Tag Archives: Oliver North

The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 35

If Fox “News” isn’t anything, it isn’t subtle. Tracking which people, or memes, it gives voice to on a weekly basis is to witness its naked bias. The Fox “News” Spin Cycle has been designed from the bottom up to expose that Fox “News” bias, and have a little fun at the same time. 

To be serious for a sec: During a week in which many people — including President Obama — spoke about common sense gun safety regulations, Fox “News” promoted none of them, elevating only the most extreme voices in the gun debate. Just another reason why Fox “News” is not “Fair and Balanced.” Never has been. Never will be.

It used to be that I could expect to start my week with a leggy cheesecake pic from Ainsley Earworm and pugnacious bravado from Bully Boy Bolling. My how times have changed.
The unintended consequences of a a conservative ‘Merka is an overabundance of assholes.
WTF? Republicans now consider Republican Chuck Hagel an “in your face” nomination? Just more proof that Fox “News” will push out any nonsense, as long as it’s critical to President Obama.
Loofah Lad points out they have hateful and intolerant people in France, just like in ‘Merka. Wee? Oui! See? We ain’t so far apart after all, Falafel King. Is that enough to call off your boycott of France?
Well put. Now the Fox “News” attacks start.
The difference? Dubya was hiding the debt caused by his two wars and his tax cuts. It was a failure of leadership.
One thing you have to admire about Bully Boy Bolling, he’s not afraid to play the clown on tee vee. He’s not afraid to act stupid on tee vee either, however . . . it’s no act..
The “magic coin” idea was dropped more than a week ago. Why are you still harping on it?
Another Fox “News” headline that just makes shit up. There is no proof whatsoever that the “gun permit map” led to this burglary. It could have just been a random crime that happened coincidentally to a home on the “gun permit map.” It is far more logical to assume that IF burglars were really using the “gun permit map” to plan break-ins, they’d burgle people who didn’t have guns, not those who did.

That’s why this headline is another Fox “News” lie.

The real question you should be asking, Falafel King: Is the US becoming too permissive towards loofahs and falafels? Watch:

The Florida prof everybody loves to hate. Fox “News” piles on. Yawn.
Fox “News” spent the entire week trying to paint President Obama as a dictator, a king, a usurper who is coming for your guns. Of course, they didn’t want to say it themselves, so they just repeated it whenever anyone else said it, no matter which idiot said it.
You will not find this quote from President Obama anywhere. He never said it. Newsmax made it up and Fox “News” is happy to pass it along.
Fox “News” is also happy to pass along crazy shit like this, too. It hardly matters what the reality is, as long as Fox “News” can find a way to trash President Obama.
Can we give Steve Doocy a breathalyzer test? Because if you watch him with the sound off he looks drunk.
There are still some Fox “News” babes willing to show off their legs in the name of cheesecake. Sadly, since getting married, Ainsley Earworm is no longer one of them.

Cal Thomas is so NOT “Fair and Balanced” he has his own entry on Right Wing Watch.

Alex Jones, who was exposed as a fire-breathing crazy by Piers Morgan, conducted an interview with a woman stupid enough to believe a program started by Dubya in 2008 was Obama’s program. This extremely-low information voter then goes off on an anti-Obama rant and — for bonus points — she’s Black, which also throws racial politics into this mix of ugly.

And, while it happened on Alex Jones’ radio show, Fox “News” is happy to provide a wider platform for this unmitigated nuttery because it trashes President Obama. Accuracy, not to mention fairness and balance, is beyond the point.

Previous editions of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle documented how Fox “News” turned Jon Hammar into a hero, despite the fact that he was arrested by Mexican border authorities for trying to bring an illegal shot gun into Mexico.

Jon Hammar was been released by Mexico (an event for which Fox “News” was happy to take credit) and his first media appearance was on Fox, natch. Wretched Gretched wet her panties when she heard that he spent his time in a Mexican jail reading The Bible.

Of course President Obama has signed fewer Executive Orders than Dubya, but you never heard the Libertarian sheep bleating about it back then. However, just try and protect children — and other ‘Merkins — from gun violence and suddenly he’s King Obama? Sorry, you’re going to have to do better than that.

OH! Wait!!! What am I talking about? Your brain-dead viewers will believe anything. Never mind.

The resistance he’s facing is coming mainly from Fox “News” and its fearless leader, the NRA.
Last week I told Bully Boy Bolling that despite all the speculation, he’s the ONLY source that is saying definitely that Rand Paul is running for president in 2016. Now he’s claiming that this Politico article confirms his scoop. Yet, the article only speculates that Rand Paul may run in 2016.

No wonder Bully Boy Bolling works for Fox “News.” He simply doesn’t understand the difference between speculation and confirmation, just like so many of those other crazy MoFos at Fox “News.”

“Who was dissing God? Coming up on Fox “News” we get to the bottom of this outrage and send Jesse Watters to get God’s reaction.”
Hannity Prays For Secession. FIXED!!!
Wrong again!

To remind my faithful readers: The Fox “News” Spin Cycle was started precisely because I wanted to have an outlet to show how Fox “News” was WHITEwashing Mendacious Mitt’s election campaign lies. It would seem that Fox “News” hasn’t stopped lying on behalf of Mittens.

What Mendacious Mitt said, in the closing weeks of the election campaign, is that GM was OUTSOURCING ‘Merkin jobs to China. That’s when everybody and his brother — including GM — jumped on Mitt for being a lying sumnabitch. Now Fox “News” is the lying sumnabitch. Romney still isn’t right. The second part of the headline disproves the first part. China is just increasing China’s domestic production.

Try again.

“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Two things about this: 1). We only have the NRA’s word for it. 2). Of course there were many people who quit the NRA after its stance on the Newtown Massacre. Fox “News” will never tell you about any of them.
By this time next week there will be a statue of Jon Hammar in every town square in ‘Merka. Or, his 15 minutes of fame will be over. I’m predicting Fox “News” has no more use for him. NEXT!
He’s wrong, of course, and Fox “News” knows it. However, passing it along to its brain-dead followers provides another way for Fox “News” to trash President Obama, but have plausible deniability because it’s only something that “some people say.”
No, Bully Boy. It was a new low when Dubya used children as props.
Here is Dubya using children as props in 2002 as he signs the No Child Left Behind Act.

However, that’s not the only time that Dubya used children. In 2006 he used one as a human shield, the exact criticism that the Reich Wing has been accusing President Obama of. Look:

Note how Dubya is actually using 1-year old Trey Jones as a human shield. That’s because Dubya was vetoing a bill which would have provided federal funds towards embryonic stem cell research. Dubya knew his decision was controversial and decided that using cute children as human shields might inoculate him from criticism.

Here is Bully Boy Bolling and Rush Limbaugh moaning about President Obama’s human sheilds, while forgetting all about Dubya doing the same thing. Watch this idiocy from The Five:

Texas can’t decide which laws to endorse and which laws not to endorse. Who the hell do they think they are? Colorado?

Who is Phil and where are we meeting at 4:13? And why 4:13? Why not 4:20?

Is this woman still a Fox “News” personality?

The NRA started selling this Talking Point on Tuesday and, oddly enough, so did Fox “News.” It’s almost as if the NRA had been writing the Fox “News” scripts.
FINALLY!
Someone appears to have ordered a delay. However, there is no proof whatsoever that it was someone on Team Obama, whatever that might mean. However, what can you expect when you are running stories that originated the Breitbart Journalistic Malpractice site. While AP broke the story, that’s not the AP’s original headline, of course.
Fox “News” resigned KKKarl Rove to a new 4-year contract, which only goes to show you how well lying for the GOP will pay, if you do it right.
Almost everybody, including many Conservatives and Republicans, condemned this disgusting, and duplicious, advertisement. It was debunked thoroughly.

Remember: Loofah Lad is the original Culture Warrior. Just ask Andrea Mackris.
Isn’t this precious?

Juan Williams, one of the few sane voices at Fox “News” is trying to get the Fox “News” brain-dead viewers to listen to simple logic and facts. He must know he’s pissing into the wind.

If King Herod and Jesus Christ weren’t BFFs from way back, Fox “News” wouldn’t even care about this exhibit.
I see, it’s all Liberals’ fault.
As proper as Dubya doing the same thing.

Oh, Steve Doocy, you are such a hack.

Bully Boy Bolling never met a false equivalency he didn’t like.
Draws criticism from people at Fox “News” and the NRA, of course. No one else really gives a shit.
And, not a single one of them takes away any guns from anybody.

All that Reich Wing hysteria for nothing.

No gun-grabbing? Better change the topic.
Clearly Geraldo didn’t get the memo.
The Republican Party doesn’t need his help. They are doing a good job of it on their own.
ALERT!! Bully Boy Bolling is lying again.

Yes, it’s true he beat Politico by 2 days, but Bolling’s not the first person to speculate that Rand Paul might run for president in 2016. However, until he actually announces his intentions, it’s NOT news, it’s guesswork.

Therefore, why should anyone trust you on anything, Bully Boy?

“Will be on Hannity tonight to lie about President Obama’s new proposals regarding gun laws. Hope you’ll believe my lies starting at 9:00 PM EST.”

FIXED!!!

Oy vey!!!
Todd Starnes is fast becoming the latest Reich Wing Radio Crazy. Fox News has embraced his . . . err . . . particular point of view.
No, not really. However, if Brent Bozo’s News Busters attacks someone from NBC, Fox “News” is only happy to pass it along.

Another Fox “News” lie.

The hospital didn’t blame Obamacare in part — or at all — for its decision. Those who had been providing the service have retired or moved. The hospital has decided it’s not cost effective to continue to hire new obstetricians to deliver babies. Obamacare did not factor into the decision at all.

Is there any low to which Fox “News” won’t go to attack the president?
I have previously pointed out how Oliver North uses his cat bird seat as a Fox “News” personality to hawk his books and guided tours of The Holy Land. Now he’s shilling for the NRA. To be fair: So is Fox “News.”
Oh, lookie: Steve Doocy has learned some slang.
Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!!
No, not really. However, Fox “News” loves to attack other networks. It just happens to be CNNs turn.
Despite the fact that President Obama’s recommendations have not affected the Second Amendment whatsoever, Reich Wing Gun Nuts™ are going to continue to pretend it does. And, Fox “News” is happy to help sell that lie.
If you can’t prove that President Obama has nullified the 2nd Amendment, just say that he is still planning to do so. And, Fox “News”is happy to help you sell that lie.
Steve Doocy’s imaginary friend Gus is smarter than Steve Doocy.
Just a reminder: KKKarl Rove also writes regularly for the Wall Street Journal, another Rupert Murdoch entity.
Oh, gorsh!!! Shazam, shazam, shazam.

When I imitate southern people, I have been known to use a southern accent. Another tempest in a teabagger.

No.
Crosshairs? I see what you did there.
THERE HAS BEEN NO GUN BAN!!!

These Sheriffs have sworn an oath to uphold the law, all the laws, not just the ones they like.

Just more proof that you can feed the ‘Merkin people garbage and there will always be a lowest common denominator who will eat it right up. McDonald’s has made a fortune on the concept.

The Five may get ratings, but it’s still the worst show on tee vee since ***

We interupt this exciting episode of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle for this Public Service Announcement from Media Matters for America:

What’s to debate?

See? And, the Wall Street Journal never mentions KKKarl Rove’s conflicts of interest either.
So he can walk back the statement that President Obama is a Fascist after so many of his Progressive customers got righteously pissed off.
Are you drunk, Doocy? How many times have you been told not to drunk tweet?
It’s also the company you keep, right?

