Tag Archives: Another Johnny Dollar Cover Up

Unpacking the Writer ► A New Name; A New Look

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Aunty Em Ericann

When I was leaving Canada 9 years ago I told several people that my goal was to become a nationally known pundit under the nom de plume of Aunty Em Ericann. I did that.

For 8 years I became, for all intents and purposes, Aunty Em, entirely subsuming my identity under which I had already earned a writing reputation. It would have been far easier to have used my reputation as a writer, but somehow this writing project appealed to my warped sense of humour.

I have been a freelance journalist for the better part of 40 years. I got my start writing record reviews, eventually moving on to magazine work, investigative journalism, various words-for-hire projects. For ten years I worked as a Ventriloquist (News Writer) at Citytv. I have long joked that I have done every kind of writing there is, except greeting cards.  Not to blow my own horn, (if not me, who will?) but merely to explain what became a tangled mess in the end. However, as a professional writing project, the longest, greatest, funniest, most interesting, challenging and hardest I ever had was creating the Performance Art character of Aunty Em Ericann. Who knew she would eventually be hired to write for NewsHounds? When my editor agreed to let me keep the nom de plume, I was thrilled.

Johnny Dollar — aka Mark Koldys — plays with his organ.
Remember Mark, like ratings organ size doesn’t matter.

That all ended a year ago, an episode hilariously explored in the very first post on this blog: Johnny Dollar Has Proven Himself To Be A Very Dangerous Person. While he’s still dangerous, I was entirely mistaken: He’s barely a person. He’s a walking piece of shit who recently connected me to the terrorism in Boston. I no longer write for NewsHounds, but that hasn’t stopped him from smearing me.

Laughingly, Johnny Dollar seems to think I crossed some kind of line by publishing pictures of him with his family and he’s become incensed enough to expose his hypocrisy. Here’s the irony: Exposing my alternative lifestyle didn’t seem to cross any kind of moral line for Mark Koldys, but publishing his family pictures is despicable behaviour according to him. It’s refreshing to see he actually draws moral lines about some things, especially when he’s on the receiving end. But, I digress. This isn’t about THAT asshole, or his Flying Monkey Squad. Today’s a day of celebration.

Today is the One Year Anniversary of having that asshole expose my nom de plume and the day I created this blog. The original name of this blog was a reaction to not using my name for 8 long years. So desperate to finally get credit, I called it “Headly Westerfield’s.” To retain the continuity and help bring along my NewsHound readers I used the tagline “Aunty Em Ericann Blog.” However, it’s time to give it the blog a brand new look and a brand new name. Of course, it will still include all the words you’ve come to expect from me. Just in a totally different order for each blog post.

If I had no readers, I’d have 84,842 fewer reasons to write, because that’s how many views Not Now Silly has had since it launched a year ago. However, not to offend any of my faithful readers, I’d be writing even if you weren’t reading. I was a writer long before I had any readers more than 45 years ago.

However, credit where credit’s due: I’m quite fond of most of what has risen to the Top Ten, and that’s entirely because my readers have good taste.

Here’s the Top Ten Of All Time Not Now Silly blog posts (and the date published):

1). Musical Appreciation ► Brian Jones – Jul 3, 2012
2).  The Detroit Riots ► Unpacking My Detroit ► Part Five – Jul 22, 2012
3).  Day In History ► Josephine Baker Born – Jun 3, 2012
4).  Chow Mein and Bolling 5 ► Bully Boy Lies (Again) – Oct 4, 2012
5). Is Marc D. Sarnoff Corrupt Or The Most Corrupt Miami Politician? – Feb 6, 2013
6). Aunty Em Ericann’s Bun Fight With James Rosen of Fox “News” – May 15, 2012
7). How Mitt Romney Didn’t Build That – Oct 17, 2012
8). Day In History ► May 31, 1921 ► When Whites Went Crazy In Tulsa – May 31, 2012
9). Unpacking Coconut Grove ► Part Two ► E.W.F. Stirrup House – Jul 11, 2012
10). Another Magical Tee Vee Moment ► Barbara Walters ► Katehrine Hepburn ► Trees – Jun 1, 2012
  
So, onward and upward as we inaugerate Not Now Silly for the next 365 days. I’m glad you’re here to take the ride with me.

A special big Aunty Em shout out to Keg who designed the new Not Now Silly banner. Thank you so much. I love it.

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Is Johnny Dollar The World’s Biggest Hypocrite?

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Both of the pictures above were removed from the Johnny
Dollar Depreciation Page because Mark Koldys cried a
river to facebook. Will he report my blog to Google next?

In the last few hours I have received 3 copyright infringement notifications from facebook concerning pictures of Mark Koldys, aka Johnny Dollar, on the Johnny Dollar Depreciation Page. 

IRONY ALERT: For the longest time (although it has now been removed) Johnny Dollar’s Sewer had a prominently placed picture of Ellen, of NewsHounds, posted on his excuse for a blog. Mark Koldys — who hides behind the nom de turd Johnny Dollar — defended posting Ellen’s pic by saying it was FAIR USE because the pic was found on facebook. Now how can Mark Koldys claim I have infringed on HIS copyright by posting pictures I found in public forums on the innertubes? Unless he’s the world’s biggest hypocrite.

I expect Mark Koldys to lie and say he was not the one to report me. However, if that were true it would constitute a crime. Who else would own the copyright to a picture of Mark Koldys in his teens? Only the owner of the copyright can claim an infringement.

Of course, facebook only removes pictures, and warns users, when someone reports an alleged infraction. facebook never
looks into whether there is any truth in the allegation. It just
removes the offending picture and the accused must appeal. Never forget that Mark Koldys is
a former Prosecuting Attorney. They know how to twist the law and
facts.

