Tag Archives: 420

Headlines Du Jour ► Sunday, January 5, 2014

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It’s the beginning of the first full week of the new year. I’ve yet to hear back from The O’Jays, but that fight’s so new the ink hasn’t dried on my rant yet. If I don’t hear back from them soon, I’ll be sending the robot drones after them. No matter. Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

BEST HEADLINE DU JOUR:

A man tried to rob a bank after paying
$500 to a wizard to make him invisible

GET THE DUCK OUTTA HERE:

GOP’s “Duck Dynasty” problem: Why Phil
Robertson was a hugely important political story

Mike Duggan, Detroit’s First White Mayor in 40 Years, Takes Office

Duggan turns to cronies first

IT WAS BROKEN WHEN I GOT HERE. HONEST!!!

The Year We Broke the Internet
An explanation. An apology. A plea.

RELIGION CORNER:

Bill Nye To Debate Evolution At Kentucky Creation Museum

Pastor Tries to Walk on Water
Like Jesus, Then Drowns
in Front of His Congregation

SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

100-Million-Year Old Amber
Fossil Preserves Ancient
Flowers Caught In The Middle
Of Sexual Reproduction

Bizarre ‘Earthquake Light’ Mystery Has Been Solved! They Aren’t UFOs

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

Rob Ford Kicks Off Toronto Mayoral Campaign With Misinformation

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Fox News and Right Wing Media Attack Journalists For Reporting the Truth About Benghazi

EDJUMAKATING THE MASSES:

Here’s Exactly How Much the Government Would
Have to Spend to Make Public College Tuition-Free

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Saturday, January 4, 2014

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FREEING THE WEED

Marijuana stores in Colorado
have long lines but few problems

Pot sales exceed $1 million on first day

Tina Brown: Legal Weed Leaves
America Unable to Compete with China

Is It Legal To Smoke or Possess
Marijuana in Lansing, Michigan?

David Brooks Explains Why He
Doesn’t Smoke Pot Anymore,
Is Roundly Mocked

Fugitive Ga. Banker Suspected
In Marijuana Case In Fla.

Miami’s 16th-Annual Medical
Marijuana Benefit: “It’s Not Just
About Smoking a Joint”

Colorado’s marijuana foes and
supporters worked for smooth launch

Muting Marijuana’s High:
Pot Without the Impairment

OSU Point Guard Stevie Clark
Facing Marijuana Charges

As the first weekend of the new year begins, the Not Now Silly robot drones have collected a vast array of headlines. However, they seem to have developed a particular fascination with stories about Colorado. Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

CONSTITUTIONALLY YOURS:

The Supreme Court Joins The Right Wing Attempt to Replace the Constitution With the Bible

Bryan Fischer Rejects Constitution – Says Evolutionists Disqualified from Political Office

South Carolina Violates the Constitution With Plan For Mandatory Prayer In Public Schools

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Fox News Regular Michael Scheuer Suggests Assassinating President Obama And David Cameron

14 Things We’ve Learned From News Corp.’s Phone Hacking Trial So Far

NYT Executive Editor Calls Fox News Accusation on Benghazi “Ridiculous”
War Reporters Push Back: Fox News Doesn’t Understand What Journalism Is

Fox News’ hack has a plan to fix the country

OCCUPY WALL STREET:

Reporter Chris Faraone Sues NYPD Over Occupy Wall Street Arrest

HISTORY IS COMPLICATED:

Ancient stone bridge revealed after Chinese lake dries up

TODAY’S EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

North Carolina Deputy Orders Man With Camera Off “My County Property” Under Threat of Arrest

THE SORRY STATE OF JOURNALISM TODAY:

CNN Disgraces Journalism With Hit Piece That Tries to Get Melissa Harris-Perry Fired

THE PENIS: MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD:

Penis drawn on business card is key to Wyoming
legal battle over unemployment benefits

WAIT!!! WHAT???

