Tag Archives: Headlines in the News

Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, December 19, 2013

Each morning I sit by the open window waiting. I wait for the return of the Not Now Silly interns, who are both the hunters and the gatherers of this operation. The NNS interns have spent the entire night reconnoitering the innertubes and foraging for nothing but the best and most succulent headlines. They are picked at the exact moment of ripeness and brought back to me for inspection. I take these proto-headlines, check them for bugs, put them through a patented homogenization process, and VOILA! Today’s Headlines Du Jour.

PUT THIS ON PAY-PER-VIEW SETTLE THE NATIONAL DEBT:

McCain To Reid: ‘I’m Going To Kick The Crap Out Of You’

PROLITARIAT OF THE WORLD UNITE:

The Great American Class War: Plutocracy Versus Democracy

I GOTCHER WAR ON CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE:

Arizona Woman Gets Punched for Saying
‘Happy Holidays’ Instead of ‘Merry Christmas’

SAY! DIDN’T YOU USED TO BE…?

BBC interviews random man on the
street who turns out to be the Fonz

SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

Scientists cut million-year natural process to convert algae into crude oil to about an hour

Fossil turns back the human hands
of time  for tool use 500,000 years

LGBT NEWS:

Lawsuit: Mississippi school forced
‘pathetic dyke’ to use the boys’ bathroom
 

America’s Oldest Gay Rights Magazine Picks Pope Francis as Person of Year

 

◄ ◄ ◄ REMOVING THE ‘NASTY’ FROM DUCK DYNASTY ► ► ►

‘Duck Dynasty’s’ Phil Robertson suspended for comments about gays

◄ ◄ ◄ EARLIER ► ► ►

‘Duck Dynasty’ Star Rants Against ‘Homosexual
Behavior,’ ‘Islamists,’ And ‘Shintos’ In Epic Interview

Duck Dynasty Dad: Growing Up In Louisiana ‘I
Never Saw The Mistreatment Of Any Black Person’

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Gun activists have a new craze —
and it’s more dangerous than you think
The new front line in the battle over gun rights is “open carry.” Here’s why it has psychologists deeply concerned

HYPOCRITE CORNER:

Watch: Marco Rubio is Confronted for Accepting $10k Obamacare Subsidy

 

Johnny Dollar ► Hypocrite ► UPDATED!

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

Reporter Daniel Dale drops libel suit
after Mayor Rob Ford apologizes again
Dale has agreed to not continue his lawsuit against the mayor after
a second, more complete, public apology was issued Wednesday.

TODAY’S EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

N.Y. cop’s anti-Obama Facebook rant: ‘Go die in a shallow grave you Muslim commie’

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

‘Where’s Hoda?!’ Shep Smith Gets Hilariously
Distracted by Dana Perino’s Facebook Page

THAT’LL TEACH HIM!!!

German town revokes Hitler’s citizenship

LOVE CONQUERS ALL:

Jamaican bride dumps new husband 20 MINUTES after
arriving in the UK… and guess who paid for her £5k visa

PLATE TECHTONICS IS COMPLICATED:

The world’s newest island, Niijima

VIDEO DU JOUR:

THIS REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN 3D:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Saturday, December 14, 2013

Good morning, sleepyheads! As you were getting your shut-eye, the Not Now Silly news team spread out in the less- populated precincts of the innertubes, gathering only the most succulent headlines for your reading enjoyment. Let’s get right to it.

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

SPEAKING OF JESUS:

Brutal offshore Christian reform school exposed in new documentary

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

DIDJA FALL IN?

SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

THE PLANET IS COMPLICATED:

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

The mayor has admitted to drug use, and there’s
evidence of other troubling behaviour like
driving drunk. Is this a case for Children’s Aid?

NEWS YOU CAN USE:

RELIGION CORNER:

VIDEO DU JOUR:

 An EmTV Production

 

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, November 21, 2013

Overnight, while you were sleeping, the Not Now Silly interns went into the back alleys and speakeasies of the urban internet. Meanwhile, trained coyotes swept the rural precincts. The task: Come back with today’s Headlines Du Jour, or don’t come back at all. We now have openings for new interns. Meanwhile, here are the headlines.