No matter. All J$, and Greyhammy, know are lies. F’rinstance: After my last post about them Greyhammy denied he had been tweeting about me. However, in his denial he called me the same exact name, and used the same insinuations, as he did when he denied was tweeting about me. He’s not just a liar, but he’s a dumb liar. Screen caps don’t lie, even he does.

Meanwhile, this is the most curious violation notification of the 3 I received from facebook:

How can promoting my own blog be a violation of Mark Koldys’ copyright? Hypocrisy all around tonight.

The Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar Comment of the Day

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Johnny Dollar, aka Mark Koldys,
when even his mother loved him.

Aunty Em’s spies are everywhere. Paid informants told me Greyhammy was tweeting about me again. Curiosity got the best of me. Hilarity ensues.

A reminder: Greyhammy is the miserable miscreant who pinched out the excremental turd that prompted me to write “Johnny Dollar Has Proven Himself To Be A Very Dangerous Person,” the post that launched this blog. Greyhammy had the bowel movement, but it took a real walking piece of shit named Johnny Dollar — aka Mark Koldys — to determine it was worth publishing online.

Mark Koldy as he was entering his Liberace
phase. The sparkly suit is still to come.


Johnny Dollar‘s rubric is CABLE NEWS TRUTH, but Greyhammy’s post had nothing to do with truth, or cable news for that matter. It was a nakedly blatant attempt to kill the messenger because Johnny Dollar has never liked the NewsHound message. Since I was NewsHounds’ most prolific writer, Johnny Dollar made the executive decision that in order to defend Fox “News” he had to destroy me. Nothing else explains why he would reveal my nom de plume (which was not a secret in the first place as hundreds of people knew it) along with outing my sex life. Happens every day in the Marketplace of Ideas, right?

So, when I heard Grayhammy and Johnny Dollar were at it again I have to admit to being curious, the same way one rubbernecks at a traffic accident. Greyhammy’s blocked me on Twitter like the fucking little coward he is, but that doesn’t stop him from tweeting about me. Nor does it stop me from seeing his pile of manure, so I really wonder what’s the point. No matter. This is what Greyhammy’s live Twitter feed looks like:

It took a while to figure out how I managed to come up in conversation (even if they didn’t use my name). It appears to have begun at 4:05PM February 9th with a tweet by Greyhammy:

However, I never called Paul Krugman a partisan hack. Therefore, Greyhammy is lying again. Or, and this is far more likely, he’s mixed me up with someone else AGAIN!!! Remember when the denizens of Johnny Dollar‘s sewer thought I was Jonathan? Remember when they thought I was Patrick? Remember when they thought I was Ferris? I can’t even remember all the various people they have accused me of being.

Johnny Dollar and his brain-dead sycophants come up with a Conspiracy Theory first and then work backwards to compile all the evidence they need to convince themselves of something that is simply not true. Yet, despite there being no truth to Greyhammy’s tweet, that was enough for him and Johnny Dollar to kick it around for over an hour and a half, concluding with:

Only a moron would believe Greyhammy. Step right up Mark Koldys. I challenge Mark Koldys, or his bum-licker Greyhammy, to prove I said Paul Krugman was a partisan hack. If either of them can prove this I will donate $5 million dollars to the non-profit Donald Trump Toupee Fund For Men.

Otherwise, they have just proven themselves to be fucking liars again. Here’s an oldie but goody from the Johnny Dollar archives:

Even a quack like Dr. Ablow would recognize this projection on the part of Mark Koldys, who has only one tactic to attack NewsHound writers. Don’t take my word for it. The evidence is all over his web site, for those with a strong enough stomach. I’m sure Dr. Ablow would concur with my lay diagnosis: Johnny Dollar is clearly a psychopath.

If you’re on facebook, don’t forget to join The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society. It’s Dollarishious. And, to my Confidential Informant, the cheque is in the mail. Keep those cards and letters coming in.

Fun With Pictures ► Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog

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Vulcan mind-meld — you’re doing it wrong.
Caption Contest winner: ET

To pick up where I left off in my Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog series, dear readers . . .

In the wake of Johnny Dollar exposing my nom de plume and sex life — and while still mightily pissed off — I created a facebook page called The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society and invited some people to join. Only 15 people ever did and I promptly forgot all about it. That is, until recently. The other day I added a few more pics of Johnny Dollar that people had sent me over the last few months, as I continue to research my book.

This morning I received the following private message from a █████ ██████, who claims to be the brother to the aforementioned walking pile of human excrement Mark Koldys. Why anyone would admit to that is beyond me, but he did. Now I need to caution everybody that anyone can claim to be █████ ██████. Furthermore, any █████ ██████ can claim to be a brother to one of the biggest assholes on the planet, just like I claimed to be Aunty Em Ericann for 7 fun years. Just like anyone can claim to be Morty Shatz, Ngu AliceSamatha, or Oy Humidity, all recent facebook contacts that I suspect of being Dollarites who are catfishing me.

You see, dear reader, that’s one of my problems these days. Johnny Dollar has made me extremely paranoid about every new out-of-the-woodwork-interweb-contact, including professed brothers of supreme assholes. And, that’s a terrible position for a journalist to be in.

Anyway, I digress. This particular ‘Brother █████’ wrote to The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society, which is me:

Hello. I was hoping you would consider a request. Your site is most interesting however I do hope that your intended focus is not the dead parent of Johnny D or his brother (myself a lifelong Democrat..Kerry, Gore, Obama). You may feel free to tangle with him to your hearts content. I have asked Facebook to request you remove just the family pictures. I am hoping you will do so. I have no dog in this fight. However remember an old saying… If you kick the dog you own the bite… if you tickle the dog you own the delight.
I appreciate your understanding.

