can track my movements on a map to see how close I may be. I’m hoping that function is not too accurate because I am often logged in from the Not Now Silly Newsroom (where I am sitting right now waiting for a fare).

One of these days I’ll pretend to be a customer, just so I can see what Lyftees see.

However, let’s look at the technology from the driver’s POV:

When I log into Lyft a map of the local area pops up on my phone with an indicator centered on the map to show where I am. North is always at the top.

One slight bug: Most of the time it’s a small chevron [like the one right], which points in the direction I am facing. However, every once in a while it becomes just a dot, which is not helpful if I am in an unfamiliar neighbourhood and need to know which way is which. Worse than the dot, there are some times the chevron points in the wrong direction entirely…for hours on end. Then, just as suddenly, it corrects itself and all is right with the world again.

However, it’s when an order comes in that the real magic starts.

When Lyft sends me a customer, a big pink circle pops up on the center of the screen with the customer’s name and picture. There is also has a ticking 10 second countdown with a timing indicator moving around the circle. If I want the order — and keep in mind I have no idea of the client’s destination — I have those 10 seconds in which to accept the run. I am not obligated to accept it. I can just watch it time out if I want, but why would I? I’m logged on to service customers. Regardless, I have to keep my acceptance rate above 80% if I want to cash in on any of the Power Driver Bonuses that Lyft offers based on a scale of criteria.

Once I accept an order the Lyft app automatically opens Waze, a GPS program I was using long before I became a Lyft driver. Waze directs me right to the door where my customer awaits. Because they can follow my progress, often they are waiting outside holding their cellphone. Every once in a while the Grey Ghost pulls up to a business where several people are looking into their cellphones. Hoo boy! However, they not only have my name and picture, but a description of the Grey Ghost. It all works out.

However, there’s a small bug there, too. If I am almost right on top of the client’s location, Waze does not pop up. It seems to assume I know where I need to go because, heck, I’m right there. However, I can’t be reading addresses on the app when I’m driving and one can’t always pull over to check. Luckily there’s another button that forces Waze to cough up the info I really need.

If my client is not outside I press another button on my side of the app, which alerts the customer that I’ve arrived. That’s when another timer starts. The client has 5 minutes to get to the car, otherwise I report them as a NO SHOW and drive off. During peak hours this timer is set to 2 minutes. This is time I’m being paid for and it gives me time to relax.

Twice the Grey Ghost drove away from a NO SHOW only to be called right back to the same place because they ordered another Lyft. That’s kind of embarrassing because they just watched me drive off.

Once I get the Lyftee in the Grey Ghost, I press another button that says, essentially, “I got ’em”. Suddenly Waze pops up again and directs me right to their destination. It all works so seamlessly that almost no thought on the part of the driver is needed.

One thing that I love, but might frustrates other Lyft drivers, is that I still don’t know our ultimate destination once I have my passenger in the car. Waze only shows me a small portion of the total map I must transverse before I can drop off the customer. While I can immediately see how many miles they are going and the estimated time of arrival, the destination is off the screen. I can always move the Waze map to show the ultimate destination, but I never do. Why should I? I am going wherever the customer is going. What difference does it make? Besides, I kind of like the surprise. I don’t know where we are going until we get there.

There are several other interesting operations on the Lyft app, some of which I may describe in future UpLyfting Thoughts.

My Ways of the Road

I’ve driven as an amateur for decades. However, I’ve also driven professionally, as a cab driver in Toronto. During all that time on the road, I have developed a number of rules for myself that I wish more drivers would embrace. They are all based upon good driving habits, manners, logic, and my own mellow personality.

Your mileage may vary, but it wouldn’t hurt any — or all — of you to adopt any — or all — of these:

Drive like karma is attached:
It takes little time and zero effort to demonstrate consideration on the road.

My attitude is that all pedestrians have the right of way no matter where they are and whether they are crossing legally, or not. Here’s how I view it: I am sitting down and comfortable in a nicely air conditioned car. The pedestrian is not. It costs me mere seconds to let the pedestrian go first.

