Tag Archives: Fox News Snark

Headlines Du Jour ► Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Headlines Du Jour, a new Not Now Silly feature

Welcome, Not Now Silly fans. You are now in on the ground floor of a brand new semi-regular series. Headlines Du Jour will highlight stories that you may have missed, stories you might not be aware, and stories you ignore at your peril. So, get out your hip waders and let’s take a look at some of the important news stories du jour:

► Online cyber-bullying continues to be a terrible problem
Regina mom says online bullying preceded daughter’s death
Mother of Savy Turcotte, 13, urges parents to keep an eye on children’s online activities

► Just some more of those Libertarian values they champion so much ◄
Ron Paul’s Campaign Manager Died
of Pneumonia, Penniless and Uninsured

► Who knew this crazy lady was still alive and still crazy? ◄
 Phyllis Schlafly: “It’s the Statue of Liberty,
not the Statue of Immigration”

The conservative activist reminds us all about the name of
a famous statue while also saying hateful things

► The Fox “News” Agit-Prop Du Jour because “Fair and Balanced”◄
Fox & Friends Hosts Tell GOP Not to
Delay Obamacare: ‘Why Bail Obama Out?’

► Fox “News” Graphic Screw-up Du Jour ◄
Dishonest Fox Chart Overstates Comparison Of
Welfare To Full-Time Work By 500 Percent

► Another exciting episode of Cops Gone Wild . . . ◄
Police investigate [Toronto] radio host’s arrest
Radio host John Downs took to the airwaves Monday night with
details of his January arrest while taking pictures. Downs was charged
with public intoxication but the charges were later dropped in court.

► Another chapter in the long-running Soap Opera that is Toronto’s mayor ◄
Toronto Catholic school board keeps
Rob Ford football documents secret

Board refuses to release documents related to its decision to fire Toronto’s
mayor as volunteer coach of the Don Bosco Eagles, arguing he was a “quasi”-employee.

► While Texas is totally backwards, apparently its judges are not ◄
Judge strikes down parts of Texas abortion law

Judge rules controversial Texas abortion law unconstitutional

► The obituary of a tradition-breaker ◄
►►► R.I.P. ◄◄◄
Ulysses Curtis opened doors in Toronto — and dashed through
First black Argonaut went on to be ‘great motivator’ as teacher.

► A Rock and Roll hero with a Rock and Roll heart ◄

►►► R.I.P. ◄◄◄
Lou Reed’s Politics

► Oh! Canada! ◄
Saint John teacher abuzz about Jeopardy! appearance
Maryanne Lewell fulfills dream of appearing on quiz show

► Movie Trailer Du Jour ◄
Bettie Page Reveals All

Headlines Du Jour will be a semi-regular feature at Not Now Silly. Updated through the day. Use our valuable bandwidth to post your news comments in today’s open thread.

NEW FEATURE: Today’s Ablow Job ► “Dogs Love Fox”

Dr. Keith Ablow and the forehead that will not stop

IRONY ALERT: Let’s get it out of the way right out of the gate. Take a gander at that forehead. It goes all the way back to his ass. The irony? Dr. Keith Ablow was born in Marblehead, Massachusetts. You can’t make this shit up.

Incidentally, Marblehead is almost as White as Coral Gables, 97.6% White vs. 98% White, respectively. Maybe that’s where Ablow gets his overwhelming sense of privilege.

But I digress. As usual.

The weekly Fox and Friends “Normal or Nuts” segment, featuring Dr. Keith Ablow, is easily the stupidest Fox “News” idea since “body language expert” Tonya Reiman was a regular on the Loofah Lad Laugh-In hour. The Falafel King would have her view selective footage of someone that he wanted to trash and Reiman would usually comply. But at least she had something to examine: cherry-picked footage.

Not that Dr. Keith has ever needed anything to examine in order for him to psychoanalyze people he has never met. His several instant analyses of President Obama are infamous, as are these headlines culled from NewsHounds, where I used to toil as Aunty Em:

Fox’s Crackpot Dr. Ablow Likens Obama To A Wife BeaterFox’s Dr. Keith Ablow: Benghazi Was Part Of Some ‘Black Ops’ Psychological Warfare Against AmericansFox’s Ablow Blames Australian Teen Murder In OK On Abortion Fox Psychiatrist Ablow Cites Unabomber To Attack Liberals As ‘Psychologically Disordered’Fox’s Dr. Keith Ablow: ObamaCare Will Lead To RiotsThe Answer Is Ablow In The WindFox’s Dr. Keith Ablow Suggests Biden May Suffer From DementiaFox’s Dr. Ablow Reveals President Obama’s Abandonment Issues Behind His Gun Control UrgesFox Psychologist Ablow: Gingrich’s Cheating Suggests He’ll Be A Strong PresidentFox’s Dr. Keith Ablow Trashes Chaz Bono – Fox News Scrubs Article

Hoo boy!!! Even Ablow’s WikiWhackyWoo was forced to add a a section under the rubric Controversial comments in the media. My favourite part:

During the 2012 Republican primary, Ablow wrote a column arguing that Newt Gingrich’s three marriages actually made him more qualified to be president. He wrote: “When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.”[19] The column was criticized, with Rod Dreher of The American Conservative commenting thusly: “Oh for frack’s sake. At some point, you have to wonder when shamelessness crosses the line from character defect to psychopathology. If only Dr. Leo Spaceman were a Republican, he could have a lucrative career on Fox.”[20]

Dr. Ablow later clarified that his position was that one’s private sexual life should remain private and that dissecting the sex lives of public figures was counterproductive and salacious.

Counterproductive and salacious. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. It might be well for Johnny Dollar, aka Mark Koldys, to remember that. But, I digress. As usual.

Once a week, as the putative Fox “News” quack headshrinker, the Three Stooges on the Fox and Friends Curvy Couch drag out Dr. Keith for “Normal or Nuts.” Dr. Keith is read about 20 words of an email — not much longer than a tweet — and Dr. Keith pretends to make a snap diagnosis on whether they are “Normal or Nuts.” Hilarity ensues.

Having worked a decade on a morning tee vee infotainment news show as a news writer, field producer, booker, and segment producer, I can assure you that it’s not really a snap judgement. He’s given the emails in advance. Regardless how much time he has to think about it, it’s a scant amount of information with which to diagnose someone and call them a “lunatic” like he did this week.

Check out this week’s Ablow Job:

The best line in this segment came at the very end, and not by Dr. Ablow at all. Steve Doocy sums up the perfect Demographic just before the fade out. It has to be heard to be appreciated.

If Fox “News” is so proud of it’s resident headshrinker why doesn’t the Fox “News” website’s list of  On Air Personalities include Ablow? The “A”s start at Alicia Acuna, and run through Carol Alt, Dr. Manny Alvarez, Jim Angle, Lauren Ashburn, with David Asman bringing up the rear. See what I did there?

No matter. Stay tuned for our next exciting episode of Ablow Job, brought to you by the only tee vee hosts whose average IQ score is a negative number.

James Rosen: Blundering Biographer or Enemy of the State?

My latest Watergate book

Lately the federal government has been having a bit of fun at the expense of James Rosen, the Fox “News” Channel’s Chief Washington Correspondent. Over the past fifteen months Not Now Silly has also been having a bit of fun at the expense of James Rosen. Not that he doesn’t deserve it. Rosen wrote, and stands behind, his historical revisionist doorstopper of a book about John Mitchell and Watergate, “The Strong Man.”