Take not that an extreme Right Wing facebook page is sharing a link with Fox “News.”

HYPOCRISY ALERT: KKKarl Rove is going to trash President Obama’s non-profit group, while he and Fox “News” never came clean on his non-profit SuperPACs spending an  estimated $300,000,000.00 to game the 2012 election. Despite spending all that money, almost every candidate American Crossroads and Crossroads GRS supported lost. Then there’s that election night meltdown, when Rove couldn’t — nay WOULDN’T — believe the election results.

No wonder Fox “News” resigned him to a new 4-year deal. He’s the perfect charlatan for our times.

When fake girlfriends are outlawed, only outlaws will have fake girlfriends.
Did you skip your AA meeting again?
No. But Fox “News” is making it seem like it does.
What does Fox have against alternative forms of energy? Whenever it gets the chance Fox “News” finds a way to attack all forms of energy that are not fossil fuel-derived. If ‘Merka had been helping to support alternative forms of energy for the last few decades, she may have been able to break the petrol-chemical umbilical cord that connects us to the Middle East.
Just another way for Fox “News” to attack another network’s news anchor. Tom Brokaw, incidentally, is far more respected by the ‘Merkin people than anyone from the Fox “News” Channel. For that matter, He’s far more respected than Mark Levin and Right Scoop, for that matter.
Loofah Lad must not watch MSNBC very often. I have seen many criticisms of President Obama on MSNBC. However, this is not about truth. As mentioned above: Fox “News” just loves to trash other news networks and The Falafel King is happy to play along. Especially as he is seeing that channel he’s criticizing erode on his ratings.

Zzzzzzz . . . 
Oh, Juan! Yer an idiot at times. It’s not “gun control.” It’s “gun safety.” However, you’re happy to repeat Frank Luntz-style language without thinking about the implications of your words. In other words, Juan: You continue to drink the Kool Aid from the Fox “News” fountains.

If you want some (unsolicited) advice, Juan: Get outside of that Fox “News” bubble and you’ll be a whole lot better for it.

Cue the Reich Wing to start attacking in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .
Had this politician been a Republican the headline would have been very different:

HERO STICKS TO HIS GUNS

Still using the humourless Jesse Watters to make fun of Liberals.
Oh lookie who has an hour-long in-kind commercial for his Defending Killing PeopleOrganization: It’s none other than the NRA’s Wayne Pierre, who has already proved himself a soulless hypocrite who attacked the violence of video games for ‘Merka’s gun deaths and then, just a few days later, released a Shoot ‘Em Up App.

NewsHounds watched the hour long commercial for killing machines so I didn’t have to. In a post titled ‘Regular Guys’ Hannity And LaPierre Whine About Those Hypocritical Elites Who Want Stronger Gun Laws it was noted:

Hannity played the NRA’s hideous new ad targeting President Obama and his daughters. Hannity called it a “powerful ad but yet anything the NRA points out seems to just come under attack.”

LaPierre repeated his “media elite hypocrisy” whine and added, “What’s unfair is there are Moms and Dads all over this country getting up and sending their kids to school on Monday and Tuesday of next week that are praying that their kids come home safe. And we could immediately help protect those kids by putting armed security in school, the same armed security the elites have.”

However, as it turned out, that was untrue as well. As NewsHounds reported the very next day:

Fox News loves to point fingers at the so-called “liberal mainstream media” for being too credulous, especially now over the Manti Te’o hoax. So where were Fox’s journalistic skills when the NRA attacked President Obama as an “elite hypocrite” whose own children go to a school with 11 armed guards, while trying to restrict guns elsewhere? Answer: nowhere to be found – just like those mythical armed guards at the Obama daughters’ school. The Washington Post did some real fact checking and guess what? That NRA ad that Hannity gushed over got it wrong. I haven’t seen a correction anywhere else on Fox, either.

TSA perverts everywhere immediately went into mourning.
TSA perverts everywhere immediately went into mourning.
TSA perverts everywhere immediately went into mourning.
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”

“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame President Obama?”
This is the kind of life minutia that Ainsley Earworm sends out now that she’s married. If you’re reading this, Ainsley: This doesn’t take the place of your leggy cheesecake pictures of yore:
This is the kind of leggy cheesecake your fans are missing, Ainsley. This picture was archived August 20, 2012. There are many more in the archives. However, they mysteriously stopped as soon as you got back from your honeymoon, Ainsley. What’s up with that?
Oh lookie: Bully Boy Bolling takes a swipe at Bob Beckel without actually naming him, knowing full-well his brain-dead followers would know exactly who he’s talking about.

ALSO: Would it be churlish of me to hope that Bully Boy Bolling achieves Sonny Bono zen on the slopes? Or just in poor taste?

Why would any woman agree to be inseminated with Rupert Murdoch’s sperm?
Like the Jesse Watters segments on Fox “News,” this Jimmy Kimmel segment is designed to make people look stupid. I don’t watch the Kimmel Show, so I can’t tell you if they have ever done this with Conservatives, or the GOP, but this is now the 2nd time I have seen Fox “News” pass along a segment because it makes Liberals and Democrats look foolish.

Here’s the psychology of this segment: People don’t want to appear stupid when a supposed “news” person asks them a question and sticks a mic in their face. So they vamp. And, they end up looking even more stupid. If you’re looking for comedy gold, you’ll get it every time. If you are using it to prove some kind of greater truth: FAIL!

The same way Fox “News” spreads. Pass the disinfectant.
“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Before you get to that: Please explain the popularity of Fox “News.”
Because Fox “News” keeps track of these things. For contrast, Fox “News” is more subtle. It labels Republicans caught in scandals as Democrats. Here’s just one time:
President Obama’s approval has not “plummeted.” It has declined somewhat. Besides, these most recent polls don’t correlate “approval” with “gun safety” (not “gun control”) regulations. In fact, the majority of the ‘Merkin people are in favour of commen sense gun safety regulations. As time goes on we will see whether the president’s push for gun safety improves his approval rating, or hurts it. I’m guessing that the NRA’s approval will plummet instead.

The Texas Tourism Board is changing the states slogan to:

Don’t mess with Texas because we’re the crazy MoFos with all the guns.

“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Ted Nugent is the kind of crazy person that Fox “News” (not to mention The Daily Caller) is happy to give voice to. John Henry at Low Genius pegged him with a video titled “Ted Nugent Is An Enormous Coward” that puts the big, tough-talking, draft-dodging, well-named Motor City Madman in his place. Watch:

John Henry’s anti-Nugent rant is a year and a half old already. It doesn’t include his idiocy since then.
 
This is how the Nugent OpEd began:

As my loyal readers know I have a personal connection to that crazy MoFo Ted Nugent. On Halloween of last year I wrote an EXCLUSIVE article for Stones Detroit called Is Ted Nugent A Racist? Our Stones Detroit Writer Says, “Yes” in which I say:

When I was growing up in Detroit I lived on Gilchrist Street, 5 houses away David Palmer, the original drummer for the Amboy Dukes. When the Amboy Dukes were rehearsing in Dave’s garage, all us neighbourhood kids would gather at the end of the driveway and listen, but we’d catch hell if we took one step onto the property. As a teenager I saw the Amboy Dukes dozens of times in large and small venues and, consequently, have followed the career of Ted Nugent ever since, culminating in his crazy, racist rant earlier this week.

You’ll have to follow the link to see why I think Ted Nugent is a racist.

As the GOP and Teabagger parties disintegrate and point fingers . . . Pass the popcorn!!!
When Hello Kitty Bubble Guns are outlawed, only outlaws will blow bubbles with a Hello Kitty gun.
Take it from Snarky “Steve” Doocy, who used the entire Fox “News” Channel to flog his own book.
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
The Fox “News” Channel can also be called “The God Channel,” but only one God is ever represented. HINT: It’s not the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?”
Fox “News” is always ready, willing and able to attack the idea of Climate Change. Fox “News” also loves to make Hollywood stars look like hypocrites. This is a rare two-fer.
Fox “News” never met a tax increase it liked.
Yawn!

Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 34

This week’s Fox “News” Spin Cycle is similar to last week‘s in that it’s dedicated to guns, guns, and more guns because that was virtually the only news this week that was deemed interesting enough for Fox “News”to report on.

The steady drip, drip, drip on Fox in support of Gun Rights Nuts, unthinking Libertarians, and Second Amendment Advocates becomes almost like poetry, or a steady refrain. I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere before. I can name that tune in 3 notes.

Let’s get right to it:

There was once a time — and not all that long ago — when I could count on beginning my week with a leggy cheesecake pic from Ainsley Earworm. Sadly, she got married recently and (I presume her husband made her) stopped sending out that morning cheesecake.
There was once a time — and not all that long ago — when I could count on beginning my week with a leggy cheesecake pic from Bully Boy Bolling — ACK! I was having a nightmare. I’m glad I woke up.
I say, “Bring it on!” As bad as the House GOP looks now, this will only make them look worse.
The so-called “tax increases” that Fox “News” is trying to get its brain-dead audience to believe is actually the expiration of the payroll tax holiday. President Obama wanted to keep the payroll tax cut, but the GOP said “No.” Taxpayers can blame John Boehner & Eric Cantor.
Fox “News” is now reporting on every incident in which a person has used a gun in self-defense. Happiness is a warm gun.
Izzat a religious joke?

Next time you’re watching Steve Doocy, mute the sound. He looks like like every amiable dipsomaniac you’ve ever met. Amiright?

This is the year scientists will succeed in cloning the perfect female Fox “News” personality: all legs, teeth and blonde hair.
And, so far, not a single one of them has shown signs of intelligent life, especially among Fox “News” viewers.
Fox “News” is blowing a gasket because a newspaper used the Freedom of Information Act to show where gun owners live. Happiness is a warm gun.
Al Gore is another Fox “News” Nemesis™ and the fact that he sold Current TV to Al Jazeera has been a never-ending source of amusement.

Think Progress will tell you what Fox “News” will never tell you:

Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal owns a 7 percent stake in News Corp — the parent company of Fox News — making him the largest shareholder outside the family of News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch.

Something else Fox “News” won’t tell you: Among serious journalists Al Jazeera is considered far more “Far and Balanced” than Fox “News,” which everybody (except its brain-dead viewers) knows is not really “Fair and Balanced” at all.

If only Fox “News” were a Beck-free Zone. That almost happened. Sadly, after Fox “News” fired The Beckerhead, Loofah Lad started inviting him back on the air.
‘Merkin culture started its decline when Married With Children went on the air. OH! Wait!!! That was a Fox show, wasn’t it? Never mind.
Once again Fox “News” is trying to make trouble by singing Tevye’s signature song from Fiddler on the Roof:


VIDEO: The Lego version of “Tradition”

That 200+ year tradition that President Obama is going against? Only men have ever given the invocation. At President Obama’s 2nd swearing-in Myrlie Evers-Williams will deliver the invocation. She’s the widow of Medgar Evers, the Civil Rights leader gunned down 50 years ago.

In fact President Obama is breaking two traditions: It’s the first time a woman has given the invocation and the first time a layperson has delivered it.

