Tag Archives: The Five

Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, October 9, 2014

The very first issue of Rolling Stone

Hello Headliners. Today’s birthday belongs to John Lennon, who made more Headlines Du Jour than anyone you can name. Here are some other headlines of yesteryear:

Now here is today’s Headlines Du Jour:

IN LGBT NEWS:

MORE EXCITING EPISODES OF COPS GONE WILD:

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

TODAY IN RELIGION:

TODAY IN CLIMATE CHANGE:

FREE THE WEED!!!

KICKING COLUMBUS TO THE CURB:

KICKING AUNT JEMIMA TO THE CURB:

KICKING COMCAST TO THE CURB:

FOX NEWS IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

RUPERT MURDOCH IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

THE FIVE IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

BOB BECKEL IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

LOOFAH LAD IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

STEVE DOOCY IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

BRAINBRIAN KILMEADE IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

HOWARD KURTZ IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

HUCKLEBERRY HOUND IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

KENNEDY IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

IN INNER SPACE:

IN OUTER SPACE:

 VIDEOS DU JOUR:

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Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, September 25, 2014

Hello, Headliners! Today’s the birthday of poet, children’s author, cartoonist, and singer- songwriter Shel Silverstein. He saw his share of Headlines Du Jour of yesteryear:

Today’s Headlines Du Jour:

IN LGBT NEWS:

A priest and bishop in Montana say
that’s the only way two gay men
who are lifelong Catholics can have
their church privileges restored.

MORE OF THAT REPUBLICAN OUTREACH:

ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

FREE THE WEED!!!

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

THE FIVE IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

THE FALAFEL KING IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

Blackwater’s Erik Prince: Mercenaries Are
As “Part Of American History As Apple Pie”
Krauthammer: “Do You Really Want To Be Running Around
The World Responsible For A Band Of Desperados?”

BULLY BOY BOLLING IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

ELISABETH HASSELBECK IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

IN OUTER SPACE:

VIDEOS DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Hello, Headliners! Today’s birthday belongs to Peter Blake. Peter was a famous artist before he designed the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band LP cover. Here are some other Headlines Du Jour of yesteryear:

Here is today’s Headlines Du Jour:

TODAY IN RELIGION:

TODAY IN RELIGION & GUNS:

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

THE “G” IN GOP STANDS FOR GOOFBALLS:

TODAY IN CLIMATE CHANGE:

A new report predicts that the Southwest,
Southeast, and upper Midwest “will likely
see several months of 95°F days each year.

FREE THE WEED!!!

ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

BULLY CORNER:

The full-length book describing the crazy band of cyber-stalking
bullies who have been attacking this reporter for the last 3 years:
The Johnny Dollar Wars

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

LOOFAH LAD IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

FOX & FRIENDS IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

THE FIVE IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

IN INNER SPACE:

IN OUTER SPACE:

VIDEOS DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
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Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, April 24, 2014

Hello there, Headliners. Today’s birthday girl is Barbra Streisand, still going strong. Before looking at today’s Headlines Du Jour, let’s have a look at a few from yesteryear:

And now, today’s Headlines Du Jour:

$COTU$ WATCH:

THE END OF THE INTERNET AS WE KNOW IT:

Financial fast track to replace level competitive playing field

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

DOWN THE MEMORY HOLE:

FREE THE WEED!!!

ANTI-SOCIAL NETWORKS:

MSNBC IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

SEAN HANNITY IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

THE FIVE IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

IN INNER SPACE:

IN OUTER SPACE:

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
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Headlines Du Jour ► Sunday, April 13, 2014

Hello Headliners. It’s the birthday of Butch Cassidy, born on this day in 1866. He knew a thing or two about the Headlines of Du Jour of yesteryear.

Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour:

THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OBSTRUCTIONISTS:

TEABAGGED ENOUGH ALREADY?

THE GEORGE W. BUSH LEGACY:

Senate committee found CIA interrogations and detentions to be ‘brutal’ and urges administration to release report as quickly as possible.