My first chapter, Aunty Em Ericann’s Bun Fight With James Rosen of Fox “News,” tells the HIGH-LARRY-US story of my earliest real life encounter with Rosen, who reached out to me first under the nom de tweet “cutebeatle.” cutebeatle was having a very public spat with someone who knows far more about Watergate than he does: John W. Dean. Hilarity ensues.

In the subsequent Twitter exchange with Rosen, I took up his challenge to read his book for myself and not be bullied by “ex-felon” John Dean. In point of fact, I kind of felt bullied by Rosen to read his book. He made me promise TWICE before he would finally agree to play Beatles Trivia with me. In addition to Watergate, Rosen also pretends to be an expert on The Beatles. Yet he failed my simple two-part question: Who did The Beatles say was their favourite ‘Merkin musician and who did they say was their favourite ‘Merkin band?*

Then I also proved I also know more Watergate trivia than he does because, when I started asking Rosen uncomfortable questions about his book, he blocked me. Later he claimed — through an intermediary, because that’s how he rolls — that he blocked me because I wrote about him for NewsHounds. That’s true. It’s still online and you can read how I tagged Rosen in a post called “Happening Now” Drops Pretense At Objectivity When James Rosen Reads Right Wing Tweets To Defend Limbaugh. However, if he blocked me over that, he needs to get a thicker skin. I was just doing my job.

Still, my many questions about his silly book The Strong Man have gone unanswered.

After I was finished reading James Rosen’s book I had a few questions. They are marked with yellow Post-It notes.

Eventually, after follow-up questions and phone messages were ignored, I decided to write the 2nd Chapter of this sad story. My more recent post asks the musical question Did Roger Ailes Dupe James Rosen, Or Did Rosen Dupe ‘Merka? Rosen’s big mistake was to challenge me to read his book. Watergate is a subject I know intimately, possibly second only to my Beatles knowledge.

While reading Rosen’s book I laughed and took notes. I flagged every
falsehood. I took notice of every example of loaded language I could find. I also marked every shading away from the truth. If you know little about the era, the Nixon White House, and/or Watergate you might feel that Rosen exonerated Mitchell of any possible connection to any possible crimes that may, or may not have, occurred before, during, and after Watergate, not limited to his stint as Attorney General, ‘Merka’s top law enforement officer.

When I
was done reading The Strong Man it looked like it does in the photo above. Out of the MANY questions I have for James Rosen, I summed up the book’s mendacity in that one blog post. It’s reason enough to have Rosen’s so-called book laughed out of the marketplace of ideas like David-Barton has been

While my beard has gotten longer, James Rosen’s
book has gotten falser, if that’s even possible

It’s still an important question to ask because its about treason committed by Richard Nixon before he was elected President. It’s also about whether James Rosen wittingly, or unwittingly, participated in a cover-up of Nixon’s treason when he wrote his book. Classified recordings released since Rosen wrote his book proves the assertions on page 61 of The Strong Man are false.

However, it’s not just recordings released since Rosen wrote his book that debunk page 61. The recently released recordings merely prove conclusively a fact that has been known for decades. That’s why the bullshit on page 61 of Rosen’s book is now the yardstick against which anyone can judge how terrible Rosen’s book really is. I call it the Chennault Challenge and it can be done with almost any Watergate-related book.

F’rinstance: I recently acquired a used copy of the hardcover pictured at the top left. “Perfectly Clear; Nixon From Whittier To Watergate” was written by Frank Mankiewicz in 1973. That’s a year before Nixon resigned the Presidency and, for the record, 35 years before James Rosen wrote his joke of a book.

Turning to the index of Perfectly Clear, on page 234, under the Cs, sandwiched between Checkers Speech [36, 61-63] and Chicago Seven [138] is the entry Chennault, Anna [14]. Flipping to page 14 reveals these two paragraphs filled with unintended irony:

Sticking with a good story even after it has been proven false is a habit with Nixon. He told every White House staffer who would listen, apparently, that he had been wiretapped by Lyndon Johnson in 1968, a story he ascribed to J. Edgar Hoover. But Johnson had never caused Nixon’s phone to be tapped. Theodore S. White and others had reported that Nixon had been overheard advising Anna Chennault, an old China (and Nixon) hand, to encourage President Theiu of South Vietnam not to go to the conference table before the 1968 election, but to wait for a better deal with Nixon. The tap was placed on Chennault’s phone, and as James McCord was to learn, it’s almost as good to be overheard on someone else’s tap as it is to be tapped yourself.

The tap on Chennault’s phone may have been illegal, since it is not clear whether the attorney general (Ramsay Clark at that time) ever signed an approval for it. But if any national security wiretappping is legal, that one was. After all, the lady was advising a foreign government to go back on the solemn agreement it had reached with her government. If that isn’t a matter of national security, then what is?

All of that info has since been proven, with a few caveats: LBJ had, in actuality, bugged Nixon’s campaign plane over national security concerns, which turned out to be true. Whether Chennault’s phone was tapped as well is unknown. However, the tape recording referenced above is of LBJ and his aides discussing Nixon’s treason. First they listen to a recording from the bug on Nixon’s campaign plane, where the treason with Anna Chennault was discussed. Then LBJ and his advisers turn to discussing whether to release the evidence of Nixon’s treason. In the end they decided not to because it would have been hard to explain why they had bugged Nixon’s campaign plane. They did, however, give all the info to Hubert Humphrey, who never used it because he thought he was going to win the election.

James Rosen has brown eyes because he’s full of shit

Yet 35 years after Mankiewicz blew the whistle on Nixon’s treason with Anna Chennault, this is the bullshit that James Rosen attempts to peddle to his brain-dead readers who will accept his historical revisionism at face-value:

A
source close to the [Anna Chennault] affair — who demanded anonymity — strongly
challenged the veracity of the prime witness. “Simply do not trust what
Anna Chennault says about this incident,” said the source, a senior
policy adviser to Nixon and other GOP politicians in later years. “She
manufactured the incident, then magnified her self-importance.”

She
caused untold problems with her perpetual self-promotion and, actually,
self-aggrandizement, because she was only interested in the money. I do
not put it in the realm of fantasy that she was paid by the SVs [South
Vietnamese]; she had them bamboozled, believing she was an authentic and
important “channel” to the campaign. John Mitchell . . . did not have
the bullocks to kiss her off, a tough and persistent woman who could
grind you down. . . . . Anna thought of herself as a puppet master. She
had no assignment, no tasks, and was an over-the-transom type that can
never be suppressed in a campaign.

Yet
the Chennault affair continued to haunt Nixon’s presidency. His
infamous orders to burglarize the Brookings Institution, issued in the
summer of 1971 following publication of the Pentagon Papers and never
carried out, stemmed from the president’s concern that the Washington
think tank possessed documents related to “the bombing halt” — a
euphemism for Nixon’s and Mitchell’s own back-channel machinations to
counter it.

Got that? An anonymous source tells Rosen a fact known by every Watergate buff for 35 years — everyone but James Rosen, apparently — is not true, and he prints it uncritically. The same anonymous source tells Rosen that Anna Chennault is a liar, despite the tapes that back up her story, not to mention the dozens of Watergate-related books that do the same, and Rosen doesn’t question it at all. Then the anonymous source has the audacity to suggest “the bombing halt” is merely a ephemism for Nixon’s and Mitchell’s attempt to combat a myth about Anna Chennault, even though every available piece of evidence released since Watergate says it’s fact, not myth, yet Rosen repeats it without comment.

It begs the question, “What did James Rosen know and when did he know it?”