I have a Falafel addiction that I can only keep under control by a well-placed loofah. Is there any help for me?
I tune in to Fox “News” to get all my Blind Sheikh news. Fox “News” is the only “Fair and Balanced” station brave enough to have a Blind Sheikh Assignment Desk, manned 24-hours a day, 7 days a week, in case there’s any BREAKING BLIND SHEIKH NEWS.
IRONY ALERT: Taking responsibility is something that Fox “News” could learn about.
Of course it did. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Here’s a lesson from Fox “News” Shit Disturbing & Deception 101. The lesson begins with Fox “News” sending out this simple headline, with no other information, attributed to Bloomberg: TEXAS SHOWS UP OBAMA. However, it’s fully divorced from the truth. Fox “News” knows full well that only a miniscule number of its brain-dead followers will ‘click through’ to read the story. However, if you did click thru’ on the link, this is what you would find:

You’re not taken to the Bloomberg site. You’re on the Fox “News” web site. And, once again, Fox “News” uses the same headline TEXAS SHOWS UP OBAMA, still attributed to Bloomberg.

Once again Fox “News” hopes that this would be enough for the miniscule number of brain-dead viewers who clicked through. However, see that “READ MORE AT BLOOMBERG.COM” link? Fox “News” is further counting on only a miniscule number — of the miniscule number of its brain-dead audience that already got this far — NOT to click on that link.

However, if you did click on the link, this is what you would find:

Why there’s nothing at all about President Obama in the Bloomberg headline. In fact, there is not a single fucking word about President Obama in the entire Bloomberg article [of which the above screenshot is an excerpt]. This is another instance of Fox “News” just making shit up.

It’s just another example of why Fox “News” is not “Fair and Balanced.” Never has been. Never will be.

Zakly!!! The same way that Loofah Lad’s constant vilification of Dr. Tiller removed his brain-dead audiencefrom reality, from their feelings, from their capacity to be empathetic and heroic and courageous and Dr. Tiller paid the price for it — with his lifelater on.
Worst Ed Sullivan impression ever!!!
Of course the only “high profile liberals” he could find agreed with him.
There is NO EVIDENCE that a union worker did this. It remains under investigation. However, Fox “News” knows who is responsible and is not afraid to say so.
It’s time to boycott Wendy’s.
The only thing brilliant about Adam Carolla is how he carved a seat on the Loofah Lad Hour out of not being funny, just like that other not-funny, so-called comedian Dennis Miller, who also appears regularly with The Falafel King.
Dog whistle. Tweet tweet.
Bully Boy Bolling finds a way to smear Mexicans and drug legalization while declaring that “Happiness is a warm gun.”

It must be noted for the record: There has not been a single gun control law passed yet. You’re just scare-mongering, Bully Boy. Why not wait until there’s actually something to complain about? Remember: Happiness is a warm gun and you have plenty.

Far more shocking to astronomers is the discovery that all of the Fox “News” brain-dead viewers live on this Zombie planet.
But . . . but . . . but . . . he hasn’t announced anything yet. With all due respect, Bully Boy, I think you’re jumping the gun. [See what I did there?]
Now that I’ve demonstrated [above] how Fox “News” just makes up headlines that are divorced from reality, would it surprise you to find out that Governor Chris Christie didn’t “crush” Matt Lauer?

Although, to be fair, Chris Christie could crush just about anybody except Rush Limbaugh.

No, that’s not what’s happening either. Just making shit up again.
Oliver North, who really should be in jail, uses his perch at Fox “News” to promote his own projects. This is his latest book. However, more recently he was promoting his tour of The Holy Land.
Al Gore — the Vice President Fox “News” loves to hate* — pegged Geraldo perfectly in the story that Rivera tells The Falafel King. They laughed at Al Gore, but the joke is on Fox “News.”

* Not counting current Vice President Joe Biden

Somehow the Nixon Library seems appropriate. While Nixon escaped jail due to a pardon, North escaped jail on a technicality. However, that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t technically guilty of perverting the Constitution, just like Richard Nixon. Yet he’s a Right Wing hero. What’s up with that?
When Veep Biden shot his mouth off [see what I did there?] it sent all the Second Amendment Originalists, along with Fox “News” and the NRA, into a giant tizzy from which they have yet to recover. Luckily happiness is a warm gun.
Dog whistle!!! Tweet tweet!!!
Scammity’s angry. He already knows that Liberals will shred the Constitution and happiness is a warm gun.
When Dubya was issuing Executive Orders to say he would not adhere to certain laws that were legally constituted, and that included his signature, Fox “News” was silent. What’s different now? Oh yeah, the Black guy in the White House and the fact that happiness is a warm gun.
I covered this latest example of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™ in The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest chapter in my ongoing, but irregular, Snark Series making fun of Eric “Happiness is a Warm Gun” Bolling.
As stupid as this act was, it’s still considered protected speech. Remember the Constitution?
Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!!

‘Merka’s professional victim cries “Wah, wah, wah, all the way home.”To paraphrase Ben Shapiro, who has been all over the tee vee tube in the past few weeks: “Happiness is a warm gun.

BREAKING NEWS: I read on a single blog this week (which means I have no confirmation as yet) that the question I have been asking has been answered: Fox “News” has not renewed Sarah Palin’s contract. What’s a Wasilla grifter to do?

In the mean time, I’m loving Sister Sarah’s salutation of “Don’t retreat, friends.” This proves Mama Grizzly is capable of learning, even if she’s not capable of having made a mistake. Remember when she signed off with “Don’t retreat, reload”? Remember how before Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot Sister Sarah sent out the following? Remember how Sarah Palin refused to apologize for the imagery both before and after Gabby Giffords was shot in the head?

No? Here’s a reminder:

One of those gun sights represents Gabby Giffords district. Happiness is a warm gun.

Happiness is a warm gun.
Any time Fox “News” can criticize MSNBC, it will. Anytime Mediate can make Fox “News” look moderate, it will. It’s win/win.
Can we send Bully Boy Bolling to the edge of space . . . and leave him there?
By next week Fox “News” will be agitating for a statue to be built for this young man. Happiness is a warm gun.
Is that really something your proud of?
Finally we learn the Foxy Friends on Fox and Friends natural demographic audience.
By next week Fox “News” will be agitating for a statue to be built for this Georgian Mother. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
It was very awkward when the NRA’s press conference on its meeting with Vice President Joe Biden on gun violence was interrupted by another school shooting. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
I covered this latest example of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™ in The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest chapter in my ongoing, but irregular, Snark Series making fun of Eric “Happiness is a Warm Gun” Bolling.

Oddly enough, Fox “News” is only getting one side’s interpretation of what was said behind closed doors, but that’s okay because happiness is a warm gun. 
Because happiness is a warm gun.

OOOOPS! Sorry! It’s become reflexive.

Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Well, yeah. That’s factual. And, while many people will find this offensive, it’s protected speech. See: First Amendment.

Why do the advocates of a strong Second Amendment always seem to forget the First Amendment?

Happiness is a warm gun.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Remember back in the ’60s and early ’70s when you could pick up Mao’s Little Red Book in any Chinatown? Without realizing it — or meaning to — Piers Morgan summed up the ‘Merkin fetishization of the Constitution. Maybe they should start printing them up in book form.

What??? They already do?

Well, then maybe they should be issued to every ‘Merkin at birth, along with vouchers for school and vouchers for abortions, and a government mandated bill to pay off a for-profit Health Care system.

You mean this giant watermelon can fly??? Happiness is a warm gun!!!

Oh, sorry. I got excited.

I covered this latest example of Bully Boy Bolling Bullshit™ in The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest chapter in my ongoing, but irregular, Snark Series making fun of Eric “Happiness is a Warm Gun” Bolling.

By next week this Georgian mother will have a parade in her honour right in front of Fox “News,” if it has anything to say about it. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
When hammers are outlaws, only outlaws will have hammers.

Happiness is a warm gun.

When this “news” reached Bully Boy Bolling’s desk, it gave him a 4-hour erection, for which he had to consult his doctor. But don’t worry, Bully Boy: Happiness is a warm gun.
Loofah Lad wants to make sure his brain-dead audience knows of the tiff over at MSNBC [see above] because it’s so damned important.
But, Geraldo! Doncha know that happiness is a warm gun?
Necro-porn.
IRONY ALERT: As Think Progress reports:

When 20 children and 6 adults were gunned down in Sandy Hook Elementary School exactly one month ago today, the National Rifle Association rushed to blame video games, not guns, for inspiring such mass murders. But the gun lobby seemingly lost sight of its target in the past weeks, and over the weekend released a shooting app, called “NRA: Practice Range.”

The app bills itself as a “network of news, laws, facts, knowledge, safety tips, educational materials and online resource.” The NRA reports that it “[i]nstills safe and responsible ownership through fun challenges and realistic simulations.”

The (alleged) dipsomaniac is now reviewing movies with torture in it. This was also a movie that Steve Doochey [sic] as one of the Three Stooges on the Curvy Couch used to bash President Obama when they claimed, many times and without evidence every time, that Classified Information was given to the director. Now it’s “terrific.”
It would be a cheap shot to say that Bully Boy Bolling gets everything exactly upside down.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Bully Boy Bolling gets everything exactly upside down again.

Happiness is a warm gun.

Fox “News” only creates graphics like the above for VERY IMPORTANT STORIES.

This is just another way to attack Al Gore. You can tell it’s inaccurate because it’s a Breitbartian story. However, Fox “News” is only (helpfully) passing it along. It has plausible deniability.

And, that’s when I lost my temper. Read all about it at The Depths of Stupidity ► Chow Mein and Bolling 14, the latest in my occasional series that makes fun of Bully Boy Bolling. Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
IRONY ALERT: “Freedom” is Bully Boy Bolling’s dog. Does Bully Boy Bolling put “Freedom” on a leash when he walks the dog? [h/t Zak Nilsson]
Vulnerable? Why would that be? Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.

Pass the popcorn.

Happiness is a warm cannon.
A totally innocuous message from Bully Boy Bolling. The best reaction to it was this one, which echoes my own:
The only preparation Bully Boy Bolling needs is to grease his ass, to make it easier to pull his facts out of.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm Duchess.

Happiness is a warm gun.

They’re never too young to learn.

They’re never too young to learn about assassination, either. Gather ’round, kiddies. There once was a man named John Lennon who played music that delighted the entire world. He was the one who wrote a song called “Happiness is a Warm Gun.” He was assassinated with a gun before he had a chance to play all the music that was in him. Happiness is a warm gun, indeed. Bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

She’s not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do, oh, yeah

She’s well acquainted
With the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the
Multicolored mirrors on his hobnail boots

Lying with his eyes
While his hands are busy working overtime
A soap impression of his wife
Which he ate and donated to the National Trust

I need a fix ?cause I’m going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix ?cause I’m going down

Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net ]
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun

Happiness is a warm gun
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun mama
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
When I hold you in my arms
(Oh yeah)
And I feel my finger on your trigger
(Ooo, oh yeah)
I know nobody can do me no harm
(Ooo, oh yeah)

Because happiness is a warm gun mama
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is
(Bang bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm, yes it is, gun
(Happiness, bang bang, shoot shoot)
Well, don’t you know that happiness is a warm gun mama
(Happiness is a warm gun yeah)

The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 33

Guns, welfare, the fiscal cliff, Speaker John Boehner. These were just some of the topics Fox “News” was forced to WHITEwash as 2012 turned into 2013 before our very eyes.

The transition between years seemed a good time to gather the Fox “News” Spin Cycle team and re-administer the FNSC oath. Those who refused were fired on the spot and reported to the Department of Homeland Security. I’m not fooling around anymore.