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

TODAY IN RELIGION:

ANOTHER EXCITING EPSIODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

FREE THE WEED!!!


BONUS VIDEO DU JOUR:

FROM THE HATERS:

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA:

CAN YOU DIG IT:

RUPERT MURDOCH IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

Murdoch: Fox “Absolutely Saved” The GOP

LOOFAH LAD IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

SEAN HANNITY IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

HUCKLEBERRY HOUND IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

THE FIVE IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

Fox Hosts Ask “Who Cares” About Racism, Claim
Obama Administration Set Back National Racial Relations

NBC IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

JERRY LEWIS IN THE NEWS AGAIN:


VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Friday, January 17, 2014

Chris Christie in the headlines long
before he was NJ Governor.

Uh oh! My headline-collecting robot drones did not show up for the start of their shift. With no time left to hire interns, I had to go back to collecting the headlines by hand. While you read today’s Headlines Du Jour, I’ll ponder what this means.

NATURE IS COMPLICATED:

13-year-old inventor cracks
the secret of trees to
revolutionize solar energy


SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

Google developing smart contact lens


RELIGION CORNER:

Texas Public Schools Are Teaching Creationism
 


FREE THE WEED!!!

Florida Medical Marijuana
Supporters Claim Victory

Backers of medical marijuana constitutional amendment
have collected more than 1.1 million signatures

New Hampshire governor promises to
kill ‘historic’ marijuana legalization bill

‘I like weed, and I’m a good person’: Pot smokers fight stereotypes


TEABAGGED ENOUGH ALREADY?

Tea Party Candidate’s Ad Touts His
‘Sexy’ Wife And Large Testicles


WHEN YOU GOT TO GO, YOU GOT TO GO:

Final Exit: Group That Helps Suffering People Commit Suicide Is Active in Florida


STILL WORST SHOW SINCE MY MOTHER THE CAR:

Howard Stern: Fox’s The Five
Is ‘My Favorite TV Show’

◄ ◄ ◄ From the Not Now Silly Archives ► ► ►
The Five Is Simply Bad Tee Vee
— An Aunty Em Review —


ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

D.C. officer charged with prostituting teens
had been investigated as early as 2011, police


THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH:

Walt Disney’s Grandniece
Agrees With Meryl Streep:
He Was ‘Racist’


FOX NEWS IN THE NEWS:

Fox News host says Americans don’t know their history, flubs history of Boston Tea Party


IN OUTER SPACE:

Spanish researchers discover the first
black hole orbiting a “spinning” star

Pluto Has a Fifth Moon,
Hubble Telescope Reveals

VIDEO DU JOUR:


Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14

Unretouched pic of Bully Boy Bolling, aka Eric
Bolling, taken directly from my tee vee screen

It’s been a while since I’ve written about Bully Boy Bolling, the pugnacious Fox “News” fireplug with the big mouth. It’s not that there hasn’t been anything to write about because Eric Bolling, as he is known to the brain-dead viewers of Fox “News,” says something ridiculous almost every single day.

However, writing about Bully Boy Bolling’s stupidity is like shooting fish in a barrel. There’s little sport in it, which is why I have stayed away. However, this week Bully Boy dug so deep for stupidity that I would be remiss if I let it go without comment and without a mea culpa of my own.

It began when Bully Boy asked the crack Fox “News Research team — its viewers — to help ferret out examples of liberal bias in children’s text books.

OOOPS! Eric Bolling forgot to ask permission to show them on the air. No matter because by Wednesday he had enough examples, from viewers who had given permission I suppose, to go on the air and BLOW THE LID OFF THIS SCANDAL!!!

Even though viewers sent in hundreds of examples, the best, and only, examples Bully Boy Bolling could come up with were these two: An Algebra problem that seemed like Socialism (or Marxism, or Communism, or something he never quite says) and a textbook that he CLAIMS, but never identifies, has the SHOCKING and totally undeniable fact that there were no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq.

And . . . That’s it! Out of hundreds of examples sent in. A pretty thin soup of Liberal bias, if you ask me, especially when compared to the crazy bullshit they put in Texas textbooks to accommodation Right Wing Crazies.