Man arrested for stealing brains in Indiana

CLIMBING THE CHRIS CHRISTIE CHAIN OF COMMAND:

‘It came from a
higher authority’

Kelly: Assemblyman says order for GWB traffic tie-up came from outside Port Authority

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

New Jersey neo-Nazi alleges discrimination after ninth child taken away

LONG STORY SHORT: LIFE DOESN’T IMITATE ART:

Dave Van Ronk’s Ex-Wife Takes Us Inside Inside Llewyn Davis

EARTH IS COMPLICATED:

Geologists discover new quake fault line in Spokane

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH:

‘Criminally insane’ Florida man found in van with 36 guns, 4,629 rounds of ammo

TODAY’S TRUMP:

Donald Trump: Researchers trapped in Antarctic ice prove global warming is a sham
This “very expensive GLOBAL WARMING
bullsh*t has got to stop,” Trump tweeted


VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► January 2, 2014

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I was recently asked, “What makes a Headline Du Jour?” The first line of defense, as always, is my army of drone robots. They spend the long nights traversing the innertubes, collecting only the best headlines — at the peak of perfection. The hardest part is keeping the robot drones from becoming self-aware, which is why I’ve limited their RAM. Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

Racism Literally Costs America $2 Trillion…Ready to Stop Payment?

FREE THE WEED!!!

This Iraq War Vet Was First to
Buy Legal Pot in Colorado

Six Things You Should Know
About Buying Pot In Colorado

South America May Be On the Verge Of a Marijuana Legalization Tidal Wave

THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OLD:

On Christmas, Republicans Quietly Declare War on Themselves

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Watch: Party Girl Says ‘We’re Gonna
F*ck Sh*t Up!” Live on Fox News

Kelly Wright, Juan Williams Pimp Christian
Right’s America Founded On Faith Meme

GET THE DUCK OUTTA HERE!!!

Duck Dynasty Patriarch Hates On Chinese, Says Muslims Are ‘Famous For Murder’

Franklin Graham chides Christians
for not fighting beside Phil
Robertson in ‘religious war’

‘Suck Dynasty’? Reality stars fizzle in awkward Fox New Year’s interview

Watch the Giant Rubber
Duck Pop and Deflate

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Law firm demands Florida man remove racist
‘commercial or whatever it is’ from Internet

WHOOOPS!!!

Customs officials destroy virtuoso flautist’s 11
instruments because they
were ‘agricultural products’

FROM OUTER SPACE:

NASA’s Hubble Sees Cloudy
Super-Worlds With
Chance for More Clouds

Video: Sun has ‘flipped upside down’ as new magnetic cycle begins

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Tuesday, December 31, 2013

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This being the last day of the year means that today’s Headlines Du Jour is the last one for 2013. Join us tomorrow for the first Headlines Du Jour of 2014. Two-thousand and four. It just rolls off the tongue.

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Fox Anchor: NY Times Benghazi Report ‘Goes Against Much of Fox News’ Own Reporting’

Fox News Wastes No
Time Attacking NY Times
Benghazi Report

TRUE STORY: THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OLD:

Guess which party has a bone to pick with evolution?

Sen. Ted Cruz hires lawyers to renounce his Canadian citizenship

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Guy Reaches For Wallet, Ends Up
Shooting Himself In The Butt

RELIGION CORNER:

Comedian Raised $125K for Atheist Tornado Survivor Just to Piss Off Her ‘Okie-Christian Neighbors’

IN OUTER SPACE:

Sun has ‘flipped upside down’ – Nasa

The Quadrantid Meteor Shower-One of the Best Bets for 2014

FREE THE WEED:

Tommy Chong on marijuana legalization:
Everyone is waking up to the truth

IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

The 12 Craziest Things That
Happened in Florida in 2013

The 32nd Annual The King Mango Strut

WHEN GLITTER IS OUTLAWED, ONLY GLAM STARS WILL BE OUTLAWS:

