Tag Archives: Conspiracy Theories

The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14

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Unretouched pic of Bully Boy Bolling, aka Eric
Bolling, taken directly from my tee vee screen

It’s been a while since I’ve written about Bully Boy Bolling, the pugnacious Fox “News” fireplug with the big mouth. It’s not that there hasn’t been anything to write about because Eric Bolling, as he is known to the brain-dead viewers of Fox “News,” says something ridiculous almost every single day.

However, writing about Bully Boy Bolling’s stupidity is like shooting fish in a barrel. There’s little sport in it, which is why I have stayed away. However, this week Bully Boy dug so deep for stupidity that I would be remiss if I let it go without comment and without a mea culpa of my own.

It began when Bully Boy asked the crack Fox “News Research team — its viewers — to help ferret out examples of liberal bias in children’s text books.

OOOPS! Eric Bolling forgot to ask permission to show them on the air. No matter because by Wednesday he had enough examples, from viewers who had given permission I suppose, to go on the air and BLOW THE LID OFF THIS SCANDAL!!!

Even though viewers sent in hundreds of examples, the best, and only, examples Bully Boy Bolling could come up with were these two: An Algebra problem that seemed like Socialism (or Marxism, or Communism, or something he never quite says) and a textbook that he CLAIMS, but never identifies, has the SHOCKING and totally undeniable fact that there were no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq.

And . . . That’s it! Out of hundreds of examples sent in. A pretty thin soup of Liberal bias, if you ask me, especially when compared to the crazy bullshit they put in Texas textbooks to accommodation Right Wing Crazies.

Naturally Media Matters for America jumped on this with the headline Fox’s Eric Bolling Cries “Liberal Bias” At Historical Fact That Bush Administration Found No WMDs In Iraq.

HuffPo, in the guise of Rebecca Shapiro also took Bolling to task for the same segment, but concentrated on the problem with the Algebra problem.

Co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle said that she goes through all of her six-year-old’s homework papers, adding that she was now on “high alert after this inappropriateness!”

“So it starts in third grade [with] ‘Distribute The Wealth,’ and guess what happens? Through their whole educational experience they continually get indoctrinated through college,” a concerned Bolling said, holding up the math sheet once again.

Co-host Dana Perino said that the assignment was probably written by an “Occupy Wall Street grad student.”

That probably would have been the end of it. However, the notoriously thin-skinned Bully Boy Bolling can never seem to leave it alone when he’s been criticized in any media. And, as he has done previously (and more than once), he doubles down on his stupidity, defending his spurious facts with more spurious facts. The next day he sent out the following:

The Bully Boy Bolling post t6hat broke my meter

That’s when I lost it. Normally my meter hovers right in the middle, that sweet spot right between SARCASTIC CYNICISM and the opposite pole of TOTALLY PISSED OFF. Bully Boy Bolling’s Bullshit™ sent the needle all the way over to TOTALLY PISSED OFF, where it stuck and had to be replaced, but not before I sent out the following:

I apologize unreservedly to my followers for losing my sense of humour. I also promise to let you know if Bully Boy Bolling accepts my challenge and proffers proof for his lies.

BTW: Media Matters alerted me to the fact that this isn’t the first time Bully Boy
Bolling tried to sell this bullshit story. On St. Valentines Day of last year
Media Matters noted Fox’s Bolling Repeats Discredited Myth That 9/11 Attacks Had “Footsteps” That Could Be Traced “Right Back To Saddam”.

Dear readers: If you can find other examples of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™, don’t hesitate to pass it along to me.

A Banner Day For Bully Boy Bolling ► Chow Mein and Bolling 11

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How can you tell when Bully Boy Bolling is being
CRAZY? Either his mouth is open, or it’s not.

It was a banner day for Bully Boy Bolling, as the loud-mouthed, conspiracy-mongering, The Five Fool™ managed to make the Media Matters Wall of Shame™ four separate times yesterday. I’m not sure that’s ever been done before, unless it was by Glenn Beck, who occupies a category of CRAZY all by himself. However, ever since The Five took over the 5PM slot vacated by Beck on Fox “News,” Bully Boy Bolling has done everything in his mouth’s power to be the craziest MoFo on Fox News.

