Tag Archives: Duck Dynasty

Headlines Du Jour ► Friday, June 6, 2014

Hello there, Headliners! Today’s birthday belongs to Swing bandleader Jimmie Lunceford, who knew a thing or two about the Headlines Du Jour of yesteryear:

Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour:

THE BERGDAHL BEAT:

IN LGBT NEWS:

TEABAGGED ENOUGH ALREADY?


FREE THE WEED!!!

INFORMATION ABOUT THE INFORMATION HIGHWAY:

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

TUCKER FUCKER CARLSON IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

Carlson On Student’s Report: “He Went And Tattled To The Police”

ELISABETH HASSELBECK IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

IN OUTER SPACE:

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Sunday, January 5, 2014

It’s the beginning of the first full week of the new year. I’ve yet to hear back from The O’Jays, but that fight’s so new the ink hasn’t dried on my rant yet. If I don’t hear back from them soon, I’ll be sending the robot drones after them. No matter. Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

BEST HEADLINE DU JOUR:

A man tried to rob a bank after paying
$500 to a wizard to make him invisible

GET THE DUCK OUTTA HERE:

GOP’s “Duck Dynasty” problem: Why Phil
Robertson was a hugely important political story

Mike Duggan, Detroit’s First White Mayor in 40 Years, Takes Office

Duggan turns to cronies first

IT WAS BROKEN WHEN I GOT HERE. HONEST!!!

The Year We Broke the Internet
An explanation. An apology. A plea.

RELIGION CORNER:

Bill Nye To Debate Evolution At Kentucky Creation Museum

Pastor Tries to Walk on Water
Like Jesus, Then Drowns
in Front of His Congregation

SCIENCE IS COMPLICATED:

100-Million-Year Old Amber
Fossil Preserves Ancient
Flowers Caught In The Middle
Of Sexual Reproduction

Bizarre ‘Earthquake Light’ Mystery Has Been Solved! They Aren’t UFOs

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

Rob Ford Kicks Off Toronto Mayoral Campaign With Misinformation

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Fox News and Right Wing Media Attack Journalists For Reporting the Truth About Benghazi

EDJUMAKATING THE MASSES:

Here’s Exactly How Much the Government Would
Have to Spend to Make Public College Tuition-Free

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► January 2, 2014

I was recently asked, “What makes a Headline Du Jour?” The first line of defense, as always, is my army of drone robots. They spend the long nights traversing the innertubes, collecting only the best headlines — at the peak of perfection. The hardest part is keeping the robot drones from becoming self-aware, which is why I’ve limited their RAM. Let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

Racism Literally Costs America $2 Trillion…Ready to Stop Payment?

FREE THE WEED!!!

This Iraq War Vet Was First to
Buy Legal Pot in Colorado

Six Things You Should Know
About Buying Pot In Colorado

South America May Be On the Verge Of a Marijuana Legalization Tidal Wave

THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OLD:

On Christmas, Republicans Quietly Declare War on Themselves

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Watch: Party Girl Says ‘We’re Gonna
F*ck Sh*t Up!” Live on Fox News

Kelly Wright, Juan Williams Pimp Christian
Right’s America Founded On Faith Meme

GET THE DUCK OUTTA HERE!!!

Duck Dynasty Patriarch Hates On Chinese, Says Muslims Are ‘Famous For Murder’

Franklin Graham chides Christians
for not fighting beside Phil
Robertson in ‘religious war’

‘Suck Dynasty’? Reality stars fizzle in awkward Fox New Year’s interview

Watch the Giant Rubber
Duck Pop and Deflate

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Law firm demands Florida man remove racist
‘commercial or whatever it is’ from Internet

WHOOOPS!!!

Customs officials destroy virtuoso flautist’s 11
instruments because they
were ‘agricultural products’

FROM OUTER SPACE:

NASA’s Hubble Sees Cloudy
Super-Worlds With
Chance for More Clouds

Video: Sun has ‘flipped upside down’ as new magnetic cycle begins

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Saturday, December 28, 2013

When Not Now Silly fired all the headline collecting interns and replaced them with robot drones, I thought life would get simpler. That has not proven the case. While they don’t agitate for days off, I think the drones have become sentient. Don’t look them directly in the eye and you should be fine.