U.S. police gone mad: Activists
arrested for ‘bioterrorism hoax’
for using glitter on a protest banner

MOTHER EARTH IS GONNA BE PISSED:

Scientists Find 7,300-Mile
Mercury Contamination ‘Bullseye’
Around Canadian Tar Sands

I HAVE AN ORIGINAL PETER MAX POSTER:

‘Antiques Roadshow’ discovers $660
painting is $661,000 van Dyck masterpiece

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Monday, December 30, 2013

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As we count down the days to the New Year, Not Now Silly is grateful for headline collecting robot drones. My New Year’s resolution is to get more headline collecting robot drones. Meanwhile, here are today’s Headlines Du Jour.

OH! STOP!! MY!!! SIDES!!!!

Republicans Go Mad As Pope Francis and President
Obama Deliver The Same Economic Message

FREE THE WEED!!!

10 things to know about nation’s first
recreational marijuana shops in Colorado

NOT SUPER-VILLAINS:

Four robbery suspects arrested for
what LAPD deems ‘felony stupid’

ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF COPS GONE WILD:

Toronto police officer strips naked “hundreds” of people
Const. Sasa Sljivo told court on Dec. 11 he has stripped “hundreds” of people
completely naked, which is against police policy as laid out by the Supreme Court.

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Florida prostitute mistakenly texts on-duty deputy for sex: sheriff
Schquita Alaysha Warren arranged a hookup at a Pensacola Motel 6, realizing
too late she’d sexted an Escambia County investigator instead of her client.

NSA IS A 4-LETTER WORD:

The NSA Has A Way To Intercept Computers Mid-Shipment And Install Spyware On Them

NASA IS A 4-LETTER WORD:

NASA’s twitchy bouncy roboball
may explore Titan one day

TECH IS A 4-LETTER WORD:

The Biggest Tech Flops of 2013

DRONE IS A 4-LETTER WORD:

I worked on the US drone program. The
public should know what really goes on
Few of the politicians who so brazenly proclaim the benefits
of drones have a real clue how it actually works (and doesn’t)

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Coconut Grove’s 32nd Annual King Mango Strut

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Friday, December 27, 2013

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Earlier this week, when I introduced robot drones to collect the daily headlines, little did I know how smoothly things would run in the Not Now Silly news room. Now when I wake up, the robots have already returned and the headlines are waiting on my desk. If I could only find a robot with news sense to cull the bad headlines — and then post this to the blog — I could sleep in. 

I’m also going to need a never-ending supply of AAA batteries; these suckers use a lot of power. No matter, let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

WHERE WILL FUTURE HEADLINES DU JOUR COME FROM?

As fewer people read newspapers, more share their front pages

IN LGBT NEWS:

Texas bar bans gay men over ‘safety risk’ for
dancing to country music instead of hip-hop

Advocates in Florida Gather Enough Signatures to Put Medical Cannabis Legalization to a Vote

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Mike Huckabee is either a clueless fool or a brazen liar

Fox News’ 5 worst moments of 2013

Fox News Spent 2013 Worrying About “Wussification”

YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY:

McDonald’s shuts down
heavily-criticized employee
resources site

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

Racist Ohio Teacher Suspended After Telling Student ‘We Don’t Need Another Black President’

New Mexico Tea Party Patriots Leader: Blacks
Should Stop ‘Bitching And Moaning’ About Slavery

The Most Clueless Racists of 2013

Detroit has seen an uptick in history buffs and photographers
visiting its ruins since its bankruptcy filing.

THE RUIN PORN OF DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Detroit’s abandoned buildings draw tourists instead of developers

After a century, Michigan Central
train station’s last
stop in limbo

HISTORY IS COMPLICATED:

8 very old sites in the New World

MUSIC IS LIFE:

30 Songs That Changed the Course Of Musical History

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

No charges after family member’s gun fatally shoots 2-month-old on Christmas Eve

Florida man shot and killed by stray bullet from neighbor’s backyard gun range

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, December 26, 2013

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With baby Jesus’ birthday over, the world holds its collective breath until New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Meanwhile, the new Not Now Silly headline robots are working out perfectly. No more work stoppages; no more complaints. So, get ready for today’s Headlines Du Jour. 