As early as 1973 Mankiewicz debunked what Rosen would write 35 years later. If I knew it was a lie when I read it, why didn’t Rosen know when he wrote it? Not only did Rosen’s source lie to him — and I refuse to believe Rosen didn’t really know the truth — but Rosen gives his source anonymity, the only source in the entire book afforded that protection. We don’t know who to blame for this bullshit, but the ultimate responsibility is Rosen’s. Why would he be so reckless with the truth? 

Animation by author from public domain stills.

In my post Did Roger Ailes Dupe James Rosen, Or Did Rosen Dupe ‘Merka? I make the case that Rosen’s anonymous source is his current boss, Roger Ailes. Many years before Ailes headed up Fox “News,” he was the media consultant for Richard Nixon. Ailes worked under John Mitchell during the re-election campaign and his absence from a biography of Mitchell is conspicuous. Ask yourself this: Who is left from those olden days who still has a motive to cover up Nixon’s treason? Ask yourself this: For whom else other than Roger Ailes would Rosen throw out 35 years of Watergate scholarship to sell a known lie?

And, as I say, this is only one of the many questions I have about the veracity of Rosen’s book.

So, covering up for treason didn’t seem so far away from being an enemy of the state, or something. When Rosen made headlines for all the wrong reasons in May I could only shake my head thinking there had to be more to this little dealie from the Washington Post about a federal investigation into the leaking of top-secret information:

The court documents don’t name Rosen, but his identity was confirmed by several officials, and he is the author of the article at the center of the investigation. Rosen and a spokeswoman for Fox News did not return phone and e-mail messages seeking comment.

Reyes wrote that there was evidence Rosen had broken the law, “at the very least, either as an aider, abettor and/or co-conspirator.” That fact distinguishes his case from the probe of the AP, in which the news organization is not the likely target.

Using italics for emphasis, Reyes explained how Rosen allegedly used a “covert communications plan” and quoted from an e-mail exchange between Rosen and Kim that seems to describe a secret system for passing along information.

[…]

He [Rosen] also wrote, according to the affidavit: “What I am interested in, as you might expect, is breaking news ahead of my competitors” including “what intelligence is picking up.” And: “I’d love to see some internal State Department analyses.”

Court documents show abundant evidence gathered from Kim’s office computer and phone records, but investigators said they needed to go a step further to build their case, seizing two days’ worth of Rosen’s personal e-mails — and all of his e-mail exchanges with Kim.

Privacy protections limit searching or seizing a reporter’s work, but not when there is evidence that the journalist broke the law against unauthorized leaks. A federal judge signed off on the search warrant — agreeing that there was probable cause that Rosen was a co-conspirator.

While Fox “News” played the victim card, ask yourself: Would a journalist who covers up for his boss’ participation in treason have any problem helping someone leak top-secret information? I report, you decide.

By the way: My favourite part of the story is when Rosen says in one of his emails, “What I am interested in, as you might expect, is breaking news ahead of my competitors . . .” Rosen doesn’t even bother to claim, as many journalists and whistle-blowers before him have done, that he is in service of the greater good. No, James Rosen just wants to trump the competition and he doesn’t care how he does it, even if it’s trolling for top-secret information:

“I’d like to see some internal State Department analyses.”

Well, gee! Who wouldn’t? Which begs another question.Is James Rosen a blundering biographer or an enemy of the state? I report, you decide.

* The correct answer to both parts of the question is Harry Nilsson and this song is the reason why:

Loofah Lad’s Attack Dog Jesse Watters Attacks LGBT Folk

The advantage of still photography is you can’t hear his whining.

When Bill O’Reilly wants to annoy someone, he sends ambush producer Jesse Watters — whose IMDB and Wiki bios are scanty at best — to harass them with a camera and microphone. When Bill O’Reilly wants to annoy all of ‘Merka, he airs another segment of Watters’ World, the semi-regular Laugh Riot Video Package™ tricked up by Loofah Lad’s One Man Flying Monkey Squad™. 

Jesse Watters‘ segments are based on the oldest trick in the tee vee book — and I do mean old, and I do mean trick: Get people to make remarks on camera. During the editing process, just show the idiotic responces, with all intelligent comments left on the cutting room floor. Voila!!! Instant comedy. It never fails.

That’s why you’ve seen this style of segment repeated ad nauseum on comedy shows since time immemorial — not just the comedy shows on Fox “News.” Jay Leno has his Jaywalking videos and Jimmy Kimmel has his own HIGH-LARRY-US schtick where he interviews people on how much they enjoyed political events that have yet to happen. Hilarity ensues.

It’s a talk show staple that goes all the way back to the original Steve Allen Tonight show. However, Steve Allen had as much talent as Jesse Watters doesn’t. Steverino would stick a camera out on the street and simply riff on the people that walked past. Or, he’d stop some people and interview them for his Comedy Gold™. It was all done live in those days and the comedy had to come from the host, who had to be quick on his feet. The comedy wasn’t created in the editing room.

Let’s face facts. The truth of the matter is, when you interview any cross-section of the populace, you’re going to get some pretty stupid answers because the populace can be pretty stupid. Just look at how many people believe in ghosts, or UFOs, or Fox “News.”

There’s very little that differentiates one of Jesse Watters ambush interviews from his Watters’ World monstrosities. Both are designed from the bottom up to make fun of and humiliate people. What’s more: all the magic is done in the editing room. Where Watters’ World is pure genius (and by this I mean how he’s simply plagiarized what others have done before him, adding no redeeming quality whatsoever) is the intercutting of movie clips so that it appears that Hollywood actors are reacting to his Watters’ World interviews. Yawn.

Which brings us to Jesse Watters latest work of art, and by “art” I mean his total douchebaggery. Jesse Watters took his cameras and sound man to the Mermaid Parade, to make fun of a wide cross-section of LGBT people. I won’t even bother to summarize it. The segment simply needs to be seen to understand where The Falafel King and Jesse Watters are coming from.

Watters, Watters everywhere, but not a drop to think.

Did Roger Ailes Dupe James Rosen, Or Did Rosen Dupe ‘Merka?

My remaindered copy of The Strong Man

Five years ago James Rosen, Fox “News” Chief Washington Correspondent, published a book on Watergate with a gigantic lie in it (surrounded by all kinds of smaller falsehoods). This lie continued the cover up of Richard Nixon’s treason during the 1968 presidential campaign.

Rosen is unjustifiably proud of his revisionist history called “The Strong Man,” which purports to tell the truth about John Mitchell, Richard Nixon’s Attorney General and, later, head of CREeP, the unfortunately accurate acronym for the Committee to ReElect the President.

Back in May I told the HIGH-LARRY-US story of my electronic bun fight with Rosen, but only hinted at The Big Lie. Even though I promised a full book review, I got bored with poking Rosen with a stick and let the topic die. However, it needs to be asked: Why did Rosen include this massive lie in his book when the truth was already known?

To understand this story one must go deeply into the Watergate Weeds. While most people use the term “Watergate” to refer only to the break-in at DNC headquarters that brought Nixon down, there was a whole litany of wrongdoing that falls under the rubric of Watergate, including this story. It goes back to the 1968 presidential election. President Johnson had already decided he would not run for office and Hubert Humphrey was the Democratic candidate. Meanwhile, LBJ had been pushing all parties involved to come to the Paris Peace talks in an effort to end the war in Vietnam.

An early picture of Anna Chennault,
nicknamed “The Dragon Lady”
by the Nixon White House.