I also let cars needing to merge get in front of me without racing ahead to cut them off, like I see far too many Bozos do to me when I’m trying to get on the highway. This is not a race and I have no need, or desire for that matter, to get ahead of anybody. When traffic is merging I adjust my speed accordingly because I believe the zipper method serves all drivers on the road best.

Eventually that good karma comes back to me. And, if it doesn’t? Who cares? Because I . . .

Achieve Zen status behind the wheel:
We’ve all seen Road Rage. Some people get behind the wheel of a car and suddenly it’s a contest of testosterone, altho’ women are not immune. Drive too slow, or do something they don’t like, and it’s all honking horns, middle fingers, and — occasionally — revenge driving.

I can’t drive that way, especially since I am spending so much time on the road. There’s always some asshole out there who will cut me off, or so something stupidly dangerous, that if I wanted to be pissed off, I could be pissed off full time. Additionally, it wouldn’t matter how I felt or reacted. The idiots will still be out there, whether I allowed myself righteous anger, or not. The traffic would still be the traffic, whether I allow it to frustrate me or not.

It’s so much easier to just get in the zone and relax. Besides, my happy place is behind the wheel of a car with music playing. Lyft just adds someone to talk to.

Use your turn signals:
It’s amazing how many drivers do not use turn signals. In my rough estimation, it’s well below 40%, and this includes police cars. In fact, it’s a rare cop car that uses turn signals. Maybe they’re broken.

I don’t make a move without first indicating it with the turn indicator and this includes parking lots and alleys.

Additionally, it’s not like the guy who invented the turn signal (Phineas J. Blinker; look it up) put the switch in the trunk It’s right at your fucking fingertips, assholes. The only excuse anyone has for not using turn signals is if they have no arms. And, if that’s the case, why are they even driving?

Here’s a little story from my cabbie days:

I picked up a grouchy gent at 4AM (who just happened to live on my street, but 2 blocks north) to take him to the Toronto airport. You get a sense of people right away and my impression is this guy was gruff and didn’t want any conversation. So, I jumped on the highway, first the QEW and then up the 427. As we’re cruising up the 427 suddenly the guy shouts at me, “You do that every time?”

“Do what, Sir?”

“Use your turn signals! We’re alone on this highway! Who the hell are you signalling to?!?”

That’s when I realized that my using my turn signals is just an automatic reflex. I don’t even think about it when I’m doing it.

The punchline to that story is that when we pulled up to the airport, he tossed me an extra $20 and said, in the same grumpy, gruff voice, “Best driving I’ve ever seen!”

Don’t let anyone else drive your car:
By this I don’t mean allowing someone else to get behind the wheel. I am talking about those other drivers who will honk at you to get you to do something. Some honks are just to request a entry into your lane. Those are fine. It’s those who honk to get you to go faster, or those who try and get you to drive differently.
I drive my own car and don’t let anyone else outside the car change the way I drive my game.

Come to a full stop at every stop sign:
I’ve only received 1 traffic ticket the entire time I’ve been a driver. I rolled a stop sign and was immediately lit up by a police car I hadn’t noticed. I’ve never done it again.

Additionally, when I come to a stop I look left, look right, and look left again before proceeding when it’s safe.

Leave Space:
There are 2 times when leaving space is important. Certainly when driving down the highway at speed, one should never tailgate. It’s just dangerous. When I find someone on my ass, I slow down. If that doesn’t get the message across [or if they start honking], I put on my 4-way flashers. That almost always solves the problem.

The other time one needs to leave space is stopped at a traffic light. My original driving instructor told me that when stopping at a traffic light, make sure you can see the wheels of the car in front of you. Not because they’re interesting to look at, but because it leaves room if there’s any jockeying needed before the light changes. Additionally, if there’s an emergency vehicle that needs to get through, that space allows drivers to move to the right. REMEMBER: The life you save may be your mother’s.

Don’t play the lanes:
Every lane is going to the same place. There’s little point in jumping back and forth to get one, or two, cars ahead. It’s more than likely that we’ll all be at the next stop light together, or that the lane on the highway you’ve jump into will just bog down later. Relax; It’s less wear and tear on your car and brain.