BEST HEADLINE DU JOUR:

Man charged with stealing handcuffs he
was wearing in escape from police cruiser

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Father Shoots And Kills 14-Year-Old Daughter, Saying He Mistook Her For Burglar

QUACKER CORNER:

Duck Dynasty empire estimated to be worth $500 million U.S.

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Officers’ sobriety stop yields more than beer
A routine traffic stop took a bizarre turn when the driver told law enforcement
officers, “I don’t want to freak you out, but I have someone in the trunk.”

FREE THE WEED!!!

Brown pardons mostly
target drug offenders

SCIENCE CORNER:

New artificial muscle
promises super strength

FROM OUTER SPACE:

NASA celebrates anniversary of the
most important photo ever taken

WAIT!!! WHAT???

Illinois man uses ‘Star Trek’ technology to defraud investors of $25 million

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON:

Girlfriend transports man shot in stolen Christmas
present dispute to hospital in stolen truck

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Monday, December 23, 2013

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No sooner does Not Now Silly fire one set of interns over labour unrest, than this new cabal shows its true colours. Inexplicably, despite the letters of recommendation which is sole the reward of all unpaid interns, they’re now demanding the holidays off. They’re starting with Christmas, but before they’re done they’ll be wanting to take Bahá’u’lláh’s Birthday off. It has to stop somewhere. I am now interviewing interns. Apply within.

FREE THE WEED!!!

The Media Should Stop Pretending Marijuana’s
Risks Are a Mystery — The Science Is Clear

FREE THE VEGETABLE!!!

In Florida, A Turf War Blooms Over
Front-Yard Vegetable Gardening

MUSICAL DISPATCHES FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Derrick May: ‘I stick around in Detroit because it’s my home No 1’

Music is missing link in Detroit recovery

A triumphant Aretha Franklin rocks MotorCity Sound Board

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

In Toronto, aid to flow even without emergency declaration

Rob Ford is Canada’s Newsmaker of the Year
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is distant No. 2

CRACKER CORNER:

Lt Gov: Duck Dynasty
important to La. tourism

Mike Huckabee Drags Obama Into Duck Dynasty Controversy

Juan Williams: Right Wanted Bashir, Maher
Fired, But ‘Cry Foul’ Over Duck Dynasty Star?

ALASKAN CRACKER CORNER:

Good Grief and Great Tits
Dan Savage: Sitting Down to Read Sarah
Palin’s Christmas Book While I Bake
Christmas Cookies for My Family

IN FLORI-DUH NEWS:

A Blue Florida? State Supreme Court Slaps Down Rick Scott’s Gerrymandering

GET OUT YOUR HANDKERCHIEFS:

Emotional moment guitar legend Carlos Santana is reunited with his old drummer after discovering he had been living as a BEGGAR on the streets for 40 years

I GOTCHER WAR ON CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE:

Pastor Joel Osteen Smacks Down Fox News ‘War On Christmas’ Victimology

IN THE COURTS:

Apartheid-Era Doctor Who Made
Germs To Kill Africans Found
Guilty Of Unprofessional Conduct

Brooklyn Convict Gets $560,000 In Damages For False Arrest

VIDEO DU JOUR:

 

[NB: NSFW OR WHILE DRINKING COFFEE]

New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Monday, December 16, 2013

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Not Now Silly has been publishing Headlines Du Jour since October 29th. The NNS news team has learned a few things in that time. The biggest problem? The headlines simply won’t wait. They’re ready when they’re ready and not a moment before. And worse yet, they’re only stale when they’ve gone stale and not a moment too soon. The dilemma? The line between the two is so narrow, that one can’t always tell the difference. Which is why Not Now Silly will hire only the most discerning and intelligent interns and then pay them nothing. So, let’s see which intern didn’t hold up their end and needs retooling.