This is what they all promised to do for my dear readers:

I hereby swear I will do everything in my power to make fun of Fox “News” until my last breath and that no joke, or smear is too low, so help me Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Now, let’s get right to this week’s Fantasia of Fox Fun™:

That’s only because Mitt Romney is eminently mockable, Falafel King. Mitt Romney will be a political punchline for decades to come. The sooner the GOP realizes this, the more comfortable they will become. Soon he will barely be mentioned by the GOP, just like Dubya during the last 4 years.

It’s wasn’t the Obama cliff, Bully Boy. It was always the GOP cliff and, lemming-like, they threw themselves over it. In the end they got a worse deal then President Obama offered in the first place. Well done, John Boehner!!!

Your much-valued (/snark) GOP was a part of that bipartisanship deal, Bully Boy! Cooperation is how business gets done in Washington. If you and your fellow Teabaggers don’t like it, then maybe you should come up with a political tactic that isn’t the equivalent of holding your breath until you turn blue.

When confetti cannons are outlawed, only idiots will shoot themselves in the stomach with a confetti gun.

IRONY ALERT: Bully Boy Bolling talks and tweets about going to the gun range. If this is any indication of his skills, you might want to leave the range if he arrives.

You don’t really want my thoughts, Bully Boy.

This little cartoon from Media Matters for ‘Merka puts the Fox & Friends morning line-up meeting in its proper perspective. Fox & Friends is the most virulently anti-Obama show on the Anti-Obama network, provided you discount for Sean Scammity. However, Scammity is only on air 1 hour a day, 5 days a week; F&F serves up its its Anti-Obama breakfast 3 hours a day, 4 hours on weekends. This is how it beats Scammity in the Anti-Obama sweepstakes: VOLUME, VOLUME, VOLUME!!!

Dr. K is not Henry Kissinger. That’s Loofah Lad’s name for Kraut the Hammer. What I have always thought was astonishingly arrogant is how Dr. K comes on Fox “News” and criticizes President Obama with invented facts and just barely audible dog whistles.

Where to start?

First, I ask the same question I always ask in times like this: Is this half-Governor, failed-VP candidate, failed reality show host, Mama Grizzly Bear with lipstick still a Fox “News” employee?

Next: What the hell was that? Most people can say “Happy New Year” in less than 4 words. It took Sarah Palin a shitload of words to turn New Year’s Eve into a political and religious polemic. What’s up with that?

Then there’s that whole Chronicles thing. BibleGateway quotes God as saying in Chronicles 7:14, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

See? God just wants a little attention from his creation, right?

Not quite. Sister Sarah is taking God’s words out of context. [While I don’t believe in God, I pray that people who take Her words out of context go straight to Hell.] The quote comes from the larger narrative of Soloman, in which God describes his Heavenly Protection Racket™ worthy of a Martin Scorsese mafia movie:

11 When Solomon had finished the temple of the Lord and the royal palace, and had succeeded in carrying out all he had in mind to do in the temple of the Lord and in his own palace, 12 the Lord appeared to him at night and said:

“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.

13 “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. 16 I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.

17 “As for you, if you walk before me faithfully as David your father did, and do all I command, and observe my decrees and laws, 18 I will establish your royal throne, as I covenanted with David your father when I said, ‘You shall never fail to have a successor to rule over Israel.’

19 “But if you[a] turn away and forsake the decrees and commands I have given you[b] and go off to serve other gods and worship them, 20 then I will uproot Israel from my land, which I have given them, and will reject this temple I have consecrated for my Name. I will make it a byword and an object of ridicule among all peoples. 21 This temple will become a heap of rubble. All[c] who pass by will be appalled and say, ‘Why has the Lord done such a thing to this land and to this temple?’ 22 People will answer, ‘Because they have forsaken the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who brought them out of Egypt, and have embraced other gods, worshiping and serving them—that is why he brought all this disaster on them.’”

TRANSLATION: “Nice little temple you got here. It’s a shame should something happen to it.”

Fox “News” sent this out to disguise the real headline: “Republicans Voice Serious Concern Over House Leader.”

House (R)s totally screwed the pooch on the so-called Fiscal Cliff negotiations. Now, to make the best of it, they are trying to sell the pups.

Another update that sounds dirty. [I don’t follow sports and had to look up “Gamecocks.” It wasn’t at all what I thought.]

I think every generation finds that the younger generations are ruder.

Now get the fuck off my lawn or I’m calling the cops.

Bonus song:

After The Orange One skedaddled off the floor of the House without bringing the Hurricane Sandy Relief Bill to a vote it appeared as if — for one brief moment — Fox “News” was going to go ‘all in’ on the political destruction of Speaker John Boehner. They promoted several people, among them Rep Steve King as well, who excoriated Boehner, pretty much disemboweling him in the process.

However, later in the day — whether it was due to a memo from The Suits above, or not — the Fox “News” coverage lurched in an entirely different direction. Suddenly, according to Fox “News,” Boehner didn’t bring up the bill because it was loaded with pork.

It took Jon Stewart, returning from vacation a week after Fox “News” reversed the anti-Boehner tide, to put the bullshit pork argument into perspective. He’s clearly angry.

Why can’t you go away, Bully Boy?

This became another Fox “News” Talking Point this week in order to get its brain-dead audience to forget that guns have caused horrible massacres in ‘Merka: Point to what it calls hypocrisy on the part of Hollywood stars because there’s violence in movies.

IRONY ALERT: The Fox “News” hypocrisy in pointing this out is that Fox, under the umbrella of parent News Corps, owns movies studios, only some of which are named Fox, or Fox Searchlight, or 20th Century Fox. You know what I’m talking about.

Despite it being a Brand New Year, it’s still the same old shit on The Five, known far and wide as the worst show on tee vee since My Mother The Car.

Leave it to Fox “News” to seize on any meme to WHITEwash the gun control debate away from the massacres. As an added bonus, it gets to slam Rep. Feinsteain in the bargain. It’s win/win for Fox “News.”

I bet Heather Childers is not afraid to share cheesecake pics of her legs. Oh, Ainsley Earworm, you were so much more fun before you went and got married.

Even Alysin “Chains” Camerota isn’t afraid to show off her assets, if you get my meaning, Ainsley.

Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!!

I’d sleep so much better if you’d just go back to delivering my morning cheesecake shot of your legs, Ainsley.

Fox “News” has had so much fun with this story since it was announced. Leave it to Bully Boy Bolling to be first off the mark with the BREAKING STORY.

This is just BEFORE Fox “News” reversed course and started to defend Speaker Boehner for his brave stand in not holding a Hurricane Sandy vote. [See above.] Loofah Lad gave Chris Christie one last kick at the cat.

MAJOR IRONY ALERT!!!

I’m sure we all remember KKKarl Rove’s biggest mistake in 2012. In case you’ve been on another planet, here it is again, because the Fox “News” Spin Cycle desk just can’t get enough of it. ENJOY!

The best part? The fact that he stutters like Porky Pig in this clip only makes the family resemblance more apparent. That’s all, folks!

Despite how wrong Rove was, Fox “News” protected him during the entire election cycle. Time after time — some days multiple times across the schedule — KKKarl Rove appeared on the “Fair and Balanced” network without mentioning his MASSIVE conflict of interest in using his 2 SuperPACs to spend an estimated $300,000,000.00 to influence the 2012 election.

Wait!!! What??? You mean to say that Fox “News” Talk Radio isn’t the ratings juggernaut that it was before its brain-dead listeners realized they were being lied to?

This is another way Fox “News” spins the news. Check out that headline. “OH NOES!!! The evil government is now trying to dictate what we can name our babies. Where do I sign up?”

Most of the Fox “News” brain-dead audience will stop at reading the headline. Only once one ‘clicks through’ is it discovered that this is happening in Iceland.

I have a better question: Do ‘Merkins care about what Loofah Lad thinks about the fiscal cliff.

Another way Fox “News” has of polluting the gun control debate. One restaurant manager does something incredibly stupid [and that’s never happened before, right?] and Fox “News” turns it into a national story to make the left look foolish on the gun control debate.

Did you or Fox “News” complain when the last guy took 32% of his presidency as vacation days?

All told, Dubya took 1,020 vacation days. At the rate of 83 vacation days in his first term, President Obama is on pace to wrack up 168 vacation days for his entire presidency. However, the Reich Wing won’t STFU about President Obama’s vacations. What’s up with that? Then, when you point that out, they say “You’re always pointing fingers at the President Bush.” What’s up with that? It would be far easier if they just owned up to their hypocrisy.

Didja notice how before the election, when the jobs numbers were released, Fox “News,” and especially Bully Boy Bolling, turned the improved numbers into a White House conspiracy to steal the election? Didja notice how after the election, as the job numbers remained on the slightly-improving-track, Fox “News” is reporting the numbers uncritically, the way it had always done before? Just asking.

It takes one to know one, Loofah Lad.

This is just another one of those Watters World segments in which he does, essentially, man-on-the-street interviews which are then edited to make Liberals, entire cities, or President Obama appear stupid. In this Watters World, Jesse Watters suckered Fox “News” into sending him to Hawaii to do man-on-the-beach interviews making Liberals, Hawaii, and President Obama appear stupid. It was a win/win/win so I guess it was money well-spent.

BOOM!
Nothing whatsoever was revealed. There was no dishing. Yawn.

“Quick! How can we blame this on President Obama?”

During the so-called Fiscal Cliff negotiations President Obama asked to renew the Payroll Tax Cut, which was always a temporary tax holiday. The GOP said no. However, this rise is being blamed by Fox “News” on . . . Guess who?

I think he’s holding his breath. Like a submerged whale.

When facebook is outlawed, only outlaws send cute cat pictures on facebook.

How many times has Fox “News” doctored photos, or edited words out of context? At least Pelosi’s office stated in the release that the last 4 women were Photoshopped in. Fox “News” admits to nothing, even when caught.

Why does this picture remind me of The Pet Goat?

I want Fox “News” hosts to register like sex offenders too. Maybe I can work closely with Liberal Mark Green (who the hell is he?) to bring our dreams to fruition.

Bret “Bare Bear” Baier couldn’t stop at just one pic of his son Paul.

Fox “News” delights in making Vice President Joe Biden look foolish. To be fair: There are times he doesn’t need the help.
Would you be surprised to find out that’s not exactly what the Labor Secretary said? Fox “News” knows that and doesn’t care. If it can find a blog that slams the Labor Secretary, then Fox “News” will run with it, despite the truth. Zero hedge? Whuzzat?

Mark Levin is another whack-job that Fox “News” loves to quote, because he says things that it is thinking.

Gentle readers: Last week I told you that Dave “Dave” Briggs was retiring from Fox and Friends Weekend and moving to NBC Sports, where he hopes enough time will pass to get the Fox “News” stink off him.

This weekend Tucker Carlson was the 3rd Stooge on the Curvy Couch. I made the mistake of calling him a word that rhymes with Tucker, but used an “F” instead. Someone, and I like to think it was that little Fucker [OOPS!] himself, reported me and I was admonished for “inappropriate content” by facebook, even though I have probably used the word “fuck” on facebook every day since I’ve been there.

What a bunch of stupid Fuckers.

At one point during a “live pop” from the boat show, Ainsley was standing on the deck of a large boat and motioning elegantly with her arm and that’s when it occurred to me where I saw her for the first time: Before her tee vee career I ran into her at one of the car shows at Cobo Hall. She was showing off the new models with the same elegant sweep of her arms, like Vannah White. I’m sure that was her.