Save your gas:
Why do people race to get to the red light ahead? As soon as I see a light changing ahead of me, I take my foot off the gas. Sometimes I hear a horn from the driver behind me, who is inexplicably in a hurry to get to the red light. Occasionally they’ll even hit the gas and zoom around me to get to that red light, some even giving me the finger as if I did something wrong.

Save your horn:
If I have to use my horn, I consider it a failure on both our parts. I use my horn on an average of 5 times a year.

Change lanes safely:
Aside from using turn signals [see above], don’t change lanes in the middle of an intersection. That’s dangerous, but I see this at least once a day.

Also, respect the solid white line. It means, essentially, stay in your own lane until it’s no longer a solid white line. Occasionally, there’s a valid reason for crossing a solid white line, but most of the time it’s just foolish and potentially hazardous. There’s a reason the line was put there.

Drive like you’re colouring:
Stay inside the the lines!!!

Life would be so much easier if we all followed Headly’s Highway Hints.

Ian Whitcomb ► Monday Musical Appreciation

Born on this day in 1941: Ian Whitcomb, still performing to this very day.

Ian Timothy Whitcomb was born in Woking, Surrey, England, to a family that already had show biz in its blood. His grandfather Jack founded British Screen Classics, an early entry in the motion picture business, which eventually bankrupt him. Before that, Ian’s father Pat worked there, and even co-starred in the 1929 flick, Mr. Nobody (not to be confused with the 2009 SciFi film), a movie that seems to be lost, without even an entry on the Internet Movie Data Base.

His father also played piano, which is probably where Ian’s love of music came from. But, it was also a musical family. As the WikiWackyWoo tells us:

Ian’s younger brother, Robin, accompanied him on drums in their first bands, notably The Ragtime Suwanee Six (1960–62) whose manager was Denny Cordell, later to produce records by Procol Harum and Joe Cocker. Robin went on to play tambourine on Sonny & Cher‘s hit “I Got You Babe” (1965).

Growing up, Whitcomb’s chief musical inspirations were Phil Harris, Johnnie Ray, Guy Mitchell, Elvis Presley, and George Formby. He was sent away to boarding school in 1949 (Newlands, Seaford, Sussex) at age 8 and there he soon formed a tissue paper-and-comb band to entertain staff and boys with current hits such as “Riders in the Sky“.

In boarding school he formed a Skiffle group (1957) and, later, a Rock and Roll band (1959). While at Trinity College in the ’60s, he formed what was to become Dublin’s first Rhythm and Blues band, Bluesville.

I became aware of Ian Whitcomb in 1965, like most everybody else, when his unlikely tune “You Turn Me On” — credited to Ian Whitcomb and Bluesville — raced up the charts on both sides of the Atlantic, hitting #8 on the hit parade.

That tune brought him to ‘Merka, where he performed on a number of tee vee shows, like Shindig! Here he appears along with some of the other musical stars of the day: Beau Brummels, Shelly Fabares, Bobby Sherman, and Billy Preston, among others.

[Click HERE to hear an unadulterated single version of
You Turn Me On” without all the background noise.]

His follow-up tune, “N-Nervous”, did not do nearly as well, but still charted in the mid-50s on both Billboard and Cashbox. However, Rock and Roll didn’t appear to be his real muse. Whitcomb’s music started looking backward to earlier eras, to some of the tunes taught to him by his other grandfather, also named Jack.

That’s when I rediscovered Ian Whitcomb, but it would be a while before I connected him to his earlier hit song.

Back in the day, when I was a DJ at Radio Sheridan in Oakville Ontario, Canada, we were sent the LP “Under The Ragtime Moon“, which captured my attention immediately. It harkened back to an earlier era of Tim Pan Alley tunes.

The LP was produced by the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band‘s Neil Innes, who had already demonstrated a fondness for the era with some of the tunes the Bonzos covered.