Naturally Media Matters for America jumped on this with the headline Fox’s Eric Bolling Cries “Liberal Bias” At Historical Fact That Bush Administration Found No WMDs In Iraq.

HuffPo, in the guise of Rebecca Shapiro also took Bolling to task for the same segment, but concentrated on the problem with the Algebra problem.

Co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle said that she goes through all of her six-year-old’s homework papers, adding that she was now on “high alert after this inappropriateness!”

“So it starts in third grade [with] ‘Distribute The Wealth,’ and guess what happens? Through their whole educational experience they continually get indoctrinated through college,” a concerned Bolling said, holding up the math sheet once again.

Co-host Dana Perino said that the assignment was probably written by an “Occupy Wall Street grad student.”

That probably would have been the end of it. However, the notoriously thin-skinned Bully Boy Bolling can never seem to leave it alone when he’s been criticized in any media. And, as he has done previously (and more than once), he doubles down on his stupidity, defending his spurious facts with more spurious facts. The next day he sent out the following:

The Bully Boy Bolling post t6hat broke my meter

That’s when I lost it. Normally my meter hovers right in the middle, that sweet spot right between SARCASTIC CYNICISM and the opposite pole of TOTALLY PISSED OFF. Bully Boy Bolling’s Bullshit™ sent the needle all the way over to TOTALLY PISSED OFF, where it stuck and had to be replaced, but not before I sent out the following:

I apologize unreservedly to my followers for losing my sense of humour. I also promise to let you know if Bully Boy Bolling accepts my challenge and proffers proof for his lies.

BTW: Media Matters alerted me to the fact that this isn’t the first time Bully Boy
Bolling tried to sell this bullshit story. On St. Valentines Day of last year
Media Matters noted Fox’s Bolling Repeats Discredited Myth That 9/11 Attacks Had “Footsteps” That Could Be Traced “Right Back To Saddam”.

Dear readers: If you can find other examples of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™, don’t hesitate to pass it along to me.

A Banner Day For Bully Boy Bolling ► Chow Mein and Bolling 11

How can you tell when Bully Boy Bolling is being
CRAZY? Either his mouth is open, or it’s not.

It was a banner day for Bully Boy Bolling, as the loud-mouthed, conspiracy-mongering, The Five Fool™ managed to make the Media Matters Wall of Shame™ four separate times yesterday. I’m not sure that’s ever been done before, unless it was by Glenn Beck, who occupies a category of CRAZY all by himself. However, ever since The Five took over the 5PM slot vacated by Beck on Fox “News,” Bully Boy Bolling has done everything in his mouth’s power to be the craziest MoFo on Fox News.

It began early in the day when those Foxy Friends on Fox and Friends used Bully Boy Bolling to debunk the latest job numbers from the government. Bolling used the opportunity to return to his most recent conspiracy: That the jobs report was cooked. This time he doubled down on that whacked out theory by saying that he thinks if the job numbers are not corrected upwards, Congress should start an investigation of the Department of Labor. No, really! Watch: 

However, that’s not the only problem Media Matters found with this segment. Justin Berrier and Albert Kleine also took a look at his white board and decided Bully Boy Bolling doesn’t know WTF he’s talking about.

Courtesy of Media Matters for America

Since numbers are my natural enemy, I’ll leave it to Berrier and Kleine to explain:

Bolling’s math doesn’t add up: his numbers come from two different surveys that measure different aspects of labor market conditions, two surveys that are conducted in different ways, which often leads to large gaps between the two findings.

Every month, the Bureau of Labor Statistics issues the results of two surveys. One, known as the household survey, measures the number of people employed and looking for work. The results of the household survey are used to determine the unemployment rate. The other survey, known as the establishment survey, measures the total number of jobs gained or lost in a month through a survey of businesses. Because the surveys are conducted differently, the results often do not agree.

Bolling seized on the routine difference between the surveys’ findings to claim that 342,000 jobs were missing and therefore cast doubt on the unemployment drop for September.