Nixon didn’t get the nickname Tricky Dickie for nothing. Using a woman named Anna Chennault, a member of the so-called China Lobby, Nixon went around President Johnson to the South Vietnamese leader to scuttle the peace talks. She carried word from Nixon who said, in essence, if you don’t go to the Paris Peace Talks you’ll get a better deal from Nixon when he’s elected.

The broad outline of this treason has been known for decades (but more proof keeps coming to light). That’s why it was so puzzling that Rosen, in his laughable rewriting of history, would write:

James Rosen, historical revisionist

“A source close to the [Anna Chennault] affair–who demanded anonymity–strongly challenged the veracity of the prime witness.”

The demand for anonymity is backed up by end note 66 on page 514, which reads: “E-mails from [a confidential source] to the author, January 21, 2003, 6:16 p.m.; and Wednesday January 22, 2003, 3:25 p.m.”

Here’s the full quote from the book [Pages 61, 62]:

A source close to the affair — who demanded anonymity — strongly challenged the veracity of the prime witness. “Simply do not trust what Anna Chennault says about this incident,” said the source, a senior policy adviser to Nixon and other GOP politicians in later years. “She manufactured the incident, then magnified her self-importance.”

She caused untold problems with her perpetual self-promotion and, actually, self-aggrandizement, because she was only interested in the money. I do not put it in the realm of fantasy that she was paid by the SVs [South Vietnamese]; she had them bamboozled, believing she was an authentic and important “channel” to the campaign. John Mitchell . . . did not have the bullocks to kiss her off, a tough and persistent woman who could grind you down. . . . . Anna thought of herself as a puppet master. She had no assignment, no tasks, and was an over-the-transom type that can never be suppressed in a campaign.

Yet the Chennault affair continued to haunt Nixon’s presidency. His infamous orders to burglarize the Brookings Institution, issued in the summer of 1971 following publication of the Pentagon Papers and never carried out, stemmed from the president’s concern that the Washington think tank possessed documents related to “the bombing halt” — a euphemism for Nixon’s and Mitchell’s own back-channel machinations to counter it.

Keep in mind that James Rosen challenged me to read his book for myself and not “let @JohnWDean (x-felon) bully” me about it being revisionist history. Rosen’s mistake is that I know almost as much about Watergate as I do about Beatles trivia. The minute I came to that passage on Page 61 I knew that he was hoodwinking his readers. The broad outline of the Anna Chennault story has been known for decades, but the actual proof has only come in drips and drabs over the years. However, by the time Rosen wrote “The Strong Man” it was generally acknowledged that Chennault was telling the truth and Rosen’s secret source was lying through his teeth.

Corpulent liar Roger Ailes [right]
with his evil overlord Rupert Murdock

As soon as I read that passage I started to think, “Who the hell is still around that would still want to cover up Nixon’s treason? Who’s left? The only people who would want to cover it up are all dead.”

Then suddenly it struck me. There is still one person who needs to cover it up. Just to confirm my hypothesis I jumped to the index to look for “Ailes, Roger.” Well, whaddaya know about that? Roger Ailes, Nixon’s media man and John Mitchell’s behind-the-scenes right-hand media man in the ’72 reelection campaign, is NOT mentioned anywhere in the index. Nor does his name ever come up in the 498 pages of the book.

There is no doubt in my mind that Roger Ailes is the “senior policy adviser to Nixon and other GOP politicians in later years” who Rosen so blithely quotes calling Anna Chennault a liar. And, if I knew that the passage was a lie when I was reading it, why didn’t James Rosen know it was a lie when he was writing it? Did James Rosen help cover up his boss’ treason? Because, make no mistake, covering up treason is a treasonous act in and of itself. Therfore, James Rosen, if he knew the truth — but printed the lie — has also commited treason.

When I started asking Rosen uncomfortable questions on Twitter as I was reading his book, he very quickly blocked me. He claimed he did it because I wrote negatively about him for NewsHounds, which, if true, just shows he’s as thin-skinned as Bully Boy Bolling. However, I have always believed it was because he knew I wasn’t buying the bullshit he was selling in his book. Over the last 10 months, since I first wrote about my bun fight with Rosen, I have left many phone messages at Fox “News” for him. All I want to do is clear up the mystery of who is his secret source on Page 61 of The Strong Man. Rosen never returns my calls.

There’s only one conclusion I can come to: James Rosen is a treasonous coward who is covering up for his treasonous boss Roger Ailes. Now, go ahead and sue me. I double-dog dare you.

The Girls On Fox “News”

Austin Cunningham hiding his
mid-back-length hair in a ponytail.

Austin Cunningham is a Country Music singer/songwriter who’s not yet popular enough to have his own Wikipedia page created by his management team. 

No matter, because with his latest song he’s attempting to become the next Willie Nelson, or is that Ray Stevens? The truth of the matter is it’s hard to know whether Cunningham is being serious or delirious with his latest song “The Girls On Fox News.” I wonder if the Foxy “girls,” who would prefer to be known for their brains, not their beauty, are amused. Maybe they are simply flattered. Regardless, here’s one song you won’t be hearing any time soon on Fox “News,” no matter how much of a toe-tapper it is.

I had to go all the way to Austin Cunningham’s own web site for his bio:

Early on in his career, Garland, Texas native Austin Cunningham carved out a place for himself as a songwriter. He has had songs recorded by artists such as Hank Williams, Jr., Martina McBride, Dolly Parton, Wynonna, Chris Knight, Del McCoury, and the list goes on. Austin has songs on feature film soundtracks including Ashley Judd’s Where the Heart Is, and the Richard Gere/Winona Ryder film, Autumn in New York. He and his music are featured in “Hey Dillon”, a documentary about one of the “last great DJs”, Brett Dillon of KHYI in Dallas. Austin has performed at the Sundance Film Festival for the Bluebird Café On the Road series, and a few years back, was awarded the coveted Johnny Mercer Award for “Emerging American Songwriters”.

Although writing is Austin’s first passion, he is no slouch at performing, blazing a trail with live shows across the U.S. and is a favorite on the Texas Music Scene. With a strong voice and some of the best guitar playing you’ll ever hear, he always manages to captivate his audience. Whether performing an acoustic solo, or rocking the house with a strat and a full band, it is entertainment at it’s best. This is just good, roots music mixed with great stories.

The best story he’s told so far, aside from that biography, is about the “girls” on Fox “News.” If you want to catch Austin live, here’s his full schedule. He seems to be playing all the big rooms:

Mar 26, 2013 – Cadillac Pizza Pub –  Mckinney, TX
Apr 30, 2013 – Cadillac Pizza Pub – Mckinney, TX
May 4, 2013 – Soldier’s Wings Benefit Show – San Antonio, TX
May 18, 2013 – Kevin Deal’s Texas Music Revival – Denison, TX
May 28, 2013 – Cadillac Pizza Pub – Mckinney, TX
Jun 1, 2013 – Joey – Pottsville, TN

Fun With Pictures ► Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog

Vulcan mind-meld — you’re doing it wrong.
Caption Contest winner: ET

To pick up where I left off in my Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog series, dear readers . . .

In the wake of Johnny Dollar exposing my nom de plume and sex life — and while still mightily pissed off — I created a facebook page called The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society and invited some people to join. Only 15 people ever did and I promptly forgot all about it. That is, until recently. The other day I added a few more pics of Johnny Dollar that people had sent me over the last few months, as I continue to research my book.