What a polite message and that’s no snark. I’m assuming this so-called █████ ██████ is referring to this picture:

Unlike how I posted this pic on facebook, the innocent faces are blacked out.
Mark Koldys is on the far right with the pens in his pocket and the snazzy plaid pants.

My very public reply:

█████: Thank you for your polite message. It’s just a shame you didn’t come to me first before you alerted facebook.

However, how can I refuse such a polite request? I removed the picture from The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society as soon as I received your request. As you say, my intended focus is not your deseased father ████ [pictured at left] or yourself [middle]. Unfortunately, facebook was unaware I had already removed the COVER picture, so it removed a new COVER picture that (I assume) you would not have disproved of. Oh well.

Mark Koldys at some nuptials

Having said all that, your alleged brother deserves whatever public humiliation which can be brought down upon him. In his effort to defend Fox “News” against the indefensible, your brother has “gone over the line” on so many occasions. No one cares that he defends Fox “News.” Different strokes, and all that. It’s that his modus operandi is lies, misdirection and personal attacks. He is, dare I say it, the very type of person that’s hurting ‘Merka.

Mark Koldys proved he will stoop to ANY low when he viciously attacked NewsHound writer Aunty Em Ericann (me!) and exposed the fact that I was using that as my Performance Artist Nom De Plume™, even though hundreds of people already knew and it was not that big a secret. While I always
expected that to happen eventually, I never expected there would be an asshole creepy enough to expose details of my sex life at the same time.
Enter and sign in please, Mark Koldys, aka Johnny Dollar.

Just so you know, █████, because I think you should have all the facts, the details of my sex life were later removed from his blog, now leaving it up to
everyone’s imagination what it might be. He even threatened to put it back because I complained about that. Johnny Dollar — Mark Koldys — has never apologized for what he did to me and
even defended it on several occasions. He only removed the details, he
made abundantly clear, because it offended the precious sensibilities of
one of his sycophants, not because he had any crisis of confidence.

IRONY ALERT: Mark Koldys decrying the exact
tactics he employs against every NewsHound writer.

Furthermore, he did this knowing full-well that I was about to attend a large family reunion in the Detroit area. That you claim to be his family and are feeling some slight discomfort about a pic on facebook is kind of cute. I had to explain this brouhaha to HUNDREDS of people, including family and friends. Every once in a while, 9 months later, it still pops up and I have to explain all over again.

How much of your own sex life have you been forced to share with how many people?

“Some people say” I was merely collateral damage in the 8-year war Johnny Dollar has waged against the NewsHounds web site. If you feel wounded remember you’re just another casualty of your alleged brother’s dirty business.

Before I sign off █████, I’m hoping the following anecdote will make you laugh as much as it did “some people” who dislike Johnny Dollar:

On the same day I posted the pic that you asked me to remove from facebook, a friend taught me how to use Google Images to search a particular image for similar images. Just for shits and giggles I plugged your brother’s picture into the search engine. I admit I was really just being a jerk, but it seemed like a fun exercise at the time. Unfortunately it found no matches. However, as a secondary function, Google returns “Visually similar images.” I took a screen cap, because that also amused me. Then I shared it with some people who dislike Johnny Dollar, for no other reason than I knew it would amuse all of us.

That’s when one of them pointed out that on the bottom row, in the very middle, is Josef Mengele, Adolph Hitler’s Angel of Death.

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Josef Mengele

I haven’t stopped laughing since and keep wondering how many other mass murderers are among those 27 mugshots.

Once again, █████, I appreciate your good manners, something your alleged brother clearly never learned. I have no quarrel with you. Feel free to friend me on facebook, subscribe to my Twitter feed, or follow my blog. And, why not join The Johnny Dollar Depreciation Society while you’re at it. You’d be welcome.

With all my love,
Aunty Headly

Unpacking The Aunty Em Ericann Blog ► New Year’s Resolutions

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Let’s get one thing straight from the get-go: I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, other than a promise to myself to get through the upcoming year. Even that is out of my ultimate control, because the Flying Spaghetti Monster manifests itself into all our destinies.

However, we can take a look backward at 2012 without offending the FSM’s sensibilities. Two-thousand and twelve was the year I transitioned from Aunty Em Ericann back to Headly Westerfield. In a nutshell (because I still get email asking about it), here’s how that happened:

  • Woke up one day to discover that the walking piece of human excrement Mark Koldys, also known as Johnny Dollar, revealed my nom de plume of Aunty Em Ericann, along with details of my sex life. No, really! I couldn’t believe it either;
  • To Johnny Dollar’s eternal dismay, the outing of my nom de plume accidentally confirmed every other aspect of Aunty Em’s biography that J$ had placed in doubt, including whether I had ever worked at Citytv;
  • Left NewsHounds of my own volition when I had a disagreement with the editor on whether NewsHounds should retaliate for the above;
  • Started the Aunty Em Ericann Blog with the post disallowed at NewsHounds.

The Aunty Em Ericann Blog picks up from Aunty Em’s Place, the blog I launched when I first created the meta-character of Aunty Em Ericann. When I created her and her biography I had no idea I would one day be using the pen name to write news. However, at some point in time, I was approached by the editor at NewsHounds, where I was already commenting on threads, whether I wanted to write for the blog. I thought that was an honour because I was already a fan of NewsHounds and the movie Outfoxed.

If you don’t know Outfoxed, here’s the trailer:
[Psst! The whole thing can be found online, but that’s between me, you and the doorpost, okay?]