“Because even though he’s now just a private citizen, we’re going to promote his latest crazy statements as if he ever had anything intelligent thing to say.”

Well, mostly good. How are you, Bully Boy? Do you have to confess much when you go to church?

She does have legs after all.

She just refuses to send out cheesecake of her legs in close-up now that she’s married, unlike when she sent out cheesecake of her legs out every single day [practically] before she got married.

When following the Constitution is outlawed, only outlaws follow the Constitution. Think about it.

Yes. Next question.

Flying Dis-United.

This was another way Fox “News” had to deflect the gun control conversation away from the massacres.

Hobby Lobby is the new Chick-fil-A.

Guns don’t kill people. Repeat. Guns don’t kill people.

Remember when President Obama said there are people who cling to their guns and religion? He forgot all about those who cling to their guns and their religion and their football, like Bully Boy Bolling.

This gun map being published was the best thing to happen for Fox “News” and its attempts to change the gun control conversation away from the massacres of humans to other topics.

Personally, I’m enjoying this tension between the First Amendment and the Second Amendment.

“Quick! How can we blame President Obama?”

It’s not surprising to see the NRA and Bully Boy Bolling on the same page of crazy.

Dog whistle!

More scare-mongering from the gun-clinging, religion-clinging Bully Boy Bolling.

Term limits is an unnecessary government intrusion on the people’s right to decide who to elect to serve them. Libertarians should be against term limits.

And the week ends with another Dog Whistle. Toot, toot.

It appears that 2013 will be as contentious as last year, which is why the Fox “News” Spin Cycle is working to improve your world. The FNSC is now loaded with 87% Fox “News” Snark by volume. REMEMBER: We do it all for you.

The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 32

As the year ends, and 2013 begins, it’s time to compile the last Fox “News” Spin Cycle for 2012. 

It was a hell of a year for Fox “News,” having been caught out by the presidential election to be the Opposite Network: If Fox says something, the opposite must be true. Now that Fox “News” normally brain-dead viewers have realized they were being lied to, they are turning off the Propaganda Network in droves. The Fox “News” ratings are now in free fall.

Before we get to this week’s snark, I want to clear up a matter from a few weeks ago. When Fox “News” took what appeared to be an unprovoked shot at Matt Damon I wrote:

Matt Damon is another Hollywood star that Fox “News” delights in attacking. If I cared why I could research it. I would probably discover that Damon said something against Fox “News” or one of its pet projects. Or, he starred in movies with George Clooney, another Hollywood star Fox “News” attacks with regularity. The reason doesn’t have to make sense. Suffice to say Fox “News” has a hate-on for Matt Damon (and George Clooney, among others).

While I still don’t care and didn’t bother to research it, the following graphic came across my cyber-desk this week:

Add caption

So, that explains that! Matt Damon supports unionism and (presumably) teachers, both of which are sworn enemies of Fox “News.” No wonder Fox “News” attacks him without provocation.

Now that we’ve cleaned up that matter, here’s the last Fox “News” Spin Cycle for the year:

The optics are much better for President Obama if we go off the Fiscal Cliff. The GOP will get all the blame. However, I don’t think that’s what the president wants. I’m sure he’d much rather sign a deal.

This is the newest Fox “News” tactic on guns: Attack the messenger. Fox “News” is pointing out what it feels is hypocrisy on the part of those who are for some form of control on some weapons for some reasons.

There’s only one religion, as far as Fox “News” is concerned. Therefore, there’s only one holiday worth talking about.

Once again Fox “News” uses Libertarian hero Penn Jillette to make fun of “Liberals.” However, Penn Jillette has also come out strongly AGAINST the Fox “News” Phony War on Christmas and did it over at CNN to boot. However, Fox “News” simply ignores that.
Penn Jillette’s recent OpEd at CNN, which slammed the Fox “News” Phony War on Christmas.

Did anyone at Fox “News” tell you that this gunman used the same weapon as the gunman in the Newtown Massacre? I thought not.

It may have been a “good war,” but it has an expiry date. Is KKKarl Rove advocating we stay in Afghanistan or is he just looking for stuff to spew at President Obama because he’s a sore loser?

Fox “News” made this its singular success story for the year, since it was unable to get Mendacious Mitt elected to the White House.

Bully Boy Bolling jumps onto the Hate Gregory Bandwagon.

This is the solution to gun violence that Fox “News” has been advocating, so any instance where guns are in schools will be trumpeted from this moment on.

More proof, if it was ever needed, of the vacuity of the ‘Merkin public and, especially, the Fox “News” brain-dead audience.

Still no leg cheesecake from Ainsley Earworm. Marriage really changed that gal.

Because there is no other holiday.

Because there is no other holiday.

Because there is no other holiday.

Because there is no other holiday.

Because there is no other holiday.

Because there is no other holiday.

You can see the Fiscal Cliff from Sarah Palin’s porch.

In truth the Fiscal Cliff is barely an escarpment. [See: Hamilton, Ontario.]

Because there is no other holiday.

I would love that for my neighbourhood. It would tell me which neighbours to avoid getting into an argument with.

Calling it the Fiscal Cliff is making a mountain out of a molehill.

What’s really got Fox “News” freaked is the fact that President Obama has better leverage both before and after January 1st. The GOP are in a terrible position tactically, and they know it . . . so does Fox “News.”

Obamacare is the program Fox “News” loves to hate, so anything negative that can be said about it MUST be said about it.

Once again Loofah Lad is using his silly quiz for propaganda purposes.

Fox “News” can’t leave the Benghazi story alone, especially after its wholly fictitious conspiracy theory has fallen apart.

One person’s historical revisionism becomes a national story at Fox “News” because it’s critical of President Clinton, another president Fox “News” loves to hate.

On the other hand, George W. Bush was the president Fox “News” loved to love. Fox “News” supported all of Dubya’s policies, until the second he left office. Once the ‘Merkin public realized Dubya was an abject failure as a president, Fox “News” dropped him like a overused cliche. Now the so-called news channel barely speaks of him. This is a rare appearance of his name over the last 4 years.

It’s a reverse Oreo Cookie. While Ainsley Earworm stopped showing off her legs ever since she got married, these two Heathers are happy to pick up the slack. Your male viewers than you, Heathers.

No one points fingers better than Fox “News.” Here it points the finger at Harry Reid for saying the obvious.

If one were forced to compile a list of Fox “News” sworn enemies, Michael Moore would have to be at the top of the page. Barely a week goes by that there’s not at least one attack on Moore.

When The Falafel King FINALLY apologizes for accusing U.S. troops of the Malmédy Massacre, then I’ll take him seriously on matters of the military. Until then: Phhhht!

Do I detect some tension between the First Amendment and the Second Amendment? “Some people say” the newspaper had the RIGHT to print the map, but shouldn’t have done so to protect the gun owners. Protect them from what? They’ve got all the guns.

The Heathers are never afraid to give their brain-dead followers a little morning cheesecake. What’s Ainsley Earworm afraid of? Her husband?
It’s always stunning, no matter how many times it happens, to see Bully Boy Bolling proudly display his utter stupidity. He’s so proud of this stupid thing he said that when Mediaite quoted him, he was thrilled to pass it along.

First of all, Eric, President Obama didn’t create this mess, the House did. Secondly, Bully Boy is only fooling himself if he feels the ‘Merkin people will blame the president if the House and Senate fail to get an agreement. It will be the GOP’s fault in the eyes of the public, and rightly so. Therefore, “GOP Cliff” would be far more accurate. Lastly, why would you cheer for failure, Bully Boy? Don’t you want ‘Merka to succeed? Doncha still believe in ‘Merkin ‘Ceptionalism?

There are more upper-lip sneers in a single Michelle Malkin segment on Fox “News” than in Elvis’ entire musical career.

Kraut the Hammer is just one of MANY Fox “News” personalities that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was faking her concussion to get out of testifying before Congress. After it was revealed that the bump to her head resulted in a blood clot next to her brain and she had to be hospitalized, there was no apology from Fox “News” for its despicable reporting, as usual. Down the memory hole.

The only solution to too many guns is clearly more guns. It’s the “hair of the dog” solution to ‘Merka’s gun violence.

Michael Moore, the Liberal Fox “News” loves to hate.
This was Bully Boy Bolling at his worst this week. He was clearly angry at Michael Moore (yeah, this is a continuation of the above) and his remarks. However, when Bully Boy is angry it decouples his brain from his mouth. In other words: He runs his mouth without thinking and winds up saying something stupid. I thought Michael Moore made a good point about some of the emotions that drive gun owners and a fear of Black people IS what motivates some gun owners. However, according to Bully Boy Bolling, White people aren’t afraid of Blacks. White people are afraid of Michael Moore, and others like him, who use their First Amendment Rights to express an opinion. Because we all know that opinions are scarier than Black folk.

You just have to get right back on that horse, right Bully Boy? [Why am I thinking of The Great Santini right now?]

When fake ammunition belts are outlawed, only outlaws will wear fake ammunition belts.

The guy broke the rules imposed by his employer not to possess a weapon. It’s not that he defended himself, but that he used a weapon he carried ‘just in case’ to do so. Maybe Fox “News” would have preferred he used a gun.

It’s always fun ’til somebody pokes an eye out, right Eric Chase?

It was “Bring the Briggs to Work Day” on the Curvy Couch, just in time for Dave Briggs to leave Fox “News” on the last day of the year.

Fox “News” also loves to attack welfare recipients and the social safety net.

Of course Brent Bozo’s Media Research Center is disqualified from being awarded its own prize, otherwise it would be a runaway winner every year. They may as well retire the category.

TRANSLATION: We will allow equal access to healthcare for all, including contraception, even if one works for a religious organization, including Christians.

Because 5 hours a week of this bullshit is clearly not enough.
Once again Brent Bozo’s Media Research Center doesn’t disappoint. Fox “News” uses the MRC to say things it would never say. That’s the only reason Brent Bozo appears on the Fox “News” Channel.

TRANSLATION: Because we have more lies in us than can be contained in 5 hours of tee vee per week.

Now that former-Marine Jon Hammar has been released by the Mexican government, Fox “News” has started a new campaign to get Russia to reverse a law concerning foreign adoption. Can you imagine the outcry from Fox “News” if Russia tried to meddle in the ‘Merkin legal system? Loofah Lad would be manning the battle stations and Sean Scammity would start up a new series of Freedom Concerts from which to siphon off proceeds.

Spinning a new Benghazi story out of a shred of a quote.

Mine is the Fox and Friends theme song:

I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out.

And that, folks, is how Fox “News” accounted for itself in the last week of 2012. As we enter 2013 there will be more Fox “News” silliness to expose, counter, and ridicule. Be sure to join The Fox “News” Spin Cycle for the journey.

The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 31

It was a tough week for the Fox “News” personalities following the Newtown Massacre. The NRA had yet to state a position on gun control for them to parrot. 

Yet, the so-called “news” network couldn’t help but expose its split personality, with Rupert Murdock coming out in favour of gun control, while the rest of the Fox Chuckleheads™ came out in favour of a strong Second Amendment, with no exceptions. It’s the reason why The Fox “News” Spin Cycle blog series exists.

Let’s get right to it:

When Bully Boy Bolling wakes up in a pensive mood, that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, by the end of the week it would become apparent that not a scintilla of new information penetrated that thick skull of his. Because, in the end, Bully Boy decided to cling to his guns and religion, despite the horrifying statistics on how many deaths over the years have been the end result of the misuse of guns and religion.