TODAY IN WINGNUTTIA:

► Clearly I’m going to hell . . . Twice ◄

TODAY IN FOX “NEWS” NEWS:


► They can’t claim him, so they’ll dis his party instead ◄

TODAY’S EXCITING EPISODES OF COPS GONE WILD:

A sociologist interrogates the criminal-justice system, and tries to stay out of the spotlight.

As part of the Global War on Terror, the US has exported its border patrol model to the Caribbean.

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

CANADIAN DRUG CORNER:


► You can’t make this shit up ►

CANADIAN BULLY CORNER:

SPHINCTER DU JOUR:

NEWS FROM OUTER SPACE:

Once in a lifetime galactic fireworks display due from Comet Ison
Comet Ison, first spotted a year ago, is now visible to the naked
eye and will continue to brighten as it hurtles toward the sun

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Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly., home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic. Updated through the day. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Wednesday, November 20, 2013

While you were lazy and sleeping the Not Now Silly news team has been creeping and crawling through the vast recesses of cyberspace — much like Ashley Graham and the Flying Monkey Squad — to bring back nothing but the best in Headlines Du Jour. Here is today’s catch:

BEST IDEA DU JOUR:

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:


Fox Business host wonders if women have weird
brains that are keeping them down in the tech industry
There aren’t many women CEOs in Silicon Valley, perhaps
because their brains are broken, posits one pundit

TODAY IN THE WAR ON DRUGS:

Kansas Couple Sues Sheriff for $7 Million Over Unconstitutional Raid

SPHINCTER OF THE WEEK:

Hawaii lawmaker ‘solves’ homeless problem
by destroying their stuff with a sledgehammer

VAGINA OF THE WEEK:

Sarah Silverman to MSNBC: ‘I Think Vaginas Really, Really Scare People.’

FAUX OUTRAGE OF THE DAY:

Obama Omits ‘Under God’ From Gettysburg Address; Outrage Ensues

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS: 

Iowa man’s gun accidentally fires from pants
pocket at Wal-Mart but he finishes shopping

TODAY IN WTF? NEWS:

Don’t Miss Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day Today

► OOOOPS! CATCH AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT DAY CANCELLED ◄

UT Young Conservatives call off ‘catch an illegal immigrant’ stunt

BULLY CORNER:

Gay Ontario jail guard Bob Ranger suffered poisoned workplace
Gay Ontario correctional officer Bob Ranger endured a “poisoned” workplace
and won the largest grievance board settlement to date. It’s not enough.

Mark Koldys, before he turned evil

► BULLYING FROM THE NOT NOW SILLY ARCHIVES ◄
The Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar
Cyber-Bully Comments of the Day

CRACK CORNER:

Rob Ford says he’s quit drinking,
has had ‘come-to-Jesus’ moment
CBC interview comes after council
votes to restrict Toronto mayor’s budget

► Editorial from The Toronto Sun ◄
Rob Ford’s ‘crazy train’ runs amok

► From Bloomberg News ◄
Why Rob Ford Happened

► From Time Magazine ◄
Toronto Mayor Leaves ‘Today Show’ Hosts ‘Speechless’
Rob Ford on crack-smoking video: ‘I can’t remember it. I was very, very inebriated’

VIDEO DU JOUR:

► Who knew this was so difficult? ◄

Headlines Du Jour
is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly., home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic. Updated through the day.
Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Remember the good ol’ days, when the milkman and paperboy still delivered fresh products every morning?  Not Not Silly takes you back to the days of yore. Our interns have been set loose on the internet and told not to return without interesting Headlines Du Jour. Let’s take a look at what they found this morning.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA:

SCOTT WALKER IS SURROUNDED:

TODAY IN EDUCATION:

STILL FIGHTING WORLD WAR TWO:

TODAY IN LGBT NEWS:


►►► R.I.P. ◄◄◄

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

FREE THE WEED:

CRACK CORNER:


Law-and-order Conservatives offer only hugs for Rob Ford: Tim Harper

Reporter’s notebook:
In the heart of Ford Nation with Toronto’s embattled mayor

Rob Ford’s misadventures have Austin raising
concerns about alliance with Toronto
Just six weeks ago, Mayor Rob Ford was touting music alliance with Austin.
But now Texas officials expressed concerns given mayor’s recent bombshells.