While I agreed to write for NewsHounds, I demanded to continue to write under the name Aunty Em Ericann, even though I revealed to her my real identity. She agreed. I think she was happily surprised that I actually worked as a tee vee news writer at Citytv for a decade. However, at the same time, she must have thought I was crazy because I had some very wacky ideas for Aunty Em’s posts. Aunty Em was always meant to be a meta-character, who would comment as much on the pop culture of the day as on Fox “News.” My editor quickly disabused me of this notion with her judicious editing. Eventually I fell into line and no longer had to be edited and could post directly to the NewsHounds blog.

Being unmasked as Aunty Em has been both freeing and a constricting. On one hand I no longer have to keep my posts to Fox “News” and they don’t have to rise to the same level of accuracy. On the other hand: There was always some protection from the Reich Wing Nut Jobs, who (I fear) all own guns. Speaking of enemies: Since leaving NewsHounds and launching the Aunty Em Ericann Blog, I’ve made more enemies at Fox “News” than I ever had at NH.

That’s because I can’t leave Fox “News” alone as a source of merriment.

Happy New Year!!!

The Day I Shook Hands With Glenn Beck ► Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used To Be

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Glenn Beck. Picture by author. Eyes by Crazy.

In November 2009, not quite three years ago, I was still in the middle of my Performance Art project that began in ’07. The idea was for this Canadian journalist with a established reputation, to subsume my identity completely and start writing about Politics as a woman under the nom de plume Aunty Em Ericann. The goal was to become a nationally known pundit under that name. Once I started writing about Glenn Beck for NewsHounds, I was well on the path to achieving that goal, if exchanging snarky tweets with former-Watergate felons and current Fox “News” personalities is any indication.

I had hoped to be able to play the joke out another couple of years until it was a punchline known by far more ‘Merkin people than who know who Mel Kaminski is. Unfortunately that was no longer possible after Johnny Dollar, who mistakenly believes he’s spouting CABLE NEWS TRUTH by defending Fox “News” lies, cyber-raped me, exposing my nom de plume along with my sex life, which, as far as I know, neither had anything to do with my political writing at NewsHounds.

Because my nom de plume was unknown to J$, it was clearly unknown. See the logic? Me neither. It became his mission to make it known. Why? Because I wrote the truth about Fox “News.” Yet, my nom de plume was no big secret. Whenever I would have to call someone for research I would introduce myself and
say, “I write under the name ‘Aunty Em’ for NewsHounds.” The list of people who knew my nom de plume includes everyone who worked in any official capacity at NewsHounds; hundreds of friends, family and acquaintances, including cyber-friends I have known for a decade or more [Hi Harryheads]; and random Pop Stars. Trust me, it’s not that big a secret if Flo and Eddie know. Who knows who they will tell when they’re hopped up on that Geritol?

Hell, even Glenn Beck knew. At least he should have known. Because the day I shook his hand, I introduced myself to him. I first told this story at NewsHounds.

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The Beck Week That Was
The Dark Underbelly Edition
When Aunty Em Met Glenn Beck

November 22, 2009

It was a big week in Glenn Beck World, the Fun Time Carnival that never seemed to end for me. If I wasn’t watching his show and taking notes, then I was trying to make sense of what the notes said. Then, early Saturday morning, as usual I collated all the craziness to try to bring a sense of the Beck Hall of Mirrors to my vast reading audience.

It’s possible I was just tapped out, but after dinner on Monday I didn’t even bother to review my notes. Maybe I was feverish with the swine (with lipstick) flu, but as I drifted off to sleep on Monday night I was troubled by the recent news out of Tampa, only about 250 miles away as the crow flies, where a marine went postal on a visiting Greek Orthodox priest. When police were finally summoned, Lance Cpl. Jasen Bruce alternatively claimed he attacked the man of God because he was a jihadist terrorist who yelled “Allahu akbar!”, or because he tried to rob him, or tried to grope him. (I guess the police can just pick from a menu.)

As my REMs took me deeper into sleep, I was now inside a Rod Serling short story, later made into an episode of the Twilight Zone. “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street” scared the crap out of me when I was a teenager. I was now running down the street in panic. I heard the sound of breaking glass and it seemed to be coming from all directions. Something came out of the darkness and I only had time to flinch before it struck my forehead, opening a small gash which bled profusely into my eyes until I was nearly blind. When I was able to focus on anything it seemed to be a face screwed up in rage, so I turned and ran in a different direction.

As Pogo famously said, “I have met the enemy and he is us.”

Waking up bathed in sweat, relieved it’s only a dream, I turned on the tee vee and the Glenn Beck Show overnight repeat was on Faux Noise. I could relax. All was right with the world. Andy Stern was still the villain, the SEIU were always thugs, and the government was Roman Polanski, raping an innocent 13-year old by drugging her and pushing Health Care into one of OUR orifices. Or something.

Later in the show, and I couldn’t believe I re-watched it after taking notes on the original broadcast but I couldn’t sleep anymore, he said something that pissed me off more the second time I heard it than the first.

Beck said it’s a “literal lottery in Canada to see a doctor.”

That was a literal WTF Moment for me. I lived under the Canadian Health Care system for 35 years. In that entire time I never had a problem seeing a doctor of MY choosing, never had a single difficulty when further tests have been ordered, and never had to stick my hand into my pocket for a penny—no co-pays, no deductibles, and no pre-existing conditions. What’s more: I don’t know anyone who has ever had a single problem in the Canadian Health Care system. Everyone is covered for everything.

Now I am under the ‘Merkin System, which is no system at all. The new Health Care bills, take your pick, do nothing for me, other than provide a sizable penalty if I don’t purchase a policy from one of the rapacious insurance companies. If I could afford Health Care insurance I’d already have it.