“The Five” never shows my messages. Maybe that’s because I have always maintained that “The Five” is the worst show on tee vee since “My Mother The Car.”

If you like to hear 4 people on the Right agreeing with each other, while 1 person just makes a fool of themselves, then “The Five” is weekdaily viewing. It’s a program that will always provide more heat than light. However, if you like to hear discussions based on facts, as opposed to Fox “News” Talking Points and Reich Wing Politics, then do yourself a favour and skip “The Five.” It’ll just drive you crazy.

Oh man! Fox “News” SciTech got into the magic mushrooms again. Either that, or they’ve been watching the Matrix movies on too little sleep.

This poll is good news for Fox “News.”

For the past 4 years Fox “News” has been drumming this concept into the ‘Merkin people. Now it can boast of a poll that demonstrates how its propaganda worked perfectly. Now Fox “News” will have another 4 years to try and make all Democrats appear to its brain-dead viewers as Socialists, Communists, Stalinists, Fascists, and Atheists.

This tragic story of former-Marine Jon Hammar’s arrest in Mexico on having an illegal gun provides a lesson in Fox “News” story building. Follow along:

To begin: Last week Fox “News” started pushing this story of a poor former-Marine who was
being mistreated in a Mexican jail for allegedly breaking Mexico’s gun laws.

The only information Fox “News” has ever broadcast about this case came from
Jon Hammar’s mother, who might be a little biased. (Ya think?) She said Jon’s arrest was over a “clerical error” and Fox “News” did no original reporting beyond that. Everyone they interviewed concerning Hammar’s arrest also had no information beyond what they had heard from his mother, including the Congresswoman who used the story to get Fox Facetime™.

When this pic (above) of Jon Hammar chained to his bed was smuggled out, Fox “News” had an orgasm. It played right into the storyline Fox “News” had already created.

What no one was telling the brain-dead Fox “News” viewers is that Jon Hammar was chained to his bed for his own safety. While it’s sounds complicated, it’s not. When Hammar was locked up with the general Mexican prison population, he was threatened and hurt. Therefore he was moved, for his own safety, to a place where he couldn’t be hurt by the other prisoners. Unfortunately, this was also a place from which a man with Marine training could escape easily. To prevent that, he was chained.

Now imagine for a moment, dear reader, that a propagandizing tee vee channel from a country (that we recognized like we do Mexico) started to agitate for the release of a prisoner who had yet to stand trial in ‘Merka on charges of having an illegal weapon. Fox “News” would be the first to tell them to STFU to maintain the sovereignty of the ‘Merkin Justice System.

However, Fox “News” took up the cause of Jon Hammar, which became a crescendo as the week progressed.

If only they’d redesign their opinions. Amiright? Eh? Eh?

While Vicki Soto undoubtedly died a hero, concentrating on the victims is one of the ways Fox “News” has of avoiding the question of gun control in ‘Merka (reported in last week’s edition of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle). Early in the week Fox “News” was still flailing on how to report this story, especially as it was still several days away from the announced NRA presser, in which the Gun Rights organization would take a clear position which Fox “News” could parrot.

And, normally that would be a good thing. Especially after a tragedy like the Newtown Massacre. However, to give you some unsolicited advice, Bully Boy: processing works best when you listen to other voices and other points of view. You are so deep inside the Fox “News” bubble that you don’t realize that you came out of this believing no different than you did before 20 children were murdered with a gun. You didn’t process. You simply allowed things to solidify.

That quack?

This isn’t about gun-running, of course. This is about the fact that Jon Hammar allegedly (and even his mother admitted as such) tried to bring an illegal shotgun into Mexico. His mother says he declared it and then they arrested him. Izzat true? Who knows? His mother says she received phone calls trying to extort money from the family to facilitate Jon Hammar’s release. Izzat true? Who knows?

However, Fox “News” knows a good story when it creates one. It’s going to ride this one as far as it can.

Fox “News” just loved John Boehner’s Plan B.

IRONY ALERT: I could go to Der Googlizer and within 3 seconds can find dozens of links in which Loofah Lad was badgering or bullying someone. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

IRONY ALERT II: The Falafel King exploits Newtown tragedy to accuse the far-left of exploiting the Newtown tragedy.

Last week Fox “News” was taking pot shots (pun intended) at Matt Damon. This week it’s a whole new thangie.

Personally I found this a disgusting interview for a whole lot of reasons. Here are some:

First, this isn’t the first time Dr. Eben Alexander has been on Fox “News.” He was on back in October to promote his book “Proof of Heaven” in which he presents the ultimate proof for the existence of Heaven: When Dr. Alexander was in a coma he traveled to Heaven, hung around for 7 days, took copious notes, and came back to this mortal coil to write a book all about it. That’s his proof. Yeah, I know. Intelligent people might want to measure this guy for a straight-jacket, but Fox “News” breathlessly presented Dr. Eben Alexander as an authority on Heaven. There are many segments like this on Fox and Friends in which the Foxy Friends clearly promote a Christian understanding of Heaven (and Hell, for that matter) and the rest of the world. The whole War on Christmas is predicated on the concept that the only religious POVs worth broadcasting are from the Jesus cults, no matter what the denomination.

Then suddenly there’s a tragedy in Newtown and Fox and Friends drags this snake-oil salesman back on the air so he can promote his book all over again, and offer Christian comfort for the brain-dead viewers of Fox “News.” If you don’t believe me, watch this interview for yourself. It’s sickening and cloying. It promotes a narrow view of humanity, as if we can be nothing more than God-worshiping monkeys who have to believe in an  afterlife because this one is so fucked up.

That’s just my opinion, of course. Your mileage may vary.

For bonus points: Wretched Gretched couldn’t get through the interview without crying, demonstrating to the world her Christian bone fides and lack of professionalism simultaneously.

Since I started compiling these Fox “News” Spin Cycle posts, I’ve noticed a pattern to some of the posts. Yannow how everyone who is sentient has noticed the pattern on Fox “News” of them using the phrase “some people say“? Well, some of these UPDATES fall into the same category. However, on air Fox “News” can just allege what “some people say” without providing any proof whatsoever. When it’s a Twitter/facebook UPDATE Fox “News” has to actually find someone to say what it’s thinking.

That’s why people like Mark Levin, who is the farthest Right of all the Reich Wing crazies broadcasting in this country, can pop up as if he’s just another common man.

So, we know he wasn’t stupid.

Once again Loofah Lad uses his silly little quiz for propaganda purposes.

A PAC was created to keep the momentum and discussion on gun control going. I hardly think that makes them vultures, unless you agree with me that the NRA lying about President Obama and gun control to raise money over the last 4 years makes them vultures.

Sean Scammity, who has never divulged where all the money went for his fund-raising Freedom Concerts, has now taken up the cause of former-Marine Jon Hammar. And it’s still early in the week.
The source for this story later clarified and said that that is what he heard from others. In other words: Fox “News” was broadcasting hearsay. Later the boy’s father (yes, the source turned out to be a teenager) has said his son would have had no first hand knowledge. Despite this strong denunciation, Fox “News” kept promoting this angle of the story long after it had been debunked.

When will Fox “News” tell us that Nancy Lanza was a gun nut, who was
training to be a crack shot in case the government came a’knocking? Or,
is that merely an inconvenient fact? Here’s what else Fox “News” will never tell you: Whatever social difficulties Adam Lanza had (he is reported to have had Asperger’s, but I have yet to see that from any official source either), his mother was in all likelihood filling him with all kinds of crazy nonsense about government conspiracies, the kind that can usually only be heard on Fox “News.”

I loved their Whiter Shade of Pale single.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

And, yet, a slight bit of intelligence on the issue of gun control from Peter Johnson, Jr., who, Stephen Colbert has noted has 3 names that are all euphemisms of “penis.” It’s thought that the avuncular Johnson — who is not just a Knight of Malta, but also Roger Ailes private attorney, is Ailes’ most direct, unfiltered megaphone to the Fox “News” brain-dead viewers. Now that both Murdoch and Ailes have expressed an interest in some form of gun control, will the rest of the Fox “News” personalities follow along? Stay tuned. [h/t Media Matters]

Since Gabe Sherman said that Fox “News” was benching KKKarl Rove (and Dickish Morris) after disastrous election prognostications, Fox “News” had to understandably bring Rove back and pretend Sherman was wrong. This is just KKKarl Rove playing along because he knows it’s good for bidnezz, and Fox “News” will never reveal his conflict of interest during the election.

Kraut the Hammer was just one of many Fox “News” people who raised doubt that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was faking her illness. It’s disgusting. Clinton has said she will testify when she is well. I don’t think anyone will be able to stop her from doing so because she wants to, but Congress has subpoena power. It can compel her to testify. So, remind me again why this illness would prevent her from testifying?

And, it was no less stupid when Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell suggested it. It’s not a question of “Great minds think alike,” Bully Boy. It’s because “Fools never differ.”

Did you hear that sound? Fox “News” just had an orgasm.

Did you hear that new sound? Multiple orgasms.

Oh, fer fuck’s sake!!!

If it was on the Loofah Lad Full Spin Hour, it won’t be the truth.

If it were me: I would not have pushed my son’s face across the innertubes, no matter which king he played, even if he played The Falafel King.

Who can argue with logic like that? Fox “News.” That’s who. Fox “News” hates Michael Moore more than it ever did Osama bin Laden.

More bullshit from Fox “News.” There was no victory. The administration said, essentially, “We are still in the process of crafting an exemption for religious schools.” The court said, essentially, “See that you do so.” Nothing changed after that court decision. So, how does that make it a victory?

Loofah Lad proves he’s not the only Fox “News” personality who can badger and bully. Here he lauds Neil Cavuto for going “toe to toe” in an interview in which badgering and bullying are mild descriptions.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

This next series of screen caps is a perfect example of the “some people say” tactic from start to the inevitable finish. It begins with sober-thinking gun owner Ted Nugent penning another defense of guns in his regular Washington Times column.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.
Because Ted Nugent is saying what Fox “News” is thinking, Fox “News” feels this is worthy of passing along to its brain-dead followers.
Then Fox “News” decides it’s worthy enough to feature on its web site, where it is the headlined story mid-week. One of the Fox “News” personalities will say, “some people say it’s a matter of moral decay” in 3 … 2 … 1 … Anything to avoid talking about gun control.
However, to get another perspective one needs to read Right Wing Watch.

Sarah Palin, who Gabe Sherman has also written about, sees the opportunity to get a few kicks in at Sherman.

That’s not what I’ve asked for, Bully Boy. Here’s what I want for Christmas, if you have a mind to play Santa Claus:
I want you to show enough intestinal fortitude that you unblock me on Twitter.

Jake Tapper was the only reporter who asked a question about gun control at a press conference that was preceded by a Presidential Statement on gun control, and it came at the very end of the press conference. All the rest of the questions were about the fiscal cliff, even from the Fox “News” White House Correspondent. Yet, because Tapper criticized the president Fox “News” felt that was the moment from the press conference to pass along to its brain-dead viewers, even tho’ he’s a reporter from a competing network.

Because we all know how “Fair and Balanced” Republican Senator Marco Rubio is.

Hear that sound? The Five just had a simultaneous orgasm.
Fox “News” will always be ready to promote the John Boehner version of reality, but rarely will it pass along to its brain-dead followers what the President’s position is.

Then Loofah Lad climbs aboard the Jon Hammar bandwagon and features the story several days in a row.

Just think: It was only 12 months ago that Newt Gingrich thought he was smart enough to be president. He failed miserably in the primaries, which makes him perfect for Fox “News” punditry.