CRACKED CORNER:

Headlines Du Jour
is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly., home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic. Updated through the day.
Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.


Headlines Du Jour ► Monday, November 18, 2013

Another work week begins and the Not Now Silly army of interns have just returned with all the latest Headlines Du Jour for your reading pleasure.

FLOODING IN THE ARABIAN DESERT:

Saudi capital hit with rare floods, residents urged to stay indoors

Crazy Photos Are Coming Out Of Saudi
Arabia After Rain Leaves Capital Flooded

FLOODING IN BOSTON STRONG:

FEMA’s new flood map reaches deep into city

MORE DISPATCHES FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Why Detroit’s lights went out, and how the city plans to get them back on

Finley: Will downtown Detroit be a white enclave?

IN LGBT NEWS:

Liz Cheney shrugs off lesbian sister’s call marriage rights: ‘We disagree’

Mary Cheney Fires Back at Sister’s Anti-Gay Marriage Comments (Again)

TODAY’S FOX “NEWS” LIE:

Fox Politicizes The Kennedy Assassination:
JFK Was A Conservative Murdered By A Liberal

Fox News marks 50th anniversary of JFK’s
death by painting him as ‘quite conservative’

 

SO GLAD WE ARE LIVING IN A POST RACIAL SOCIETY:

Cobb taken into custody for toting guns in Leith

Craig Cobb: White supremacist told he is 14% African in televised DNA test

 

► VIDEO BONUS ◄

 

 



America’s angriest white men: Up close
with racism, rage and Southern supremacy
Up close with small-town white rage, with bitter, scary men
who feel left behind by economic and cultural change

Chad Palmer, Georgia Deputy Sheriff, Suspended
After Dressing In Blackface With Inmate Stripes

WAIT!!! WHAT???

Company fines couple $3.5k for posting negative review

Overboard cases on cruise lines often under-reported to public

HISTORY IS COMPLICATED/IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO:


 

In A Prophetic Letter, A Dallas Citizen Begged JFK Not To Visit

Stabilized Footage of the JFK Assassination Is Unsettlingly Real

► VIDEO BONUS ◄

 

ANOTHER NEIGHBOUR FROM HELL:

San Pedro Man Catches Neighbor Having Sex With His Dog

BOOK CORNER:

The Miami Book Fair International celebrates
its 30th anniversary when it opens on Sunday

TODAY IN GOD:

Gospel of selfishness pervades American Christianity
The philosophers of greed now use Christianity as their cover story

TODAY IN SCIENCE:

Sun will ‘flip upside down’ within weeks, says NASA

CRACK CORNER:

Rob Ford speaks to Fox News
Ford opens up to John Roberts from Fox News

Rob Ford might seek injunction to stop council meeting: Lawyer
Mayor Rob Ford consults lawyer George Rust D’Eye over council’s plan to transfer his powers and budget to deputy mayor Norm Kelly.

Ford his own worst enemy
Toronto’s mayor has only himself to blame for his political destruction

DISCRIMINATION DU JOUR:

For many Roma in Western Europe, no option to ‘go home’

VIDEO DU JOUR:

► Making M.C. Esher’s impossible objects possible ►

 

Headlines Du Jour
is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly., home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic. Updated through the day.
Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Sunday, November 17, 2013

Sunday is not a day of rest for the army of Not Now Silly interns. They are not allowed rest. Just like every other day of the week, they are provisioned and sent out to comb the vast reaches of cyberspace, with instructions not to return unless they bring back Headlines Du Jour. Here’s today’s haul.

TODAY IN GOD:

► A little too little, a little too late ◄
Charles Darwin to receive apology from
the Church of England for rejecting evolution
The
Church of England is to apologise to Charles Darwin
for its initial
rejection of his theories, nearly 150 years
after he published his most
famous work.