Now I wouldn’t mind The Beckereeno arguing (falsely) that Universal Health Care, or a One Payer System, is the slippery slide into Socialism. But as a Canadian I’m getting pretty tired of the lies I hear about the Canadian system.

Before he signed off, The Beckster showed what a good sport he was by reviewing the same parodies that I did in last week’s column, adding one I hadn’t seen yet, a New Yorker column, that mentioned the thin-skinned one. “Last week Eric Cartman played a much thinner version of me. Then, over the weekend, even more animation. This time, from the New Yorker magazine, in which they called me energetically hateful, truth-twisting and the biggest lie of all, only ‘barely overweight.’

“By the way, an interesting fact about The New Yorker — it still exists. I mean, they’re still printing it. Who knew?”

Beck showed he could laugh right along with us. After bashing (once again) Van Jones, the NEA (again), Anita Dunn (again), ACORN (again), Andy Stern (again), and the SEIU (again) he said, “To complete the “South Park” analogy here in the real world, all of those Wendy’s really were sluts. In fact, most of them called themselves sluts. They spoke about it, the benefits of slutdom, on tape. And then, they were caught being slutty over and over again and we put them on television saying that.” “It’s just that nobody wants to believe that their representatives are sluts, even when they say it themselves. But America, no matter what The New Yorker says, sometimes our politicians really are sluts.”

By Tuesday I was invigorated by the rumours, which spread like wild fire. It began the instant Tee Vee Comedian Glenn Beck announced on his show that he’d have a SPECIAL BIG ANNOUNCEMENT at his appearance at (in?) The Villages, Florida on Saturday. It had originally been scheduled as a book signing, but was now being labeled a rally. A rally in The Villages? “Some people say” he’ll announce a Palin-Beck ticket for 2012.

One can only hope. What comedy that will be.

Sassy Sarah Palin didn’t exactly squelch those rumours when she praised him mid-week, according to The Atlantic:

“I can envision a couple of different combinations, if ever I were to be in a position to really even seriously consider running for anything in the future, and I’m not there yet,” Palin tells Newsmax. “But Glenn Beck I have great respect for. He’s a hoot. He gets his message across in such a clever way. And he’s so bold — I have to respect that. He calls it like he sees it, and he’s very, very, very effective.”

Beck spent the week hyping this big announcement, which left me in a quandary. Should I drive the 5 hours to the rally in (at?) The Villages on Saturday to hear this BIG ANNOUNCEMENT, or go to his book signing just up the road Friday evening, a 20 minute drive into the heart of Fort Lauderdale? Five hours versus 20 minutes; BIG ANNOUNCEMENT versus regular old book signing? In the end I chose the latter, knowing his comedy show would cover the former.

Tuesday’s show was all about One World Government and how it was coming a lot sooner than anyone expects.

Ever the coy promoter, when he made his announcement about The Villages late in the show, all that Beckereeno would say was, “I’m going to be in the history books and so will you.”

My mind was aflame ever since the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT of the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. That night I tossed and turned, trying to envision such a world in which a Palin/Beck ticket would have any credibility. I fell into a troubled sleep.

Again I woke up bathed in sweat and, instead of clicking on the repeat of the Glenn Beck Conspiracy Hour, I lay down on the couch in the living room and fell into a fitful sleep.

Wednesday Glenn Beck asked, “Who has confidence in the United States government?” and later told us what’s coming is a “war between the haves and the have nots.” I guess I’ll be fighting the haves. And, as always, they’ll be better armed than I. I didn’t sleep a wink that night.

By Thursday he was warning us “We are looking at the end of Western Civilization, the end of the world!”

It doesn’t get more Apocalyptic than that and it did nothing for my dream state.

I was trying to escape. Long columns and equally long rows of Teabaggers were all marching in a giant square. I was running between them, attempting to outwit my pursuer. Giant pictures of Glenn Beck, dressed in Fascist garb—exactly like the cover of “Arguing With Idiots,”— looked down on the multitudes. Leni Reifenstahl was crawling around with a video camera as she chased Griff Jenkins, who was chasing me with his microphone, trying to get the most telegenic images for the vast nation starved for leaders, as the country went to hell in a hand basket.

Signs that read “9/12 Project,” “Don’t Tread On Me,” and “Frog A Coal Mine” were everywhere, pumping up and down in unison. At the far end of the plaza was a reviewing stand. From my vantage point, dodging the Teabaggers all marching in lockstep, the people way up in front looked like ants, but I just knew Glenn Beck was up there about to deliver the Good News and claim to be the Leader that ‘Merka is Looking For.

As the crowd started chanting “Heil Beck, Heil Beck, Heil Beck…” I woke up bathed in sweat once again, with a realization of what these dreams mean, and you don’t have to be Siggy Freud to have figured this one out. My subconscious finally collated all those notes I’d been taking these past 3 months into a savage picture.

There is a coming disintegration of society. Blame it on those who want Health Care and other entitlements. Blame it on open borders. Blame it on thug unionists. Finally, blame it on the government. When the populace is sufficiently confused and scared, promise them an answer. Promise them a return to a nostalgic way of life, before the Progressives and Liberals got their grimy hands on the Constitution. Promise them an answer and they’ll swallow it whole, no chewing necessary.

Get enough people believing in this bullshit and they will BRING the disorder that Beck describes, just to get it over with already. Am I the only one who sees parallels to Germany before the Nazis took power?