This morning I received the following private message from a █████ ██████, who claims to be the brother to the aforementioned walking pile of human excrement Mark Koldys. Why anyone would admit to that is beyond me, but he did. Now I need to caution everybody that anyone can claim to be █████ ██████. Furthermore, any █████ ██████ can claim to be a brother to one of the biggest assholes on the planet, just like I claimed to be Aunty Em Ericann for 7 fun years. Just like anyone can claim to be Morty Shatz, Ngu AliceSamatha, or Oy Humidity, all recent facebook contacts that I suspect of being Dollarites who are catfishing me.

You see, dear reader, that’s one of my problems these days. Johnny Dollar has made me extremely paranoid about every new out-of-the-woodwork-interweb-contact, including professed brothers of supreme assholes. And, that’s a terrible position for a journalist to be in.

Anyway, I digress. This particular ‘Brother █████’ wrote to The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society, which is me:

Hello. I was hoping you would consider a request. Your site is most interesting however I do hope that your intended focus is not the dead parent of Johnny D or his brother (myself a lifelong Democrat..Kerry, Gore, Obama). You may feel free to tangle with him to your hearts content. I have asked Facebook to request you remove just the family pictures. I am hoping you will do so. I have no dog in this fight. However remember an old saying… If you kick the dog you own the bite… if you tickle the dog you own the delight.
I appreciate your understanding.

What a polite message and that’s no snark. I’m assuming this so-called █████ ██████ is referring to this picture:

Unlike how I posted this pic on facebook, the innocent faces are blacked out.
Mark Koldys is on the far right with the pens in his pocket and the snazzy plaid pants.

My very public reply:

█████: Thank you for your polite message. It’s just a shame you didn’t come to me first before you alerted facebook.

However, how can I refuse such a polite request? I removed the picture from The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society as soon as I received your request. As you say, my intended focus is not your deseased father ████ [pictured at left] or yourself [middle]. Unfortunately, facebook was unaware I had already removed the COVER picture, so it removed a new COVER picture that (I assume) you would not have disproved of. Oh well.

Mark Koldys at some nuptials

Having said all that, your alleged brother deserves whatever public humiliation which can be brought down upon him. In his effort to defend Fox “News” against the indefensible, your brother has “gone over the line” on so many occasions. No one cares that he defends Fox “News.” Different strokes, and all that. It’s that his modus operandi is lies, misdirection and personal attacks. He is, dare I say it, the very type of person that’s hurting ‘Merka.

Mark Koldys proved he will stoop to ANY low when he viciously attacked NewsHound writer Aunty Em Ericann (me!) and exposed the fact that I was using that as my Performance Artist Nom De Plume™, even though hundreds of people already knew and it was not that big a secret. While I always
expected that to happen eventually, I never expected there would be an asshole creepy enough to expose details of my sex life at the same time.
Enter and sign in please, Mark Koldys, aka Johnny Dollar.

Just so you know, █████, because I think you should have all the facts, the details of my sex life were later removed from his blog, now leaving it up to
everyone’s imagination what it might be. He even threatened to put it back because I complained about that. Johnny Dollar — Mark Koldys — has never apologized for what he did to me and
even defended it on several occasions. He only removed the details, he
made abundantly clear, because it offended the precious sensibilities of
one of his sycophants, not because he had any crisis of confidence.

IRONY ALERT: Mark Koldys decrying the exact
tactics he employs against every NewsHound writer.

Furthermore, he did this knowing full-well that I was about to attend a large family reunion in the Detroit area. That you claim to be his family and are feeling some slight discomfort about a pic on facebook is kind of cute. I had to explain this brouhaha to HUNDREDS of people, including family and friends. Every once in a while, 9 months later, it still pops up and I have to explain all over again.

How much of your own sex life have you been forced to share with how many people?

“Some people say” I was merely collateral damage in the 8-year war Johnny Dollar has waged against the NewsHounds web site. If you feel wounded remember you’re just another casualty of your alleged brother’s dirty business.

Before I sign off █████, I’m hoping the following anecdote will make you laugh as much as it did “some people” who dislike Johnny Dollar:

On the same day I posted the pic that you asked me to remove from facebook, a friend taught me how to use Google Images to search a particular image for similar images. Just for shits and giggles I plugged your brother’s picture into the search engine. I admit I was really just being a jerk, but it seemed like a fun exercise at the time. Unfortunately it found no matches. However, as a secondary function, Google returns “Visually similar images.” I took a screen cap, because that also amused me. Then I shared it with some people who dislike Johnny Dollar, for no other reason than I knew it would amuse all of us.

That’s when one of them pointed out that on the bottom row, in the very middle, is Josef Mengele, Adolph Hitler’s Angel of Death.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Josef Mengele

I haven’t stopped laughing since and keep wondering how many other mass murderers are among those 27 mugshots.

Once again, █████, I appreciate your good manners, something your alleged brother clearly never learned. I have no quarrel with you. Feel free to friend me on facebook, subscribe to my Twitter feed, or follow my blog. And, why not join The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society while you’re at it. You’d be welcome.

With all my love,
Aunty Headly

Judge Not 14 ► The Gun In Granny’s Garden

Unretouched pic of Judge Andy

The issue of guns was still foremost on Judge Andy’s mind this week, just like the last several weeks. Ever since the Newtown Massacre, in fact. Few other issues seem to engage him these days.

Meanwhile, the Judge Not Desk required no additional staffing, despite the fact that Judge Andy increased his output by 33% over last week. While it sounds like a lot, Larry (or is it Robert?), the child I hired to do this job, has improved considerably and was able to handle the increased Gun Nuttery. With Larry (or Robert) doing so well, the Temp I hired last week (who also has a name, but why should I bother learning it? She’s a temp) was able to pick up the slack.

Take it away, Judge Andy:

There have been so many specious arguments for not even considering rational gun safety legislation. Here is another one, this time from Austin Peterson. Peterson, oddly enough, also appears to be “The Libertarian Republic.” Judge Andy relies on his wisdom a lot. It’s easier than thinking.
Does more sugar equal fewer ants? More Austin Peterson propaganda.
I’m don’t quite see how the 14th Amendment could be used to raise the debt ceiling. However, to be fair, I still don’t see how the 14th Amendment could be used to declare corporations people. It seems that the 14th Amendment is pretty damned flexible. I’ll accept that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi is smarter about these things than I am. Maybe there is a way to bypass the obstreperous House GOP/Teabaggers by using the 14th Amendment that I never considered.

However, since President Obama rejected using the 14th Amendment more than a month ago, Judge Nap is just scare-mongering again.

This is a perfect example of one of Judge Andy’s Tried & True Tactics™. The Laughing Libertarian likes to share commentary from people who will say what he believes, but gives him plausible deniability if it turns out to be a pack of lies.

This tactic is an extension of the second Fox “News motto. When Foxites say, “We report, you decide,” take careful note: They are, more often than not, pushing a single side of an issue with little counter-balance whatsoever. However, the use of the slogan tricks the brain-dead viewers into thinking they have just been presented with both sides of an issue.

I report; you decide.

Anyway . . . here’s what Walter Williams told the Daily Caller (in part):

If push comes to shove? Isn’t that precious? Walter Williams is full of crap, though.

True enough it’s the conventional wisdom that a “well-regulated militia” was needed in case the government suddenly turned into a rampaging Grendel. We would then be able to transform into Beowulf and save ‘Merka for herself. However, Walter Williams (and everyone else who believes this fairy tale) fails to take into account the definition of certain words back in the days of the Founding Fathers, and imbues those words with a 21st century meaning.