TODAY IN LGBT NEWS:

► Let’s not forget two things: 1). The Daily Caller is Tucker Carlson’s sewer; 2). When pronouncing his first name, the “F” is not silent, as in “Fucker.” Adding an adjective, like “stupid” is optional. ◄

Daily Caller: “Foolish” And “Stupid” Are
Totally Acceptable Definitions For “Gay”

TODAY’S FAUX REICH WING OUTRAGE:

Oprah: Old Racists ‘Just Have To Die’ To Further Racial Progress

BOOK CORNER:

‘Elizabeth And Hazel’: The Legacy Of Little Rock

Not as illustrated

TODAY IN WTF? NEWS:

Foster child found handcuffed to
porch with dead chicken around neck

I DIG ARCHEOLOGY:

Once An Ancient Village, Soon
An Entertainment Complex?

The Forgotten Giant Arrows
that Guide you Across America

CRACK CORNER:

SNL Lampoons Mayor Rob Ford and
60 Minutes During Cold Open

 

CRACKED CORNER:

Ted Cruz is Attending David Barton’s Conference for State Legislators

Bill Maher: Sarah Palin would prefer the Pope who quit while in office

HILARITY ENSUES:

Chase’s Twitter Gambit Devolves into All-Time PR Fiasco


VIDEO DU JOUR:

► In 1974 Arthur C. Clarke predicts what Not Now Silly does on the innertubes 40 years later ◄

Headlines Du Jour
is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly., home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic. Updated through the day.
Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Saturday, November 16, 2013

The Not Now Silly interns don’t take weekends off. They’ve spent the night wriggling through all of the innertubes collecting nothing but the finest Headlines Du Jour for your reading pleasure.

BEST STORY OF THE YEAR:

NEWS FROM THE FAR-FLUNG STATES:

DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS TEACHERS:

DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS WOMEN:

GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!! GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!!

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS

RICH SON OF A GUN:

THE LATEST IN HEALTHCARE LIES:

IN LGBT NEWS:

238 Trans People Murdered Worldwide In The Past Year
The Transgender Murder Monitoring Project reveals the greatest number of killings
took place in countries with some of the most progressive LGBTI rights laws.

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:


Passenger ‘fell out’ of small plane near Miami
Rescue teams scour area south-east of Miami after pilot
radios that passenger fell out of aircraft flying at 2,000ft

THE NEIGHBOUR FROM HELL:

IN FOX “NEWS” NEWS:

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:


Rob Ford’s true victims may be those closest to him: DiManno
The mayor has warned media to leave his family alone, but it was he who dragged them into this mess.

Rob Ford’s intoxication affected his job: former staff
Ford was drunk at city hall between 15 and 20 times in a year, a former aide told police; he also missed events, asked staff to buy him booze, and was violent in his office.

Defanging Mayor Rob Ford could cause legal headache
Councillors and legal experts say cutting the mayor’s budget could be sticky, depending on how provincial law regarding the mayor’s “statutory duties” is interpreted.

Report: Police Were Concerned Rob Ford’s
Wife Was Domestic Abuse Victim

Rob Ford’s litany of apologies — and non-apologies
Mayor has spent past two weeks saying he’s sorry,
though sometimes it’s not clear what he’s sorry for.

CRACKED CORNER:

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour
is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly., home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic. Updated through the day.
Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Friday, November 15, 2013

During the night, when the rest of the world is sleeping peacefully, the Not Now Silly interns spread out over the vast reaches of cyberspace and told not to return unless they bring back the latest Headlines Du Jour. Only then will they be fed and allowed to rest.

STILL COVERING UP FOR BUSH’S WAR:

Exclusive: US blocks publication of
Chilcot’s report on how Britain
went to war with Iraq

WHAT THE FRACK???

Mayor Calvin Tillman Leaves Dish, Texas
Fearing ‘Fracking’ Effects On Family’s Health

WHAT THE FROCK???