Berrier and Kleine even quoted a Wall Street Journal article that explains why these numbers cannot be compared and, remember, the WSJ is owned by the same company that owns Bolling’s ass:

The answer lies in the way the two figures are calculated. The monthly payroll number–how many jobs are gained or added in a month–is based on a survey of about 141,000 businesses and government agencies. The unemployment rate and related statistics are based on an [sic] separate survey of about 60,000 individual households.

If those were Bully Boy Bolling’s only two screw-ups, it would have simply been a normal day for him at Fox “News.” However, it was a long day for Bully Boy and there was still The Five coming up many hours later, when he felt the need to return to his Jobs Numbers Conspiracy Theory™:

BOLLING: I think there’s an October Surprise. I think next Friday when the unemployment number comes out…

DANA PERINO: Yeah?

BOLLING: It’s going to be a surprise one way or another. It’s either going to be very good, if it’s 7 and a half percent, probably President Obama walks away — sails right through to the White House.

PERINO: But if you’re a conspiracy theorist it won’t be a surprise. 

BOLLING: We already did this conspiracy theory on Fox and Friends this morning. I think the books are cooked.

Watch: 

However, never say that Bully Boy Bolling is not afraid to make a fool of himself more than once on any given show. Exhibit A: This exchange with Dana Perino, who seems to play his foil — or instigator — during a segment when Bully Boy goes completely off the rails.

PERINO: What about, Eric, the economic numbers in the states where they were campaigning today? Iowa and they had the other swing ones. [sic] Yesterday we talked a little bit about the unemployment rates and those ones. [sic] The trajectory for Iowa has been fairly good — it’s down from where it was. But in all the other states it’s — the unemployment rate is up!

BOLLING: Up from when President Obama took —

PERINO: Yes!

BOLLING: — office. Up higher than the national average. President Obama’s, umm, strategy now is, is, yannow, just calling Mitt Romney names. Romnesia. Big Bird! He talks about Big Bird, binders and bayonets. But the Romnesia thing — I have a name. [Pretends to look thoughtful as if he just made it up.] I came up with a name.

PERINO: Okay.

BOLLING: It’s called Obamanoma. And, we’re in Stage Four Obamanoma right now. The symptoms are joblessness — 

BOB BECKEL: Obamanoma?

BOLLING: — dispair, dis — dependancy, homelessness. A desire to hang out with celebrities.

PERINO: We’re going to see if we can get that into the thesaurus. [CROSSTALK] I don’t think we should be comparing either of them to cancer, really. Probably not, but this election has been like a cancer on some people. I’m trying, Greg [Gutfeld], to —

BOLLING: It’s good. Thank you. Thank you.

Watch:

Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!! This is just another reason why The Five is still the worst program on tee vee since My Mother the Car.

Chow Mein and Bolling 10 ► Ignorant And Proud Of It

Unretouched pic of Bully Boy Bolling
taken by me directly from my tee vee

It’s not JUST that Bully Boy Bolling is an ignorant Bully Boy. It’s that he’s so proud of being an ignorant Bully Boy. 

What’s more: his ignorance is not just limited to the Fox “News” arguefest The Five, still the worst show in tee vee since My Mother, The Car. Bully Boy Bolling proudly displays his ignorance on social media all across the innertubes. His pride in his own ignorance extends to sending out links to articles that prove he’s an ignorant Bully Boy; articles that demonstrate beyond a shadow of a doubt that he lies boldfaced on tee vee. Then he lies again in his messages which also display his proud ignorance.

Bully Boy Bolling’s latest ignorance comes in the shape of a message he proudly sent out this morning, which follows the ignorance he proudly spouted on The Five last night:

Let’s parse that, shall we? Liberals are not “jumping up and down.” Many people, including Bob Beckel on last night’s The Five, are sharing a picture of a man at a Mendacious Mitt rally proudly wearing an ignorantly RACIST t-shirt that says “PUT THE WHITE BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE.” Furthermore, Beckel’s outrage had nothing to do with the polls. People are simply appalled at a clearly racist t-shirt. Then, just to put the cap on it, he calls the writer at Mediaite, TC,
or Tommy Christopher, to the “left of Che Guevara” in order to
discredit him.