I’M SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

‘Suspicious’ KKK flyers found in Chicago suburb: ‘The Klan is awake!’

Ann Coulter Trolls With Racist Article As
President Obama Wishes a Happy Kwanzaa


LGBT NEWS:

Catholic School Asked Gay Administrator to Dissolve His Marriage

Colorado State Football Coach Suspended For Using Gay Slur


GET THE DUCK OUTTA HERE!!!

A&E Reverses Decision to ‘Suspend’ Phil Robertson


THE “O” IN GOP STANDS FOR OLD:

Neal Boortz: GOP Won’t Take Senate in
2014, and It’s Social Conservatives’ Fault

Rove’s Republican rivals step up


WAIT!!! WHAT???

Israel Newspaper Issues Hilarious Correction to Article Claiming Bugs Bunny is Jewish


TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Tanning Salons Now Outnumber McDonald’s in Florida


VIDEO DU JOUR:


Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Friday, December 27, 2013

Earlier this week, when I introduced robot drones to collect the daily headlines, little did I know how smoothly things would run in the Not Now Silly news room. Now when I wake up, the robots have already returned and the headlines are waiting on my desk. If I could only find a robot with news sense to cull the bad headlines — and then post this to the blog — I could sleep in. 

I’m also going to need a never-ending supply of AAA batteries; these suckers use a lot of power. No matter, let’s get right to today’s Headlines Du Jour.

WHERE WILL FUTURE HEADLINES DU JOUR COME FROM?

As fewer people read newspapers, more share their front pages

IN LGBT NEWS:

Texas bar bans gay men over ‘safety risk’ for
dancing to country music instead of hip-hop

Advocates in Florida Gather Enough Signatures to Put Medical Cannabis Legalization to a Vote

FOX “NEWS” IN THE NEWS:

Mike Huckabee is either a clueless fool or a brazen liar

Fox News’ 5 worst moments of 2013

Fox News Spent 2013 Worrying About “Wussification”

YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY:

McDonald’s shuts down
heavily-criticized employee
resources site

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

Racist Ohio Teacher Suspended After Telling Student ‘We Don’t Need Another Black President’

New Mexico Tea Party Patriots Leader: Blacks
Should Stop ‘Bitching And Moaning’ About Slavery

The Most Clueless Racists of 2013

Detroit has seen an uptick in history buffs and photographers
visiting its ruins since its bankruptcy filing.

THE RUIN PORN OF DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Detroit’s abandoned buildings draw tourists instead of developers

After a century, Michigan Central
train station’s last
stop in limbo

HISTORY IS COMPLICATED:

8 very old sites in the New World

MUSIC IS LIFE:

30 Songs That Changed the Course Of Musical History

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

No charges after family member’s gun fatally shoots 2-month-old on Christmas Eve

Florida man shot and killed by stray bullet from neighbor’s backyard gun range

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines
Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the
Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information
Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in
today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Thursday, December 26, 2013

With baby Jesus’ birthday over, the world holds its collective breath until New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Meanwhile, the new Not Now Silly headline robots are working out perfectly. No more work stoppages; no more complaints. So, get ready for today’s Headlines Du Jour. 

BEST HEADLINE DU JOUR:

Man charged with stealing handcuffs he
was wearing in escape from police cruiser

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Father Shoots And Kills 14-Year-Old Daughter, Saying He Mistook Her For Burglar

QUACKER CORNER:

Duck Dynasty empire estimated to be worth $500 million U.S.

TODAY IN FLOR-I-DUH NEWS:

Officers’ sobriety stop yields more than beer
A routine traffic stop took a bizarre turn when the driver told law enforcement
officers, “I don’t want to freak you out, but I have someone in the trunk.”

FREE THE WEED!!!

Brown pardons mostly
target drug offenders

SCIENCE CORNER:

New artificial muscle
promises super strength

FROM OUTER SPACE:

NASA celebrates anniversary of the
most important photo ever taken

WAIT!!! WHAT???