With everything that was going on this week, Ainsley Earworm forgot the cheesecake until mid-week.

It’s sad that Ainsley Earworm doesn’t share any leg cheesecake pics since she got married. I hope she still has her legs.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

By mid-week The Falafel King has jumped into the Jon Hammar story with both feet.

What makes Fox “News” think this woman is even relevant anymore? BTW: Is Sarah Palin still a Fox “News” employee or is her contract, and 15 minutes of fame, up now? Pretty please.

The Five’s Christmas party this year was quite an honour for the Aunty Em Ericann blog. I called my occasional snarky post about Bully Boy Bolling “Chow Mein and Bolling,” which is actually a pun based on the great Mike Nesmith tune “Chow Mein and Bowling.” In order to demonstrate that he totally gets the inside joke, Bully Boy Bolling INSISTED that this year’s The Five’s Christmas party would take place in a bowling alley. Thank you! Next year I hope to attend personally.

Because the only answer to guns are more guns.

IRONY ALERT III: If only KKKarl Rove had been cautious with 2012 predictions. He was as wrong as wrong can be, even after the election was called for President Obama.

Did you hear that? Yep, Fox “News” just had another group orgasm.
Another headline that misrepresents the truth. A coal plant is shutting down and it is citing regulations as the reason for doing so. It has decided to close, rather than retrofitting to comply with the laws. But: 1). President Obama doesn’t write the environmental laws; 2). Many of these EPA regs predate the Obama administration. However, if you only read the headline, you’d think that President Obama reached out of the Oval Office and slapped that company down. This is just another example of why Fox “News” is not “Fair and Balanced.” Never has been. Never will be.

Until he can’t any more.

One person said something that Loofah Lad didn’t like and that becomes “Liberal hate speech.”

It turns out John Boehner should have had a Plan C.

SPOILER ALERT: It was Loofah Lad, who took his latest demands to The Five. As only The Falafel King can, Bill O’ threatened President Obama and the Mexican government or else!!!

Just look at this public display of Loofah Lad arrogance: Not only did Loofah Lad threaten the Mexican government, but he also threatened the President of the United States. Who the hell does he think he is? There are times it’s hard to know who is the bigger bully, The Falafel King or Bully Boy Bolling.

Did you hear that? Bill O’Reilly just had an orgasm. I’m sure Loofah Lad, and the rest of Fox “News,” will take credit for Jon Hammar’s release. What’s worse, is they will come to believe it even though they know the whole story was bullshit to begin with.

Anything to avoid talking about gun control.

Reagan’s House heroes? What the hell are you talking about?

Did you hear that sound? Swiftboaters just had an orgasm.

The NRA finally spoke and Wayne LaPierre echoed the Fox “News” talking point that the cure for guns is more guns.

And, Geraldo Rivera’s talking point. When hoodies are outlawed, only outlaws will wear hoodies, right Geraldo?

I’m going to assume Freedom is the name of Bully Boy’s dog.

It’s a two-fer: Jesse Watters gets a Hawaiian vacation and finds a way to smear President Obama.

Hoo boy!!!

When video games are outlawed, only outlaws will play video games.

Another example of Fox “News” finding someone to say what it’s thinking. In this case it’s Herman “Nein Nein Nein” Cain.

The entire thinking nation mocked the NRA presser. Why should reporters be any different?

Just to put the issue of guns into a human perspective is this front page headline at the Huffington Post:

Here are just some of the gun deaths in the week after the Newtown Massacre, as reported by HuffPo.

I’ve always said that you’re a bully. Nice of you to prove it so often.

The sneer that launched a thousand Reich Wing smears.

Critics assailed NRA boss in return.

Sad news, folks. The weekend Three Stooges on the Curvy Couch are losing their Curly, as Dave Briggs is off to NBC Sports, which they couldn’t say because it’s another network. Any guesses on which Fox “News” Stooge will get tapped to play Shemp?

Fox “News” has a direct line to the Hammar family.

Say “buh bye” to Boehner.

Sarah Silverman is another Fox “News” nemesis.

I’m sure there’s a joke here somewhere.

I’m going to assume Freedom is the name of Bully Boy’s dog.

This picture demonstrates the great rapport the Sunday Panel has with each other.
More proof that Fox “News” doesn’t understand irony: It was pointed out that statistically White men are more likely to be serial killers or mass murderers. The suggestion to profile White men was meant as irony, not a serious proposal.

Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!!

Killing is good, as far as Fox “News” is concerned.

However, killing isn’t the reason for the season. Leave it to Bret “The Bear” Baier to remind us all what’s really important at this time of year:

Because everybody gets to spend the holiday at their condo in Florida. I know I will, but I happen to live here. Maybe next time you’re down this way we can get together for coffee, Bret.
This edition of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle was compiled the day before Christmas. We thought we would leave you with this warm holiday message from Libertarian Penn Jillette:
I gotcher War on Christmas right here!!!

The Fox “News” Spin Cycle ► Episode 30

Fox “News” logo used
without permission

It’s the perfect set of bookends documented in this week’s edition of The Fox “News” Spin Cycle

It begins with a continuation of the Bob-Costas-and-guns-kerfuffle from last week and ends with Fox “News” clinging to its guns and religion. In between there was a mall shooting, Susan Rice withdrew herself from consideration as Secretary of State, and attacks against Ed Asner (again) and Matt Damon (again). In other words: the usual nonsense from the usual gang of idiots.

NB: A word of warning. The Newtown Massacre broke my funny bone. I’m less likely to go for laughs this week; I’m more likely to go for the jugular.

You call that cheesecake?

Better, but where’s the leg?

Holiday shopping??? Doncha mean “Christmas shopping”??? Or are you fighting the War on Christmas from within? Don’t worry, I won’t give you away to the authorities.

More than a week after Bob Costas said the obvious and Bully Boy Bolling is STILL stewing about it.

Of course The Falafel King felt George Will owned Paul Krugman because Will personally attacked Krugman, who attempted to stay on the facts of the issue, which Loofah Lad doesn’t care for. Paul Krugman is a long-time nemesis of Fox “News.”
“QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama? Oh, right! It’s in the headline. Never mind.”
IRONY ALERT: Fox “News” was one of the media outlets that originally jumped on the story of the Aussie DJs pranking the hospital, only to pretend it did not help contribute to the nurse’s suicide when it became tragic story.

Of course he got owned because Mary Matalin personally attacked Paul Krugman, who attempted to stay on the facts, which Fox “News” doesn’t care for. And, Paul Krugman is a long-time nemesis of Fox “News.”

Which is why Fox “News” would concentrate on this talk show slugfest that happened on another network. It’s a way to avoid having to discuss the merits of Krugman’s ideas, which Fox “News” doesn’t care for. And, Paul Krugman is a long-time nemesis of Fox “News.”

This was KKKarl Rove’s first appearance since it was reported all over the innernets that Rove had been benched and all Fox “News” producers would need a special note from high above to use him while he’s still in Purgatory. Here’s my newest conspiracy theory: While Fox “News” put KKKarl Rove on the DL list, I would bet [Johnny] Dollars to donuts that Bret “Bare” Baier was ordered to put Rove on the air, just to make a lie out of all those reports of him being sent to the corn field.

Oh, lookie: Steve Doocy made a funny. It’s nice to see he has not forgotten the real reason for the season.

BTW: Did you know that if you watch Steve Doocy with the sound off he looks just like every dipsomaniac you have ever known? Try it some time.

Sure, it’s funny ’til somebody pokes an eye out.

When monkeys are outlawed, only monkeys will be outlaws.

Bob Costas and guns still? A word of warning: By the end of the week you’ll be talking about guns all over again and it will be a far more painful discussion, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Fox “News” will pass along ANY specious rumours, as long as they smear President Obama.

Scammity is simultaneously working the Psy Gangnam Outrage™ and social media, straight from the Hannity Control Room.

That’s not exactly what he said. He said Fox “News” is dividing ‘Merka and RFK, Jr. is 100% right.

The biggest racial hustlers are on Fox “News.” People such as Sean Scammity and Bully Boy Bolling. What should ‘Merka do with them?

Don’t worry. I don’t care. However, I love the namedropping, Bully Boy.

Better get some coffee in you, Bully Boy. Didja see what Jon Stewart said about you last night?

I’ll take that as a “Yes.” So, let me get this straight (because it might become important by the end of the week): It’s not that Bob Costas said something about guns, but he said it in an inappropriate forum. That narrows it down. So talk of gun control is okay as long as it doesn’t interrupt football coverage?

Juan Williams was the only Fox “News” personality that I saw who felt that Bob Costas’s comments were appropriate. By the end of the week Costas would look downright prescient, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

We only know from his family that the charges are “trumped up.” I’m not saying they are, or they are not. I’ve just not seen enough evidence to justify the headline, or the fact that Fox “News” has taken this story on as its latest cause, having hosted Jon Hammar’s mother several times.

Taking Immelt’s comments out of context is the Breitbart way. He was discussing what works in a very narrow sitch-eee-ay-shun. But, you’ll never learn that unless you click through and take the time to watch the video. However, Immelt is a long-time Fox “News” nemesis and this is a great way to slam him.

Loofah Lad should have saved this topic for the end of the week after the Newtown Massacre. It’s hell when he repeats himself.

This isn’t a screen cap from Fox “News,” but updates one of the contentious issues discussed in last week’s Fox “News” Spin Cycle.

IRONY ALERT: Bully Boy Bolling is apologizing to his Politically
Correct Christ lovers, who were upset that he took the Christ out of
Christmas. IRONY ALERT II: Bully Boy Bolling has decried Leftoid Political Correctness™ in the past. I guess the lesson here is it all depends on which PC Police were offended. Bully Boy Bolling kowtows to God’s PC Police.

This is what Bully Boy Bolling said for which he is apologizing. IRONY ALERT III: You’d think someone who goes to church every day would not ooze hate and racism in front of the tee vee cameras.

We’ve survived until midweek without having to talk about gun control.

Wait!!! What??? Mall shooting?!?!?! Can we talk about gun control yet, Bully Boy? Because by the end of the week, wanting to talk about gun control will become a national obsession, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Steven Crowder’s story fell apart as soon as some unedited video came out that showed the man punching Crowder had just been knocked to the ground by a cheap shot that appeared to come from behind. He honestly believed Crowder delievered the cheap shot and retaliated. Crowder tried to Brietbart the video with a deceptive edit, but, unfortunately for Crowder, Sean Scammity accidentally aired the part of the video that shows Crowder’s James O’Keefe-like stunt. Suddenly the story died. Steven Crowder became the aggressor. No wonder he stayed a virgin until he got married. He’s a coward who can only attack from behind.

It takes one to know one.

Fox “News” loves to attack MSNBC and Chris Matthews in particular, who is just another nemesis of the “Fair and Balanced” network.

I’m going to wait and celebrate 13/13/13.

However, all day Fox “News” was able to pretend that Steven Crowder was a tough guy who stood up to the union thugs . . .

. . . until Scammity accidentally showed too much of the video and it now appears that Steven Crowder threw the first punch.

Lookie here: Some rare navel-gazing from Loofah Lad. What’s more, it’s all about his Phony War on Christmas, which was even criticized by Father Morris on the Curvy Couch with those Foxy Friends.

And the GOP House has recessed. Who should the president meet with?