2:38 PM and the line stretches around the corner already

That’s why I was trying to wrap this column up on Friday. It was about 2PM and Beck was not due in town for another 5 and ½ hours. Yet, I was already packing up the laptop, digital camera, and my notes so I could get there early, reconnoiter the local battlefield, and stake out my paparazzi nest. To be perfectly honest, I was more interested in his followers. I wanted to see just what kind of “Real Americans” will show up to bask in his presence.

2:38PM: I pull up to Barnes and Noble and although it’s a full 5 hours before Ben Gleck & Entourage arrive, there’s already a good 50 people lined up to see The Great One. Some are in lawn chairs, while others just shuffle in place. It’s only slightly amusing to see they are all behind plastic yellow tape that reads “CAUTION – CUIDADO,” separating them from those who had no idea Glenn Beck was going to be here and just wanted an afternoon’s book browsing experience. I unload the laptop from the car and, playing dumb, ask, “What’s going on here today?”

Once assured I don’t have to stand in line if I just want to go inside and use the wifi, I ease past the crowd by simply rolling my portable office right along the outside of the tape and into the doors. Let them wait outside in the 80 degree heat and high humidity. I’ve got my elitist computer as early entree.

The line grows to the back of the building.

I know from watching Beckereeno’s Connect The Dots Hour as intensely as I do, that you have to be bug-eyed crazy to buy into his opinions and conspiracy theories. None of these people have the bug-eyed craziness seen at his 9/12 Teabagging and SCAer rallies. It’s a pretty calm, sedate crowd. And, that’s what scares me most about this group of people lined up to see the man the Anti-Defamation League recently called “the fearmonger-in-chief:” they all look so effin’ normal! Yet, how normal can they be if they wait in line 5 hours for a few seconds of Glenn Beck’s time?

And, what does that say about me? Hopefully, it says that once I confront my personal demons I will stop having these nightmares.

By arriving so early, I am able to witness what was, obviously, a manager taking some of the store staff on a Glenn Beck Autograph Signing Preview. He tells them that at about 5:30 the line will be let inside the store and people will be allowed to start lining up upstairs. Taped arrows on the floor indicate how the crowd will snake up one aisle and down another. (They must have learned people moving from Disney.) I follow the taped arrows, much like following The Yellow Brick Road, until I come to a large open area in the center of the second floor, where a large table sits. I realize at once this is where The Great One will be signing his name over and over again.

It’s peaceful. It’s quiet. I am overcome with serenity.

3:40 PM: I set up my computer in the coffee shop, kick some of the above around for clarity.

The heterogeneous crowd.

4:30 PM: I convince a woman to watch my crap while I go outside for a cigarette. It’s a full three hours before The Great One arrives and the line has trebled. It now snakes around the corner of the building all the way to the back before turning back around and coming halfway back to the front. I wonder when I’ll have to join the line in order to get a copy of “The Christmas Sweat(er)” autographed by The Great One.

There’s something else about this group of people that’s slightly unsettling: They are all Caucasians. There is one person in line that I would guess to be Native American, but beyond this woman, I can see no blacks or Latinos, despite Fort Lauderdale having a very large populations of both. [Later I do hear a few Cubano accents behind me in line and a guy ahead of me was 1st Generation Cuban American.]

5:00 PM: I realize that I am about to miss The Glenn Beck Show in order to get a glimpse of Glenn Beck. But then, so will he. This is as good a time as any to mention that I have maintained, since the start of this column, that Breck prerecords his Friday shows. Earlier today, at 11:30, he did a signing or two. (I’ve seen conflicting itineraries.) Ain’t no way The Fat Man did a show today, or any Friday for that matter.

Expecting trouble? More police cars than your average Reggae festival.

I see some movement in the line through the thin pane of glass that separates me from these Beckerheads. Something’s going on so I pack up my stuff to take it out to the car. The line has doubled again. As I walk out to the parking lot, I can’t help but notice the increased police presence. Three cop cars are lined up in a taped off area of one side of the parking lot and another car is on the far side of the door. I put my stuff in the car to join the line, only to find out I need a Glenn Beck book to join the line.

I go inside and buy “The Christmas Sweat(er)” under the twin assumptions that it’s the kitschiest and the cheapest. I’ve already been informed that he won’t sign “Common Sense,” which made me wonder if he’s ashamed of it. Then I join the line for what appears to be a two hour wait. Random chatter overheard:

“I never really got into it [politics] until this last election. Then I started to see how they was lyin’ to us all along.”

“They say ‘Call your Senator, call your Congressman,’ but you know what? You call and they’re not listening.”

“They [Obama administration] will tweak the Constitution best they can.”

“It’s our own fault he [Obama] got there.”

“They never disprove him.” [Beck]

“There is a thing called Freedom of Speech you know.”

“We’re entering Dark Times, as he keeps telling us.”

“The thing with these people is you have to have an iron fist in a velvet glove. You have to be an SOB because you have MTV against you and all the universities against you.”

“That’s why I decided to go to a technical college instead of a university, so I [unintelligible],” replies the 20-year old.

6:00 PM: I’m finally at the front corner of the building, as people are slowly let inside and the line snakes forward. Ahead of me two guys are decanting a beer into coffee cups. “It’s the end of the week.”

Several times in line I heard reference to this mythical 1.7 million figure that showed up in Washington for Beck’s 9/12 Shindig and Dance Party. “The Washington Post said there were 60,000.” “They don’t want to tell the truth of how many are against them.”

I realize this is a waking nightmare. These people are spouting every Right Wing, and often debunked, Talking Point that exists. However, still among the various chatter were some classic exchanges.

“Isn’t that what the Tea Parties were supposed to be about?”

“I never did figure what they were about.”

One woman shouts to arriving friends, “Here are the Patriots!” These people think they’re saving the nation by buying one of Beck’s books.