It began early in the day when those Foxy Friends on Fox and Friends used Bully Boy Bolling to debunk the latest job numbers from the government. Bolling used the opportunity to return to his most recent conspiracy: That the jobs report was cooked. This time he doubled down on that whacked out theory by saying that he thinks if the job numbers are not corrected upwards, Congress should start an investigation of the Department of Labor. No, really! Watch: 

However, that’s not the only problem Media Matters found with this segment. Justin Berrier and Albert Kleine also took a look at his white board and decided Bully Boy Bolling doesn’t know WTF he’s talking about.

Courtesy of Media Matters for America

Since numbers are my natural enemy, I’ll leave it to Berrier and Kleine to explain:

Bolling’s math doesn’t add up: his numbers come from two different surveys that measure different aspects of labor market conditions, two surveys that are conducted in different ways, which often leads to large gaps between the two findings.

Every month, the Bureau of Labor Statistics issues the results of two surveys. One, known as the household survey, measures the number of people employed and looking for work. The results of the household survey are used to determine the unemployment rate. The other survey, known as the establishment survey, measures the total number of jobs gained or lost in a month through a survey of businesses. Because the surveys are conducted differently, the results often do not agree.

Bolling seized on the routine difference between the surveys’ findings to claim that 342,000 jobs were missing and therefore cast doubt on the unemployment drop for September.

Berrier and Kleine even quoted a Wall Street Journal article that explains why these numbers cannot be compared and, remember, the WSJ is owned by the same company that owns Bolling’s ass:

The answer lies in the way the two figures are calculated. The monthly payroll number–how many jobs are gained or added in a month–is based on a survey of about 141,000 businesses and government agencies. The unemployment rate and related statistics are based on an [sic] separate survey of about 60,000 individual households.

If those were Bully Boy Bolling’s only two screw-ups, it would have simply been a normal day for him at Fox “News.” However, it was a long day for Bully Boy and there was still The Five coming up many hours later, when he felt the need to return to his Jobs Numbers Conspiracy Theory™:

BOLLING: I think there’s an October Surprise. I think next Friday when the unemployment number comes out…

DANA PERINO: Yeah?

BOLLING: It’s going to be a surprise one way or another. It’s either going to be very good, if it’s 7 and a half percent, probably President Obama walks away — sails right through to the White House.

PERINO: But if you’re a conspiracy theorist it won’t be a surprise. 

BOLLING: We already did this conspiracy theory on Fox and Friends this morning. I think the books are cooked.

Watch: 

However, never say that Bully Boy Bolling is not afraid to make a fool of himself more than once on any given show. Exhibit A: This exchange with Dana Perino, who seems to play his foil — or instigator — during a segment when Bully Boy goes completely off the rails.

PERINO: What about, Eric, the economic numbers in the states where they were campaigning today? Iowa and they had the other swing ones. [sic] Yesterday we talked a little bit about the unemployment rates and those ones. [sic] The trajectory for Iowa has been fairly good — it’s down from where it was. But in all the other states it’s — the unemployment rate is up!

BOLLING: Up from when President Obama took —

PERINO: Yes!

BOLLING: — office. Up higher than the national average. President Obama’s, umm, strategy now is, is, yannow, just calling Mitt Romney names. Romnesia. Big Bird! He talks about Big Bird, binders and bayonets. But the Romnesia thing — I have a name. [Pretends to look thoughtful as if he just made it up.] I came up with a name.

PERINO: Okay.

BOLLING: It’s called Obamanoma. And, we’re in Stage Four Obamanoma right now. The symptoms are joblessness — 

BOB BECKEL: Obamanoma?

BOLLING: — dispair, dis — dependancy, homelessness. A desire to hang out with celebrities.

PERINO: We’re going to see if we can get that into the thesaurus. [CROSSTALK] I don’t think we should be comparing either of them to cancer, really. Probably not, but this election has been like a cancer on some people. I’m trying, Greg [Gutfeld], to —

BOLLING: It’s good. Thank you. Thank you.

Watch:

Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!! This is just another reason why The Five is still the worst program on tee vee since My Mother the Car.