As different as it was from the music of the day, I played the grooves off that record and eventually bought one for my own collection so I could play it whenever I wanted.

These days Ian Whitcomb is known as “America’s Foremost Tin-Pan Alley Man, Ukulele Virtuoso, and Grammy Award-Winning Recording Artist“, according to his website. It may be just be a coincidence that Whitcomb was born the day that Jelly Roll Morton, one of the greats of Ragtime, died.

Enjoy this early tee vee show:



 

Is Canada Really That Great?

Is Canada Really That Great?

America’s neighbor to the North is celebrating 150 years of nationhood Saturday with a giant blowout party in its capital, Ottawa, including a “birthday present” appearance by U2’s Bono and the Edge. For Canadians, as well as liberal Americans threating to move north to avoid President Donald Trump’s policies, there are many reasons this weekend to… Continue reading Is Canada Really That Great?

Write of Refusal ► Unpacking The Writer

First things first: An apology to my regular readers. I’ve not published nearly enough lately. Sorry.

Yes, I’m still crafting my regular Friday Fox Follies for PoliticusUSA, a column of Fox “News” criticism I’ve been doing since October 2014. However, that’s the only freelancing I’m doing for other publications at the moment.

The rest of my output, such as it is, has all been here and on mindless social media.

Since the last time we’ve had one of these little talks, I’ve started a new series, UpLyfting Thoughts, which has been very well received. Maybe too well received. I created it for two 2 simple reasons: 1). Interesting things happen in the Grey Ghost and I wanted to share them with my readers; and 2). It was a stopgap measure. I knew would have less time to write. UT is something I can put together fairly quickly. It’s based on notes jotted down at traffic lights and coffee shops while I’m out and about. I already have 3 more in the hopper, but I certainly don’t want this to become a Lyft blog.

A recent email from one of my secret sources in The Grove said:

Just an FYI, a lyft blog is a great story….
While not as satisfying, it makes a connection with readers.
My 2 cents.

Sadly, they are right. It’s not nearly as satisfying.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love writing UpLyfting Thoughts — and I have some really interesting ones partially written — but the truth is they take little time and effort to bang out. There’s no research. They are merely anecdotes, which I attempt to make pithy in the editing process. [You be the judge.]

I could probably drop one of these every day but I don’t want it to become a Lyft blog. The other topics are what keep my interest and, hopefully, the interest of readers who come back for more.

My (now semi-)regular series Monday Musical Appreciation and Throwback Thursday provided more of a writing challenge as well. I’d wake up at 5 and start the coffee. After catching up with some mindless social media, I’d take a look at a few history sites until I found the music or event I wanted to highlight. I’d do some research, craft an essay, move paragraphs around in the editing process, add pics and/or vids, and — finally — publish the sucker by 9. It was like being given an assignment with the due date RIGHT NOW!

You may be surprised to learn that the Not Now Silly Newsroom is a non-profit . . . and that’s not by design. That wouldn’t be the case if more people clicked on the adverts. However, I can’t game the system by asking. I just need to hope that people think of it on their own when they’re here. It also wouldn’t be the case if more folks contributed to the Go Fund Me at the bottom of every NNS page, but I’m not going to beg.

You may also be surprised that the bills to keep the bricks and mortar Newsroom afloat continue to come in every! single!! month!!!

That’s why I traded in the immaculate Lexus for the Grey Ghost and taken up driving for Lyft: to pay the bills. The Lexus, as deluxe as it was, was simply too old to meet Lyft’s requirements.

Lyfting changed everything. I am still trying to adapt to an entirely new writing schedule because it leaves far less time for Not Now Silly.

The best time to Lyft is early in the morning, soon after I wake up. I shower, jump into my shoes, and log into the Lyft app. I spend a few hours every morning meeting new Lyftees. When things slow down, I go home. All too often, when I get there, I don’t feel much like writing.

My best writing has always been done early in the morning. I’ve found that, as I get older, my writing suffers later in the day. It’s not as sharp and focused as what I craft early in the day. It’s more of a struggle to find the right words and craft sentences that are not typo-filled. That’s one of the reason I gave up writing after noon. By then, because I’m up at 5, I already have some 5-7 hours of writing behind me.