Thom Hartmann at Truthout, argues that “The Second Amendment was Ratified to Preserve Slavery.” As we all know, the Constitution was edited by committee and through some very serious horse-trading. The 2nd Amendment was no different. Hartmann lays it all out:

The real reason the Second Amendment was ratified, and why it says
“State” instead of “Country” (the Framers knew the difference – see the
10th Amendment), was to preserve the slave patrol militias in the
southern states, which was necessary to get Virginia’s vote.  Founders
Patrick Henry, George Mason, and James Madison were totally clear on
that . . . and we all should be too.

In the beginning, there were the militias. In the South, they were also called the “slave patrols,” and they were regulated by the states.

[…]

By the time the Constitution was ratified, hundreds of substantial slave uprisings had occurred across the South.  Blacks outnumbered whites in large areas, and the state militias were used to both prevent and to put down slave uprisings.  As Dr. Bogus points out, slavery can only exist in the context of a police state, and the enforcement of that police state was the explicit job of the militias.

If the anti-slavery folks in the North had figured out a way to disband – or even move out of the state – those southern militias, the police state of the South would collapse.  And, similarly, if the North were to invite into military service the slaves of the South, then they could be emancipated, which would collapse the institution of slavery, and the southern economic and social systems, altogether.

These two possibilities worried southerners like James Monroe, George Mason (who owned over 300 slaves) and the southern Christian evangelical, Patrick Henry (who opposed slavery on principle, but also opposed freeing slaves).

After some more debate, the Second Amendment was edited so that the “slave patrols” in the south could continue. Furthermore, they could never be molested by federal troops because now they were the well-regulated militias of the Constitution. This is the same kind of bargain with the South, and for many of the same reasons, that led to the 3/5ths compromise.

Don’t take my word for it. Read the entire article. Hartmann reports; you decide.

Yet, they didn’t have guns in the “ancient” “Judeo-Christian” world.

This is just more David Barton (Glenn Beck‘s historian) bullshit: “The Constitution is divinely inspired, so if you fuck with it, you’re fucking with the word of God. Yadda, yadda, yadda.” 

And, if you ask me Judge Nap (even tho’ you didn’t), using religion is the laziest argument you have ever used to cling to your guns.

Because: Hitler!!!
I wrote about this more extensively in Targeting the Gun Lobby ► An Aunty Em Editorial. However, as is so often the case, Jon Stewart said it best:

“I wish armed Jews in the ghetto could stop Hitler. But my feeling was, France couldn’t. And I’m pretty sure they had guns. Russia had kind of a lot of guns, and they couldn’t stop Hitler, until you factored in the wind chill.

It’s an awful lot to put on an oppressed minority, when it took the free world 5 to 6 years of all-out total war to stop that motherfucker. So let’s stop arguing these ‘what ifs’.”

Because: Hitler!!!
Because: Hitler!!!
Because: Hitler!!!
Time will tell. Who ever thought the 14th Amendment could be used to declare corporations people?
Judge! Slow the fuck down and take a chill pill. Nobody is fucking with your precious 2nd Amendment. Relax until you actually see the black helicopters on the horizon. Then you can shit yourself.
Gun Nuts will be biting their nails right down to the quick until then. NB: All of Judge Nap’s dire consequences are coming BEFORE any gun safety proposals are announced by the president. Judge Andy must be a mind reader.
It’s been almost 5 years since Heston died of complications from pneumonia. However, he was cremated. “Look, Ma: No “cold, dead hands.”
This was the Reich Wing Freak Out of the Week™. “Oh noes! The Socialist-in-Chief is going to use little children to shove through gun control and steal the Constitution!”

PoliticusUSA asks, “Remember When Bush Used Children as Political Props in Stem Cell Research Veto?” Media Matters for America points out that “[i]n 2002, President George W. Bush had children attend the signing of the No Child Left Behind Act.

What say you about the “Supremacy Clause,” Judge Nap?

This is just another example of Judge Andy pushing stupid shit out to his brain-dead followers, knowing full well they’re not smart enough to know that States cannot nullify Federal law.

However, Judge Nap, you know perfectly well that Texas can’t do this and that NOBODY IS TRYING TO FUCK WITH YOUR PRECIOUS 2ND AMENDMENT!!! You’re just trying to get people riled up and it’s working. You’re pissing me off.

Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!!

Judge Nap, along with a whole raft of dead-enders (pun intended), wants you to believe that Executive Orders are an extroidonary measure. Not so at all.

According to the article Sloppy Reporting Misleads the Public on Obama’s Executive Orders:  
Executive
Orders are a president’s instructions to the staff at executive branch
agencies, defining how they are to implement the laws that already
exist. They are not laws themselves. No president can issue an Executive
Order to take your guns, or your money, make new laws, or to do
anything unconstitutional. And Obama is smart enough not to order
actions that won’t survive legal challenges.

Executive Orders are
constitutionally valid. The Constitution’s Article II, Section 1,
Clause 1 – The executive Power shall be vested in a President of the
United States of America – gives the president that ability. Each
order’s preamble states his specific legal authority for the subject of
the order. Every president has issued Executive Orders. Governors and
mayors also issue Executive Orders to their staffs.
The orders are numbered consecutively. George Washington issued EO number 1. To date, President Obama has issued 146 Executive Orders, numbered 13489 through 13635. That’s an average of about 310 orders per president. President Franklin Roosevelt holds the record at 3,466, over more than three terms in office. Herbert Hoover – a Republican – is second with 1,011 in only one term. Ronald Reagan had 380 (two terms); George H.W. Bush 165 (one term); Bill Clinton 363 (two terms); and George W. Bush 290 (two terms).

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe also said, “Ignorant men raise questions that wise men answered a thousand years ago.” That would work as a more accurate motto for Fox “News” than “Fair and Balanced.”
In a bizarre coincidence “The Empire of Lies” is the new motto for Fox “News.”

We interrupt this action-packed episode of Judge Not to bring you this message from Media Matters for America:

Judge Nap is lying through his teeth in this clip. He and Leggy Meggy Kelly argue that President Obama is destroying 2nd Amendment . . . the day before President Obama made his announcement.

However, Judge Nap also says that Executive Orders are perfectly legal. Here’s the clip:

Somebody should remind this Oregon sheriff that he is obligated by the oath he took to uphold that law and all laws. Judge Nap is in the perfect position ton make that argument, but he’d rather just pass along the headline so that his brain-dead viewers consider this Oregon sheriff some kind of 2nd Amendment Hero.
I love how Judge Nap presents the “plain truth” about President Obama’s “gun plan” before President Obama presents his “gun plan.” That’s plenty “Fair and Balanced,” right?
Because: Hitler!!! Class dismissed.
Here we go again. Judge Nap knows full well this Wyoming sheriff would be going against his oath of office if he starts to pick and choose which laws he will, and which he won’t, enforce.
The tide is turning against the Gun Nuts and they know it. That’s why they become more unhinged by the day.
Tell me, Judge. What would you replace the drone program with? Boots on the ground?
You have the right to die by bullets.
What about it? You’ve already argued that Executive Action is legal. [See clip above]
How many lazy arguments against reasonable gun safety will you trot out, Judge?

We interrupt this action-packed episode of Judge Not to bring you another message from Media Matters for America:

More scare-mongering from Judge Nap. He knows damned well that the president’s Executive Order did nothing but CLARIFY the existing law. However, he wants his brain-dead viewers to believe the gummint is coming for your guns.