Prosecutor warns of a mafia threat against Pope Francis

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Exclusive: Grosse Pointe cops film, humiliate black people

FROM OUTER SPACE:

Potentially Dazzling Comet ISON Now Visible to Naked Eye After Outburst

THE LATEST IN FOX “NEWS” NEWS:

Rebekah Brooks Was Hacked by Her Own Tabloid

THE LATEST ABOUT PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT A CRIME:

 

Boston Boondoggle Hearing Postponed Until
Next Week as Internet Criticism Grows

Blogger threatened with 10-year prison sentence
for posting public official’s phone number

CRACK CORNER:

Robot Butt Developed By Dr. Benjamin Lok:
The Cutting Edge Of ‘Rear-search’?

Joseph Small Puts Fire Hose In Butt, Causes General Mayhem

CRACKED CORNER:

 

They Came to Adore Her: A Night in Bethlehem with Sarah Palin’s Fans

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:


TODAY’S TOTALLY ACCURATE QUOTE FROM TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD:

“Oh, and the last thing was (former staff member) Olivia Gondek. It says that I wanted to eat her pussy. I’ve never said that in my life to her; I would never do that. I’m happily married, I’ve got more than enough to eat at home. Thanks very much.”

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford apologises for oral-sex remarks

Rob Ford says he is receiving help from health professionals
but Ontario premier suggests province will step in

 

 Rob Ford’s ‘strength of character’ is just the pathology talking: DiManno
The public may be reeling from new and worse revelations inflicted by the man
himself, but the mayor will adamantly not collect his bobblehead dolls and leave.

 

RELIGION CORNER:

 

Study: Jesus’ Crucifixion Was Legal
A legal scholar says Christ got a fair trial and crucifixion was not unusual for the time

VIDEO DU JOUR:

‘Doctor Who’ 50th: John Hurt’s character name confirmed

Headlines Du Jour
is a semi-regular feature at Not Now Silly. Updated through the day.
Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, November 14, 2013

While the rest of the world sleeps, an army of Not Now Silly interns reconnoiters the vast reaches of cyberspace looking for those Headlines Du Jour that you’ve been looking for and didn’t even know it. Then, when you wake up, it’s waiting for you right where you expect to find it.

Typhoon Haiyan: in village after village
the plea is the same – please help us!
In northern Cebu, where the typhoon made two devastating
landfalls last Friday, families line the road begging for supplies

Typhoon Haiyan: Before and after
Aerial images taken over the Philippines reveal the scale of devastation
Typhoon Haiyan has caused in the once-vibrant coastal city of Tacloban.

TODAY IN CLIMATE CHANGE NEWS:

US fears climate talks will focus on compensation for extreme weather
Officials fear the devastating impact of Typhoon Haiyan
will overshadow core issue of climate change prevention

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

THE LATEST IN FOX “NEWS” NEWS:


What I learned from partying with Fox News
Everyone loves Megyn Kelly, the Fox News “look” is real, and Bill O’Reilly loves a photo op

Sarah Palin Is Back To Doing What She Does Best —
Scaring White People And Selling Books

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

FIFTY YEARS AGO:

PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT A CRIME:

TODAY IN WTF? NEWS:

CRACK CORNER:





Mayor McCheese and the Hamburglar

Rob Ford did drugs, partied with escort, police document alleges
Mayor Rob Ford did drugs and partied with an escort during an all-night
binge last year beginning in his office, a new police document alleges.

Rob Ford admits to buying drugs; councillors ask him to take a leave
Mayor Rob Ford admitted during a testy and unprecedented city council
debate Wednesday that he has bought illegal drugs in the last two years.

► He knows when you’ve been good or bad ◄
Santa Claus Parade asks Rob Ford not to march
Parade co-chair has sent a letter to the mayor’s staff, asking to avoid the distraction
of having Rob Ford march “and put the focus back on Santa and Mrs. Claus.”

CRACKED CORNER:

Beck: Pledge Of Allegiance And Star Spangled
Banner Are The ‘Trappings’ Of Progressives

The five funniest lessons from Sarah Palin’s Christmas book
Palin predicts a President Romney and shares her recipe for Rice Krispies Treats

Marijuana laws in Washington, D.C., poised to be relaxed
City council set to decriminalize small amounts of pot, but Congress could interfere

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Cannabis History 101 – a great video about the history of cannabis