However, facts are facts, Bully Boy.
Tommy Christopher could be from Mars for all that it matters, but that wouldn’t change the fact
that he caught you in another lie for which you are proudly ignorant, which simply adds to the list of all your
previous proud ignorant lies.

Here’s the segment from The Five:

After Beckel referred to the racist t-shirt, as Christopher points out in his article

Bolling took that as his cue to add in his two cents. “Did you hear, over the weekend, the story about the kid on the West Coast who took the hammer to some Obama headquarters offices,” Bolling said, ”and it turns out he was a liberal, he’s a very progressive liberal, and the speculation is he was doing it to make Mitt Romney look bad?”

“I was making no connection to Romney,” Beckel protested.

“It’s like Munchausen Syndrome by political proxy,” giggled another Fiver.

What actually happened over the weekend, in Denver, Colorado, not the West Coast, was that a gunshot was fired into an Obama campaign field office while campaign volunteers and staff were inside. The shot shattered a plate glass window on the front of the building, but thankfully, no one was hurt. Police are reviewing surveillance footage, and have said they are looking for a “vehicle of interest.”

An incident similar to the one Bolling described did occur three years ago, and is a popular way for right-wingers to dismiss a pattern of violent opposition to the President.

So, Bully Boy Bolling is caught in a lie, which he was using to deflect his brain-dead audience of The Five, into ignoring the racist t-shirt. Then, when Christopher calls him on it in an article on Mediaite, Bully Boy actually tweets out the proof that he lied and disparages the writer by saying he’s to the “left of Che.”

Not content to leave it alone, and because he previously has proven he is a Bully Boy with a notorious thin-skinwho can dish it out, but cannot take it — Bolling comes back a few hours later with the following:

None of this explains Bully Boy Bolling’s lie, of course, nor does it explain why he won’t accept that someone wore a racist t-shirt. However, it does muddy the water sufficiently so his brain-dead followers will have no idea what’s going on. Which, naturally, is the whole point. Never tell the Fox “News” audience the truth. It would burst their bubble.

Chow Mein and Bolling 9 ► A Vice Presidential Debate Review

Put down Bully Boy Bolling as another bullshit artist from Fox “News” who didn’t much like Vice President Joe Biden’s debate performance. 

The so called “Fair and Balanced” network has spent plenty of time since the end of the debate alleging Biden was drunk, rude, disrespectful, an unhinged cranky old man, and even attacked him for things he didn’t say. However, leave it to Bully Boy Bolling to take it so far over-the-top that it barely resembled what the rest of the country saw. However, before Bully Boy weighed in, The Five played a greatest hits package of Fox “News” personalities criticizing the Vice President.

Watch:

ANDREA TANTAROS: Eric? Rude, cranky, disrespectful. Really unprecedented behavior and, if you’re trying to swing voters in your camp when you’re down, probably not the the way to do it.

BULLY BOY BOLLING: Yannow, umm, unfortunately Joe Biden — Mr. Vee Pee — confirmed all our suspicions. He’s a real jackrabbit. He embarrassed himself, he embarrassed the office, he embarrassed the country. Her lied about taxes. He lied about contraception. He lied about his voting record on wars. And, most importantly, he lied about what went on in Libya. The scary fact is this guy is one heartbeat away — a condescending smug, morally and intellectually bankrupt man — is one heartbeat away from the presidency. Your question, Andrea, four more years or four more weeks?

TANTEROS: Yeah.

It was only a few days ago that Fox “News” was trying to make the case that the Obama campaign calling Mendacious Mitt a liar when they called out his lying lie was “unseemly.” However, it seems Bully Boy Bolling has no trouble calling the Vice President a liar. 

The Five: Still the worst show on tee vee. Bully Boy Bolling: The worst person on the worst show on tee vee.