However, I’m trying to adapt my writing habits in various ways. First I am using my downtime between Lyftees to continue to work on stories, even if it’s in longhand in the Grey Ghost.

That’s how this essay started. It was punched up and polished at red lights and in parking lots. Then it was brought back to the Newsroom, and converted from analog to digital by the sheer will of my fingers. Pictured at left is one of my final edits as I monitor the Fox “News” Channel for egregious lies.

I’m also learning to write later in the day (all over again), but I know better than to publish any of that effluent. I edit the raw wordage early in the day, before my brain turns to mush all over again. That’s why I have several articles in various stages of completion. Eventually at least one of them will be complete.

All I can do is promise my faithful readers that I’ll try to do better and more. Now it’s time for me to go out Lyfting again. Back on the roadway “already in progress”.

The Long and Short of It ► UpLyfting Thoughts #4

Lyfting is great fun and a wonderful way to meet interesting people that I rarely encounter during my average day-to-day.

However, it’s taken some time to get used to.

Back in my disreputable past I once drove taxi in Toronto, while freelancing as a writer for various publications, which even included Taxi News (under the nom de plume Travis Bickel).

Driving hack is very different experience. However, it took a while to change my taxi habits when I first started Lyfting 8 weeks ago. I behaved more like a taxi driver while still trying to find my rhythm.

F’rinstance: I’d decide it was time for a Lyft Shift™, get in the car, and cruise — because that’s what taxi drivers do — what I did. Although some cabbies would sit on a cab stand and wait, I never did that. I’d cruise with 1 eye on the road, 1 eye on street corners for flaggers, 1 ear on my music, and 1 ear on the CB radio, where a dispatcher rambled to drivers virtually non-stop.

However, it took a few weeks Lyfting before I realized that getting in the car and driving a wide, lazy, 7 mile circle around my crib in CondoWorld only served to waste gas. Now I log into Lyft from my desk at home [like at this very moment] and try to get some Not Now Silly word crafting accomplished between orders. However — and this is very important — I can’t walk more than 10 seconds away from my phone, because that’s only how much time I am given to accept a client when one pops up. When an order comes in, I toss on my shoes and leave the condo. The writing (or housework) will wait until I get back.

When I do get a client, I take them where they need to go. Then — no matter how many highways I may have taken to get there — slowly drift back on surface roads to where I live in Condoville. Sometimes I can bounce around for hours, servicing many clients, both long and short, before I can get home. Sometimes, I only get one and drift back to my condo, go back to my other work, and wait for the next Lyfter.

I’m still feeling my way and trying to understand the vagaries of Lyft. Frinstance: Most weekdays I now log into Lyft from my desk at home when I wake up at 5AM. There are times an order comes in before the pot of coffee is ready and I am forced to leave it behind. There are other times I am logged in for as long as 2.5 hours before a Lyfter knocks on my phone. Additionally, there are times that first run of the day is a long one, but there are other times it’s just a short jaunt of under $4.

Yesterday a gentleman apologized because it was such a short run. I told him not to apologize. “Long runs. Short runs. It’s all the same job. Pick up the customer and take them to where they’re going. I can’t speak for other Lyft drivers, but you need not apologize to me.”

As I drive, I think. When possible, I jot down notes for further UpLyfting Thoughts. Already partly written are essays on my rules of the road, personalized license plates, random musical selections, and Dad jokes. Stay tuned for the further adventures of me and the Grey Ghost.

Yellowstone Supervolcano Hit by a Swarm of Earthquakes

Yellowstone Supervolcano Hit by a Swarm of Earthquakes

Yellowstone supervolcano has been hit by a series of earthquakes, with more 30 recorded since June 12. The latest was recorded on Monday, June 19, with a magnitude 3 earthquake striking 8.6 miles north north-east of West Yellowstone, Montana. The swarm began last week, and on June 15 saw a magnitude 4.5 earthquake take place in… Continue reading Yellowstone Supervolcano Hit by a Swarm of Earthquakes

Grapevine Accidentally Confirms My Suspicions

Separated at birth?

