When newspapers are outlawed, only outlaws will read newspapers. If truth be told, I haven’t read a newspaper in years and there was a time in my life, while working at Citytv, I was at my desk at 4AM and by 5AM had 3 or 4 newspapers read already. Yet, the headlines keep coming, which is why Headlines Du Jour keeps coming.

MORE DISPATCHES FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Spinning off DIA from city could save both art and Detroit pensions

Detroit Thieves Rip Off World-Famous Photog Christopher Morris Twice In One Day

THE FALAFEL KING SHOWS HIS BENEVOLENCE:

Bill O’Reilly: Jesus is not ‘down with’ food stamps because most poor people are drug addicts

Asshole Of The Day

Bill O’Reilly Fires Back At Jon Stewart In The War On Christmas

CNN Throws In the Towel as it Schedules Hour-Long Glenn Beck Interview

The Day I Shook Hands With Glenn Beck

Related: All of my Aunty Em posts [that survived] at NewsHounds

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Newtown 911 calls released; fear, desperation heard in voices

10 Whales Dead, 41 Still Stranded in Everglades: NOAA

Baffling 400,000-Year-Old Clue to Human Origins
Scientists have found the oldest DNA evidence yet of humans’ biological history. But instead of neatly clarifying human evolution, the finding is adding new mysteries.

Youngest known X-ray binary has plenty of secrets to reveal
Most X-ray binaries are very old and no longer contain a supernova remnant.

NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft Obtains Best Views of Saturn Hexagon

IN BEATLES NEWS:

Peyton Reed Set To Helm ‘The Fifth Beatle,’ On Fab Four Manager Brian Epstein

Danny Wells, Luigi on ‘Super Mario Bros.’ Show, Dies at 72

Found: Hacker server storing two million pilfered passwords
Credentials belonged to users of Facebook, Yahoo, Google, Twitter, and more.