It’s Friday the 13th and the Not Now Silly news interns have been toiling all night long in the darkest recesses of the internet, collecting only the must scrumptious headlines for your reading pleasure. So, here are today’s unlucky Headlines Du Jour.
BEST HEADLINE OF THE MONTH:
U.S. Charity Revealed As Buyer
Of Hopi Masks, Promises To
Return Artifacts To Tribe
LGBT NEWS:
George Clooney Addresses Gay Rumors In The Best Way Possible
TODAY IN IMMIGRATION:
Arizona detective quits after learning she’s
been living in the U.S. illegally since childhood
SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:
Virginia GOP senatorial candidate: Desegregation
‘was the beginning of the decline’ for schools
Volunteer fire chief resigns over shockingly offensive Facebook posts, but denies he’s racist
COMPASSION CORNER:
Startup CEO Wishes Homeless ‘Degenerates’ Would
Stop Ruining ‘The Civilized Part’ Of San Francisco
IT’S A SMALL WORLD, AFTER ALL:
We Found This 20-Year-Old T-Shirt In Kenya. The Internet Found The Original Owner
FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:
Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade
Mocks Nelson Mandela Sign
Language Interpreter
Other ‘Verifiable Facts’ for Fox to Investigate
About Your Favorite Christmas Characters
NO LONGER PREGGY LEGGY MEGGY IN THE NEWS:
Megyn Kelly Wants Kids At Home To Know That Jesus And Santa Were White
What Megyn Kelly’s White Santa Says About Power Dynamics In Journalism
The (Race) War on Christmas: Megyn Kelly Declares ‘Santa Claus Just Is White’ and So Was Jesus
THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OLD:
Rachel Maddow: GOP in shambles as internal war goes public
GOP Planning on Tighter Control Over 2016
Primaries: Fewer Debates, Better Moderators
THE “G” IN GOP STANDS FOR GOD:
For Budget Deal, Paul Ryan Called the Jesus of the Republican Party
THE NEWEST EXCUSE FOR RICH PEOPLE TO GET AWAY WITH MANSLAUGHTER:
Texas man who lost wife and daughter to rich kid drunk driver fuming over sentence
CRACK MAYOR CORNER:
Rob Ford: Daniel Dale tells us why he’s taking legal action
I am serving the mayor of Toronto with a libel notice. Here’s why.
Rob Ford: Daniel Dale files libel notice against Toronto mayor
Toronto Star reporter Daniel Dale has served a libel notice against Mayor Rob Ford and Vision
TV in connection with comments Ford made on Conrad Black’s television show The Zoomer.
BEST HEADLINE OF THE DAY:
The woolly jumper flashmob that became a YouTube hit
Loes Veenstra spent 50 years knitting woolly jumpers on her home street in
Rotterdam only to pack them away, never to be worn. Surely she and they
deserved better? Enter one very colourful (and toasty) flashmob
VIDEO DU JOUR:
Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
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