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

White supremacy’s long shadow: Why the myth of “race” still haunts America

POLITCAL CORNER:

CONSTITUTIONALLY YOURS:

Federal judge declares Utah polygamy law unconstitutional
District court ruling finds key parts of Utah polygamy laws unconstitutional.

MAKE WAR, NOT PEACE:

Female protester pictured kissing policeman accused of sexual assault

FREE THE WEED:

Here’s How Many Pot Shops Will
Open In Denver After Weed Is Legal

Fort Lauderdale stockbroker ‘living
proof’ medical marijuana works

A NEW FOX “NEWS” LIE IN THE NEWS:

 
Krauthammer Tells PBS Viewers:
If You Want the Whole Story, ‘Try Fox’

MEGYN KELLY IN THE NEWS:

Slate Writer Who Questioned ‘White Santa’ on
Megyn Kelly’s Response: She ‘Played the Victim’

Black Marxist Jesus? Ask Megyn Kelly about this.

RELIGION CORNER:

Pope Francis Addresses ‘Ultraconservatives’ (and Limbaugh?) Calling Him a Marxist

TRUE STORY: THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR “OLD”:

John Boehner’s Budget Outburst
Shows Right-Wing Groups
Have Jumped The Shark

FLORIDUH’S NEXT SHOW TRIAL:

Another Stand Your Ground showdown?

WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE:

Poverty nation: How America created a low-wage work swamp
For decades, both parties supplanted a push for higher
wages with well-intended public aid. The result: calamity

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

When Detroit paved over paradise: The story of I-375

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Sunday, December 15, 2013

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Set loose throughout the internet, the Not Now Silly interns have been collecting headlines nightly for the better part of two months now. They are provisioned with wicker baskets and told not to return until they’re full. It’s only then they are allowed any food and water. Which brings us to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

CONSTITUTIONALLY YOURS:

Judge says giant cross must be removed from San Diego mountain

HELLO, NSA? ARE YOU THERE? GOOGLE? HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?

Who’s Watching You Watch Porn?
Privacy experts warn that advertisers, even the
NSA, could be following your visits to adult sites.

I GOTCHER MEGYN KELLY CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE:

Operation White Christmas targets white
supremacist gangs, authorities say

FREE THE WEED:

Uruguay’s Prez Rips Into U.N. Official Over Marijuana Law: ‘Stop Lying’

MORE DISPATCHES FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Federal Judge Describes, Then Supports Plot to Rob Detroit Pensioners

Red Wings arena deal with Ilitch family wins approval from Detroit downtown authority

SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

Previously unknown DNA code could help humanity defy aging and death

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Hannity, Atheist Go Head-to-Head
in Heated Battle Over the War to
End All Wars on Christmas™

Bolling Battles Atheist over Christmas
Display: ‘Wow, How Mean Can You Be?’

Andrew Sullivan Calls Fox ‘One of the
Most Powerful Forces Against Christianity’

NO-LONGER PREGGY LEGGY MEGGY BACK IN THE NEWS:

What Megyn Kelly Did — And Didn’t — Learn
From The Reaction To Her White Santa Segment

Megyn Kelly Defends White Santa “Jest”: “Fox News,
And Yours Truly, Are Big Targets For Many People”

Megyn Kelly Is A Small Slender Liar!!!

Megyn Kelly Defends Her Santa Comments,
Attacks Critics For ‘Race Baiting’

Megyn Kelly doubles down on ‘white Santa’: I did it for the kids

FROM OUTER SPACE:

Warning: the universe could be about ready to collapse on us

A Rare Glimpse of the Moon Orbiting the Earth From Afar

China safely soft-lands rover on the moon

VIDEO DU JOUR

 

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.