Malkin called it: “There will be blood.” Too bad it was blood from the children in Newtown, Connecticut. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Heya, Juan: Teabaggers have always been about charlatans and profiteers. Remember: It was astroturfed with Koch money and Dick Armey to begin with. Then all the racists crackpots joined and the brand became tarnished to those ‘Merkins who do their own thinking. Why are you providing political cover for Teabaggers, Juan?

While he’s been known to say some outrageous things, Belafonte is another long-time Fox “News” nemesis.

Off-camera chatter? You’re ignoring each other. Let’s move in for a close up:

See? It’s like that last scene in the marriage montage from Citizen Kane.

See???

Contrary to conventional wisdom the Piltdown Man is not the greatest hoax ever perpetrated. That honour goes to Fox “News” calling itself “Fair and Balanced.”

Still trying to get the last bit of mileage out of the phony Steven Crowder victim story.

This is the closest Fox “News” came to talking about gun control. They made fun of a Leftoid’s position on gun control. And, it’s a clever new way to attack The Current, another Fox “News” Nemesis™.

This is what passes for the Fox “News” crack research team? Begging people on facebook?

This was pretty funny. They should put Geraldo on The Five and send Bob Beckel back to the Minors.

TRANSLATION: We’re stumped. Help us out because Der Google isn’t helping at all.

Wait!!! What???

It’s headed straight for YOUR house. Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!!

IRONY ALERT: Fox “News” has been the greatest force for division in ‘Merka since it went on the air. Dennis Miller is just more of the same divisiveness. Way to miss the point, Miller.

TRANSLATION: We’ll see if our crack audio team can cue it up.

After 2 months of attacking Susan Rice on a daily basis, Fox “News” can add her head to their trophy wall. And, isn’t it magnanimous of John McCain to wish her well?

Because Fox “News” made Susan Rice the story, as opposed to making the attack on Benghazi the story. Happy now?

OY VEY!!! Oliver “Should Be In Jail” North is running tours to Israel. That would be a great trip to infiltrate, pretending to be an average tourist. It would be great for the LULZ.

It’s time for Bully Boy Bolling and The Five to take a victory lap since they have been among the most vocal in trashing Ambassador Susan Rice.

It came as highly amusing news that Judge Nap, who claims to be a Libertarian, is not JUST religious, and not JUST
a Roman
Catholic, but he actually admits that he preferred the Church prior to
all the inclusive reforms known
as Vatican II. That means Judge Andy identifies with the ’50s and early
’60s. He’d even rather have the Mass in Latin. Ipso facto: Judge Nap embraces
his cognitive dissonance. It also explains his Constitution fetish.
It’s why he won’t accept the Constitution as a living document. He is an
“originalist” who believes the Constitution was divinely inspired by
the pre-Vatican II God.

A truly rational Libertarianism seems totally incompatible with religion. Which is probably why there are so many essays by so many people who are trying to justify being religious Libertarians. More cognitive dissonance.

Quantity over quality. The Five is still the worst show on tee vee since “My Mother The Car.”

Wait!!! What???

REMEMBER: There is no War on Women.

It won’t be a happy Friday for long. People all across the nation will soon be weeping openly.

Watters World is the oldest trick in tee vee: Ask stupid people questions and only show the stupidest answers. Hilarity ensues.

“Pondering about”??? Yeesh!

According to their body language: They hate each other.

And, it begins.

Nothing will ever be the same for ‘Merka from this moment forward. And, whether Second Amendment Advocates like it or not, this country is about to have a serious discussion on gun control. FINALLY!!! 

However, in the meantime, Fox “News” will do everything it can to avoid talking about gun control, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

TRANSLATION: The News Division is keeping Bully Boy Bolling from complaining about advocates of gun control.

This is Bully Boy Bolling clinging to his guns and religion.

This massacre of innocents in Newtown, Connecticut, has exposed the Fox “News” schizophrenia on gun control. The on-air personalities have, when they expressed an opinion at all, have come out solidly in favour of the Second Amendment and against gun control. However, lookie what Rupert “The Corpulent” Murdoch tweeted out that evening:

If Fox “News” came out in favour of sensible gun control, maybe politicians will find it easier to buck the NRA, Rupert.

However, as Rupert is tweeting that, his minions, aka the Fox “News” suits, were telling the Fox “News” personalities not to discuss gun control. That will be threading the needle for Fox “News” because gun control was suddenly a topic on the minds and lips of most ‘Merkins, regardless of whether they were pro-gun or anti-gun.

That’s why the Fox “News” spin became more about God than guns. To avoid the topic of gun control, Fox “News” was forced to cling to guns and religion. It started with Huckleberry Hound, but spread across the channel.

This is Huckleberry Hound clinging to his religion. We assume he also has guns.

A rare Saturday on the curvy couch for Loosy Doocy. Clearly the brass at Fox “News” didn’t feel they could trust Dave and Clayton (two of the weekend’s Three Stooges) to stay off the topic of gun control. Consequently, Steve “I look like a dipsomaniac” Doocy and Brain Brian Kilmeade sat in with Alysin “Poses With Guns” Camerotta. Had Wretched Gretched been available (I’m sure she had some family thing she just couldn’t get out of) I am sure the whole Fox “News” morning “A Team” would have been there for the Saturday morning Newtown Massacre coverage.

Doocy likes it when people are Right. The farther Right, the better.

Where’s Wretched Gretched, Alysin? Doesn’t she usually work with Steve and Brian?

Bully Boy Bolling thinks he can hold back the tide of the national conversation on gun control that’s already begun. ‘Merkins have come to realize that they are being told to “respect these families, debate the issues later” every few days, after another shooting in public. Now they are saying, “ENOUGH.”

To avoid talking about gun control, Fox “News” went in a number of directions. It reported on the heroic teachers . . .

. . . or it advised parents on how to talk to their own children about the Newtown Massacre . . .

. . . or accused Progressives of politicizing the issue of gun control . . .

. . . or blamed the massacre on the ‘Merkin culture, like violent video games and Hollywood, where Fox makes movies . . .

. . . or dragged out Father Morris to discuss a religious evil. Anything to avoid the topic of gun control.

When this news was released I predicted that Fox “News” would express doubt about this story. I was right, but, admittedly, that was like shooting fish in a barrel.

Another way Fox “News” avoided talking about gun control was to talk about union thugs.

Remember: Anything to avoid talking about gun control. Just as Gabriel Sherman at New York Magazine reported:

Certainly Fox’s decision to avoid widespread policy talk could be seen as an editorial impulse to keep the focus trained on the tragedy’s human dimension. But Fox’s coverage also highlights the growing chasm between Rupert Murdoch and Ailes. Gun culture is alive and well at Fox News. Roger Ailes and Sean Hannity are reportedly licensed to carry concealed handguns in New York City. Fox personality Eric Bolling is a vocal Second Amendment proponent on air. “Not only do they carry guns, they don’t allow an honest debate on TV,” a Fox News insider said. In the past, when Ailes has clashed with Murdoch on politics, Fox News’s outsize profits have helped Ailes prevail. Earlier this fall, Ailes signed a new four-year contract, and he retains complete editorial control over the network.

I have always felt a particular distaste for Oliver North. . . until this week. Now, I hate him with every ounce of my being.

Let’s face facts: North only avoided being jailed in the Iran/Contra Scandal on a technicality (the same might be said of Bush the Elder, as well). Now North gets to promote his own money-making deals on the Fox “News” channel in exchange for being one of the channel’s Go-To Gung-Ho Guys™ on military reporting. Here he hawks his latest book, while just above he was shilling for his own tour of Israel, aka The Holy Land.

However, late this week my mild distaste for Oliver North went to Red Hot Hate™, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
[Be sure to stay tuned to the very end of this column for the reason why.]

Why do you have to insert your God into everything? Your God failed these children.

As Gabriel Sherman at New York Magazine says in the same article quoted above:

During the weekend, one frustrated producer went around Clark to lobby Michael Clemente, Fox’s executive vice-president for news editorial, but Clemente upheld the mandate. “We were expressly forbidden from discussing gun control,” the source said. Clark’s edict wasn’t universal: On Fox News Sunday, host Chris Wallace talked with Democratic Senators Joe Lieberman and Dick Durbin about gun control, and later in the program, panelists Bill Kristol and Fortune editor Nina Easton weighed in on the issue.

Clearly Chris Wallace is the exception that proves the rule.

However, had he mentioned gun control Fox “News” never would have turned this father into a symbol of Christian forgiveness.

Just another way to avoid the issue of gun control.

Matt Damon is another Hollywood star that Fox “News” delights in attacking. If I cared why I could research it. I would probably discover that Damon said something against Fox “News” or one of its pet projects. Or, he starred in movies with George Clooney, another Hollywood star Fox “News” attacks with regularity. The reason doesn’t have to make sense. Suffice to say Fox “News” has a hate-on for Matt Damon (and George Clooney, among others).

Still not ready to talk about gun control? I know, it’s still too early.

How about now? Can we talk about the weapon that mowed down this principle, several teachers, and 20 children? No? You’ll let us know when, okay? Because the country is just itching for a dialogue on gun control.
I have to admit I agree with Bully Boy Bolling. In the midst of a terrible tragedy there are always going to be people who turn a crisis into an opportunity. Like your Fox “News” War Hero below:

And this, folks, is why I now hate Oliver North.

FUCK YOU OLIVER NORTH!!!

Does that mean it’s now okay to talk about gun control, Bully Boy Bolling? Whaddaya think, Bill “Loofah Lad” O’Reilly? Is your colleague Oliver North politicizing mass murder?

And that’s how the week ends on The Fox “News” Spin Cycle. Tune in next week to see if Fox “News” found the guts to talk about gun control and whether I’ve found my sense of humour.

Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used To Be ► Ronald Reagan Cracks A Joke

President Ronald Reagan and his Vice President
Dateline August 11, 1984 – Ronald Reagan, famed for his highly-tuned sense of humour, made a funny while doing audio levels for a radio broadcast. Get ready to LOL.

Oh! Stop!! My!!! Sides!!!!

It should never be forgotten that Reagan presided during the Iran-Contra scandal, when he PERSONALLY approved a plan to sell arms to Iran, which just a few years earlier had held 52 ‘Merkins hostage for 444 days, and may have been the deciding factor in President Jimmy Carter losing re-election. Reagan famously said he would never negotiate with terrorists. Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger and Secretary of State George Schultz were against the deal. Yet, in the end, there can be no other reading: Reagan traded arms for hostages.

However, it didn’t stop there. Less than half of the $30 million Iran paid for the 1,500+ missles ever made it back to ‘Merka. The rest was diverted to the Contras, Nicaragua rebels fighting to overthrow the Sandinista government, or the Junta of National Reconstruction. This fund diversion was only discovered during Attorney General Ed Meese’s investigation of the arms-for-hostage deal. It turned out that Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North, of the National Security Council, had passed the missing money on to the Contras. Because this had been done under the aegis of National Security Adviser Admiral John Poindexter, North assumed Reagan also knew. This has never been proven but it caused some comedians (most notably me) to ask, “What did the President forget and when did he forget it?” According to PBS:

Speculation about the involvement of Reagan, Vice President George Bush and the administration at large ran rampant. Independent Counsel Lawrence Walsh investigated the affair for the next eight years. Fourteen people were charged with either operational or “cover-up” crimes. In the end, North’s conviction was overturned on a technicality, and President Bush issued six pardons, including one to McFarlane, who had already been convicted, and one to Weinberger before he stood trial.

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Meanwhile, enjoy these photographs of Reagan throughout his long life.

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