Illinois man uses ‘Star Trek’ technology to defraud investors of $25 million

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON:

Girlfriend transports man shot in stolen Christmas
present dispute to hospital in stolen truck

VIDEO DU JOUR:

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Tuesday, December 24, 2013

When the Not Now Silly interns began agitating for Christmas off, I decided to grant their request. I fired the whole lot of them. However, I ain’t going out into the innertubes and getting my hands dirty. That’s why I have purchased the very latest technology in headline collection, specially designed drone robots. Today’s Headlines Du Jour are the very first to be picked by the new bots. Not only do they work cheap, but they won’t demand time off.

IN LGBT NEWS:

Judge Smacks Down Utah’s Request for Stay
as Hundreds of Gay Couples Get Married

Federal judge’s ruling rejects
Ohio gay marriage ban

OH, FER DUCK’S SAKE!!!

Mike Huckabee Defends Phil Robertson With a
Paranoid Rant Against Militant Homosexuals

SOILGATE:

City Of Miami Closes Two More Parks For Potential Contamination

◄ From Not Now Silly
A Century of Coconut Grove Racism ► Soilgate Is Trolleygate Writ Large

THE RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE:

Democrats Need To Rally Around the Issue of Income Inequality in America

THE COLOUR LINE IS THE POVERTY LINE IS THE POWER LINE:

Miami’s Staggering Inequality Explained in One Map

THE EARTH IS COMPLICATED:

Reservoir found under Greenland’s snow. What it means for shrinking glaciers.
The water in the huge reservoir remains liquid year-round, and researchers say it could help them estimate how Greenland’s rapidly melting ice sheet will respond to global warming.

RELIGION CORNER:

ANOTHER DISPATCH FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Tea Party Darling Rand Paul Insists He’s Sincere About Helping Detroit

UP AGAINST THE WALMART!!!

Walmart Gets Busted Forcing Employees to
Make Political Contributions to Republicans

DON’T ZIMMER ME, MAN!!!

eBay removes anti-Zimmerman artwork the
same day Zimmerman’s painting sells for $100k

I GOTCHER WAR ON CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE:

Whips, cloaks and parchment: the
festive presents of ancient Rome

VIDEO DU JOUR:


Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Monday, December 23, 2013

No sooner does Not Now Silly fire one set of interns over labour unrest, than this new cabal shows its true colours. Inexplicably, despite the letters of recommendation which is sole the reward of all unpaid interns, they’re now demanding the holidays off. They’re starting with Christmas, but before they’re done they’ll be wanting to take Bahá’u’lláh’s Birthday off. It has to stop somewhere. I am now interviewing interns. Apply within.

FREE THE WEED!!!

The Media Should Stop Pretending Marijuana’s
Risks Are a Mystery — The Science Is Clear

FREE THE VEGETABLE!!!

In Florida, A Turf War Blooms Over
Front-Yard Vegetable Gardening

MUSICAL DISPATCHES FROM DETROIT, ‘MERKA’S FIRST THROWAWAY CITY:

Derrick May: ‘I stick around in Detroit because it’s my home No 1’

Music is missing link in Detroit recovery

A triumphant Aretha Franklin rocks MotorCity Sound Board

CRACK MAYOR CORNER:

In Toronto, aid to flow even without emergency declaration

Rob Ford is Canada’s Newsmaker of the Year
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is distant No. 2

CRACKER CORNER:

Lt Gov: Duck Dynasty
important to La. tourism

Mike Huckabee Drags Obama Into Duck Dynasty Controversy

Juan Williams: Right Wanted Bashir, Maher
Fired, But ‘Cry Foul’ Over Duck Dynasty Star?