The line snaked up and down the aisles of the store
and up and down the aisles upstairs too.

“Were you here for Steve Doocy?” one asks, as if I need any more proof I’m in a Faux Noise crowd.

“Doocy was here?”

“No, he was at Borders, but he was signing books.”

6:30 PM: I am at the front door with just 7 people ahead of me. Beyond this point you not only need a Glenn Beck book, but a wristband. However, it’s a full half hour before we get a wristband and start following the arrows on the floor.

“We’re trying to do lots of stuff like, err, save the nation.”

I just realized this is the largest concentration of toupees I’ve seen since I moved to Florida. Dotted among the people are also 3 NRA shirts, 3 Tea Party Shirts, and more ‘Merkin Flag Motifs than usually found in a bookstore.

8:00 PM: No sign of Beck and the lobby grows crowded.

8:08 PM: Several men wearing official Glenn Beck T-Shirts arrive, but they’re more like moving men than advance men. They are pulling a large black zippered box, about the size of a refrigerator compartment. “Some people say” Beck might be inside.

However, Beck’s obviously snuck in another door and a few minutes later appears on the upper level to cheers. He grabs a megaphone.

“Any 9/12 members here?”

More cheers.

Look! A voice from on high!!!

He tells us that tomorrow in (at?) The Villages he’ll be announcing a different direction for his show. The economy’s not good. What are they [in Washington] doing? Nothing. While he was in the hospital two weeks ago he was just like us. He was watching and wondering what to do.

“I’ve been waiting for a leader to show up. No one’s showing up.”

And then he hints about what he’s announcing tomorrow, what he’s calling “The Plan.” And, it’s a hundred year plan.

Did I just hear him right? A One Hundred Year Plan?!?!?! Even the Communists only came up with 5 Year Plans.

“I’ve learned a lot about community organizing in the last year.” [Loud laughs.] Democrats and Republicans join us, but if not we’re moving on.”

Then he went to sign autographs and the line moved like wildfire. Someone earlier said Beck could sign 800 autographs an hour. I scoffed at that. I figured it’d take 10-20 seconds each. Eight-hundred? No way.

I’m now a believer. When I was finally approaching The Beckster it was all stage-managed so quickly that I barely had time to react. I stopped to take a picture, but someone was already at my elbow pulling me forward, blurring my first shot. Then someone snatched the book out of my hand as Beck scrawled across it. I stopped to take another pic, when my book was thrust back into my hand and I was nudged forward. Just then everything parted. One of Beck’s people said something to him at the same time he thrust his hand forward. I was the only one standing there. I shook his hand firmly, one pump, and said, “Aunty Em.”

Look at the circles under his eyes. I have just introduced myself to Glenn Beck as “Aunty Em.” He didn’t care.

However he never heard me. He was already turning his attention to the next book to sign and I was being pulled along. It took 4 seconds, tops. You do the math.

When I got about 10 feet away, and was no longer being hustled along, I turned to take in the scene and the stagecraft one last time. There are the ‘fluffers,’ those getting people ready for their 3 seconds of Beck and the ‘cleaners,’ who guide people away.

What I was able to notice was the fact that the table which had been set out for signing wasn’t there. Beck brought his own thingie, which is what was in the big box his advance men carried in before he arrived. It’s a large lectern-like piece of furniture that allows Beck to stand behind, while also standing on a small milk crate, or something. This way he’s able to lean on the lectern and be normal height, but can raise himself on his back legs and be taller than anyone else.

It was one of those instinctual moments for me. Obviously Glen Beck found he didn’t like sitting at a table signing autographs, with everyone looming over him. Therefore, he carries this piece of furniture along with him, so he can always be the Biggest Guy in the Room.

When I left the building people were posing with a man in an Obama mask and in front of Beck’s bus. There appeared to be another 200-300 people still in line ouside and who knows how many in the conga line inside the store.

I went to this thing partially as an anthropological study and partly to do something about my nightmares. However, after hearing all the idiocy around me all day and Beck’s mention of a 100 Year Plan, I am not sure I’ll ever sleep again.

With all my love,

Aunty Em

How Jamaica Conquered The World ► An Update

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Back on April 20 I wrote about my small part in “How Jamaica Conquered the World.” Every once in a while producer Roifield Brown sends out an email, telling me about the latest progress for this amazing FREE documentary. I’ve combined a few of them to bring you the latest in “How Jamaica Conquered the World” News:

It never rains good news but it pours good news. As of next week, How Jamaica will be promoted by iTunes as its podcast of the week in the UK.

Earlier Roifield sent along more iTunes progress:

Hello, just thought I should send you an email to keep you updated with the progress of the project “How Jamaica Conquered the World.” I’ve been working on the project for some 8 months now and in the last week we seem to have made some real and significant progress with getting the message of Jamaica’s influence throughout the world out there.

The series is now on iTunes and we are experiencing hundreds of downloads each day and we have been promoted by iTunes on the “new and noteworthy” section which is absolutely brilliant. What is important is that we get as many reviews on iTunes as possible, so at the end of this email are itunes links to HJCW so that you can subscribe, tell your friends and hopefully write review. On iTunes the shows are released weekly, with the new episode going up every Sunday evening. Currently there are 5 published.

As well as our success on iTunes where I’m now featured mix on www.mixcloud.com. As well as increasing downloads we had taken on board a PR company which will be getting us press and media exposure for the whole project.

This week was rounded off by a fruitful telephone conference with SABC, South African broadcasting Corporation who are interested in the rights to the project, so the film could well be starting in production in the next two months.