Here he is making this ridiculous argument:

And, here’s a rare instance of Leggy Meggy Kelly actually providing some “Fair and Balanced” facts to counter Fox “News” bullshit when she appeared that evening on the Loofah Lad Conspiracy Hour:

Fox News host Megyn Kelly agreed that such a requirement would be troubling if it existed, but explained that “it’s not true.” Kelly went on to say that Obama’s executive order only clarifies that “Obamacare does not prohibit the doctors from asking [patients] about guns” “if they want to ask.” She further noted that during the passage of health care reform, the NRA successfully lobbied to ensure the bill contained a provision “saying patients don’t have to answer if they are asked by their doctor whether they have a gun.”

Watch Leggy Meggy shoot down The Falafel King and, consequently, Judge Nap’s bullshit:

Wars never create a safer world . . . until they are over, and then only sometimes.
I think Judge Nap just has an orgasm.
That’s the whole purpose of the Constitution? Boy, you must think your brain-dead viewers are totally idiotic to believe that overly-simplistic excuse for you to continue to cling to your guns.

Like ACORN?
HAW!!! HAW!!! HAW!!! HAW!!!
This is totally flawed analogy for the trillion dollar coin, but Judge Nap is hoping that because it’s presented in cartoon form his brain-dead followers won’t notice. Besides, Judge, they said more than a week ago the trillion dollar coin idea is a non-starter. Why are you still flogging this dead horse?
Libertarians: Diligently ignoring any facts that put holes in their over-simplistic argument that there is no problem that an originalists version of the Constitution can’t solve. 

The Reich Wing went nuts and insisted that King Obama was going to take your guns and force everyone to floss 3 times a day. The King is dead. Long live the King.
Not surprising to Liberals, Progressives, and politicians who have encountered some of these people at Teabagger rallies, the answer is a resounding YES.

In point of fact: Teabagger and Libertarian groups provide great cover for Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists. The more these groups deny it, the deeper they can infiltrate and influence these groups. I’m surprised that Judge Andy and Austin Peterson (who wrote the article to which The Judge links) are willing to confront this ugly fact.

That’s how the Judge Not week ends. Because: Hitler!!!

And, it turns out my latest hire’s name is neither Larry nor Robert. It’s Panjeet and he’s come up with what seems like a winning plan for outsourcing the whole operation. I’ll have to do some serious number crunching, but it might not be long before we move the Judge Not Desk to an unpronounceable country. One where they work for pennies on the dollar. For now Panjeet thinks he’s going to head up the operation. I’ll just let him keep thinking that until I fire his ass. That’s just between you, me, and the doorpost.

Judge Not 13 ► Clinging To His Guns

Unretouched photo of Judge Andrew “Andy Nappy”
Napolitano taken directly from my tee vee screen

For the 1st full week of the New Year, Judge Andy doubled his output over last week, causing considerable problems at the Judge Not Desk. 

If you recall, dear reader, when (several weeks ago) Judge Andy reduced his output to a mere 10 posts, I decided to fire all the Judge Not interns and hire a child instead. Larry (or is it Robert? I really need to remember his name, or hire somebody whose name I can remember) was being trained slowly. However, as Vice President Biden’s Gun Control Task Force met with more stakeholders this week, Judge Andy became more and more unhinged. Suddenly, and without any advance warning, he doubled his output and Larry (Robert?) couldn’t keep up. I was forced to hire a Temp at a much higher rate than it would have cost had I kept the interns in the first place.

The crux of this story: Monitoring the Laughing Libertarian™ has not been cost effective so far. No matter. Here’s this week’s edition of Judge Not:

WTF, Judge Andy?

When I create a unique order of English words to convey a thought, it becomes my copyright, or, my intellectual property. How can you silly Libertarians argue that copyright laws are anti-capitalistic on one hand while, on the other, defend physical property rights? Hypocrite, much?

Here’s another example of Judge Nap unthinkingly passing along more unthinking wisdom from the unthinking Libertarian Republic. When is a law legal, Judge? I’m surprised I even have to explain this to the Fox “News” Senior Judicial Analyst, but here goes: 

A law is legal from the time it is passed right up to the moment it is rejected by the Supreme Court. If it is supported by the Supreme Court, it remains a legal law. Only the Supreme Court can declare a legal law unconstitutional, or illegal.

Still confused? I’ll give you a hint, Judge: You might be an originalist, but deep down you really know the law is whatever the courts decide it is. Stop trying to confuse people.

Meh! Who cares what Pelosi said? I’d do anything to thwart the GOP on the Debt Ceiling, even if that meant minting a coin out of Silly Putty.

The Debt Ceiling debate is another one of those phony issues on which Fox “News” has been providing the GOP interference. And, you, Judge Nap, are party to pushing that lie.

The debt ceiling was held hostage the last go-round, which led to the creation of the Fiscal Cliff, remember? Which also led to the credit downgrade, remember? Now the GOP may hold the Debt Ceiling hostage again and you’re fully prepared to help in this latest duplicity, Judge. Good for you!

The fact of the matter is, as you well know Judge, the Debt Ceiling is the money already spent. To not raise the debt ceiling is like a credit card holder saying, I don’t think I’ll pay off the company that has already extended me credit and already paid my bills. It’s money already spent, Judge. What part of that don’t you understand?

Furthermore, the Debt Ceiling was never the subject of rancorous debate before and it has been raised dozens of times. What changed? Oh right! That Black guy in the White House. I get it now. You’re a hypocrite, right?

Alex Jone’s crazy rants are the best argument for gun control, Judge. Please, don’t stop.
By the time this Gun Control Battle is over, this mother will be lionized as a Second Amendment Hero™ with her own Commemorative Bullets and statues in every town square.

Trust me on this one.

Just think of McChrystal as the Drone Goldilocks: “These drone strikes are too many. These drone strikes are too few. These drone strikes are just right.”
When vegetable gardens are outlawed, only outlaws will have vegetable gardens.

So the fuck what, Judge? There are many municipalities (and don’t even get me started on HOAs) that have absurd laws. I’d be willing to lay a $10,000 Mendacious Mitt bet that an equal number of towns and cities have outlawed hanging laundry outside, on your own property. When you start to go after the clothesline laws I’ll take you seriously on the front-yard garden issue?

Here we go again! No, Judge. It’s not unconstitutional until it’s adjudged (look it up) so in a court of law. Until then it’s merely YOUR OPINION that it’s unconstitutional.

While on the subject: It’s not “Obama’s extension of the wiretapping law.” Let me remind you how this works: The House and the Senate pass the laws. The president can sign them, or veto them. Signing it doesn’t make it “Obama’s extension,” unless you want to start to talk about “Dubya’s Illegal War in Iraq” that passed in Congress.

You’re welcome.

Sorry, Judge. That’s just an outright lie, isn’t it? The truth of the matter is that AIG treated the ‘Merkin taxpayer as a piggybank. Besides, AIG has smartly decided not to sue the ‘Merkin government because “suing the U.S. would kill AIG.”

So, with all due respect, Judge: what the fuck are you talking about?

Of course not. Otherwise landlords could also decide not to rent to Blacks, or Jews, or Italian Judges. On the other hand, the cities of San Jose and Oakland could pass legally constituted laws which zone certain areas as “No Pot Zones,” but that would just be More Big Government™, wouldn’t it? And, just to drive home a previous point: those laws would be perfectly legal until a court of law ruled they were unconstitutional.
Zakly! Just as there is “no merit” to your contention that “the feds used AIG as a piggy bank and they should be made to answer for it.” Right, Judge? It’s just another lie to make the Black guy in the White House look bad, right? It’s okay to admit it. In fact, it might be liberating.
I love how people have seized upon this as a religious freedom issue, as opposed to a human rights issue.