ALASKAN CRACKER CORNER:

Good Grief and Great Tits
Dan Savage: Sitting Down to Read Sarah
Palin’s Christmas Book While I Bake
Christmas Cookies for My Family

IN FLORI-DUH NEWS:

A Blue Florida? State Supreme Court Slaps Down Rick Scott’s Gerrymandering

GET OUT YOUR HANDKERCHIEFS:

Emotional moment guitar legend Carlos Santana is reunited with his old drummer after discovering he had been living as a BEGGAR on the streets for 40 years

I GOTCHER WAR ON CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE:

Pastor Joel Osteen Smacks Down Fox News ‘War On Christmas’ Victimology

IN THE COURTS:

Apartheid-Era Doctor Who Made
Germs To Kill Africans Found
Guilty Of Unprofessional Conduct

Brooklyn Convict Gets $560,000 In Damages For False Arrest

VIDEO DU JOUR:

 

[NB: NSFW OR WHILE DRINKING COFFEE]

New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of Not Now Silly, home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic, and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

Headlines Du Jour ► Friday, December 20, 2013

With the year coming to an end, Not Now Silly will NOT be participating in any of those Best/Worst lists that plague most web sites at this time of year. No, the news team will continue to do what it does best: Collect headlines from all over the world and drop them here for your reading enjoyment.

IN LGBT NEWS:

New Mexico Becomes 17th State to Legalize Same-Sex Marriage

CRACK CORNER:

A Positive Step: Obama Commutes
Sentences for 8 Crack Cocaine Offenders

◄ ◄ ◄ AND, IT’S ALWAYS THE RIGHT SIZE AND COLOUR ► ► ►
Rob Ford, obviously: ‘Women love money. Give
‘em a couple thousand bucks and they are happy’

Bad Santa
The Ford family Christmas party was an insight into how the clan carries on and manages to live day-to-day with the darkness suppressed or ignored

QUACK CORNER:

◄ ◄ ◄ STICK A FORK IN IT, THIS GOOSE IS COOKED ► ► ►
Robertson Family Issues Statement
on Duck Dynasty’s Future on A&E

◄ ◄ ◄ EARLIER  ► ► ►
Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal’s “Duck Dynasty” screeds twist the ConstitutionConservatives rally around suspended ‘Duck Dynasty’ star Phil RobertsonSarah Palin, NOM, And Westboro Baptist: Right Wing Furious Over Duck Dynasty Dad’s SuspensionGeraldo on Duck Dynasty Phil’s Suspension: ‘Political Correctness Has Gotten Malignant’Bobby ‘Stop being the stupid party’ Jindal defends Duck Dynasty star because Miley CyrusNewt Gingrich compares ‘Duck Dynasty’ star Phil Robertson to Pope FrancisPhil Robertson, Duck Dynasty and Why His Suspension Isn’t an Attack on Free Speech

SO GLAD WE’RE LIVING IN A POST-RACIAL SOCIETY:

School Named For Ku Klux Klan Leader
Nathan Bedford Forrest To Be Rebranded

Maryland KKK will meet in government
building to plot Obama’s impeachment

RUPERT MURDOCH’S PAPERS IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

Kate Middleton, Prince Harry Hacked By Murdoch Paper, Trial Confirms

The Sun Apologizes For Calling
Woman On Maternity Leave ‘Lazy’

RUPERT MURDOCH’S EMPLOYEES IN THE NEWS AGAIN:

Bill O’Reilly Warns That Rich People
Are ‘In Danger,’ Asks That You Pray

CONSTITUTIONALLY YOURS:

Federal Court Finds GOP Governor Violated Civil Rights Of Protesters

IN CANADIAN CONSTITUTIONAL COURTS:

Explainer: Top court to rule on the future of prostitution in Canada

GUNS, GUNS, GUNS:

Texas Gun Club grand opening goes wrong when employee shoots own hand

Deer Trail now scheduled to hold drone hunting vote in April

I GOTCHER PHONY WAR ON CHRISTMAS RIGHT HERE!

Fox News Airs ‘Happy Holidays’ Message As
Bill O’Reilly Declares Victory In War On Christmas

Florida Capitol approves Pastafarian Flying
Spaghetti Monster among holiday displays

 

Headlines Du Jour is a leisure-time activity of National Trufax, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Not Now Silly,
home of the Steam-Powered Word-0-Matic and your rest stop on the Information Highway. Use
our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open
thread.