Those who follow Not Now Silly closely know how much fun I have kicking at Tom Falco, Grammarian at the Coconut Grove Grapevine.

Yes, I am still contemplating a libel lawsuit against him for a scurrilous attack upon my character. Although, he deleted the comment thread immediately after I demanded an apology, he has still not done so, nor has he retracted his lie.

He has, however, blocked my email address, which is why I now rely solely on public communication with him. [Hiya, Tom!]

I have also written about his egregious attacks on the English language many times over the years. I’m not talking about a simple typo like the example below. No, I’m talking about run-on sentences, which combine several distinct thoughts, while leaving out the punctuation that would have made it readable.

However, what bothers me the most is Falco’s total disregard for the tenets of journalism, while pretending to be one. I have suggested [devoid of real proof] how he probably posts adverts and/or advertorials in exchange for goods, services, and/or meals. Let’s be clear: There’s nothing illegal in this. In the business this is called a “contra deal” and amyone who works in the promotional field understands how this works. However, the unscrupulous will use these deals to trade in the underground barter economy. Nothing is reported. No money exchanges hands. Nothing to see here.

I have also alleged [without any proof whatsoever] that Tom Falco will take ad dollars from certain parties and then look the other way, especially if there is something disreputable that might pop up. While I was still trying to save the E.W.F. Stirrup House from Demolition by Neglect, I could not get Falco to help with that campaign.

This took place at the very same time the Grapevine was accepting advertising dollars from one of the parking concerns in the city.


I’ve also wondered whether this was part of a contra deal, but life’s too short

I have written about the Playhouse Parking Lot many times over the years and will, no doubt, have reasons to do so in the near future. I have alleged that Paradise Parking was illegally squatting on the Playhouse Parking Lot and collecting those revenues, as opposed it going into the city coffers.

Paradise Parking has a familial relationship with the developer who built The Monstrosity; the same developer who also loaned the bankrupt Coconut Grove Playhouse a sum of money (the amount of which no one has ever revealed to this reporter, ‘tho’ I’ve asked). He felt as if these parking lot revenue was his tribute for the loan. No one knows how many dollars were scraped off the top of that parking lot before the Miami Parking Authority finally claimed authority over it.

In fact, in order to evict Paradise Parking from the lot, Miami-Dade County gifted the Bicycle Shop to the developer just to get rid of him. Therefore, there’s no doubting the back-channel connection between these entities.

Did the ad revenue from Paradise Parking influence Falco to look the other way? During all that time the Grapevine ignored actual news stories about the E.W.F. Stirrup House and the Playhouse parking lots, not to mention the destruction of historic homes in West Grove.

TO BE FAIR: Falco is all over the destruction of historic homes and lot splitting now that the White areas of Coconut Grove are under threat of gentrification. His neighbourhood.

But, I digress.

I discovered this recent Grapewhine at the Grapevine. Now, tell the truth. Does this sound like a journalist or someone with their hand out? Asking for a friend.

Schmuck is as schmuck does.

Falco thinks a payoff to write a positive story is beneath him, although he doesn’t seem absolutely sure. Yet all signs point to the fact that this is what he has done in the past, whether it’s cold hard cash or something else. However, it sounds like he’d take an advert to write a positive story.

What truly cracks me up about the post from which I stole that screen grab [find your own damned link], is that Falco tells several specific stories about nasty developers, yet never names a single one. Which advertisers is he protecting now? Asking for a friend.

POST SCRIPT: After editing this article, I let it stew for a few days. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to take another swipe at the hapless trust fund baby. Especially after mutual friends keep begging me to leave the poor guy alone. “He’s suffered enough.”

This morning I gave this post another read-through and decided WHAT THE HELL? I may as well publish it. However, before hitting the publish button I ventured into Grapevine Country to see if there was anything worth updating. That’s when I discovered Tom’s taking the summer off and may never come back at all.

Was it something I said?