If anyone ever told me they wanted my kids to wear an RFID chip, I’d shove it right up their ass on the spot.

While it may or may not be “economically catastrop,” another faux fight over the Debt Ceiling could be a lot worse.
However, the Treasury has ruled out minting a trillion dollar coin. So, that ridiculous Talking Point is gone now. That allows us to concentrate on the obstreperous GOP holding the Debt Ceiling hostage all over again in an attempt to make the president look bad again. It won’t work this time. The ‘Merkin people are on to the Teabaggers intransigence for the sake of intransigence. I’m looking at you, Eric Cantor.

When Executive Orders are outlawed, only outlaws will issue Executive Orders.

S’funny thing tho’, Judge Andy: I never heard the sheep bleating when Dubya was signing all those Executive Orders that he he would not be bound by legally constituted laws while fighting terr’ism. Wouldn’t that have been unconstitutional?

Why don’t you wait until Executive Orders are actually issued before you start to complain about them, Judge Nap? I know! What a concept!

Gun nuts just don’t understand. The Founding Fathers never anticipated wholesale slaughter by front-loading muskets.
When do I get my own tank and shoulder-mounted anti-aircraft weapons? I’d need that — at the very least — to hold off a tyrannical government for a couple of hours.
So far I’m not laughing, Judge.
TRANSLATION: God gave us our Right to Bear Arms and only God can take them away.

Not just clinging to guns and religion [Where the hell have I heard that phrase before?], but intertwining the two.

[To be fair: The article goes on (and on and on and on). I only used the first 3 paragraphs under the Fair Use laws which protect Judge Nap’s copyright. See above.]

Sorry, Judge, wrong again. The rule of law is sovereign.
Because you can always count on Fox “News” to cling to its Guns & God, which is much pithier than “guns and religion.”
So, gimmee my thermonuclear bomb already.

This is the lamest defense of gun rights there is. If the government is coming for you, there is no amount of weaponry — that can legally be owned today — that would allow you resist for very long. Reasonable gun control laws will not change the balance of power one iota, Judge Nap. Your gun arguments just get worse and worse.

That all depends on what the president does, how the Executive Orders are worded, and whether a court rules for, or against, the Executive Action if implemented and, more importantly, if challenged. Otherwise, to quote President Nixon, “When the President does it, it’s not illegal.”
This is the second laziest argument made by Second Amendment advocates. And, it’s false. Are you aware you are passing along false information, Judge Andy? If not, you can always correct the record. If so, then you are simply a lyin’ sumnabitch. I have always suspected the latter.
HAW!!! HAW!!! HAW!!! HAW!!!

And, pointing to violence in Hollywood movies is the third laziest argument of Second Amendment advocates. And, I’d be careful criticizing Hollywood too much, Judge. Fox owns more than one movie production company.

The best words of advice I ever received for instances like
this came from my Pops, who turns 87 next month: “If my grandmother had balls, she’d be my
grandfather.” In other words: You can argue “what ifs” ’til you’re blue in the face, but
that’s not the reality in front of you. Suck it up.

And, this is the 4th laziest argument from Second Amendment advocates. As stupid and offensive as this argument is, Judge, it’s not nearly as stupid and offensive as the similar argument of Larry Ward, founder of the upcoming “Gun Appreciation Day,” which appears to be designed after the Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, except no one is being encouraged to eat their gun. Ward said almost the exact same thing as you did, Judge, except he said, “I think Martin Luther King, Jr. would agree with me if he were alive today that if African Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country’s founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history.

You do realize, doncha Judge, that the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto were in the ghetto because of pogroms elsewhere and a ghetto was the best they could do? By the time Hitler came along the Jews had been marginalized for several hundred years. You might as well say, “If the Jews had guns, there wouldn’t have been a Jewish ghetto in Warsaw.” Or, “If my grandmother had balls . . . “

Thanks, Pops.

There are far more people, according to the most recent polls, who think the NRA are “standing on the graves of dead kids” with its knee-jerk reaction to discussions of reasonable gun laws.

I still need you to explain to me how a police department having a drone is any different than a police department having a helicopter. It’s not like I haven’t asked you several times, Judge Andy.
This became the new way to bash President Obama as the week neared its end. And, oh lookie, Judge Nap is happy to pass along the latest Fox “News” Faux Controversy™.
This is the textbook definition of a closed loop system. Follow along:

Ever since the Newtown Massacre Fox “News” has been trying to do everything in its power to keep the discussion off the death of children and gun control, in essence parroting the stance of the NRA. After the NRA met with Vice President Biden Chris Cox came out and called it a “dog and pony show” and that the administration was just “checking off a box.”  This made a perfect soundbite for Fox “News,” which was happy to promote this one-sided and dismissive point of view. The NRA and, incidentally, Judge Nap, were was so pleased with the Fox “News” promotion that they passed it along to their brain-dead followers. It all comes full circle and the loop is closed.

As long as the discussion remains on gun control, Judge Andy will continue to go off half-cocked. [See what I did there?] He’ll continue to send out stupid shit without thinking about the broader implications. Which is why Larry (Robert?) and the new Temp (I know she must have a name) will be working 12-hour shifts, with their lunch break cut to 15 minutes. These weekly episodes of Judge Not don’t write themselves, yannow.

Judge Not 12 ► Sticking To His Guns

Unretouched pic from my tee vee screen

As Libertarian Gun Control Hysteria™ diminished (slightly), Judge Nap was forced to take on other topics as well. However, having no creativity of his own, he resorts to falling back on tried and true memes.

Which is just as well for the Judge Not Research Team. As mentioned last week, I fired all of them and am training a child to do the job. His name is Larry. Or is it Robert? It doesn’t matter because I pay him in cash, under the table, where I also tuck in his leg irons when the OSHA inspectors come.

So, take it away Larry. Or Robert:

Well, he would, wouldn’t he?

HAW!!! HAW!!! HAW!!! HAW!!!

Bonus points for the 1984 reference.

The headline is from Media Matters. If you ever needed any more proof that Judge Andy can turn any issue into a “Founding Fathers”issue? Just check out this gobbledygook:

Stocking up for the next Mayan Apocalypse.

When baseball bats with sights are outlawed, only outlaws will have baseball bats with sights.

When Freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will have Freedom. Think about it.

When press conferences on gun permit databases are outlawed, only outlaws will hold press conferences on gun permit databases.

Gee, Judge Nap, you weren’t this critical of the GOP when Dubya was in power and starting illegal wars.

Judge Andy, you are a hypocrite. You went on the air and argued that the Freedom of Information Act was written before the technology existed to disseminate the information instantly. You further argued that maybe the law needs changing so the Freedom of Information Act cannot be used in this fashion again. However, Judge Hypocrite, this is the exact same argument that some who want tighter gun control laws have cited: “In the Founder’s day, it took time to reload a musket. The Second Amendment was written before high-powered rifles and huge magazine clips came into being. One can’t expect the Founders to have anticipated this kind of slaughter and maybe some reasonable restrictions might be appropriate.” However, you support all the guns, all the time, Judge. What’s up with that?

When posing as others is outlawed, only outlaws will pose as others. Think about it!

Note how the statistic has been narrowed to “rifles” as opposed to weapons or guns in general.

Call it a mercy killing.

He wanted to do that. However, Fox “News,” Congress, and the ‘Merkin people had a shit fit.

The stereotypical Fox “News” audience.

When the Constitution is outlawed, only outlaws will ratify a Constitution.

And that’s how Judge Not ends, with a whimper not a roar.