However, the email that excited me the most said:

Hello all, working on this podcast has made me realise that I have way too much material and a lot of good content is being left on the cutting room floor as I try to condense every topic into a 10 minute show. So to remedy this I will be creating a new podcast entitled the Reggae Monologues or the Dublogues. These will feature your interview in full with myself edited out but with a dub soundtrack. I feel that this will be great extra content for people that want to know more about your feelings and insight into the given topics being discussed.

It will be a few weeks before I put up the first episode on iTunes but I will alert you when your show is live.

The thought that I might become a part of a Dub soundtrack is one of the thrills of my life. Thank you, Roifield.

Musical Appreciation ► Paul McCartney

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There is no denying that Paul McCartney has written a wealth of music that will stand the test of time. As we listen to Beethoven and Bach long after their lifetimes, we will be listening to the music of Paul McCartney.

Here’s a small Paul McCartney Jukebox:

As always: CRANK IT UP!!!

Uncle Russ Gibb

And, just because it pisses Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar off, I am going to link to other versions of this story again.

Uncle Russ Gibb

Here’s what I find funny: I have made no claims, yet Johnny Dollar has gone out of his way to refute them.

J$ asked one person one question (or had a confederate ask one
question) and then spun out an entire new conspiracy theory. While, that’s
hardly journalism, it’s par for the course for Markie K and the Sycophant Five.

I only ever told this to ONE journalist. The resultant article that came
out was so garbled, I never told it again “on the record.” Therefore, every other
version I have read is second hand, or a re-writing of the
original post. Each has managed to garble the story further.
However, and I stress, only one person ever bothered to ask me any questions and I answered them all honestly.

However, I am most grateful that Markie K and the Sycophant Five, along with their patron Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar are such loyal followers of my Aunty Em Ericann Blog.

What’s left of The Grande Ballroom; Picture by author 2010
The Grande Ballroom on opening night of a whole new era.

The Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar Comment of the Day ► The gretchen carlson Edition

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This time, it’s not so much what was said as what wasn’t said. First take a look at Johnny Dollar’s Wall of Resentments and Paybacks™. What’s missing? I’ll let you decide:

If you guessed gretchen carlson [I won’t capitalize her name ever again] then you can move to the head of the class. Yesterday was the day that gretchen carlson FAMOUSLY walked off the set of Fox and Friends when Brian Kilmeade made a not-so-friendly sexist joke. It was everywhere EXCEPT at J$’s sewer. Maybe it’s time for Johnny Dollar-Mark Koldys to retire that obviously lying rubric:

Actual screen capture of an actual lie

Johnny Dollar has learned well from his [alleged] financial backers. “Cable News Truth” is no more honest a slogan than is “Fair & Balanced.”J$ doesn’t think you can handle the truth, or wants to hide it from you. For your viewing pleasure, here is gretchen carlson walking off the set of Fox and Friends.

Not only did Johnny Dollar-Mark Koldys ignore it, but it appears as if Fox and Friends never addressed it either.

UPDATE:

Johnny Dollar: Thanks for reading the Aunty Em Ericann blog!

The Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar Comment of the Day

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these very popular Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar Comment of the Day, but I have been busy and, besides, I am far less obsessed with Markie K and the Sycophant Five than they are of all things NewsHounds. No matter, this silly thing crossed my Twitter feed today and it’s easily the most HIGH-LARRY-US thing I’ve ever seen Johnny Dollar The Destroyer publish:

Now here’s the irony: The reason this is funny is pretty much an inside NewsHounds joke, and I am sure they’ll be laughing as soon as they see this. To try and explain would take hours.  Suffice to say:What makes me laugh the most about this is how Mark Koldys-Johnny Dollar is being patronizing to Julie because she’s a former-NewsHound, who eventually left NH fold and sided with him. It’s another indication of his obsession. Julie’s defection was always incomprehensible to those of us who believe in CABLE NEWS TRUTH, unlike Johnny Dollar who defends Fox “News” lies under his rubric of…wait for it…CABLE NEWS TRUTH.

I’ve decided to follow LibDriscol. I’ll have to let her know about how Johnny Dollar exposed my sex life along with my nom de plume because he’s an evil, evil man, as is Grayhammy, his little puppet.

Hi, Julie. Long time no read!!!

If any of this made you curious about this media bun fight, here are two compendiums of all my posts from NewsHounds:The Early Posts – The Later Posts

Here’s one last funny: NewsHounds migrated platforms, which is why there have to be two different NewsHound searches. NOW IT CAN BE REVEALED!!! The switchover was imperfect and is also the reason there are some odd gaps in the NewsHound archives. The cost to fix it was more than some thought it worth. However, the collective genius known as Markie K and the Sycophant Five came up with another of their whacked out NewsHounds Conspiracy Theories™ (like I was also using 3 other nom de plumes (sockpuppets), when the only name I was using online was Aunty Em Ericann). Those Mensa members over there decided that Ellen had scrubbed the archives to delete the posts that Johnny Dollar had challenged to whitewash the record and remove the evidence. Since J$ FALSELY challenges so many NH posts, there was bound to be some overlap between their NewsHounds Conspiracy Theory™ and these lost posts.

Keep inventing conspiracies, Markie K and the Sycophant Five. It keeps my readers amused.

BTW: The interest in the J$ book continues and one crazy sumnabitch thinks it’s a movie. Who knows? People blow a lot of smoke, but I’ll listen for a while. Like the lawyer who sees a contingency fee in it. Do I care that some ambulance chaser contacted me? Not if papers get filed. Those have to be answered. Right there it becomes win/win for me.

However, think about the irony: I could make Mark Koldys more famous than he’s ever been, even as a former Michigan District Attorney.